Sorry, been hiding away a bit. I feel much happier now I don't have to test tomorrow. I've not had any spotting or breakthrough bleeding, which is great. Carrie said the cyclogest might not stop AF completely. If I do spot in the next 8 days, of course I'll test. Otherwise, it's all set for Friday week.
I know everyone thinks I'm insane for waiting an extra week, but school is such a hotbed of gossip at the moment and everybody knows about my IVF. If I wasn't in work tomorrow, they know it hadn't worked. If I was in school, they would know it had and 4 weeks is just too early for that many people to know. If I am, I will be 11w6d the day I go back to work after the summer vacation. Perfect! If I'm not, I can lick my wounds in private, dust off the credit card and move straight on to cycle 2. By September, I'll be stimming again and will be over the disappointment. It's just the best option all round.
Of course, I'm still wanting to know, but it's great to be able to give myself a reprieve. You girls know me pretty well end I think you get it. You know that this makes sense for my mental health.
The counsellor was great on Monday. I took the whole hour to tell her about my 19 months of TTC, but it did also clarify things for me and helped me make the decision about waiting. The other thing that came up is my mum. Her MS is really bad and she is going a bit senile too. It's horrible for her and my poor dad and has been getting worse for such a long time, but has sped up recently. I miss her. I feel like I don't have a mummy I can talk to about all this and that is so hard. I've ended up relying really heavily on Carrie (my fertility nurse) the past few weeks and I don't think she realises how much she's been a mother figure for me. I feel like I'm crying out to be looked after right now and talking to/texting/emailing her gives me some safety. It's really complicated, but not massively surprising either. When she came to visit me after retrieval and gave me a hug, I was so touched.
So, that's my reasoning. I'm nuts and not going to get much saner for a bit, but I've got heaps of support now and I'll get through this, whatever the outcome. DH and I are both seeing Wendy tomorrow, which I think is great. He needs some help too and I hope he can open up to her if he wants to. She will also show him how to better support me.
So, how's things? Mdc, any news on your lining? When is the next appointment?
Wish, I echo Mdc... Will you speak to someone soon about DE?
Chipie, you'd better not be reading this. You should be having so much honeymoon
that you haven't got time! (I'm just jealous... What with swollen ovaries, procedures and now fear of damaging something, it's been nearly 4 weeks!!!)
Aayla, any news from you?
Star, how's your ms?
I just want to say that I feel so lucky to know you all. I feel like meeting you girls is the one real positive to come from my sub fertility. I genuinely love you
), and thirdly for DE!
I hope those little bees are busy making their new nest!
