3 failed IUIs. How do you cope?

[SashimiMimi]

Hey PinkPeony I'm in Toronto as well. Do you mind if I ask where your RE is located? I went to Create.

I know what you mean about them trying to get you to be positive. When I asked about things way down the road like what if this never worked and asked about different scenarios, our RE would just make us stay focused on the present. I think they forgot how hard it is, which is why I think it's great to be able to connect online with other women who are going through or have gone through the same thing.

 

[PinkPeony]

Exactly!! That's exactly what mine says. She was like - look you don't want to have to go down those roads so don't think about it. Like she has a point... I can be excessively negative at times. But it gives me anxiety to not know what's next... you know? And after doing the same thing over and over and having the same result each time it gets really hard to think it's going to be different this time. Only takes that one time though of course.

I'm at Lifequest by the way. Are you happy with Create in the end? They got you preg I can see so they did something right for sure (congrats btw).

 

[Sunshine24]

Exactly!! That's exactly what mine says. She was like - look you don't want to have to go down those roads so don't think about it. Like she has a point... I can be excessively negative at times. But it gives me anxiety to not know what's next... you know? And after doing the same thing over and over and having the same result each time it gets really hard to think it's going to be different this time. Only takes that one time though of course.

I'm at Lifequest by the way. Are you happy with Create in the end? They got you preg I can see so they did something right for sure (congrats btw).

I am the SAME way. I HATE not knowing what is next or what the plan is if something else doesnt work. It makes me super anxious. And sometimes I feel like that is why the universe is challenging me with this infertility journey---to teach me patience and to trust that things will work out. OK! Lesson learned! Time to finally work out! hahaha.

 

[PinkPeony]

OMG that's what I think too!! That I am supposed to learn that there are things in life that I just can't control - no matter how much effort I put in I can still fail because it's out of my hands. It's difficult bc you go through life being told the opposite - you know like work hard and believe in yourself and you can do anything blah blah. But guess what - you can have every doctor working on it, you can throw thousands of dollars at it, spend every waking hour thinking about it and sometimes it just aint happening. But I still think the time will be right eventually. It's just not on the timeline I've chosen and it's not up to me. Just got to keep carrying on because the only way to guarantee that you will fail is to not try right?

 

[SashimiMimi]

Pink: I actually loved Create, especially the particular doctor we saw there. The facility is wonderful and the staff do their best to accommodate everyone during cycle monitoring--which can be rather chaotic at times.

I really felt our RE cared and he was extremely results driven. When we started at Create I never imagined we would go the IVF route, but I'm glad we did! It's still hard to believe that I'm actually 20 weeks along and that this is actually happening after so many disappointments. I just found out that I'm having a boy and my grandmother expressed some gender disappointment over the holidays which really irritated me. I was like do you have any idea what we went through to achieve this little guy!?!?

 

[Sunshine24]

OMG that's what I think too!! That I am supposed to learn that there are things in life that I just can't control - no matter how much effort I put in I can still fail because it's out of my hands. It's difficult bc you go through life being told the opposite - you know like work hard and believe in yourself and you can do anything blah blah. But guess what - you can have every doctor working on it, you can throw thousands of dollars at it, spend every waking hour thinking about it and sometimes it just aint happening. But I still think the time will be right eventually. It's just not on the timeline I've chosen and it's not up to me. Just got to keep carrying on because the only way to guarantee that you will fail is to not try right?

Exactly! You seem to really be on the same page as me!! I hope this happens very soon for both of us, and until then, we just gotta keep plugging along.

 

[Sunshine24]

Pink: I actually loved Create, especially the particular doctor we saw there. The facility is wonderful and the staff do their best to accommodate everyone during cycle monitoring--which can be rather chaotic at times.

I really felt our RE cared and he was extremely results driven. When we started at Create I never imagined we would go the IVF route, but I'm glad we did! It's still hard to believe that I'm actually 20 weeks along and that this is actually happening after so many disappointments. I just found out that I'm having a boy and my grandmother expressed some gender disappointment over the holidays which really irritated me. I was like do you have any idea what we went through to achieve this little guy!?!?

SashimiMimi I know it is probably posted elsewhere on this this thread, but how many IUI/ etc did you go through before you chose IVF? Did your first attempt work?

