Why such a downer on teenage pregnancy?

[oxSarahxo]

Oh also, people 'assume' pregnant teenagers live in council housing. Me and my OH wouldn't even get a council house! We will hardly qualify for any benefits even though we are on a low income. In fact, it would be better if -DIDN'T- work.

I agree with that, I was sleeping on a sofa at a friends when I fell preg and I went to the council for help, they turned me away.

Really annoyed me that someone that actually needed some help couldn't get it.

So I ended up selling whatever I could, at the time the only thing to my name was my car and I used to sleep in that sometimes, but I sold that and that's how I got the cash to get into a private place.

Council's help some and not others.

 

[cuddles314]

I work with homeless teenagers, and believe me, here in London they don't automatically get given a nice little flat, just for being pregnant. Some of the girls I work with have been in temporary accommodation for 1 to 2 years, with their baby, before they get offered a permanent place. And round here, some of the accommodation is terrible. I recently had to fight to get a young girl and her baby moved because the place she was staying in had rats! Not mice, but rats, which used to walk through her living room, bold as brass. Nobody should ever have to live in conditions like that, especially with a young child. It's sad though, because I do still meet some girls who do believe that they will be given a lovely decorated place, with nice furniture etc etc, and that's just not the reality.
However, many of the girls I work with do not expect anything, and work hard to make the best of what little they have. I am constantly in awe of their confidence, and just hope that I can be half as good a Mum, at 27, as they are at 16,17, 18 etc. Just because somebody has had a baby in their teens, that does not mean that they are any less capable of being a loving, caring responsible parent. It's just unfortunate that we live in an ignorant society, where unfortunately teenage parents are too often stereotyped by others.
xxx

 

[Sarahkka]

I agree that age is just a number and that it isn't an indication of maturity or parental capability at all.
I think the article made a really good point when it asked just what are we reacting so negatively to, and then suggested it was the fact that society can't handle the idea that a young, unmarried woman is having sex.
We sexualize girls so early, don't educate them properly about sex, and then are surprised that a few wind up pregnant?
My biggest worry about teenage pregnancy is not that the child will be neglected or anything like that. It's that the young mother involved has to grow up so quickly, and that providing for her child might come at the cost of a lot of other things in her life that are important to her - dreams of travel, career, education, etc. This isn't as much of an issue for older mums because we are usually more established with jobs, finances, have the degree already, did the world travelling thing, etc.
I worry that the stress and expense of parenthood could cost that young mother those things for a very long time, if not forever.
Having said that, I have been very impressed with the young mums who frequent BnB. These ladies have PLANS. They know it's going to be tough, but they're figuring out how to do it all. So my mind is being changed on that concern, too.
Does that mean I would want my own (hypothetical) daughter to get pregnant in her teens?
No.
But if such a thing did happen, I feel like I have a lot of really positive models to show that it doesn't have to mean that you'll be on the poverty train for the rest of your life, you know?

 

[sparkswillfly]

I work with homeless teenagers, and believe me, here in London they don't automatically get given a nice little flat, just for being pregnant. Some of the girls I work with have been in temporary accommodation for 1 to 2 years, with their baby, before they get offered a permanent place. And round here, some of the accommodation is terrible. I recently had to fight to get a young girl and her baby moved because the place she was staying in had rats! Not mice, but rats, which used to walk through her living room, bold as brass. Nobody should ever have to live in conditions like that, especially with a young child. It's sad though, because I do still meet some girls who do believe that they will be given a lovely decorated place, with nice furniture etc etc, and that's just not the reality.
However, many of the girls I work with do not expect anything, and work hard to make the best of what little they have. I am constantly in awe of their confidence, and just hope that I can be half as good a Mum, at 27, as they are at 16,17, 18 etc. Just because somebody has had a baby in their teens, that does not mean that they are any less capable of being a loving, caring responsible parent. It's just unfortunate that we live in an ignorant society, where unfortunately teenage parents are too often stereotyped by others.
xxx

Nobody wishes those living conditions on anybody. But surely its mad to bring a child into such conditions no matter how old you are?

