40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Pussycat1]

Hi Jean, was the donor really 35? This is the top end of when donors will be accepted in the UK / Europe, can you select a younger donor? x

 

[Vonn]

Yeah, I have to agree I had the same reaction when I read the donor's age. That seems on the older side for a donor. A spring chicken in terms of fertility compared to me, for sure.

 

[Reverie22]

Hi Von, yes I'm in the midst of another cycle. I had 1 embie from the last that didn't make it after 3 days so I am thinking this is my last one. I don't have as many follicles this current cycle so my hopes aren't up.

I would encourage you to contact the clinic you are thinking of using and asking them specifically what insurance plans they accept to make trying more affordable. My DH wants to try more cycles in 2016 but I think I'm done, ready to adopt.

 

[Jean40]

These were not egg donors, these were regular people who went through IVF, had twins, then decided to donate their remaining embryos. My first choice (2 single embryos from 2 egg donors) were in their 20s but they were frozen 8-15 years ago and did NOT survive the thaw. The second choice, these 4 embryos, were from the older couple, the embryologist said the two that survived the thaw and were transferred were a 10 out of 10 in terms of quality. There were only about 15 choices total and I used up 3 of those donors. Most were NOT good candidates IMO, but that's what I had to work with. Smaller clinics don't have much to choose from.

I called and set up an appointment with the larger group near the big city and they do NOT do donor embryos (my RE told me they did), just donor eggs. I can still cancel the appointment if I find another place, but I might still go to compare & see prices and all that. I am going to contact the immunology place in NYC. They do donor embryos as well as immune treatment. It's at least 5-6 hours for me to get there (depending on traffic), but if I only have to go for a FET, that might be worth it. Who knows. I'm kind of frustrated at this point, but too busy until the end of the year to do much more.

 

[Vonn]

That makes sense, Jean. Thanks for explaining! It is so time consuming, sorry that you frustrated. I don't blame you. If you are anywhere near NYC, then maybe you should look into CNY Fertility. They have multiple offices in upstate NY. They are way more affordable than most US clinics. I don't know if they do embryo donation in house, but their egg donor cycles are fairly affordable.

 

[Weezy9]

Hello Ladies
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Just a quick update.
AFM: I am 7w2d today. Went in for my 7 week scan and relief to say we have a HB and measuring as it should be. The past 2 and a half weeks have been complete torture. I've had some symptoms and then none for days so bad thoughts plays in my mind....start using dr Google which makes it worse....so I'm staying away googling as much as possible. Will be in to do my 9w scan in 2 weeks time....fingers cross....I'm still too cautious to be jumping for joy....one day at a time.

Jean- have you thought about going abroad for treatment as Pussycat has done where they maybe have a bigger pool of doners?

Vonn - how is the last Iui going

Pussycat - thank you very much for your support for the last few days. It would have been a very difficult week without your reassurance. I'm seeing the GP on Wednesday so hopefully the NHS side will start moving. Hope you're feeling ok too about everything.

Terri - how are you? Are you getting into the Xmas spirit?

 

[terripeachy]

Weezy-Congrats!! That is great news. I totally understand about being nervous every step of the way, but I hope soon you can start getting excited and really believe that you are going to have a happy and healthy baby!

I am not a big Christmas lover. I mean, I love God and go to church and all that, enjoy seeing my family, but the decorations and "holiday spirit" is kind of lost on me (if I don't put up a tree, we don't have a tree). I love gift giving and the parties, and I have several of those coming up (and one last weekend), so I guess I'm into it. hee hee. I'm just kind of taking things as they come. What about you?

 

[Pussycat1]

Hey ladies!
Jean, yes that explains the age of your donor. I seem to remember your other half being against going overseas? Whatever you decide, I hope you find a path.
Weezy, woooo hoooo! So pleased for you, I've been thinking about you and wondering how you got on. Such good news but I totally get what your saying about not getting excited, I was the same. You'll find the next few weeks fly past, definitely try and get into the NHS system sooner than later.
Vonn, how are you doing hon?
Terri, we all have our own way of celebrating Christmas whether you believe in God or not. To my kind it's a time to celebrate humanity and hope that we can put away our differences, goodness knows this world is a troubled place.
AFM I'm doing fine, girls are very active which is reassuring. I'm counting the days till I finish work on 23rd, I'm exhausted! xx

 

[Vonn]

Weezy--I am sooooo happy for you!! It must have been absolutely amazing to hear that heartbeat...one moment of complete reassurance! I've been thinking about you and hoping everything is going well, so thanks for checking in. I totally understand the anxiety over pregnancy, especially when symptoms come and go. Many women experience that and are driven totally bonkers by it. Just enjoy those moments when you feel certain!

Pussycat--will they induce you at a certain time? For some reason I think that with multiples they usually have you deliver a little earlier. But maybe I'm wrong. Once the 23rd hits, will you be off for a long time? It's getting close!! And, what a beautiful notion of Christmastime. We could definitely use more, peace, love, and understanding.

Jean--I hope your researching is going well & you are able to get in to the clinic you want for testing. Actually, now I am remembering that you are really budy at work til the end of the year. Have I mentioned wobenzym n to you before? Someone just turned me on to it as something that helps with immune issues. I've only read a little about it, but I'm intrigued.

