40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Jean40]

Didn't test this morning, couldn't hold it more than 2 hours. Oh well.

 

[Jean40]

BFN this morning. Yesterday morning at work, a container with a chemical in it cracked & the fumes were in the air, but not too much. I could smell it all day long, even after everyone else couldn't. So, maybe a bit of sensitivity to smells, it's the foul smells that are the worst (it wasn't only the chemical fumes). I was busy all day yesterday, so I only noticed a few little cramps here and there, nothing big. My boobs weren't as sensitive as they were Thursday, now that is back again tonight. I was reading a book in bed a couple hours ago & the same spot on the left where I keep feeling the cramping is where I keep feeling it happen. Surely, something must be going on in that spot for it to happen every day for 3 or 4 days. I'm feeling it again right now, same spot. I feel nothing on the right yesterday or today. I'm out of Dollar Tree tests, but I got FRERs.

 

[terripeachy]

How many days past IUI are you? Are you going to test again tomorrow? Sounds promising!

 

[Jean40]

12 days past IUI, BFN on a FRER. I might go get some more Dollar Tree tests, those showed something when the FRER was neg for the trigger. Now I'm frustrated. I am not sure I can get off to go do the scans & IUI next month with vacations & coworker on maternity leave. I don't think I have the money, either. I have been trying to get hold of the retirement agent for months now to get some money moved & a loan on that one account. It would make life less stressful if I can get that done. I am going to look at my FSA & see how much is left. I have a $1400 bill that needs paid to that next week & then another $1300 bill to come (this is all from the cardiology workup, pricey). I didn't expect ANY of that to cost more than $100, so there goes all the money I had saved up for IUIs. Why can't it be easy? So many people just get knocked up so easy, when they are on birth control (my coworker). I've been trying to become a mother for 22 years now, first through private adoption, then rejected from being a foster parent, to not being able to get pregnant the last 4 years.

Edit: and I just looked at the FSA. I used all $2500 of it up and now I only have $1270 on the HRA, which won't pay for one of the cardiology bills. I need chocolate. LOTS of chocolate. And to win the lottery.

 

[terripeachy]

Sorry Jean. I know it's super frustrating, but you know now, after your cardiology appt. that things are ok and it's just a matter of finding that golden egg. Where there is a will there is a way, so maybe take a break from medicines, try naturally and see what happens. No sense going into the poorhouse for all of this because you need retirement and you need $ to pay for that baby once you get it. I know that doesn't help much, but you know, we've all been there.

 

[Jean40]

I have plenty in the retirement account, I will just take a small loan from that to help. It's that or I have to get a second job & I don't have the energy or time to get a job that pays so much less than I make normally. I can't even find another job in my field because the labs that were doing the testing I perform moved away from the area. I'm the only one left. Oh, and I don't have to worry about getting baby stuff, I have almost everything already from my failed adoption attempts. I also have older kids stuff and a set of bunkbeds from the failed foster care attempt (they assured me I was perfect before turning me down, insisted I had all this stuff ready, that happened 1 year ago).

I also cannot take a break from trying. I JUST took a break for almost 18 months due to last bf leaving me & finding new one. I can't try just one and "oh well, I give up". That won't happen. He's also out of the country most of the year, so freezing sperm is the only way we can do this consistently. I can't afford to fly to Europe (where he is most of the time) & he never knows until last minute when he can come here.

So, is 11 days past IUI too late for implantation bleeding? I just saw spotting when I went to the bathroom. Now I'm going to go distract myself by spring cleaning the refrigerator.

 

[Vonn]

Jean--thanks for sharing your story. This can just really suck, to be blunt about it. I agree with everything Terri says. It's great if you have access to some money that won't require putting thousands of dollars on a 25% interest credit card. But don't deplete your retirement account too much!

As for implantation bleeding, implantation can happen anywhere from 7-14 DPO. So 11 DPO would certainly be possible. You have some good signs, so stay positive!

Pussycat--I hope the scratch wasn't too painful. One step closer, right?!!

Terri--have you told any family members yet?

Hi everyone else!

AFM--not much to report. I go in for a blood test next Wed, but I'm not symptom spotting too much because I'm not really having much in the way of symptoms. Haven't lost hope completely, though. Just a stay positive and wait and see approach.

 

[terripeachy]

Jean-Oh sorry to hear about your troubles. Well, then I say go for it! Go big or go home. hee hee.

