7DPO and lots of CM (sorry if TMI!)

[friskyfish]

Morning ladies. Edinburgh, I'm totally with you on the hotel V villa situation. Don't see the point of paying to go away when you have to cook food? That's not a holiday! Haha plus there is no escaping in a villa if you start getting on each others nerves! Can't belive that about your works. How pathetic. It amazes me how grown adults can act like that & become bullys. So is your boss wanting you to take over from him then? Don't feel guilty for looking for another job, you have to think of yourself & being happy in work counts for alot xx

I've had the worst weekend. Aaron and I had a huge row on Saturday night. Things aren't good...Joe is driving a wedge between us with his behavior. I feel torn in two. Can't stop crying xx

 

[tinadecember]

Morning girls, so sorry for my absence over the last few days. I've had a horrible week and I've kinda locked myself away from everyone to go through the process of the IVF not working by myself.

To fill you all in, my period started full flow on Friday morning. I had a feeling it was coming because I had terrible cramps I went out and bought a first response just to be sure because my mum said I needed to be 100% that it hadn't worked and sure enough it was negative. So I've spent the weekend coming to terms with this whole thing not working, if you can ever come to terms with throwing 6 grand down the drain. It's kind of like a grieving process... I started off terribly upset and spent 24 hours crying, then it turned into anger - why didn't it work? I'm healthy, young, been pregnant before etc etc. Then acceptance - there's nothing I can do or could've done to change the result, it wasn't meant to be. Now I'm at a place of feeling grateful for what I already have. If I didn't have Evie it'd be a different matter and I'd probably still be at the upset stage but she keeps me going.

I rang the hospital on Friday morning and she asked what we planned to do next. I told her we have 1 frozen embryo but we want to speak to a consultant before we even think of transferring. There's so many questions I want answering and so many things that I felt went wrong.

1. Progesterone levels - I've always had a short leutal phase and will get my period between 11-12 days after ovulation. I don't personally think that I was on a high enough level of progesterone after transfer. I started spotting 6 days after transfer which works out as 11DPO.
2. The transfer itself was ridiculous!!! The hospital have always been aware that I have a backwards facing uterus and before I went in for transfer I wasn't aware that if I had a full bladder then the doctor would have trouble inserting the catheter into my womb because my bladder would be in the way. They DIDN'T ask me to come in with an empty bladder. So the embryo was removed from the incubator and put into the catheter only for me to have to go and empty my bladder because she couldn't get the catheter in. So the embryo had to be taken back out and put into the incubator again.
This had me concerned that the embryo could have gotten damaged because of all the messing around, which could have been avoided if someone had looked at my notes properly!!
3. The level of stimulation - I was originally prescribed 3 x capsules of merional by my consultant then at the last minute the nurse changed it to 2 x capsules because I had a lot of follices and she was concerned about OHSS. YES there was a lot of follices, but because my meds were lowered a lot of them didn't respond to the stimming so I only got 8 eggs. I feel like if we had stuck to the original plan then we would have more frozen embryos to work with.

Betty, any more news on Chris? Sending you both my love once again. I am totally with Frisky on the nappies front! I couldn't use the towel ones, as much as I do recycle and do my bit for the environment there's no way I am spending what tiny bit of time I do have washing nappies! But each to their own Have you been feeling more movements?

Frisky, oh goodness what have you been arguing with Aaron about exactly? Hope you are okay sweetness, sending you huge hugs. Me and Mark argue pretty much everyday, it's something I have come to accept haha and it's not a normal day if we don't argue now.

Edinburgh, how are the kids? Hope they have perked up a bit now!

AB, How are you hunni? Still enjoying the new job?

Sorry for the super long post! and thank you girls for all your support over the last few weeks. I'm lucky to have each and every one of you!

xxx

 

[friskyfish]

Oh Tina, I'm so sorry. I think all those points you have made there are very valid. It sounds like they made a bloody half hearted job of it. I'm glad your going to bring all this up. Let's hope next time it's better & you get your bfp. Big hugs to you Xxx

As for the row, it was the worst we have ever had, plus we had both had a fewe both drinks which is never a good idea. It's all about joe really Az ended up walking out on Saturday night to his fucking sisters. Sorry to swear, but his sister doesn't really like me anyway. I'm annoyed as Aaron would have gone there venting off. I'm annoyed at him just walking out on the situation. He has apologized & says we need help with Joe. Which we do....I'm just tired of it all xx why can't life be simple hey?

