Will going through a M/C change your next pregnancy??

[Sassy_TTC]

Apart from the obvious worry/stress/anxiety of being pregnant again, has M/C changed anything else that you would have originally done with your first pregnancy:-

A few for us would be:-

We wouldnt tell anyone until at least 16weeks+ or until it was completely obvious that I was pregnant and had to.

Finding out the sex, we always said we would find out as soon as we could, now we would just be grateful to be having a baby and would rather wait for a surprise.

What about you???xxx

 

[SugarFairy]

Only my best friend knew this time round. I've seen my brother and S-I-L go through MCs and I'm a fairly cautious person myself anyway. I think next time round I'm going to be a lot more nervous and stressed because of whats happened now. As it was I only knew for a few days before I MC so I didn't have such a huge emotional upheaval as some people go through but its still made me nervous about it happening again. And my DH is too - he hasn't said outright but he's acting different and treating me like I'm possibly a bit fragile. Its strange, perhaps just his initial reaction to discovering that he really wants to be a parent right NOW and the realization that things can go wrong x

 

[downwardsun]

I think I will wait to tell my mother, she did not take the MC well at all. I found myself having to console her at a time when I kind of needed it!

 

[SugarFairy]

Agreed Downwardsun - to be consoling others at a time you need consoling yourself cannot be easy. I understand what you're saying and this is the reason the only person I told was my best friend. I am terrible at dealing with other peoples sadness. At least if it is just my sadness that I have to deal with then I can choose when and who I grieve with. My BF has been such a support to me that I will include her again and know that I can be frank with her about how I feel

 

[kanga]

Yes, i can't imagine enjoying my next pregnancy at all but rather I will be expecting it to end at any moment

I will probably tell a few select people at work so they can go easy on me with the workload!

 

[zippy4]

I know I definately wont b able 2 enjoy my next pregnancy after 2 losses. But next time I definately won't be making it public until 14 or 15 weeks xx

 

[mummywants]

i had a mc last november and am now pregnet now ive not tood no one not my husband no frends nobody i just feel if i do that will b the end

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Aww Mummywants I know how you feel, hang on did you say your Hubby dont know? Wow how have you managed to keep that from him, dont you need his support. Big hugs to you, I know what a scary time being pregnant after loss is like.xxxx

 

[stay.positive]

I think next time I am going to try to take it much easier in terms of work and exercise. I am sure these things didn't cause me to MC, but I probably could have done without the stress on the system. I only told my best friends about it and I would probably tell them again. DH told his mom, but I told him that he would have to un-tell her and ask her not to bring it up with me!

 

[LucyJ]

First time round we told our immediate family and two very close friends we thought when we got pregnant again we wouldnt tell anyone but that has changed as we have told my mum and dad for support more than anything I talk to my mum everyday and we figured there is no way we would be able to keep it from her she knows me to well and my hubby has told his brother as someone he can turn to for support. We won't be telling anyone else untill we are past 12 weeks. It is very scary but we are trying to focus on the positives to get us through the next few weeks.

We are trying not to plan ahead this time but take one day at a time which is hard to do. My hubby is different he's more catious of me wakes up if I go to the loo during the night, constantly asking if I'm ok.

We're stronger as a couple as well which is a good thing. I know my husband doesnt want me in the house when we decorate the spare room he's going to do it himself and not till we are past 20 weeks as last time we got tester pots of colour to choose one and seeing those colours on the wall afterwards was a reminder of what we had lost. I started vitamins specifically for pregnancy as soon as I found out I was pregnant again.

I guess there are lots of things we will all do differently and things that will scare us I know I am but I'm also trying to have faith and hope that all will be alright.

 

[mummywants]

Aww Mummywants I know how you feel, hang on did you say your Hubby dont know? Wow how have you managed to keep that from him, dont you need his support. Big hugs to you, I know what a scary time being pregnant after loss is like.xxxx

thank u hunni and no he dont no i want to tell him but iam scared xxx

 

[hattie_ann]

As everyone else I know that I will not want to tell as many people but the other things that I will change is that before I paid for a scan at 6 weeks which made it all very real and I think that made it harder when I m/c at 12 weeks and so next time I will only have a scan early if I am specifically worried about something.

