3 failed IUIs. How do you cope?

[Sunshine24]

Oh, Sunshine! I'm so sorry and I know what a heartbreaking feeling it is to get the confirmation the procedure failed.

I know it's easy to think if these 4 IUIs didn't work, how will it ever? When I did my 3rd IUI with injections I had 5 follicles and it didn't work. But something that I mentioned before and that I will say again now, is that when I did IVF I had 15 eggs retrieved. Only 3 fertilized and then 2 died off, leaving 1 good embryo for transfer. My doctor said that the 15 eggs represented 15 months of ovulation. So 14 of those months/cycles would have failed. It was a real lightbulb moment for me and it made me feel better about all the months we TTCed naturally and failed and all the months we spent doing failed IUIs.

I really do hope that the lap brings you answers, but please don't despair if they don't. I know now that if I had done the lap as well, it wouldn't have shown anything. My answers came from doing IVF. My doctor suspected that perhaps sperm and egg weren't meeting and that is why we did half the eggs ICSI (manually injecting the sperm into the egg) and half IVF (left to fertilize on their own). Well, that wasn't the case at all. It turns out that I just have egg quality issues, which explains a lot!

I'm okay with that because there is stuff that can be done to address those issues. I really think RE's have answers for almost everything.

It's great news that you have a lot of these procedures funded, especially the IVF!!! I paid $11,000 out of pocket and I really didn't know how many times I could do IVF if our first attempt had failed.

As much as no one really wants to take a break, it was the only thing that kept me from having a complete mental breakdown. Try to get away if you can, or just enjoy eating and drinking what ever you want.

Just remember that we are all here for you. You can cry, vent, yell and be upset as you want. I know from experience that family doesn't always say the right things... My mom would insist that our little baby just wasn't ready to come yet. I was like really? Can he give me an ETA then before a giant hole burns through my bank account and I have a complete mental breakdown?? Even going through both IUI and IVF my mom would get really flustered and said it all sounded too "science fiction."

There are lots of women in here who have been through the same thing and eventually had success and lots of women going through the exact same thing as you. You're not alone, although I know what an isolating feeling this all is. Big hugs!

You are a godsend and exactly what I need right now. Thank you for your support. Your stats about the 15 eggs representing months of ovulation is very helpful. Cold hard facts like that, combined with your positive words, make me certain that this WILL work for us.

My family has NO idea we are doing any of this, which most times is a blessing because we dont have to hear opinions or break the news when something doesnt work, but then once in a while I feel that our choice to keep it private makes my DH and I feel even more alone. But we're not. And thank you for showing me that!!

 

[SashimiMimi]

I'm glad I can help! Infertility is definitely a hard topic to discuss, but the fact is it seems to be really common. I couldn't believe how packed my clinic got during cycle monitoring hours.

I was open with my family because my brother and SIL TTCed for 3 years and did several IUIs before conceiving my niece. They were in the unexplained category. Other people were just completely uneducated and I had at least two friends ask me if I was scared to become the next Octomom!!! Even now people who know we did IVF just won't accept that we aren't having multiples, because there is apparently no way you can have just one baby from a successful IVF. Sigh!

Anyway, I know it's going to work for you. The road to get there is just a bit longer than you had hoped, but just know that light at the end of the tunnel is coming.

 

[PinkPeony]

Sunshine. Sorry AF got you. You're in the mind frame that I was yesterday. Well, know that I'm right here with you and we can wait this cycle out together. I just know I need some time to get my head/heart back in the right place before I jump back in.
Last night I went over to my BFF's place and just bawled my eyes out and poured it all out to her. I feel a lot better today. Sometimes it helps to just talk it out to someone (other than your DH). Also had half a bottle of wine lol

 

[ttcbaby117]

Sunshine - just wanted to pop in and say so sorry for the bfn hun....

 

[fisher640]

I didn't tell anyone really about infertility.

I was completely crushed after my 4th IUI failed. DH was on vacation out of the country and I was just *low* and *depressed* and that's how I went in to IUI #5 being like "fine. This is completely dumb, never going to work and stupid but if you won't see me for an IVF consult for 2 months at least I won't feel like I 'wasted' the cycle" and I *may* have been a little pissy with the office on the phone about it. It just got harder and harder to build up any optimism or positive attitude what so ever with each passing fail.

I'm ultimately super super glad I threw my hands up about IUI #5 tho! showed me! That's for sure!

