40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Hortensia]

Hortensia, welcome to our thread! We all understand how you feel not being a "member of the club". Ugh, I'm sorry she said that to you, but I have to admit, I can totally see where she's coming from. I feel the same way: feel like someone on the outside looking in and I pray for the day I'm finally through the door! She just shouldn't have shared that particular feeling with her friend who is still struggling. I'm sure she didn't mean to be insensitive. *hugs*

I hope you get your timing worked out. Emmi is right, though. Women our age have issues past just getting the timing right. Our eggs are not as viable as they used to be. My last IUI, I had 4 mature follicles (normal women generally get ONE mature follicle) and a stellar sperm count, and I still didn't get pregnant. None of my eggs were viable. For me, it seems to be a waiting game. We'll try every month, and one of these months, my body will produce a viable egg.

Have you seen a fertility specialist to get your parts checked out? You know your tubes are not blocked and your uterus is clear?

Hi Kat,

No, haven't seen a FS. Our timing has been seriously wacko and our attempts pretty half-assed, to be honest, so we want to give it a few cycles pinpointing things with the monitor, and actually trying properly, and then have that conversation.

Viable eggs...yes. That's the one thing it's probably impossible to do anything about. I am trying very hard to be philosophical about it, but some days are more difficult than others

Here's hoping 2014 will be the year you catch that good egg!

 

[Emmi]

I think that if you have irregular cycles then the monitor will be brilliant. It will take a lot of stress and guesswork out of the equation.

Oh it's so hard at our age. So many people have said that it's when you give up then that's when it happens.....But how do you just give up - I cannot and will not.....I wish I could accept that it may just not happen but we are still in the middle of our journey so am nowhere near giving up. I am 42 - nearly 43 and I have been married for only 18 months and in that time we have been trying - it has also included failed IVF So all in all - we haven't been trying that long.

And it is so hard when other people are having babies around you - it's a total killer.........And bad days - I think what's the point of anything but on better days I believe that my time will come......

I know someone who had a first baby naturally at 43 - absolutely problem-free pregnancy and birth and a healthy child. She was so laid-back about the whole process I really admired her. But everyone 'knows someone', right? It's different when you're facing it yourself.

Can I ask, how long had you been trying before you moved to IVF? And did you have IVF on the NHS or privately? Did you have fertility tests etc. very quickly? I don't think we'd choose to do IVF (even if we had the option) but I'm wondering about the kinds of tests that are available on the NHS.

Pinpointing ovulation has been a problem - several charts I've done showed I ovulated MUCH later than I'd thought, so I'm hoping the Clearblue FM might help us time things better.

Yep - there's always someone out there with an inspiring story but I am just at that stage where I am just wanting it to be.....It's all so exhausting....

We started trying in May 2012 just after we got married but I went to the doctors straight away to see if I was ovulating etc. So I had lots of blood tests at my GP and hubby had 2 sperm tests. So - upshot - I was ovulating but hubby's sperm was a bit erratic - motility not great and sometimes lots of it and sometimes not. So - I was referred to a fertility specialist who put me on clomid after more tests. So fast forward to May 2013 and basically the NHS Consultant said that there was nothing more he could do and we would have to go private (no IVF help because of our age....). I came out the appointment in tears - he was so dismissive of me and boy it was so hurtful.
So we had our first consultation at a private clinic in July 2013.....It has not been cheap and I was heartbroken when it didn't work.....We are trying to see if we can find the money to try again but in the mean time we are giving it a good go naturally. Hubbys sperm has improved 40% through supplements, diet and giving up caffeine.

So - upshot - go to your GP and ask for tests for both you and hubby - it will just pinpoint if there is anything that needs a bit of help.

Hope that helps a wee bit!

 

[Hortensia]

Yep - there's always someone out there with an inspiring story but I am just at that stage where I am just wanting it to be.....It's all so exhausting....

