40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Clizard]

Aww, Liz, I'm sorry AF showed. Still waiting for mine to start. Took a FRER this morning and BFN (12 dpo). Well, we'll just try again in December. This next cycle is going to be a tough one for me because I got pregnant last year in December. Found out on Christmas Eve that I was pregnant. I think this anniversary will be worse than the predicted due date passing by because this one actually happened. And it's a reminder that a whole 12 months has gone by and I'm still not pregnant again.

Kat - for you
We have very similar stories. I found out I was pregnant on Dec 22nd (think that the day the world was supposed to end according to the Mayan calender!), so I am not really looking forward to this next cycle either. Trying not to be sad here, but I still feel like this sometimes

 

[bash73]

I've had meltdowns the last couple of days. don't want to decorate for christmas...although we bought a pencil tree which looks lost in the living room.
the other night i was hysterical laughing and then out of no where started balling my eyes out DH was like what's wrong with you? I had no clue. Oh well, hormones suck just as much as this progesterone icky gel...hope everyone enjoyed the long weekend cuz this is gonna be a longggggg week at work!

 

[Delphine11]

hi, i just wanted to post this i would like to give you hope (encourgement) as ive read a little of your thread and it touched me,i dont want you to think that im a fine one to talk as i have a lot of children because its not intended that way ,im now pregnant with baby no.12 (surprise baby) at the grand old age of 40.i tried extremley hard to get pregnant with baby no.10-11 and even with my history of conceiving easily i found it took me well over a year to conceive both of them,i did everything i could taking all sorts of vits and potions opks temping everything,i have a very short lp of only 8-9 days and i thought it wouldnt happen convinced it was my age as i was well over 35 now,well after baby no.11 i was done and happy stopped charting stopped everything,my cycles were all over the place but i didnt care as i was happy with what i had totally relaxed and not stressing anymore over ttc,then bam my baby was only 5 months old when i foundout i was pregnant again,i couldnt believe it i thought there must be something else wrong with me as i was convinced due to my my age and how long i tried before that i would never fall pregnant again without some serious charting vits etc,sadly the babys heart stopped beating at 8 weeks and i lost her 3 weeks later,again i thought i lost baby due to my age etc,anyway 5 months later to my total shock and horror i found out i was pregnant again couldnt believe it as with no temps vits ac opks and doing everything at the right time before i still didnt fall,also the very short lp which seemed to get shorter as i got older,im now 15 weeks pregnant and so far so good i know its nothing compared to what you guys are going through,but i honstley truly think being relaxed and trying not to focous on babymaking all the time is what did it as while it was all i thought about i never caught ,when i actually didnt think about did nothing and just lived my life i went and fell pregnant twice in the space of 10 months , i really do believe that your age is not the main factor,rather your state of mind,i wish you all the best and good luck ladies,i hope i dont offend by writing this.xxxx

Thank you for that, Quail. I came here today feeling miserable and like I'd lost hope so to read that really cheered me up.

Best of luck to everyone here, and armfuls of baby dust

 

[Pussycat1]

Hi everyone, just typed a big message then lost it and really haven't the energy to start again. Bash stay positive it's a tough time, have a good cry when you want to, it does help! Hopefully they'll be tears of joy in 2 weeks.
Kat / Clizzard, big hugs
AFM ov'd today, pretty good timing again this month, so fingers crossed.
Hope everyone else doing ok! xx

 

[Kat S]

Got my period this past Saturday, Nov 30th. Not like I didn't expect that, but it means I'm going into December (the month I was pregnant last year) with nothing.

Liz, I'm glad I'm not alone...I just wish our stories were different!

 

[Emmi]

Hugs to you Kat and Clizard - words fail me in how you must be feeling. Sometimes it really is so hard.

I have lost my mojo at the moment - just want to cry all the time.....I am so tired of this trying to conceive journey, I am exhausted by it. And then there is everything in life that you have to deal with ontop of just generally feeling crappy...Heavens - I hope this passes!!!

x

 

[bash73]

Trigger is out...

 

[Kat S]

Aww, Emmi, I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. This time of year just sucks. All I see are commercials for happy little kids at Christmas. Reminds me over and over I may never get to experience that.

*hugs to you all*

 

[Emmi]

Aww, Emmi, I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. This time of year just sucks. All I see are commercials for happy little kids at Christmas. Reminds me over and over I may never get to experience that.