 

[Honeypie]

You cant judge maturity or Responsibility on someones age, thats not what this is all about, i also dont believe that all teenage mums should be tarred with the same brush, yes there are a minority that do just do it to claim and get freee housing but i can only assume there are alot out there who can totally say they fend for them selves and are able to provide for a child, i still get dirty looks for being pg now, as if im a piece of dog poo and im 21 now with 2 kids, and im sorry but what is wrong with living in a council house??? We pay rent, tax ect so im not going to feel gulty, we both have jobs, i work 20 hours+ a week, we have a car so i feel im a fully able to look after myself

 

[BeckyBoo]

I don't mind teenagers becoming pregnant. What I mind is when they do it for the wrong reasons. A few comments in this thread have made me a little angry. It's a touchy subject. No one can doubt that a 16 year old isn't as good as a 30yr old as a mother, but when it comes to providing for the child, the 30yr old wins hands down. And I can say that as I'm 20. And while my partner and I have both worked since we were 16, we STILL struggle, because of mortgage and bills. I don't think life experience comes into it, because everything these days is ran on common sense.

I would like to think that any teenager that fell pregnant would try and provide for their child themselves and not off the state.

 

[nightkd]

I notice that one of the comments on that article says "I just think it is not difficult to get or use contraceptives be that the pill or a condom, you can even get them for free!" Ummm, that doesn't mean they're 100% effective. Mistakes happen, and some teens CHOOSE not to use contraception because they WANT a baby.

Also on the council, getting a house is not easy. We've just put in our form to the local council for housing, and it's gonna take a good few years before we get a house. Being pregnant doesn't mean you shoot to the top of that list, you might gain a point, but there are a lot of other people with a lot more points than you because they've been on the list for many years etc. Also if you're homeless, they will not just 'GIVE YOU A HOUSE' they say, right, you go on the list, meanwhile you can live in a hostel or a b&b and sometimes they won't even pay for that, so you still have to get a job.

It's not EASY, but I agree that youngsters need to be educated more on that fact.

Nice article anyway, I hope a lot of the narrowminded people that do categorise any young mums will read it and think.

I think people need to think past the age aspect, and more on the MATURITY aspect, because that's a hell of a lot more important.

 

[moomin_troll]

i was 19 when i became pregnant and i had the omg ur ruining ur life speech ect and now im 20 i still get funny looks maybe ive got a baby face lol
but its not like im unemployed or single both me n my partner work full time well im on leave now.

there are some teen mums out there who give others the bad name because they act like its a joke and a baby will be like a doll and they will get the house and the benifits.

i can see why its abit taboo for under 16s to be having babies as they are still babies there selfs i no at under 16 i acted older than i was but i no i was a little girl still.

Aslong as u can support ur baby and give it what it needs then i see no major problem with the age of the parents.

i no one teen mum n she drives me up the wall she didnt no who the dad was and she wasnt working or doing anything with her life now shes 18/19 with a 2 yr old living in a council house and on benifits and all she does it go around town all day n have parties at her house where she lets people have sex n god knows what, but i dont put that on her age i just think shes a bad person

 

[DonnaBallona]

My Aunty was 15 years old when she gave birth to identical twin Boys. . . they are now 30 next week!!

It goes to show that there are always going to be teenage pregnancies in all generations-some people are just ready for babies before others! Life would be extremely boring if we were all the same

 

[Serene123]

Threads like this bugg me. I thought to myself 'don't open it you'll only upset yourself' and guess what, I did. I've given up trying to justify myself, my actions, and my right to have a family. I have come to the conclusion that it's nobodies effin business and I'll get on with doing a better job of being a mum than the lot of them judgemental dicks.

 

[mz_jackie86]

i think unless ur 30 have a house a good job a car and a million quid in ur bank ur always goin to be judged!
Im 22 i have worked abroad travelled gone out every weekend had decent relationships! I have lived, alot more than some people i know who are at least 5 years older than me! And have their own place, that doesnt make me any less capable to have a child!
I have worked ever since i was 15 and dont see one problem inclaiming benefits when i want to spend time with my child in its first year, specially when it is a genuine reason and i have paid my tax and nat ins for every other faker and liar out there!
People are so quick to judge others especially when they are young, but us young people are alot more aware and mature nowadays then ever before and you can be sure that they always want the child and look after it.
When you look in the news and see all the mad child cruelty its all those "elder" mums!
what does that tell you!!!

sorry rant over!!

