38 and TTC first baby, anyone else?

[Aayla]

I started a new program and it going ok. I am down 2 inched in my belly but up 5lbs. But that 5lbs is likely water retention as it is a weight lifting program and the muscles love their water. I am trying to stay away from the scale and focus more on getting fit and wearing smaller clothes.

I started my anti-depressants a few days ago. It may be placebo but I am already feeling better. I was doing some research on them and they say that weight loss has been known to occur in obese patients that are obese due to binge eating. Which is me. I have an over eating disorder and most people that over eat like me due so for emotional reasons. So it stands to reason that when the emotional turmoil is calmed that the eating will right itself.

I am feeling very good about my path.

We just got new furniture and despite living in my apt for nearly a year it is finally feeling like a home. Still a few more tweaks and some purging to do.

 

[elliecain]

Mdc, I want this for you so much. I hope your lining does its thing and gets to at least 7 by the time you ovulate. Why do you trigger? What happens to the eggs from this cycle if you are putting the perfect blast back in?

Aayla, good work on the inches lost. Eating disorders are the worst addiction, I totally empathise. Other addictions you can give up your substance, food still has to happen. I'm a recovering alcoholic and also recovered anorexic/bulimic and I found recovery from alcoholism so much easier. Both of my EDs were so tough for me. Until infertility and miscarriage, they were the hardest thing I'd been through. Recovery is amazing though! I sit at the heavier end of healthy now and that suits me fine.

 

[Aayla]

Cingrats on your recovery ellie!

I am a recovering drug addict. First crack/cocaine and then crystal meth. I have been clean for 9 years and 1 month (as of July 16).

And yes they were both far easier to quit than food. It has been a long struggle and I finally had to come to terms that I needed medical help. I kept struggling to fix my body but what I needed was to fix my brain. Here's hoping these pills work. It may take some adjusting to find the perfect dose but I am willing to work at it.

 

[sugargully]

Congrats Ellie! I'm so thrilled for you! You've waited so long for this BFP. You deserve every minute of this happiness!

 

[Wish2BMom]

girls - you are heros to me to work through what life has thrown at you and come out positive on the other end. None of those addictions that you mentioned are easy, I'd imagine, and all can easily take a life. You're a-freakin-mazing to me to have worked through what you needed to, realized what you needed to to make yourselves better and stay on that track. My hat is off to you.

mdc - appt is this Thurs at 2.

 

[Mdc]

I second what Wish said, you are strong a$$ women!

Wish, cannot wait for your appt. Is it just going over the process or do you get to jump in choosing eggs?

 

[Star2011]

Ellie and Aayla- l too am amazed by your life challenges and how you have come through as victories women. Hats off for your ladies!

Aayla- congra on losing the inches. Thats a great start. I am wishing you the best in the rest of the journey in losing more. You got this girl!

Mdc- c'mon lining! We are anxiously waiting for PUPO MDC! You are doing all you can and l am sure your lining will be ready soon.

Wish- l am also anxiously waiting to hear more from your appt. This is a new chapter in your journey l just pray that this is it! Let me know how everything goes.

Afm- l am glad my ms is going away and l can say l am begining to enjoy being pregnant again.

Always thinking about you ladies.

 

[Wish2BMom]

eh, I think that this appt is just going to be consultative, probably one of the 5-min deals where she explains everything and we don't ask questions and leave after a few. There is a whole other DE team that we'll work with to do the choosin' and the payin'. I think this is more for my RE to 'dismiss' us and pass us along, I guess. I dunno what role she or her office will still play in my journey. I hope I get to go to them for my bloods and ultrasounds, though.

aayla - excellent job on the progress so far!! keep up the good work! I hope the meds really help you out. I hear you on the muscles liking the water - I had gained 3lbs overnight one day a couple weeks ago and freaked! I had done a couple of tough workouts the days before and when I googled, I found that that was the reason. PHEW!

star - so good to hear that you're back to 'normal' and can enjoy things for now!!

mdc - please poke your belly and say that Auntie Wish needs you to plump up for MDC Jr to join the party!

 

[Aayla]

Thanks ladies. Well when i weighed myself I lost 3 of the 5 lbs I had gained, so definitely water. lol I haven't worked out traditionally in a few days but I just got some new furniture and I have been moving that in and rearranging and cleaning my house.

these new pills are amazing. I'm still adjusting and getting used to them and I go through 2 phases throughout my day. I'm either extremely tired or extremely alert. I am hoping this is just because they are new to my body and that I eventually will even out. If not, then back to the doc I go for a different kind. Although I am loving the alertness part as I have got so much done in my house. I have sold off a few items, my kitchen is clean clean clean and I have been purging like crazy. lol I have never been more productive.