Vonn-I told my sisters and MIL when I first got the second, doubling beta. I told my dad last Thursday after my ultrasound and called my oldest (half) sister yesterday. Aside from my brother, that's my immediate family. My closest ~five friends (ha ha) know, and one coworker knows. That's plenty until I feel like telling everyone else or start showing. Now I'm hoping I can put off telling everyone else. I would love to wear dresses at work, but I work in a manufacturing environment (safety shoes, lab coats, glasses) so it's not really appropriate for me to wear dresses, but we'll see what happens closer to showing time. If I know I'm not going to be crawling around near steam and such, and I'm going to meetings/sitting at my desk most of the day, I could probably swing it. Otherwise, I'll just be showing in my t's and jeans. hee hee. Thank goodness it's spring/summer.

Pussycat-Yeah, how did it go? Hopefully that will do the trick. I read all about it helping, so it better help!

 

[Pussycat1]

Hey ladies,
Jean sorry to hear about the bfn tests so far, presume you'll keep testing for a bit? Funding is tough and you sound like you've had a rough journey so I hope things can work out for you.
I'm back from Brno, it was beautiful weather, very different from Feb! Really changed a place and there was a really nice street cafe feel, looking forward to going back next month. Scratch was fine, very easy and no pain. I'd taken a painkiller before (partly for my back and partly because i knew it would help as it's given for severe period pain too). I'm aware that something's gone in 'down there' but all fine. Had a lovely doctor who said they recommend a mild anaesthetic for transfer which is fine as it should mean a quick and easy transfer. He also suggested putting one back and said the success rate difference was only a few percent, I told him that the other doctor told me 10% and he said that was old stats, so very confused. He did say two increases chance of twins by 30%. also the scratch can increase success by 20-30%, so many percentages! My heads in a spin about it all! x

 

[Jean40]

Pussycat, I'd go for two. If you are doing all of this, you might as well have the best odds possible.

It's not like I'm taking money OUT of my retirement account, I'm taking a loan from it, like taking a loan from myself. It's much cheeper than a credit card. I still have $15000 on a credit card with 20% interest from trying to get preggers with ex bf, he is in the same line of work as new OH, but at least he was in the US more often, cheeper flights. I was already looking into taking the loan from the account just to pay this card off, so I would get enough to pay that off and have some extra for at least a few more rounds of IUI. Then I'd see what happens. I said if I had to do IVF, I would use donor eggs and I think I'll probably stick to that. I got bloated enough with just 3 mature eggs, I can't imagine trying to stimulate more than that.

Now I am in spring cleaning mode. Refrigerator done, kitchen floor & half bath floor done, starting to bleach out kitty litter boxes (and I'm wearing gloves and being very careful, I wouldn't do that without gloves anyway, gross). This is stuff I wanted to do while I was on vacation almost 2 weeks ago and never got to do. So much needs done around here, but I have little time or energy to do it.

 

[Jean40]

Damn, waste of a FRER this morning. always shows within an hour of using it. I've got half of the money needed for an IUI in May, I just won't put the cardiology bill on the FSA & pay it in installments later. Now it's a matter of getting time off when others are off so I can go to get my scans & the actual IUI (which might even be Mother's Day if I O on day 13 again and would help with not needing time off work). It's a shame I had to pay the rest of my summer vacation by May 1, that almost maxed me out. Even if I get my tax refund, that will only cover 1/3 of what I need, mostly because my refund is so small. I'm trying to make little tax deductions for next year, lol. This wouldn't be so bad if I was paid what I used to make, they even took my yearly bonus away (well, they took everyone's potential bonus away, it's performance based, I make them so much more money now with 2 new procedures I do). I will have to see if I can get the time off first, then deal with the rest of the money second. No point if I can't get off.

 

[terripeachy]

Ugh..sorry Jean. At least you have somewhat of a plan together for next month. When you do your IUI are you using the frozen sperm that you have saved up? I'm really curious about that. Is it ok if frozen and defrosted multiple times? Hopefully everything will work out with vacation/time off, etc..

 

[Jean40]

I am going in on Wed afternoon for day 3 scan, hoping the 27mm follie didn't turn into a cyst. OH is off this week, so he is going to go make a deposit when I'm there, they do their thing & then freeze it. It's the same way they prepare the sperm for IUI, but they add something to be able to freeze it. No, they don't thaw and refreeze it, that would kill too many valuable sperm, although you do lose some in the thaw process but if you have good numbers in the first place, it's usually not too bad. They have a full lab right down the hall (I got a good look in there, looks small but better equipped than where I work, I want to ask for a tour & chat with the lab techs, maybe see if they have any openings, but I know I'd need to go back to school for the masters degree in their specialty, I just know how to do the basic stuff they do). He has to go back to work end of the week.