Terri--Good for you that you have a bunch of holiday parties! Fun! Aside from family celebrations, I don't have 1 holiday party this year. How sad is that? My friends aren't big party-throwers & neither DH's or my work has a party of any kind. If we didn't live in a 1 bedroom condo in a neighborhood with absolute crap for parking, I might actually throw one. But it's too hard for people to get to my place. One reason I want a house.

AFM--I am in the midst of stimming with menopur and follistim. I messed up and injected my evening med this morning. Oops! But they told me to just switch around my meds for today, so not a big deal. I guess the two meds aren't that different. I was supposed to have a scan and E2 check this morning, but it got changed to tomorrow. As of yesterday my lining was 5 and I had one lead follie at 17. My guess is I'll trigger tomorrow night with IUI on Friday.

 

[Pussycat1]

Hey Vonn, best of luck with the scan and IUI on Friday (hopefully). Will be thinking of you! It's do easy to get confused with the meds, I wouldn't worry it sounds like you're doing fine. How many follicles do you have in total?
With multiples, there's a higher risk of still birth due to the placenta breaking down early and complications with the birth, this is especially true with identicals (ie wher they share a placenta), so I won't be allowed to go beyond 37 weeks and delivery will likely be 36-37 weeks which is 15th-22nd January. If I really insisted I could have a vaginal birth, however the hospital are recommending cesarean as the safest risk free delivery and I'm happy to go with their advice. With all the trouble we've had conceiving it would be foolish to introduce any element of risk. So it will be a planned C section. So hopefully I'll have 3-4 weeks of chill time at home!
Keep us posted on how Friday goes! xx

 

[Jean40]

I looked at the CNY website & they are just too far away. It would take me like 10+ hours to drive to Albany NY (I've been there a few times over the last 20 years). Just too far IMO. Definitely not looking to go overseas at this time. A FET is only $3000 at my clinic, I just need lawyers fees if I find a match to donate embryos to me (I'm looking at a site that matches people up and have a few I'm looking into, the "snowflake adoption" agencies are too much, have to do home studies and pricey). It costs a lot more to do donor egg, but that is also an option.

Money is a HUGE concern for me ATM. I spent a tremendous amount of money on this and my cardiac evaluation this year. I am waiting on a package from a pharmaceutical company and have to send in my receipts for the Bravelle and should be getting a full refund on that ($1400!). I also should get a decent tax refund, so all that will go towards a second FET. That's all I got. I have a health savings account and will be maxing that out again next year ($2500), but that is mostly going towards my yearly cardiac workup ($1400 out of pocket just for an Echocardiogram, yikes!). Our health insurance here is a joke AND I work in health care. Ridiculous.

I got copies of my records from my current RE sent to the larger group this week and go for a consultation next Friday. The lady told me they don't do donor embryos but only donor eggs, but my RE says they DO, so I will find out. I think it won't hurt to get a second opinion and see how much things cost.

I went to my GYN yesterday and had a little chat & quick exam. I basically just needed to see her for the 10 minutes to get my mammogram slip, which I got scheduled for Jan 5. I want to get that out of the way before I try again since you can't do it when you are pregnant (radiation).

Oh yeah, I have tried the Wobenzyme, did nothing for me. I've tried every supplement I can find. Autoimmune diseases that have gone unchecked like mine was (decades) are harder to control and might require more powerful drugs, like the IVIG ( https://laivfclinic.com/intravenousimmunoglobulin/ ) or Humera. I can't do Intralipid ( https://laivfclinic.com/intralipid/ ) since it's made of soy and soy is my worst food intolerance (I had the highest number in my immune testing to it) plus I am egg intolerant, so those are two of the main ingredients of it. The NYC reproductive immunologist (and the one in Chicago) does extensive testing into all the different types of immune problems and I think that is what determines which treatment will be right for the individual. I think just going to one of them will help me learn more about how my body is trying to hurt itself and maybe help resolve some of those issues. The doctors around here are clueless about those sorts of things. I just have to see if my new health insurance will cover either of those doctors. The group in NYC says they take it and they will try to get them to cover it as in network since there is NO ONE who does that in my network within 50 miles (more like 500 miles).

Other than that, not much else going on but work, work, and more work! I'm still waiting to have my next cycle. Who knows when that will be. I am trying to get the meds my insurance has covered refilled by the end of the year so I don't have to pay anything. I have a 2 week lupron kit, I had gotten the crinone refilled right before we found out the baby didn't stick and just refilled it and can get another refill before the end of the year, had gotten another refill of the estradiol then as well and will get that refilled before the end of the year. These are just little things, but it can save me so much money when the insurance starts over again Jan 1.

 

[Jean40]

Forgot to say: Pussycat, I cannot believe how far along you are! Take it easy and good luck.

 

[Weezy9]

Hello, how is everyone doing today!

Jean - wow, you've done quite a lot of research, which is brilliant as it'll better prepare for your FET in Jan. I chat with other ladies with immune problems and Humira and intralipid doesn't always work for them to bring levels down, so their immune consultant have put them on hydroxychloroquine and intralipid/Humira. Maybe you can look into that? I think they say it's also a anti malaria tablet.