We started trying in May 2012 just after we got married but I went to the doctors straight away to see if I was ovulating etc. So I had lots of blood tests at my GP and hubby had 2 sperm tests. So - upshot - I was ovulating but hubby's sperm was a bit erratic - motility not great and sometimes lots of it and sometimes not. So - I was referred to a fertility specialist who put me on clomid after more tests. So fast forward to May 2013 and basically the NHS Consultant said that there was nothing more he could do and we would have to go private (no IVF help because of our age....). I came out the appointment in tears - he was so dismissive of me and boy it was so hurtful.
So we had our first consultation at a private clinic in July 2013.....It has not been cheap and I was heartbroken when it didn't work.....We are trying to see if we can find the money to try again but in the mean time we are giving it a good go naturally. Hubbys sperm has improved 40% through supplements, diet and giving up caffeine.

So - upshot - go to your GP and ask for tests for both you and hubby - it will just pinpoint if there is anything that needs a bit of help.

Hope that helps a wee bit!

Wow, you sound like you were on the ball immediately regarding procedures etc. My OH is a bit reluctant to involve any medics, to be honest, but I would be reassured to know that things are in working order. IVF would not be an option for us I think. Thanks so much for sharing - it helps hugely to know what other women of the same age have experienced.

 

[Emmi]

Yep - there's always someone out there with an inspiring story but I am just at that stage where I am just wanting it to be.....It's all so exhausting....

We started trying in May 2012 just after we got married but I went to the doctors straight away to see if I was ovulating etc. So I had lots of blood tests at my GP and hubby had 2 sperm tests. So - upshot - I was ovulating but hubby's sperm was a bit erratic - motility not great and sometimes lots of it and sometimes not. So - I was referred to a fertility specialist who put me on clomid after more tests. So fast forward to May 2013 and basically the NHS Consultant said that there was nothing more he could do and we would have to go private (no IVF help because of our age....). I came out the appointment in tears - he was so dismissive of me and boy it was so hurtful.
So we had our first consultation at a private clinic in July 2013.....It has not been cheap and I was heartbroken when it didn't work.....We are trying to see if we can find the money to try again but in the mean time we are giving it a good go naturally. Hubbys sperm has improved 40% through supplements, diet and giving up caffeine.

So - upshot - go to your GP and ask for tests for both you and hubby - it will just pinpoint if there is anything that needs a bit of help.

Hope that helps a wee bit!

Wow, you sound like you were on the ball immediately regarding procedures etc. My OH is a bit reluctant to involve any medics, to be honest, but I would be reassured to know that things are in working order. IVF would not be an option for us I think. Thanks so much for sharing - it helps hugely to know what other women of the same age have experienced.

IVF really isn't for everyone and the costs are just plain bonkers. But I do think it's wise to have your various blood tests done and to make sure all is good with your OH sperm. My hubby was reluctant with changing his diet etc but I just laid it out to him - I just can't do it all on my own! And when it came to starting IVF - I needed him to give it his best shot. And though I was distraught with it failing - hubby's sperm is now far better that it was before.

But as you say, you are still very early in trying but really - get to your GP and have the tests - it will give you peace of mind.

 

[IowaGirl]

So.. I am 2dpiui and feel nothing. I know its early but I just wish I would feel something! I had the IUI done on Sunday. The nurse said my husbands sperm was 57 million and 78% motility. Which she said was above normal. I was having some pressure on both sides and she said that was good also. I have not had any EWCM but she said that it was there even though I didnt see it. She said everything looked great. But I feel nothing. This TWW is the hardest.

On a side note, after we got home, in the evening I took a hot shower and ended up with a terrible rash all over my body. It is red and itchy! The doctor only will let me take Benedryl so nothing will affect the "just in case I am pg". It is horrible! At first I thought maybe I am allergic to my husbands sperm! LOL but this is the 2nd IUI for us and this didnt happen the first time!

Good luck to everyone where ever you are in your cycles!

