40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Vonn]

Jean--I am so, so sorry that your beta is dropping. I really thought this would be it for you. Dang it, this is a cruel process. How are you doing? Thinking of you.

Weezy--This is amazing news!! A huge congrats to you! I am so glad you looked into the immune issues. Hoping & hoping for a sticky bean for you! Remind us how many you transferred. And when do you get another beta?

Reverie--what's happening with you? Are you in another egg collection cycle? Thanks for sharing ab your insurance, so glad you can get better your chances with multiple collections.

Kaysbc--anything new with you?

Terri--are you guys trying naturally now, or did you decide bd is just better left to whim and fun?

Pussycat--have you decided on names?

AFM--had another consult with potential IVF clinic. I had gotten new tests done prior, FSH was 7.2, AMH was .149. The NP we spoke with said donor eggs was the way to go, but they'd do whatever we wanted (it's our money, right?). DH didn't want to talk ab it too much since we were leaving the next morning for a trip and he didn't want everything to be a downer. I actually was able to mostly put it out of my mind. He did seem to indicate that since 2 Drs have said chances are terrible with my eggs we have to consider donor. This NP said we have ab 5% chance with my eggs & 50% chance with donor. I was hoping the donor % would be well over fifty-fifty. I'm glad I've been trying to come to terms with this for months.

 

[terripeachy]

Whim and fun? My dad's in town, so it's more like 'let's hope he's not coming home right away.' HA!!HA!! We're not even trying, really. At this point, if I got a surprise BFP, I might even be a little upset. I don't even know what I want anymore, so I'm trying not to even think about it.

I think you should go for the DE. It's still going to be your baby AND...you might as well do it sooner rather than later. I remember when IVF seemed like such a big jump (after two IUIs), but I did it, it wasn't bad. You know the rest of the story.

Yesterday I drove past this adoption place nearby and I thought, 'had we followed through with the adoption process a few years ago, we probably would have had a kid by now. Interesting how things work out, or not.' Then I thought about something else. So...my advice (take it or leave it) is that if you can get your DH to agree, go for it! You'd be an amazing mother and once you're pregnant, you're not even going to think about those DEs. Plus, you can have twins and be done. hee hee.

 

[Jean40]

I have been so busy, I haven't really processed it all. I kind of got really mad last night while i was trying to get my house cleaned for a guest coming tomorrow (who invited herself), that I had to do all this work while I just really need to relax. I am afraid I am just going to go off on my poor friend who has no idea why.

I stopped my estradiol and progesterone Tuesday morning and still no spotting, but I did have some very sharp painful cramps this afternoon, so I hope it hurries up so I can get my beta checked again and start over. I have some of my meds here I got refilled on Friday after I found out the test was positive and my other meds are covered 100% through the end of the year by insurance, so I want to get going again. The hard part will be making a choice of embryos from what is left. One of them has a bunch of day 3 embryos, which isn't as good as the day 5, but the rest of them really do not look good at all. I am going to ask about doing an egg donor or look into an agency for embryo adoption (which will cost more, too). I am also looking at a reproductive immunologist in NYC who does Skype consultations, I just need time to actually do it. The end of the year is my very busy time at work, which is the joy *sarcasm* of working in health care. From what I'm seeing, for someone with a known autoimmune disease and at least one loss, some RI's recommend prednisone, baby aspirin, and possibly heparin (I'm already on a blood thinner for my heart, so I think that would be overkill, I bruise easily enough when I double the meds I'm already on). I need more in depth immune testing. If I can get that done before the end of the year & insurance covering it, I'm not sure about.

Ok, that was a VERY painful sharp cramp just now. Ouch.

 

[Pussycat1]

Vonn, moving to DE is a big step and I had to take all the other steps behind it to get there. However when we were told we had less than 5% chance with my eggs and after many failures, it seemed like a no brainer. Of course now I can't tell you how glad I am to have used DE. Never having been pregnant before I have nothing to compare this to, but my girls feel like they are 100% mine. The reality is I had a few cells transferred and I've grown 2 babies using my body. They may not have my genes but they are 100% my babies and I can't wait to meet them. it's such a personal decision but one I will never regret. xx

 

[Weezy9]

Vonn- I really hope you can come to the right decision for you and your DH. It's a very personal thing and only you will know if it's right for you.
I'm been told I don't need to get beta checked again as it had a significant rise in 48 hrs. I won't know now how things are going until my scan in just over 2 weeks time. This send my anxiety levels up as I haven't felt sick or tired today like I have done in the last few days.