Vonn - How did the scan go? Have you triggered yet? Hope the IUI goes well today and will be praying for you to have a Christmas BFP !!! Thinking of you today x

Pussycat - I'm so excited for you!! You'll be cradling two beautiful girls in just under 2 months time!! I had a feeling that they would induce you as you've got twins and a little older.

Terri - At Christmas time, we usually have to treak up north to visit my in laws and then back to my mums the next day. Although I love Christmas, it's never really enjoyable as its a a few days of driving around and not having much food (they are a 6hr round trip away from us). this year, because I'm pregnant I think I'll give that a miss and just spend Christmas quietly at home with DH. My mum know of my BFP but my in law doesn't yet so mum thinks I shouldn't really be stressing myself out too much at this early stage. This year, maybe I'll enjoy Xmas : ) Still haven't put the tree up yet though

 

[Vonn]

Weezy--your mom has given you an out, take advantage and relax this Xmas! I am still just beyond thrilled for you. When will you guys be telling the in-laws?

Jean--I totally understand your stress about money. It's not enough that the emotional side of this really frickin' hard sometimes, but then add the financial stress & it's like, "How the heck am I supposed to be relaxed enough for this to be successful???" You do your research, so at least you can feel good knowing you are making the smartest decision based on all the info you gather.

Reverie--how's the stimming going?

Pussycat--hope you are staying comfortable! Have you guys decided on the girls' names yet?

Terri--did you decide whether or not to put up a tree this year?

AFM--my follicle's growth slowed down some so the IUI got pushed back to tomorrow. That's nice so I don't have to bother with work, can just lounge and demand DH take care of me. Ha! I am conflicted cuz I want to be realistic (ab a 1% chance that it will work), but I also love the idea that I could literally get my bfp for Xmas!

 

[Vonn]

I need to vent and be a downer for a minute...Sorry in advance, but I feel like you ALL can probably relate to my experience! Two evenings ago I went to a get-together a friend invited me to. It ended up being mainly her "Mommy and Me" group, which hadn't crossed my mind as trouble waiting to happen. All the ladies were in their mid-thirties and they all had 2 children, except for the one who was pregnant with her second. I heard about Ella, Evan, Molly, Zach, Maya, etc...... About Christmas presents for kids, etc......... I felt like such a loser. They were all like 5 years younger than me and had been having kids for probably 5 years before that, so it made me feel 10 years too old to be doing this. The whole car ride home I just kept thinking, am I crazy for doing all these ARTs???? I know this is something I need to accept and embrace because if I ever do have a kid/kids, I will always be the "old" mom, and I don't want to torture myself with insecurity about it the rest of my life. I really just need to remind myself of my dad, who's been the best dad ever. He married my mom (who is 12 yrs younger than him) at age 36. Had me when he was 40, and my sister was born when he was 47. Maybe I need to talk with him about how he's dealt with being the "old" dad. Of course, he's a guy, and that's more acceptable than aging moms, but he might have some words of comfort for me.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest! Feel free to vent if you've had similar experiences.

 

[Pussycat1]

Vonn, it's never easy is it? However don't be put off by your age. I'm 45 now and NEVER thought I'd be this ancient and only just be having babies, however the important thing is that I am! My SIL was 43 when she had my niece and has a great relationship with her (probably better for being an older mum). I do occasionally worry about what it will be like at 50 dropping them off at school, however it seems there are more and more older mums out there. Hopefully this IUI will give you your miracle and he/she will keep you young. You'll be older yes, but definitely wiser and I know for sure that I'll be a better parent now than if I'd had my girls 20 years ago. xx

 

[terripeachy]

The dreaded mommy and me conversations. Ugh. Luckily my friends' kids are all older now and if I ever did get pregnant they would be excited to have a baby, but they are very respectful about not saying too much about the kids when I'm around. Last night one of the girls asked if we would be uncomfy hanging with the kids if we ALL went out to dinner. I said no, because the kids are all well behaved and a ton of fun. I will say though, I wasn't hanging with them when their babies were all young, so I never felt left out. Sorry you had to go through that and don't worry about being an older mom. My mom thought she was an older mom, and I turned out great! Ha ha. You do what you need to do and don't ever feel insecure about yourself. No one knows your story and they don't need to unless you feel like telling them. I can't wait until you're a mom.

 

[Jean40]

So, I started spotting yesterday and thought it would lead to AF, but nope, kind of nothing today. I took a Dollar Tree cheepie test & it's STILL slightly positive. No chance of another pregnancy after my chemical, so how long does it take for this to get out of my system? Weird.

 

[Jean40]

I finally got my new health insurance card for next year & went looking at doctors. I actually DO have Dr. Kwak-Kim in Chicago in network! I have to look and see about the other one in NYC. I am going to take my new card with me to my appointment Friday and see what I get for coverage at the new RE.

 

[Vonn]

Jean--that is amazing news about coverage for Dr Kwak-Kim & immune testing!! Just what you were hoping to be able to do. Awesome!! Can't wait for you to get answers.