*hugs to you all*

Thank you Kat After my IVF - I had imagined that I would be 3 months pregnant by Christmas......And yes - everything is about 'family' at Christmas and a reminder of what I don't have and may not have.....It breaks my heart...

Hugs to everyone.

XXX

 

[kaysbc]

Hello everyone.
I'm sorry to hear everyone is starting to be in such a downer mood, with all the holidays on their way etc. I am in the same boat. Kat said it well: I'm glad to see I am not alone in my feelings /experiences, but just wish we all had a different story. This time of year is hard. Hang in there everyone...

AFM, I was out of town all last week for the Thanksgiving holiday, visiting my family out of state. I didn't bring my OPKs but I'm pretty sure I O'd on Thanksgiving day or the day after. DH and I did a little BD'ing, but its so weird doing that while staying at my parents house. I'm not feeling very hopeful about this cycle, probably didn't BD on the right timing.

I got to visit with my oldest friend over the holiday. She is my age (40- well on our way to 41) and has a 6-month old. It was so great to hold a baby and love a baby, I hope she passed on good baby vibes to me. the difficult horrible part of all this is that seeing me with my friend's baby, my mom went into a frenzy about why I don't have kids and will I ever make her a grandma, etc. I just can't take that from my mom it sends me into a deep depression and furious mood.

I just went to my very first acupuncture treatment yesterday. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was pretty cool and I really like my acupuncturist, she has a great way of lifting my mood and giving me hope.
I'm looking forward to trying acupuncture for 2-3 months to see how it goes. By then I'll have my 41st birthday (in February), and might need to think of a new plan if I don't get pg.

I talked with my fertility doctor and found out about the ARC program. Does anyone else know about it or use it? Supposedly its a program that can help you pay for IVF by setting up payment plans, and also you can purchase a "guarantee" plan, that if you don't end up having a baby, they will refund you most of the costs of your treatment. I'm not sure what "most" means nor how much this might really cost. But its worth looking into.

best wishes everyone!

 

[Kat S]

Kaysbc, I'm so sorry your mom is bothering you. Doesn't she know you are doing EVERYTHING you can?? Ugh.

I hope you caught the eggie, and that the eggie is a viable one.

Your acupuncturist sounds great. I see dozens and dozens of notes and cards from my acupuncturist's past patients sharing the good news of a pregnancy or birth, and thanking her for her many supportive chats during the journey. I've tried to encourage that sort of chat from her, but I get nothing. She's nice, but she never gives me pep talks or tells me how "one day your birth announcement will be on my wall, too". Makes me feel like she simply doesn't believe in my ability to do this. *shrug* oh well.

Yeah, I have read about those payment plans and the "guaranteed" IVFs. They have those here in PA, too. But the guaranteed ones you pay twice the amount, and if you don't get a "take home baby" after 3 IVFs, you get your money back (minus payments for meds and office visit fees, which are not submitted to insurance).

 

[Peacenik]

Quail thanks for the encouragement.

I'm grinchy as heck this year. I don't even want to bother with a tree. Normally I'm excited, but this year I just don't care. I'm excited to buy presents and stuff, but the tree is doing me in. I buy a special ornament for the tree each year to sum up the year - you know, new house, vacations that sort of thing. This year was supposed to be "Baby's First Christmas" and instead I'm stuck with a remembrance ornament and nothing but a string of BFN. Maybe I should have kept those HPTs to hang on the tree - dress them up with a few ribbons. There's probably a pinterest board for that. Anyway, Bah humbug I guess.

 

[Kat S]

OMG Peacenik I know EXACTLY what you mean. Since I was pregnant last Christmas, I have a "2012 Parents-to-Be" ornament in the shape of a silver rattle. We decorated our tree today, and I unwrapped it not realizing what it was. Hit me like a slap in the face. The day that was wrapped and put away I was happy and pregnant and dreaming of my baby's first Christmas next year. Here we are and ...nothing.

And I say if you aren't feeling a tree, don't do it. You don't want negative thoughts attached to your Christmas tree. Just enjoy your shopping and stuff...whatever makes you happy.

 

[Peacenik]

OMG Peacenik I know EXACTLY what you mean. Since I was pregnant last Christmas, I have a "2012 Parents-to-Be" ornament in the shape of a silver rattle. We decorated our tree today, and I unwrapped it not realizing what it was. Hit me like a slap in the face. The day that was wrapped and put away I was happy and pregnant and dreaming of my baby's first Christmas next year. Here we are and ...nothing.