Jean - I've been told the immune test that's significant for fertility is
Tnf-a: IL10 (cd3+cd4+)
IFN-g : IL10 (cD3+cd4+)
These needs to be treated prior to IVF

And the NK Assay panel
These can be treated during IVF
I am taking the same Meds you mentioned apart from Clexane as blood thinner

Pussycat - thanks for the PM. Good tip with calling the GP. I called surgery today and I couldn't get an appointment with my GP until a day after my scan. So it's worked out well otherwise I may have to wait until Xmas before I could just get a doctors appointment x

Terri - enjoy having your dad around

 

[Jean40]

Finally starting to spot.

 

[Vonn]

Jean--thanks for the updates. Thinking of you! It does seem that the immune response can be a strong one. There are just too many stories on BnB to not think it's a real and very treatable set of issues. And it's good to trust your gut if you feel like something is going on there. If one of your drs won't put in for the testing, it gets complicated and expensive. GL sorting through it all. I may follow your lead if you find a cheap way to get this done. My drs put in for some of the tests, but not all.

Weezy--still so excited for you! How are you feeling? Symptoms can come and go, so please don't let your anxiety get the best of you if you feel great sometimes and then get clear symptoms other times. Easy for me to say, I know...

Thanks so much, ladies, for all the kind words about my decision regarding DE. Most of the time I feel okay about it, but then sometimes I get weepy and sad. Feel guilty about ending my family line and that the kid will have issues not knowing his/her dna mom. Just stuff to process and get more comfortable with.

 

[Jean40]

I got my beta again about 1:30pm Friday and it's a 5.6, which is technically still pregnant. I've been bleeding, not awfully heavy, but a bit painful. I will probably get another beta on Monday. The office closed at noon Friday, so I didn't get an update on that. I did find out that due to holiday embryo lab closing, I won't be able to go right into the next cycle. I am going in on Nov 30 to talk to the RE and discuss it. I would have to get my period, then start the BCP and everything all over again, so we're looking at late Jan/early Feb. My least busy time of the year is early Jan, so I'm not happy that I can't go on ahead this cycle, but I guess I can start looking for a reproductive immunologist.

 

[Weezy9]

Vonn - it's a great mental barrier you have to get through.
Could you possibly do one IVF cycle with OE plus immune before moving to DE? If it works, brilliant! But if it doesn't then psychologically you'll feel better accept using DE as you would have tried all you can?....and never have the thought of.....what if....

 

[Jean40]

I agree with Weezy, if you have the funds available. Throw everything at one last IVF that you can. Before you do donor eggs/embryos, you have to go through a counseling session, so that can help you see where your head is at, the counselor thinks of more things to consider than you will think of. It might be helpful just to talk to one to process everything you've been through, as well.

 

[Pussycat1]

Vonn, I'm sure there must be something similar in the US but check out https://www.dcnetwork.org
We were required to see a counsellor before moving to DE and it helped me confirm it was the right thing for us. x

 

[Jean40]

Anyone else here who used Bravelle this year in the US? I got a letter from the pharmaceutical company that says I might be eligible to be reimbursed because they didn't meet the potency requirements through the expiration date. It says if purchased between March 27, 2014-October 15, 2015. And here I thought that I wasn't responding to it as well as I did the first cycle, but maybe it was the meds that weren't strong enough. I bought at least 10 vials or more of this stuff. I'm going to have to find time to call them and find out more.

 

[Jean40]

Oh, I am SO MAD at one of the IVF nurses! I didn't realize I had a message that said I didn't need to get my beta again, so I had called & left a message saying I needed another lab slip to get my beta drawn. There are two IVF nurses, one uses a cover sheet for faxes and one does not, apparently. I had asked them to fax the lab order to my work fax, which is in the hallway. I called at about 11am, then had to do some other work. I found the other message about not needing another blood draw, so I assumed since no one called me back that I wouldn't get a lab order. Nope. Lab order arrived mid afternoon, NO cover sheet, had their full office name (Reproductive Medicine in the title), my name, betaHCG, AND spontaneous abortion written on there. I came back to my office later on and found it ON my desk. And here I wondered why two of the secretaries came by me SMILING HUGE. I told my supervisor about it since I already told him this morning (we work with chemicals and radiation, so I had to let someone in charge know for safety) and he is so mad and said if anyone says anything to me, they WILL be in big trouble. We work in health care. There are laws about patient privacy. I am also going to let that IVF nurse have it! Very few people knew I was even doing this. My BFF didn't even know. Now EVERYONE at work will know because two of the biggest gossips got the lab order. I already had the biggest gossip asking me if I had good news when I went to get my blood drawn where she is in charge last week, so I had to tell her. This is why I was going to an out of the way place to have my blood drawn by people I don't know so well. You don't even know how upset I am about this whole thing.