We went and did our blood work today. i am hoping the results come in time. We did the whole std panel so it can take a couple of weeks. af is due in 2 weeks but because I am not on letrozole she may be late.

 

[Wish2BMom]

heck, moving furniture, gardening, cleaning the house for a couple of hours all counts as exercise to me! Anything that can make you sore the next day counts!

GL on your test results!

 

[Mdc]

Ellie, I forgot to answer your question about the trigger. I think it is just an insurance to make sure I O and get the progesterone rolling.

Wish, I poked the uterus and told her to get on plumping. Hope your appt goes well and they get you handed off ASAP!

Aayala, great job on the weight loss and it always sucks to see the scale jump up a little. You called it though water weight can be mean, but glad you are keeping with it. Eye on the final prize!

I have to leave for my appt in a few minutes and hoping for a plumpy lining. Darn opk still negative, but give my lining some time to perk up I hope. I will let everyone know when I am done.

 

[Left wonderin]

Good luck mdc we will be waiting for news

 

[Aayla]

Tests results all came back within normal range. The std panel had to be sent away so we don't get those results online but I am not worried about them.

I am down another pound! I am not eating nearly as much as I used to. These pills have decreased my desire to snack. One of the effects is weight loss for obese patients that are obese due to binge eating so I think they will help more than anything else I have tried.

All I know is i feel happy and content with life for the first time in a long time.

 

[elliecain]

That's great news Aayla. I think this is such a positive step for you. Just got to keep the momentum going. My suggestions for this:
Set yourself short and long term plans.
Make goals realistic and reward yourself for meeting them.
Share your progress with a real life friend, as it will make you feel more accountable.

 

[Wish2BMom]

great job, aayla!!! that's all wonderful news!! I agree with ellie's suggestions - take it day by day and even week by week if you want (a la Weight Watchers) but keep that end goal in sight. Woohoo for youuuu!

ellie - I love your tickers!

 

[Wish2BMom]

oh! my appt! here's the synopsis:

It was actually much more informative than I thought it was going to be.
So we are going to go with Frozen - 6 eggs only. That should hopefully give us 1-2 tries. DH's sperm better fertilize!!
I have to get a new sonohysterogram, I'll set that up on my next Day 1. Then we have to also get appts with the DE team, a psychologist to go over any questions/concerns/make sure we understand how to tell the baby that we're making it this way, etc. We have to sign the consent forms and then who knows what other appt. But then we'll get the keys to the Donor kingdom to make our choice on donor. I have to go on BCP and then Lupron to stifle ovulation, then estrogen to plump up the lining, then PIO shots for progesterone (ouch!!). They thaw the eggs, get DH's boys lined up and do ICSI into each egg and we wait to see fertilization rate. Then hopefully we have more than a couple make it to blast and we'll transfer 1-2 and freeze any leftovers. They guarantee at least one transfer, so if none make it to blast, then we start over with another batch. But if we only have one, we only have one...
I really think I need this finite # of attempts. The doc said that the only benefit, really, of going fresh was that the # of eggs available could be higher than 6, so more attempts. But I think having the end game in sight is the way to go at this point. We've been trying for so long, and I'm almost 41, I don't want to keep this up if it's just not meant to be. And quite honestly, I don't want to go through the rigmarole that a Fresh cycle entails.
so that's that!

 

[elliecain]

You only need the one. This is going to work, I know it I'm so excited for you. What kind of time frame to PUPO are we looking at?

 

[Wish2BMom]

I think a few months - we have vacation next week and I think I'm traveling quite a bit in August for work, so 'quiet time' will be in Sept, maybe. I have to travel to an office an hour away now for these appointments, that's where the DE team is.
The sonohysterogram should be the first week of August, but I don't think that will hinder the rest of the process. I just need to call to set things up. I was going to wait until after vacation to start those phone calls. I'm going to be head's down busy at work today to prep for being out so I need to focus on that.
The doc said that the process from beginning to end is about 7 weeks, but we can start whenever, obviously. So I think that might be like 2 weeks of BCP, then the Lupron/estrogen for a couple of weeks, then transfer, then the TWW. It all depends on how quickly we decide on a donor too - if we're looking for specific things or not. I don't think we would really be looking for too many specific things. I'd like an average to tall woman, I guess, since I'm sorta tall!

 

[Left wonderin]

Ohh yes wish and think about eye colour , hair type Curley / straight ect .... Very exciting

 

[Aayla]

The time is going to fly by Wish! This is all very exciting. I decided to google donor eggs and I came across this article I thought you might be interested in. (assuming you haven't found it yourself lol). It's a point of view story.

https://www.fitpregnancy.com/pregnancy/getting-pregnant/i-used-egg-donor