And I say if you aren't feeling a tree, don't do it. You don't want negative thoughts attached to your Christmas tree. Just enjoy your shopping and stuff...whatever makes you happy.

Thanks Kat. I'm sorry - that sounds horrible.

I just dug out a pre-lit 4 foot high tree, plugged it in and called it good - sort of a middle ground between no tree and our usual real tree. And, as a bonus, I don't have to go through ornaments.

 

[bash73]

Peacenik I was the same way this year! I am actually buying lots of gifts for those that don't have much with our Church Group and we do Toys for Tots at work. Granted I could've put $500 towards IVF but honestly, these kids deserve a present or 2 under their tree. As far as my tree, I didn't want one just like you. Usually I deck the house out and I really want nothing to do with it. We bought a pencil tree, I stuck a ribbon bow and a few ornaments on it and that's that. Putting out the nativity, we have an Advent wreath and Merry Christmas, that's all I'm doing as far as decorating. So I get it too!!! AND BFN's as decor....hmmmm never thought of that one.

 

[Pussycat1]

Hi ladies, so sorry you're all feeling down. It is a hard time of year and the reminders are all too prominent. I've realised that the past few years I've avoided being with my parents over Christmas (they're in Glasgow, I'm on the South coast of England, so the distance makes that easier), this year we're going on holiday with friends. I know that my parents see things very black and white and often don't consider that things may not be what they seem, I think it's a generation thing, so the fact that we don't have kids must mean we don't want them, to be fair I haven't told them otherwise, it's easier than being one of my mums sob stories that she loves to tell. Anyway, it's hard and I think we all have similar feelings about this season. However, they say it is a time of hope, of new beginnings and I try to remember this. The past year has been a real emotional roller coaster and I know 2014 will be the same, however it's make or break time and one way or another I will move on. Wishing you all a restful season and hope for the coming months.
xx
Ps Peasnik, I love the quote in your signature.

 

[Emmi]

I guess that this time of year makes you look back at everything and naturally I think it's an exhausting time as we come to the end of another year. And yes Pussycat - 2014 means hope though at the moment I just dread another year like this. The IVF failing and then the pressure of ttc is too much - it's taken it's toll on mine and hubby's jiggy life so we really do need to get back to romance and enjoying each other.

I didn't feel like putting any decorations up but we did the tree yesterday and the twinkling lights reminds me of the magic of Christmas. I will be spend the holidays with my lovely hubby, fabulous friends and amazing family so I have to try and enjoy it for what it is.

Also - I have met 2 lovely ladies dog walking recently that are our age but have both been widowed It puts things in perspective, we have to enjoy and treasure what we have and believe that the best is yet to come.

xxx

 

[Kat S]

Hey, guys. CD 10 for me today. Since it's the 10th of the month, it makes it easy for me to know what cycle day I am!

I had acupuncture yesterday. Since I'm not doing meds this cycle, she treated me with auricular therapy. Ear Seeds. She takes tiny round vegetable seeds and tapes them to the hard, foldy bits of my outer ear with flesh toned medical tape. She places them over pressure points in order to stimulate my hormones and help with follicle growth. I am supposed to massage them 3 x a day. They kind of hurt yesterday. My ears felt sore...almost like I'd had my ears pierced and they were healing, so I didn't massage them as much as I should have. She didn't tell me what she was doing before she did it. So now I'm walking around with seeds taped to my outer ears and I feel RIDICULOUS. But I'm paying for her expertise, so since it's done, I 'll stick with it. I'm supposed to keep them on through Friday, but I have a fancy Christmas party to attend Thursday night, so I imagine I'll take them off before I get ready.

 

[bash73]

Stick w/the seeds Kat, you never know. New protocol w/new doc once AF arrives. Increased follistim from 225 t0 300 units and NO suppression this time. Very excited. I will POAS to waste more money the next 3 days but honestly do not feel like driving an hour round trip for a blood test that I know is negative on Friday.

 

[kaysbc]

wow Kat, ear seeds! sounds crazy but I believe in it, keep it up!
I'm also so saddened to hear your story of pulling out your Xmas ornament from a year ago. My heart turned reading that....

bash, stay positive. think positive thoughts! you never know, AF might not arrive.