 

[Bettyt63]

Hello lovely ladies.... Firstly, tina, I'm so sorry that this didn't work for you! I think you have got some really good valid questions there that need to be addressed! When will you go back and speak to the consultant about it??? Will you need to pay again to transfer this next egg? I trally am sending you lots of hugs! Can't imagine how you are feeling
Frisky.... What is going on with joe??? How come it's coming between you and Az?? I'm sure whatever it is you guys will work through it but it's not nice arguing!

Edinburgh.... Good for you for booking your hols and don't feel guilty for not wanting to go with your mum, I love my family but a full week with them is testing!!! It will be nice for you and your little family to have a lovely break together! Also, it doesn't hurt to look for anither job and certainly don't feel two faced about it! You have to
Look after yourself..... Good luck! Keep us posted....

I have my 20 week scan tnrw and then we have to go to another hospital for chris' CT scan straight after, I'm not looking forward to either TBH! Chris is driving me MAD! He is convinced he has cancer and is moping about, stressing himself and me out and being really moody! We also had a big fight yesterday, I want to shake him and say, you will be ok you wally!!!! I know it's stressful for him, he has a right to be completely worried but he is stressing me and vivienne out in the process... I sound like a horrible partner I know!!! All good fun hey???

 

[ab75]

Tina,sorry af came for you. But sounds like you have done your research for next time.

I know what you mean about feeling 2 faced Edinburgh, I was the same but I found a new job anyway,I really didn't want to go back to my old work place.

Frisky,I hope you and Az sort things out and Joe starts behaving. I'd have been pissed off at him for going to his sister too.

Betty,I hope your scan goes well tomorrow, are you hoping for a potty shot?? Hope Chris gets good news too.

All good here. Dh and I went to a beer festival on Saturday afternoon then he went out for a couple of hours at night,other than that I've just been busy with the kids and work.
Dh starts back night shift tonight so I'll have the bed to myself. Moved the guest bed out of Frazers room so he's going into his own room from tonight!! Not before time lol xx

 

[Edinburgh]

Tina, sending you massive hugs. The whole thing sounds like a farce. As if it's not stressful enough you don't need people not doing their job properly to boot. And it sounds like some bad calls were made with your meds. You have every right to be upset and angry but you're amazing for being able to see past it all to what you have in Evie.
Double good luck for tomorrow betty. It's a shame doctors don't have xray vision, save on the waiting part which is just the worst. I'm sure in future we'll be seen by robots who can tell all by the way we smell!
Sorry to hear things are difficult frisky. You'll get there, you've been through tough stuff together. What kind of help is available in your area?
Bit jealous of your weekend ab! Dors Frazer still wake in the night? Leo was up 6 times last night. Usually up 2. Must be a growth spurt but sucks all the same. X

 

[ab75]

Frazer is still up during the night. Was 4 times last night then up for the day at 530 am! !

 

[tinadecember]

Morning girls,

Betty, sending you so much good luck for both scans today! I can see things from both yours and Chris' points of view. I am a complete worry head too, I end up thinking that I've got a brain tumour if I have headaches for a few days! He wouldn't be human if he wasn't worried but it's good that he has you by his side staying positive. The chances that it IS cancer are really slim I'm expecting?
Are you finding out today whether it's a blue or pinkie you have on board? your pregnancy is bloody flying by!!

Frisky, any improvement with Aaron today? Hope you have both managed to sort out your differences. There's nothing worse than having that tense atmosphere at home.

Edinburgh, thank you for your kind words my dear! I have no option really but to get on with things. As much as it is killing me inside I'm trying to remain positive that it WILL happen one day and there are people in much worse situations than I am at the minute.

AB, how did Frazers first night in his own room go? Hope it wasn't too traumatic and you got a good nights sleep.

I'm back feeling blah again this morning. Just saw another pregnancy announcement on Facebook and it's brought it all back home that I am still without a BFP. I've been fine for a couple of days and then just one little thing sends me back on a downward spiral.
As for the hospital... I am waiting to hear from them. The nurse said I will either receive a letter with an appointment or the receptionist will call me to arrange one. Either way if I haven't heard anything in a couple of weeks then I will chase it up.

I spent last night circling potential Christmas presents with Evie in the Smyths catalogue. I haven't a clue what to get her this year! She's going through the stage of everything being "baby-ish". She used to love Disney so it has been easy up until now but she dropped the bomb the other night that Disney is for babies. Is this kid really 5 or is she secretly 15?!! haha! Where has my baby gone!!!
She has taken an interest in Monster High because my little cousin plays with the dolls but I can't just get her 20 Monster High dolls for Christmas can I? I'm a bit lost for ideas.

Need to go in to town desperately this weekend, with all the IVF and hospital appointments I had completely forgot that we are going to a wedding in 3 weeks time! Mark is best man too, it's a whole weekend shabang in the lake district and I haven't even thought about what I'm going to wear.