I was trying to get my coworker to switch days off, but her step grandson is graduating from the university that day & she has tons of family coming, and a doctors appointment, so she refuses to switch. She had told me last week that the grandson did NOT get tickets for anyone for graduation (he forgot), so I thought she could work, but then she found out the tickets are for the indoor ceremony if the outdoor ceremony gets rained out. For the moment, it IS calling for some rain that day. I hope for their sake it doesn't because there will be some ticked off family members who drove a LONG way to see this stupid kid graduate, but he forgot to get tickets. So, instead of being able to get my mid cycle ultrasound on day 12 Friday (since they don't do the scans on the weekend and when I did day 13 scan, things were already ready to go), I go on Thursday afternoon, day 11. I'm still hoping I can do IUI that Saturday or Sunday, I seem to respond well to these meds. I still think we got the timing wrong and I needed to trigger Sunday instead of Monday.

I called Walmart to get my clomid refilled & the other pharmacy to get my injectibles ordered. Now I'm about ready to start moving some money around.

 

[Vonn]

Jean--you have a good plan in place. Bummer to AF when the bf is around! I think a CD 11 ultrasound should be fine. I did mine on CD 10 and 11 at two different offices (on two different cycles), so CD 11 seems standard.

 

[Clizard]

Terri - just saw some pretty bad footage, hoping that you're ok in your neighbourhood?

 

[terripeachy]

Thanks Clizard. Those people in the city are animals and opportunists. Their rioting and setting fire to cars, buildings, stores had nothing to do with the police brutality that occurred initially. They just know that the police were a block away barricading the streets, so they took advantage. Such idiots (and mostly kids). They are only ruining their own bad neighborhoods that were never rebuilt from earlier times. We live in the county, so we're ok and we won't be going into the city anytime soon. We have tix to a baseball game on Wed, and that will probably be relocated, postponed, so I'm thankful that that is all I have to worry about right now. I do have some friends that live about 2 miles away from the looting and so far they are ok. I know the husband won't want to leave his house, but I hope they get out of there. A house can be rebuilt. Their safety needs to be first.

 

[Jean40]

No ovarian cysts, onto cycle #2, same protocol, but mid cycle scan day 11 instead of 13. My fibroid looks ok, he took a photo of it for my chart. Even though it's day 3, I stopped bleeding by noon, even though I'm having little cramps in my girly parts. Weird. It was so super heavy end of day 1 for about 24 hours, but I didn't have any big clots like I usually do. Maybe the HSG did clear something out. I got my clomid refill & injectibles showed up by the time I got home this afternoon.

These next couple weeks are going to be difficult. My coworker is about to have her baby. She's dropped the last couple of days, so she's not going to make it another 2 weeks (her due date). I took my extra blood pressure monitor to work so she can use it since she scared us with a bad headache Monday & we made her go to employee health to get it checked (which is a decent walk). This is the girl who has a teenage son & never wanted more kids. This was a big whoops on birth control, but she seems happy she's having a girl. It was kind of a big slap in my face when she told me.

 

[Vonn]

Pussycat--How are you feeling after the scratch? Everything still a-go?


AFM--Had blood draw this morning and bad news this afternoon. Even though I knew this cycle was a long shot, it still feels like a blow. My heart was pounding when the dr office called. I will stop the progesterone and see how long it takes to get AF. Any insight from others who've been here? Is it the next day? Two days later?

 

[Pussycat1]

Oh Vonn, I'm so sorry 😟 no matter how much or how little hope you have with a cycle it's always a terrible disappointment when it doesn't work. With progesterone, I've always found that AF comes c3 days after I stop taking it.
Jean, glad there's no cysts, good luck with the new cycle. It's always hard when others around you get what you want, these days I try to be happy for them. Remember we all have our secrets and you never know what's going on in peoples lives you don't know about, no one knows I'm doing this and if there's one thing it's taught me it's to be more understanding of other peoples situations.
All fine after my 'scratch' , thanks for asking Vonn. Just waiting for AF, expected in the next couple of days, then I start meds, book scan for c day 10-11, intralipid infusion. for c7 days before FET, can't book that or flights until after the scan as I need to be at least 7mm (which is good for me). Just trying to work out the time off work, may have to call in sick which I hate doing. x

 

[Jean40]

Did the same protocol this cycle, 100mg clomid days 3-7, Bravelle shot (2 vials) day 9 (boy, did that hurt this time!), had my mid cycle ultrasound this afternoon. Lining is 10mm and there are NO decent follicles on the right side. Left side had 3, 22mm, 14mm, and a 11.5mm that RE said wasn't going to produce a good enough egg, so 2 good follicles to work with. I trigger tonight and IUI Saturday morning. RE thought it was a good idea that I had the ultrasound today since the follicles were just about at the right size.