 

[SashimiMimi]

OMG that's what I think too!! That I am supposed to learn that there are things in life that I just can't control - no matter how much effort I put in I can still fail because it's out of my hands. It's difficult bc you go through life being told the opposite - you know like work hard and believe in yourself and you can do anything blah blah. But guess what - you can have every doctor working on it, you can throw thousands of dollars at it, spend every waking hour thinking about it and sometimes it just aint happening. But I still think the time will be right eventually. It's just not on the timeline I've chosen and it's not up to me. Just got to keep carrying on because the only way to guarantee that you will fail is to not try right?

We are all posting at the same time totally agree and this is exactly what infertility taught me. It made me a better person, more patient and more appreciative of the smaller things in life. And that is how I felt toward IVF, the only way to fail for sure is to not try at all!!

 

[Sunshine24]

Sash & Pink: Can't tell you ladies how much I needed this boost today! Whether AF comes tonight, tomorrow, or whatever news I get Friday on my bloodwork, I feel like I am in a better place to handle it.

THANK YOU.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Pink I did 3 failed IUIs. First natural cycle IUI, second with femara and third with puregon injections!! All failed.

IVF was successful on first try even though we had one embryo survive for transfer. I had 15 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized and 1 made it to transfer so I thought for sure it wouldn't work with just one little egg. The IVF showed I have poor egg quality which explains a lot, but all it takes is one to make a baby!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Sash & Pink: Can't tell you ladies how much I needed this boost today! Whether AF comes tonight, tomorrow, or whatever news I get Friday on my bloodwork, I feel like I am in a better place to handle it.

THANK YOU.

Glad I could help in some small way. It's really not knowing WHEN these procedures are finally going to work and it is hard to stay positive. I think the most important thing is to look after yourself emotionally as dealing with the heartache is the hardest part.

 

[PinkPeony]

Oh my goodness Sashimi. That's so funny about your grandmother. I have had so many ridiculous comments from family members about this stuff. They just have no clue.
Glad to hear you had a good experience at Create. Maybe I'll look at that place if I end up going the IVF route. I'm fairly satisfied with my experience at Lifequest so far but the vibe can be a bit cold there sometimes and it's definitely chaotic too.

Thanks for the discussion ladies. I really needed to talk that out with someone that can relate. I've been so down since getting a BFN especially during the holidays. I actually feel much better.

 

[Sunshine24]

Oh my goodness Sashimi. That's so funny about your grandmother. I have had so many ridiculous comments from family members about this stuff. They just have no clue.
Glad to hear you had a good experience at Create. Maybe I'll look at that place if I end up going the IVF route. I'm fairly satisfied with my experience at Lifequest so far but the vibe can be a bit cold there sometimes and it's definitely chaotic too.

Thanks for the discussion ladies. I really needed to talk that out with someone that can relate. I've been so down since getting a BFN especially during the holidays. I actually feel much better.

The holidays are a hard time to deal with infertility, especially because so many family members and friends seem to make passing comments about it with having NO idea all the heartbreak you could be going through. Someday, this will all be worth it, and because of this journey we will be more patient, happy, grateful mothers--I believe that.

stay strong, keep your head up, and I'll let you guys know what I find out about this 4th IUI. Please keep me in your thoughts!

 

[PinkPeony]

Will do for sure Sunshine!!

 

[StayHopeful]

Thanks ladies, I really needed this today too. I'm still waiting to o naturally, we're just taking a break and I'm only taking Metformin until we do IVF this summer. So far I'm on CD 33 and no o. Yesterday and today I've been crampy and my back has hurt, but I have PCOS and my body does weird things so I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

 

[fisher640]

Good luck ladies!
Ill be thinking of you all!!!
Try and be strong, I personally feel a positive attitude doesn't effect too much

 

[Sunshine24]

Well, just as I suspected, AF showed early this morning--one day before my HCG bloodwork.

I did not handle it with the positive attitude I seemed to have earlier yesterday on these boards and I feel soooooo down.

My lap procedure is scheduled for Feb 12th so until then we're just taking a break from all meds and appts. Which will definitely be nice at least!!! There HAS to be something they can find from the lap? Why would 4 IUIs not have worked?