Edit: I couldn't sleep & got up to go to the bathroom & noticed my littlest cat (2 1/2 years old) had died, probably not too long before I got up. I have her littermate cuddling me now, she keeps going over to the box I put her sister in and checking her out. I have to get up early to bury her before work. I didn't think this day could get worse.

 

[terripeachy]

Jean-Oh wow...I can't believe the IVF nurse, and I can't believe your coworkers' insensitivity and that your cat died? I'm SOOOo sorry. Yeah, I'll say this day can't get any worse. That was really insensitive of the nurse, and spontaneous abortion is a bit extreme. Isn't it more of a chemical versus an actual abortion. Anyway...I don't know what else to say.

 

[Pussycat1]

Oh Jean, how awful for you. That clinic really needs to look at their privacy protocol. I know how important privacy was to me so I can totally understand how you feel. As for your coworkers what in earth is wrong with them? I sincerely hope they never have to go through what we've all been through. I have 2 cats and would be devistated to find one had passed away. Was your kitty ill? xx

 

[Reverie22]

Jean, I'm so sorry to read your news. This process is trying enough without dealing with nosy coworkers.

Weezy, congratulations, I wish you the best!

Von, I agree with the others who've recommended trying one cycle if possible of IVF so that you can feel better about which next step to pursue.

AFM I've started another IVF cycle. My Dr. brought up DE as well, I told him that if this cycle doesn't work we are leaning towards adoption. He said that adoption is not less expensive than DE and may not always go through. I do receive a financial credit from my place of employment for adoption whereas my insurance does not cover a DE at all.
Adoption feels like the best next step for us as we've always planned on it but again this is a very personal decision.

 

[Vonn]

Jean--So sorry you are having such a rough go of it. Med problems, clinic protocol breaches & having to say good bye to a kitty...man, you deserve a break! I hope good things are coming your way!

Reverie--you are banking embies, right? I can't remember how you fared this last retrieval and fertilization, did you tell us and I'm just losing it? Sorry if that's the case.

Weezy--love to have an update from you!

Terri & Pussycat--

AFM--Our plan all along had been to do one round of IVF with my eggs and then move on to donor egg IVF. DH seemed more firm on that than me, as I felt some guilt knowing chances weren't good and it would be a lot of money to spend on a slim chance of success. Then, after the 2nd consult DH seemed to be less sure if we could really afford to try IVF with my own eggs. Since we are paying out of pocket, we can't afford to spend our limited funds on something that doesn't have a decent chance of working, and a 5% chance is basically like no chance. We won't get many tries--maybe only 1 unless we take out some kind of loan or get assistance from family (ugh, hate to have to do that). I just don't think we have the means to take a chance on such a long shot. I wish that weren't the case.

 

[terripeachy]

I'm with you Vonn and wish you didn't have to go to such extreme measures for a few more chances. But...you've done the research and feel confident about your decision, so now all you can do is just go through the motions until that day you get your BFP. Things are going to start moving quickly. I just know it!

 

[Vonn]

Weezy, Jean, Reverie--how are things going for each of you???? Looking for updates!

AFM--nothing much to report...just waiting for AF in order to start my last IUI. This cycle seems normal, so we don't have to wait any longer. Yay for that! It seems perfectly timed for a magical Christmas/New Year's bfp. Wouldn't that be nice!

 

[Jean40]

I went to my follow up at the RE today. We both agree that they don't have much selection in donor embryos left and that I should look to the larger group closer to the larger city, that they should have much more and he thinks will be more convenient for me to travel to (in that traffic, it probably isn't that much quicker for me to get there, but whatever). He said he doesn't know too much about the immune issues and testing I'm talking about but he also doesn't think that's my problem. EVERYTHING I'm looking into says it is, so I am going to contact the clinic in NYC for a consultation, which is about $350. The IVF coordinator at my RE office is going to call me back tomorrow and I will find out more about the donor selection that is left because others now have their selections reserved, but I want to see what is left. I wanted to get started after my cycle starts again (whenever that will be) but now, who knows. So, another year goes by, the older I get, the closer I get to the cutoff age of when they will accept me for these things. I actually went to see the first RE a year ago this week and I still don't have anything to show for it, no explanation for why nothing is really working besides I'm old, but that doesn't explain the donor eggs of a 35 year old not working.