 

[ttcbaby117]

hey ladies - welll here it is in a nutshell......I did my 2nd and last IUI on the 22nd. On jan 1st I had horrible ovary pain, gas, bloating, it was horrible. I called the dr on call and she said she thought I had corpus luteum cysts.....so the next day I went to my obgyn here in town and he did confirm....I had one that is 48mm on the left and one that is 30mm on the right...funny as we thought we thought we only had on follie to ovulate with....I guess there were two!!!! Anyway, since Jan 1st, the ovary pain has subsided but the gas is still horrible and the bloating has me in everything elastic. I am on progesterone suppositories but they have never done this to me before....I spoke with the same oncall dr after the ultrasound and she said there is nothing to be done about the cysts and considering the size of them she would bet that I am pregnant! She told me that being 10 dpo and having such big cysts would lead her to believe there is a pregnancy! So of course I got really excited....that was 2 days ago! I tested this morning at 12 dpo....NEGATIVE......I am just beside myself....I cant believe she would get my hopes up like that! another thing is why am I having such horrible gas and bloating! ugh!

 

[Chris_25]

Hi girls congratulations to those of you who got a BFP your stories are def inspiring!
I see many of you are in similar situations as me! I had 3 failed iui's and am completely heartbroken and depressed. Some days I am really bad and don't know what to do with myself. This month and next month I am taking a break. I will be going for a second opinon with a new RE next month as well.

 

[Chris_25]

hey ladies - welll here it is in a nutshell......I did my 2nd and last IUI on the 22nd. On jan 1st I had horrible ovary pain, gas, bloating, it was horrible. I called the dr on call and she said she thought I had corpus luteum cysts.....so the next day I went to my obgyn here in town and he did confirm....I had one that is 48mm on the left and one that is 30mm on the right...funny as we thought we thought we only had on follie to ovulate with....I guess there were two!!!! Anyway, since Jan 1st, the ovary pain has subsided but the gas is still horrible and the bloating has me in everything elastic. I am on progesterone suppositories but they have never done this to me before....I spoke with the same oncall dr after the ultrasound and she said there is nothing to be done about the cysts and considering the size of them she would bet that I am pregnant! She told me that being 10 dpo and having such big cysts would lead her to believe there is a pregnancy! So of course I got really excited....that was 2 days ago! I tested this morning at 12 dpo....NEGATIVE......I am just beside myself....I cant believe she would get my hopes up like that! another thing is why am I having such horrible gas and bloating! ugh!

I'm sorry they never should have gotten your hopes up! Keep your head up and try to stay strong.

 

[StayHopeful]

Sunshine, sorry about the bfn!

Ttcbaby, 12dpo is still early, there's still a chance!

 

[Trulyoo]

Shashimi, what kind of egg quality issues did they discover for you during IVF?

I'm like most of the ladies here, wondering why in the world would IUI not work after a few times, unless something terribly wrong? I'm leaning towards my DH's sperm not being able to penetrate either, but how common is this when there is no male factor identified during sperm analysis. Maybe its me. I'm so worried that even when we do go to IVF, we'll discover something horrible. =(

 

[Sunshine24]

Sorry sunshine. I hated walking in to do my beta, knowing I was not pregnant. I nearly broke down. But then, I consulted with RE, got my lap scheduled and didn't worry about it. I cried Xmas morning but after that nothing. I'm currently sittin here, waiting to have my laparoscopy !! Excited to find out what the heck is going on and move on! I will tell you though these last few weeks have been really nice not worrying about shots, pills, ultrasounds bloodwork and especially not tricking yourself into believing you are pregnant.

I think it's perfectly okay for you to grieve, but if you are anything like most of us, we pick up the pieces and move forward, because we will get there!

Just wanted to say I hope your lap went well and that your recovery was quick and that they either found something they can fix or now you're ready for the next step!!

 

[Sunshine24]

HI ladies-

Just wanted to pop in and give a little update since my 4th IUI last week.

First of all, all your posts and kind words really helped to start get me out of my sadness. Then, I decided, if I'm taking a break from the docs until my lap in Feb I may as well enjoy it and get as healthy as I can to get ready for surgery.

I have been running ( something I pretty much gave up when on injectibles, etc ) and not worrying about it when I have a glass of wine ( or two ) and focusing on eating healthy and getting in the best possible shape so when the lap is over, I'm ready to get pregnant. I'll tell you--the exercise has been an immediate mood lifter---that alone helped me see things more positively right away. I have also been keeping a 'grateful' journal where at the end of each day I write down any good or happy thing that happened that day, no matter how small ( or big! ). It's really enlightening to see a huge list at the end of everyday, helps me to center myself and not focus on the one thing I dont have ( right now ).