I have to still go in for bloodwork tomorrow so they can have it on record. Ugh.

Hoping a lap cancels between now and Feb 12th so I dont have to wait as long. And also hoping that the lap can fix whatever seems to be wrong. We have one IUI left on our insurance and then 3 IVF attempts. I'm terrified to do our last IUI and then have no more left....

Any encouragement today would be lovely. I know in my heart this will happen but today I just feel like giving up!

 

[Bma11]

Sorry sunshine. I hated walking in to do my beta, knowing I was not pregnant. I nearly broke down. But then, I consulted with RE, got my lap scheduled and didn't worry about it. I cried Xmas morning but after that nothing. I'm currently sittin here, waiting to have my laparoscopy !! Excited to find out what the heck is going on and move on! I will tell you though these last few weeks have been really nice not worrying about shots, pills, ultrasounds bloodwork and especially not tricking yourself into believing you are pregnant.

I think it's perfectly okay for you to grieve, but if you are anything like most of us, we pick up the pieces and move forward, because we will get there!

 

[Sunshine24]

Sorry sunshine. I hated walking in to do my beta, knowing I was not pregnant. I nearly broke down. But then, I consulted with RE, got my lap scheduled and didn't worry about it. I cried Xmas morning but after that nothing. I'm currently sittin here, waiting to have my laparoscopy !! Excited to find out what the heck is going on and move on! I will tell you though these last few weeks have been really nice not worrying about shots, pills, ultrasounds bloodwork and especially not tricking yourself into believing you are pregnant.

I think it's perfectly okay for you to grieve, but if you are anything like most of us, we pick up the pieces and move forward, because we will get there!

Ahhh thank you thank you. I hope they find something in your lap ( A weird hope, I know, but I know you know what I mean!!! ) Best of luck during surgery and thank you for your kind words. I am going to look at the time between now and my surgery as a much needed mental health break and take the opportunity to exercise more and enjoy a glass of wine or two without feeling guilt!

I'm already working on picking up those pieces. " If you're going through hell, keep on going...." right?

 

[SashimiMimi]

Oh, Sunshine! I'm so sorry and I know what a heartbreaking feeling it is to get the confirmation the procedure failed.

I know it's easy to think if these 4 IUIs didn't work, how will it ever? When I did my 3rd IUI with injections I had 5 follicles and it didn't work. But something that I mentioned before and that I will say again now, is that when I did IVF I had 15 eggs retrieved. Only 3 fertilized and then 2 died off, leaving 1 good embryo for transfer. My doctor said that the 15 eggs represented 15 months of ovulation. So 14 of those months/cycles would have failed. It was a real lightbulb moment for me and it made me feel better about all the months we TTCed naturally and failed and all the months we spent doing failed IUIs.

I really do hope that the lap brings you answers, but please don't despair if they don't. I know now that if I had done the lap as well, it wouldn't have shown anything. My answers came from doing IVF. My doctor suspected that perhaps sperm and egg weren't meeting and that is why we did half the eggs ICSI (manually injecting the sperm into the egg) and half IVF (left to fertilize on their own). Well, that wasn't the case at all. It turns out that I just have egg quality issues, which explains a lot!

I'm okay with that because there is stuff that can be done to address those issues. I really think RE's have answers for almost everything.

It's great news that you have a lot of these procedures funded, especially the IVF!!! I paid $11,000 out of pocket and I really didn't know how many times I could do IVF if our first attempt had failed.

As much as no one really wants to take a break, it was the only thing that kept me from having a complete mental breakdown. Try to get away if you can, or just enjoy eating and drinking what ever you want.

Just remember that we are all here for you. You can cry, vent, yell and be upset as you want. I know from experience that family doesn't always say the right things... My mom would insist that our little baby just wasn't ready to come yet. I was like really? Can he give me an ETA then before a giant hole burns through my bank account and I have a complete mental breakdown?? Even going through both IUI and IVF my mom would get really flustered and said it all sounded too "science fiction."

There are lots of women in here who have been through the same thing and eventually had success and lots of women going through the exact same thing as you. You're not alone, although I know what an isolating feeling this all is. Big hugs!