 

[40isnotold]

Fingers crossed for you Iowa.

Hortensia, I know you want to wait a few cycles, but the process of even seeing doctors can be time consuming and time is of the essence when we are close to or over 40. I am single and using donor sperm. After thinking about it since my 39th birthday in February 2013, I made the decision in September to see my gyno and got a quick appointment. She did blood work and my AMH level was low so she recommended going to a FS. When I called, I was told first appt available would be end of December but I ended up being able to go in October because of a cancellation. Then, when checking my tubes in November, which were clear, my uterus wasn't an ideal shape. The soonest I could schedule a hysteroscopy was end of January but I was able to move it up to December because of a cancellation. Now, I have to wait two cycles to try IUI, so my first attempt will be February, which is 4 months after deciding to do this. If it weren't' for cancellations, it would have been at least 6 months. It doesn't hurt to start getting checked out while trying naturally.

 

[BabyMaker73]

40isnotold...

I'm wishing for you to get the BEST birthday gift ever!

 

[BabyMaker73]

Thanks for the congrats ladies...it's a little unnerving to say the least which i'm sure is totally normal for a first pregnancy. I think having this cold kicking my ass is not helping the cause! It's like i'm progressively getting worse! I was starting to feel almost normal this Saturday and then yesterday my ears clogged up and now i'm totally stuffed...WTF!

Hortensia...I'm absolutely SHOCKED I got a BFP this month because we'd really only been trying for a couple of months. October we just said what the hell and ditched protection, November we used lubrication (which I now know is a big ol' no-no) and December we used Pre-Seed and basically BD'd for like 8 days around my O...again shocking that it worked as we'd done a home sperm count test on my DH and it was low. I was already figuring that next month we would have far less sex and do it every other day...I also bought a basal thermometer and some more OPKs. I'm just so paranoid that this little Bug won't stick and i'll have to go through it all again...hanging onto my OPKs etc just in case. Not throwing that out in the universe but trying not to set myself up for disappointment until I get over that big hump.

I DEFINITELY suggest to anyone considering alternative medicine (acupuncture, etc) , IUI, IVF etc so check into early as was suggested...it's difficult to get appointments and when time's of the essence...well...get on it! My neighbor has used a fertility and reproductive Acupuncture doc here in LA for all three of her pregnancies and was knocked up within three months of going. I called the office and it took me until mid-December to get in (about a month and a half)...figured it can't HURT and only help! I started my AF on Dec 10, acupuncture on Dec 13 & Jan 3 (took Chinese herbs that I had to simmer into a tea 6 days a week in between appts), O'd on Dec 25 and got a BFP on Jan 6. Not saying it worked but hell...i'm all for it!I'm actually going tomorrow and letting my doc know about the BFP...apparently they can reformulate the herbs once you're pregnant and each mixture is specific to the individual's needs... If anyone wants my doc's info...i'd be more than happy to share! They also work on the DH's if need be!!

 

[Hortensia]

Hortensia...I'm absolutely SHOCKED I got a BFP this month because we'd really only been trying for a couple of months. October we just said what the hell and ditched protection, November we used lubrication (which I now know is a big ol' no-no) and December we used Pre-Seed and basically BD'd for like 8 days around my O...again shocking that it worked as we'd done a home sperm count test on my DH and it was low. I was already figuring that next month we would have far less sex and do it every other day...I also bought a basal thermometer and some more OPKs. I'm just so paranoid that this little Bug won't stick and i'll have to go through it all again...hanging onto my OPKs etc just in case. Not throwing that out in the universe but trying not to set myself up for disappointment until I get over that big hump.