The other thing that I won't do till much later in my (fingers crossed) pregnancy is sign up online to all the different baby clubs as I am still getting baby type information through my letterbox which continues to upset me!

 

[C&J]

I think apart from the obvious of being petrified after 2 miscarriages straight after 1 another we will be keeping things very quiet and not telling a soul and also wont be tempting fate and going in any baby shops!

 

[Kess]

I won't tell anyone except Mom, Dad, sister and DH until well into my second trimester.

<snip> so next time I will only have a scan early if I am specifically worried about something.

I was thinking the opposite actually, for me. We told people at 11 weeks, and found out a few days later that baby had died at 9 weeks. I am thinking about nagging for as many scans after the heart beat should be visible (6 or 7 weeks?) as they'll give me, so I don't constantly worry whether baby's dead without me knowing again. But I see your point about it feeling more real... Darnit, now I'm not sure what to do.

 

[hattie_ann]

I guess with all of these ideas, when the time comes, we all just need to do what feels right at the time. so go with your gut feeling Kess.

 

[BoBo]

I planned to announce that I was pregnant on Facebook after I had my scan as I was so excited. I have decided that I will not be doing that next time.

We found out at our 13 wk scan that baby had died at 9wks and when I finally plucked up the courage to log on 3 people had announced their pregnancies. I felt so hurt that I wouldn't want anyone else to feel like that.

I also have a friend who has been trying to conceive for years and she has told me that she gets down when she see's other peoples status'. I never even thought about how things like that affected others before.

I don't begrudge anyone doing it though, it is an exciting time! I just know how I felt that day and from that I don't feel the need to do it anymore. xx

 

[pickle85]

I will do everything differently next time. Last time i had bleeding from 5 weeks all the way throught til 11 weeks when we found out we had the MMC, i had 6 different scans, saw little beans heartbeat and got told everything would be ok, just to lose it a few weeks later. We had told all our family so everyone was so upset, started planning our nursery...colour sheme etc. I had signed up to all the online baby clubs and still to this day get emails telling me im 25 weeks pregnant. It sucks! Next time i'm only telling Hubby, dont want to be scanned, poked, prodded etc until at least 12 weeks, and will think about starting telling people at about 16. It will be so much harder next time, but so much better in another way, we tried for a year for our first and even then i wasnt sure how i would feel, but now i know how amazing it is, i consider it to be the ultimate blessing and i can't wait to feel like that again.

Sorry for all your losses, i'm not sure where i'd be without this forum...IT ROCKS.

 

[animalcracker]

This is a very good question. My MC has opened my eyes in lots of ways and there are several things I would do differently.

When I found out I was pregnant, I started eating a lot - my diet was not great and I ate a lot of junk food and gained weight quickly. I'll not do that again and now I have adopted a 'clean eating' weight loss plan to lose weight and have started exercising. So that's a big one for me, my diet will remain healthy throughout.

Like you, I won't be telling a soul until I am at least 13 weeks. Going back to everyone and telling them about the mc has been just awful.

The last thing - I am pretty certain that I will now forgo all invasive testing (IVF, amnio). I'm still debating this one, but after all the heartbreak I don't know if I will do it as I just so desperately want to be a mother.

 

[Rowan75]

DH and I talked about this recently and we had kept our last pg a secret but then had such a horrendous time with the mmc that everyone had to be told anyway (I was already in mat clothes etc so people had guessed) so next time we actually think we'll tell family and close friends right away as we would tell them if we have another mc - think we'll ask them all to keep their fingers crossed and hope that the extra hope and faith helps

same as Kess I'll be asking for lots of scans - if we were as rich as the Cruises I'd hire a sonographer

sorry that you all have had to go through this

 

[Loui1001]

I think I'll do lots differently if and when I conceive again, last time we told quite a few family members and close friends and although their support was great I feel that we definitely tempted fate. So it'll be 16 weeks before it's public! Def going to go for earlier scans as well even if it means going privately, after the mmc I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that for 3 weeks we'd been thinking everything was fine when it wasn't.