 

[LilFlower08]

Mz_jackie86 you are so right!!! my god!!

Especially this bit!! GO YOU

have worked ever since i was 15 and dont see one problem inclaiming benefits when i want to spend time with my child in its first year, specially when it is a genuine reason and i have paid my tax and nat ins for every other faker and liar out there!

 

[moomin_troll]

Mz_jackie86 you are so right!!! my god!!

Especially this bit!! GO YOU

have worked ever since i was 15 and dont see one problem inclaiming benefits when i want to spend time with my child in its first year, specially when it is a genuine reason and i have paid my tax and nat ins for every other faker and liar out there!

i agree with this completly too. ive worked since i was 16 and even tho im not on leave im still paying tax on £117 a week and im going to try and get everything i can altho thats not alot lol

 

[oxSarahxo]

Personally, given the state of the country... I don't see why anyone is bothered anymore, if Labour goes out anytime, anyone on benefits (any kid of benefits) is royally arsed, along with anyone that uses the NHS for anything - so that's most of us!

I started working when I was 13 in a pizza place, I lied about my age and told the boss i was 17 just so i could have the job and make some cash.

I had a job when I fell pregnant, only working in a chippy 'cuz at the time my priority was my Japanese Performance Sports Car, so it paid my insurance (I'd already bought the car out right - no finance), paid for my petrol and for me to take it to shows - that's all that bothered me. However (no offense to anyone here) I was working for some foreigners and as soon as they were told I was pregnant, they had me running round like an idiot, shouting at me and stuff. Also health and safety regulations say that they should have non slip flooring in that place and they didn't and I was sick to death of saying 'the kitchen floors soaking, ive just slipped twice' and being ignored.

I'd been promised a contract with them but it seemed that because i'd fallen preg before the contract had been sorted out, they wanted me out.

Now I'm on income support, the OH works.

I WAS claiming JSA and applying for jobs all the time, anywhere and everywhere, the only thing I specified was that it HAD to be full time as if I worked any less I wouldn't be able to afford to pay the rent and bills etc due to rates of inflation these days.

But logically, anyone with half a clue, think about this ...

You run a company and you pay the wages, WHY on earth would you hire someone, who's 4-5-6 months pregnant to work for you? All that's gonna happen is : You have to pay them maternity leave, AS WELL AS hiring someone else to do THEIR work while they're off... So you're in fact paying twice and having one job done...

I just think this whole country is f*cked personally...

Take what you can, while you can, cuz soon there's gonna be a revolution with the way things are with the credit crunch and people being sacked left right and centre. Look after yourself and your own, no one else will do it for you...

Don't be like some and take your benefits and go and get p*ssed with it, if anything keep the bloody money and save like hell, it'll come in handy.

THAT is my view on benefits.


Also, can I just ask the working people on here... Who is garaunteed a raise?... Cuz people on benefits are. The ones with jobs at the moment, are actually the unstable ones, cuz you can be sacked tomorrow. (not trying to piss anyone off, but its the god honest truth, my OH has degrees coming outta his backside and the same goes for him).

Thus reaching my point - no one, regardless of what age you are, is completely stable.

 

[heather91]

'You run a company and you pay the wages, WHY on earth would you hire someone, who's 4-5-6 months pregnant to work for you? All that's gonna happen is : You have to pay them maternity leave, AS WELL AS hiring someone else to do THEIR work while they're off... So you're in fact paying twice and having one job done... '


That's not strictly true. You have to be working for a company for a certain amount of time to qualify for maternity pay. With my company it's 26 weeks before your due date.

 

[LilFlower08]

I do think alot of what sarah said is very true, stability in this economical climate is a very odd occurance. because it could all change very rapidly and we'll all have the carpet pulled out from under our feet one way or another...

I do thing this country is only a slippery down hill slide and im not looking forward to the big hike back up again.... it's becoming poorly run and even worse at fairness and equality, too much is given to thos who don deserve it in my eyes and not enough is recycled round to the people making the economy (what very little economy we have!) tick over.