I DEFINITELY suggest to anyone considering alternative medicine (acupuncture, etc) , IUI, IVF etc so check into early as was suggested...it's difficult to get appointments and when time's of the essence...well...get on it! My neighbor has used a fertility and reproductive Acupuncture doc here in LA for all three of her pregnancies and was knocked up within three months of going. I called the office and it took me until mid-December to get in (about a month and a half)...figured it can't HURT and only help! I started my AF on Dec 10, acupuncture on Dec 13 & Jan 3 (took Chinese herbs that I had to simmer into a tea 6 days a week in between appts), O'd on Dec 25 and got a BFP on Jan 6. Not saying it worked but hell...i'm all for it!I'm actually going tomorrow and letting my doc know about the BFP...apparently they can reformulate the herbs once you're pregnant and each mixture is specific to the individual's needs... If anyone wants my doc's info...i'd be more than happy to share! They also work on the DH's if need be!!

Babymaker (that's a well-chosen name!) - I absolutely hear you and the other ladies on here about scheduling an appointment early. We've been holding off expecting to get lucky, which is slightly delusional at this age.

Sending you lots of sticky vibes! So glad it worked for you this month!

 

[Kat S]

Oh, Ladies. I woke up this morning from one of "those" dreams. I had a newborn baby girl who was so tiny she fit into a vintage handkerchief. I was nursing her, and it was time to nurse again and I was afraid the milk seepage had spoiled my bra. I was taking her out of a basket to start nursing and I woke up.

I hate it when I have these dreams. Sticks with me all day.

 

[Emmi]

Oh, Ladies. I woke up this morning from one of "those" dreams. I had a newborn baby girl who was so tiny she fit into a vintage handkerchief. I was nursing her, and it was time to nurse again and I was afraid the milk seepage had spoiled my bra. I was taking her out of a basket to start nursing and I woke up.

I hate it when I have these dreams. Sticks with me all day.

Awww Kat - I really hate those kind of dreams - as you say - they really stick with you. I dream a lot that I am pregnant and I wake up feeling I have a bump just to realise that I don't - really gets to me.

x

 

[LuckyW]

Oh, Ladies. I woke up this morning from one of "those" dreams. I had a newborn baby girl who was so tiny she fit into a vintage handkerchief. I was nursing her, and it was time to nurse again and I was afraid the milk seepage had spoiled my bra. I was taking her out of a basket to start nursing and I woke up.

I hate it when I have these dreams. Sticks with me all day.

For what it's worth, maybe it's productive to have these kinds of dreams!? It's like your mind is preparing for the realities of having a baby!

 

[bash73]

AF arrives early, gotta love her!
Went to doc this morning, had blood work and U/S. Already have one folly at 14mm on it's own. And plenty of others brewing. Meds start in 2 days, follistim increased to 450 units and was advised to go back Wed and to bring my trigger. So I called DH and I was like, I think thurs or fri next week is gonna be it. And he's like "already?", I said the same thing. I didn't ask the nurse because I honestly was half asleep this morning due to wonderful AF she kicks my a$$ on day 1. But, I wonder if it's because of the increased dose that I will have IUI#4 earlier than in the past? I guess I could shoot her an email. And it snowed overnight in NY, if I haven't said it already, I'm not a fan of winter! Enjoy the weekend!

 

[Kat S]

Wow, Bash, I'm so sorry AF got you This process is heartbreaking, exhausting, and expensive. Glad to hear the doc upped your meds. LET'S GO JANUARY CYCLE!!

 

[Hortensia]

Kat, those dreams are difficult! Especially when they stay with you for a few hours and you feel they are real - dreams can be so vivid sometimes. The other night I dreamt I had a toddler (boy) and he was a tough little nut, really badly behaved. Lol. I think it must have been reading all the stuff on here.

I'm about 6dpo I think. FF put my O on Tuesday based on temps but I disagree with this because I had clear O pain on Sunday evening. I'd put O on Monday at the latest. I wish this wasn't such an inexact science. I'm hoping the CB monitor will help me pinpoint my elusive eggs over my next cycles.

Not feeling many symptoms beyond the usual post-O symptoms. I'm trying not to analyze every twinge since I think this can be fun if you're under 35 but torture and quite damaging if you're over 40. Still it's hard to avoid.