So, for all of you out there that are waiting for a procedure before you can start again or who aren't sure what your next step is yet, try to take this time as a blessing and just live a little, dont worry, enjoy time with your DH and know eventually it will all come together. A little break can do wonders, mentally ( and physically I'd suppose! )

 

[PinkPeony]

That sounds really positive Sunshine! I have clawed my way back to a more upbeat headspace in a similar manner. I got a gift certificate to a yoga studio near my house for xmas so I was able to get an unlimited pass for a month. It's a real luxery for me, I can't normally afford yoga classes so I just do it along with videos usually. So I've been going everyday. Had to take a break today bc I'm really sore, but it's been awesome. Funny how those endorphans can make you feel so much better eh! I love the idea of a gratitude journal too!

Spoke to my FS today. Told her we're taking this month off but next month we want to be more aggressive. So she said adding clomid with the IUI would be a good next step. Taking it up a notch!! Trying to think positive.... If I look at things - our first IUI was a total bust in terms of timing so it's almost like we've only done 2. Hoping the clomid will give us the edge we need.

 

[Sunshine24]

That sounds really positive Sunshine! I have clawed my way back to a more upbeat headspace in a similar manner. I got a gift certificate to a yoga studio near my house for xmas so I was able to get an unlimited pass for a month. It's a real luxery for me, I can't normally afford yoga classes so I just do it along with videos usually. So I've been going everyday. Had to take a break today bc I'm really sore, but it's been awesome. Funny how those endorphans can make you feel so much better eh! I love the idea of a gratitude journal too!

Spoke to my FS today. Told her we're taking this month off but next month we want to be more aggressive. So she said adding clomid with the IUI would be a good next step. Taking it up a notch!! Trying to think positive.... If I look at things - our first IUI was a total bust in terms of timing so it's almost like we've only done 2. Hoping the clomid will give us the edge we need.

Pink- GOOD for you! Sounds like we've both managed to get in a better place. I guess the only thing we can control for now is our attitude so may as well try to keep it positive, right?

Glad you have a next step ( and that you're giving yourself a bit of a break ). Maybe we'll end up with our around the same time. Clomid & IUI really ups your chances, especially if you haven't tried it yet. The one stat that I keep thinking to myself over and over is that each month of trying naturally with NO IF issues still only gives couples a 20% chance, so a few failed IUIs is actually normal and fine. We'll get there sister!

 

[ttcbaby117]

Truly - I feel the same way...why havent my IUI's worked and will this shot at IVF work either? I am in the unexplained category and I feel like what the hell is wrong....why isnt this working! Could all of our problems be because of fertilization????

 

[Trulyoo]

Well, at least with fertilization then perhaps we've got a good shot with ICSI. But with egg quality.........I wouldn't know what else to do. I don't think donor eggs are an option for us.

Yesterday, I went in for my baseline U/S for the 3rd IUI. RE will not increase my clomid dose (currently at 50mg) because he says I ovulate on my own. He's asking us to agree to one last clomid cycle this time and then move onto injectables next.

At this point, I really just want to go straight to IVF and get some answers. I so tired, emotionally and physically to go through any more IUI's, but my DH and parents want me to continue IUI a couple more times.

I'm just really scared. I feel like if it hasn't worked then it's either fertilization issues or egg quality issues, although I've heard that ferilization issues are more rare than the later for "older" women. I turn 35 in two weeks =(. I feel so hopeless.......so so scared.

TTCbaby, what is your age again?

 

[ttcbaby117]

Oh I am 37 and feeling just like you trust me! On the plus side I do think that if you get the IUI's covered then go ahead because your chance increase with each cycle. I also understand how you feel about being tired. Please remember it is your body going through all of this and your Dh and his parents need to understand that. If you are not feeling up to it and you want to go to IVF then I would explain how you are feeling. No one understands how consuming all of these treatments can be unless they are going through them. Me and DH decided on 2 IUI's and if that didnt work then on to IVF, but we are self pay.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Ladies! I'm so sorry to hear about some of the BFFNs in here lately, but I'm glad to see the positive attitudes with moving forward. It's probably the toughest part! Sunshine, I remember how signing up for spin classes after my third fail totally saved my life! Every time I felt like crying, Id just push a little harder and it was so refreshing. I think infertility teaches us a lot about our character.

Well I had a bit of a scare last week. My 20 week ultrasound showed there could be a hole in the baby's heart. My OB told me not to worry, but naturally I had a complete meltdown. I went for some more tests earlier this week and they all came back clear. Pheewww!! I've never been so relieved in my entire life.

 

[ttcbaby117]

phew is right...wonderful to hear you lil one is doing ok!

 

[Sunshine24]

SashimiMimi Glad all is well with your little one! PHEW!

Also, yes--this exercise HAS been my saving grace. And shedding some holiday pounds and getting in decent shape before my lap can't hurt either. IF sure does show us a lot about character without a doubt!