Not sure where im going with this... hahaha!

Well anyway, some valid points have been made in this thread. thats the basic point and i do seriously seriously worry about the financial and economical state this country is in and what will happen in the future...

xx

 

[mz_jackie86]

*****Don't be like some and take your benefits and go and get p*ssed with it, if anything keep the bloody money and save like hell, it'll come in handy.

THAT is my view on benefits.*****

My thoughts exactly, thats why so many people have bad opinions of others on jsa etc cos so many people do just piss it up the wall which is the wrong thing to do!

This whole country is on a downwards spiral ur prob better of emmigratin to australia!!!

 

[sparkswillfly]

Its not actually true that you cant get a job at 4/5 months pregnant. I was on JSA because I lost my job at the same time as finding out I was pregnant. And now Im doing boring admin temping, because I couldnt survive on JSA at all. Im going to have to work right up until my due date because Housing Benefit wont pay my rent when I go on mat leave. So I have to work. I dont agree with the whole take what you can get philosophy at all. Because maybe there would be more money in the pot to help with my rent when I physically cannot work anymore if people didnt bleed the system dry (not saying anyone on here is just in general). But instead I literally have to work 60 hours a week until I burst and then go back to work when my baby is 6 weeks old.

 

[oxSarahxo]

Its not actually true that you cant get a job at 4/5 months pregnant. I was on JSA because I lost my job at the same time as finding out I was pregnant. And now Im doing boring admin temping, because I couldnt survive on JSA at all. Im going to have to work right up until my due date because Housing Benefit wont pay my rent when I go on mat leave. So I have to work. I dont agree with the whole take what you can get philosophy at all. Because maybe there would be more money in the pot to help with my rent when I physically cannot work anymore if people didnt bleed the system dry (not saying anyone on here is just in general). But instead I literally have to work 60 hours a week until I burst and then go back to work when my baby is 6 weeks old.

No one said you CAN'T get a job, if you'd read what I'd written. It says logically speaking.

Say you wanted a cleaner or something to clean your house, why would you pay her to be off and have to pay someone else at the same time to do what should have been done the first time round? - that's what I was implying.

And housing benefit doesn't pay my rent either, hence I have a partner that works, between us we can only just afford to live and that's because we live on money we have aside from saving up before we moved out etc. So we had some security incase anything like this happened.

So you don't believe you should take what you can get? So someone walks up to you and says "here's £100 toward your shopping for the month" ... you wouldn't take it? As for the money in the pot malarky, have you noticed how much the government are being paid? And how much of the tax payers money they're p*ssing up the walls on taxi fayres, nice meals and SECOND mortgages? These are the people that are running the country man, I'll be patriotic when they are.

We pay silly amounts of tax on everything in this country, tax on our wages etc, the money the OH gets taxed is more than I get on Income Support. When we're working our assess off at work people, we're doing that to pay our contributions so that if we became unemployed we'd be allowed to claim JSA for the time needed.

Benefits don't just mean, JSA, Income Support, Housing Benefit, Council Tax Benefit etc... What about Disability Living Allowance and things like that?

You're saying because of the take what you can philosophy there is no money in the pot for you? What about the people that worked, and saved like hell, and BECAUSE we've been sensible and put money in the bank, we're not allowed help because we're expected to live on our savings, and are punished because WE were the sensible ones?

The entire country is messed up, no matter what happens, people will never be happy with how its ran or who gets what money, its just the way the world works imo.

A lot of people do scrounge but at the end of the day, they have nothing to show for it, its something no one can do anything about so what's the need in stressing over it?

As I've said, you've gotta look after yourself and your own.

 

[mz_jackie86]

Its nt about take what you can get its takin what you deserve!
I have payed so much damn tax since i started working and u pay tax on everythin u do so why shudnt i get what i deserve and what is rightfully mine!
We have paid for the people who dont work and who have never worked a day in their lives yet we have to feel guilty cos we wanna be there for our children!
Its not takin what you can it taking whats rightfully ours!
And i am no way ever goin to feel guilty about that!!!