Hope all you ladies are having a nice weekend!

 

[IowaGirl]

Good luck to everyone on their January cycles!

I am 8dpiui and had flu symptoms yesterday. Achy body and fever. I poas today and it was bfn. I just hope it's to early as we can't afford another go at this. Going to talk with the dh about saving money and going with donor eggs this summer.

 

[Pussycat1]

Iowa, hopefully it's too early. This whole process is so exhausting. We're in the process of waiting for a donor, my coordinator said she hoped to be in touch early Jan but I haven't heard anything yet. Every day I wait for the phone to ring ...
Hortensia, you are so right, this is no fun at all for us 40 plus ladies
I was talking to a friend about this whole long journey that I've been on and she was asking about how I feel at the start of each process. The best way I could describe it was to compare it to when we first got the lottery in the UK 20 odd years ago. I remember the first draw and we were all convinced we were going to win. As each draw passed that hope and conviction that I was going to win was a little less until I stopped doing it. I'm approaching this stage with TTC, but I can't see how my life is going to be without this, I can't imagine what my future will be and it scares me so much. Sorry to be down, January blues I guess x

 

[Emmi]

Iowa, hopefully it's too early. This whole process is so exhausting. We're in the process of waiting for a donor, my coordinator said she hoped to be in touch early Jan but I haven't heard anything yet. Every day I wait for the phone to ring ...
Hortensia, you are so right, this is no fun at all for us 40 plus ladies
I was talking to a friend about this whole long journey that I've been on and she was asking about how I feel at the start of each process. The best way I could describe it was to compare it to when we first got the lottery in the UK 20 odd years ago. I remember the first draw and we were all convinced we were going to win. As each draw passed that hope and conviction that I was going to win was a little less until I stopped doing it. I'm approaching this stage with TTC, but I can't see how my life is going to be without this, I can't imagine what my future will be and it scares me so much. Sorry to be down, January blues I guess x

Totally love that analogy!! All that excitement and conviction turns to despair and exhaustion.
I have the January/post Christmas blues too. Back to the exhaustion of ttc and it's a killer......I cannot see my life without children so I am not sure where that leaves me - apart from in a big black hole! Also - no peak on my fertility monitor this month - I know that can happen as you don't necessarily ovulate every month but I wailed at my hubby - what happens if it's the menopause.... I can't help but be dramatic - I am going bonkers on this journey and as I soon turn 43, I am more frantic then ever!!!!

 

[Kat S]

I turned 42 over the weekend. Tomorrow is roughly the day a year ago that my baby's heart stopped beating. I went in for a scan on the 15th and all was well. When I went in a week later, they said my baby more or less died right after the scan. This week and next week sucks. Also, not a surprise but I got a BFN on a FRER this morning. I think I'm 12 dpo.

Wow, Pussycat your lottery analogy is spot on! I didn't have a pregnancy test for yesterday and I was like "Oh well," whereas 6 months ago I would have been driving to an all-night drugstore to make sure I had one for the next morning.

 

[Emmi]

I turned 42 over the weekend. Tomorrow is roughly the day my baby's heart stopped beating. I went in for a scan on the 15th and all was well. When I went in a week later, they said my baby more or less died right after the scan. This week and next week sucks. Also, not a surprise but I got a BFN on a FRER this morning. I think I'm 12 dpo.

Wow, Pussycat your lottery analogy is spot on! I didn't have a pregnancy test for yesterday and I was like "Oh well," whereas 6 months ago I would have been driving to an all-night drugstore to make sure I had one for the next morning.

Awww - Kat - you made me teary. So sorry that you have been through so much (as I am sure we all have...) It's too hard for words sometimes....

Birthday have never bothered me but it's all about the race against time because of fertility that makes it so hard to bear...

I am trying so hard to keep busy but I can't stop thinking about it....Ho hum....

x