I think a trip to Ted Baker is in order, nothing like a bit of retail therapy to brighten your spirits and boy am I in need of them brightening!

xxx

 

[tinadecember]

Betty, how did both scans go today? Hope you're okay xxx

 

[Bettyt63]

Hi girls.... Thank god today is over! I was so bloody stressed, best news is that baby is absolutely fine and just perfect! I'm so happy I could cry!!! Chris had his CT scan but will still won't have the results till Thursday, keeping everything crossed! Everyone forgot about my scan today as everyone is concerned about Chris but that has worked out well for us as we are going to do happy baby news this weekend after we have got all Chris' results (and hopefully they will all be totally fine!)
Roll on Thursday girls!!!

 

[tinadecember]

yey Betty that's brilliant news about the baby!! So happy for you that everything is fine, did you find out the sex?

Sending you positive vibes for Thursday, it's awful waiting for results I am sure everything will be just fine though.

Went back to the gym last night girls for the first time in about 6 weeks. It has almost killed me off. To say I'm sore is an understatement haha.

I ordered some bikinis for my hols and I tried them on at the weekend and almost did a little cry. I'm wobbling in places that shouldn't have wobbles so that has been my motivation. Back on the atkins which is a killer because I am a chocolate addict but I WILL be skinny and toned even if it kills me in the process.

xxx

 

[Bettyt63]

Tina, you will be absolutely gorgeous for your holidays (as always)!! There is no fat on you!! But, you still have plenty of time before you go to get to the gym and feel better about yourself... I have to go to the gym, I feelmit keeps me sane! Im still doing 5 classes a week at the minute and love it but not sure how much longer I can keep going as my right hip has started to hurt, funnily enough it doesn't hurt when I'm working out but when I'm stood at work. I have to stand for my full shift and by the end of it I'm almost crippled!

Ps: we found out the baby's sex but we are not telling anyone till after thurs!

 

[tinadecember]

NOOOOO!!! I don't think I can wait that long hahaha. Can't wait to know what you're having!

I remember seeing a woman in the gym who was still doing legs, bums and tums classes and she was heavily pregnant! She couldn't do the step work but she was giving the squats a good go. I overheard her saying that she was 34 weeks and was thinking of calling it a day because it was becoming difficult for her now. I couldn't imagine working out when pregnant at 10 weeks let alone 34! So good on you my dear for continuing with the workouts!

I've got the feeling for it again now, that's it. I am massively determined. Just booked myself in for another 2 classes this week

xx

 

[tinadecember]

Morning girls,

Betty just want to wish you and Chris the best of luck today for his results. Hope you guys get the good news that you're hoping for xxx

Frisky, any news at your end? Hope everything has settled down with Aaron.

A bit of news on the IVF front.. had a phone call yesterday and I am going in to see the consultant next Wednesday to discuss what's coming next.

Me and Mark spoke about future IVF attempts and what we can afford going forward. We had decided to use the 1 embryo that we have left and then if that didn't work we would have to call it a day because we haven't got another 6 grand. It'd just be a case of accepting that we have Evie, we would have to continue trying naturally and if we were lucky enough for it to happen one day then so be it.

Mark's mum came to ours last night for her tea and when Mark went out of the room she asked what we were planning on doing next so I told her that we are going to transfer the frozen embryo but that'd be it. She then said that she had been thinking for a few days about it all and she's been so upset over the last week knowing what we've been going through and she's made the decision to give us the money for 1 more go at a full cycle if the frozen transfer doesn't work! I told her no, that we can't possibly take another 6 grand off her. I already feel bad enough that we've spent 6 grand and it hasn't worked but she insisted that even if I said no that she would still transfer the money to our account.
Is there a kinder woman on this planet? I've never met anyone like her in my life! And I thank my lucky stars every day that I have such a wonderful mother in law who loves me like her own.
I told her that we would accept the money but she could never understand how grateful we are for her generosity. She said she can, because she has been through infertility herself.

So now I feel a little more positive about the future.. even if this next one doesn't work we can go ahead and do another cycle! I can't believe it. There is hope!

xxx

 

[Bettyt63]

Tina, I'm actually crying reading your post!!! That is so beautiful of her to do that, she obviously knows the pain and heartache you are both going through and if she can do anything to help then, of course, she is going to want to help you. Amazing! When are you thinking of doing the next transfer? After your jollys? I bet you cannot wait to go on holiday!!! You bloody need one after all of this! Great news that you are going in to see the consultant on wed, get all your questions answered.....

I can't believe we will have Chris' results today, cannot come soon enough! I haven't slept for the last 3 nights and I'm so exhausted I don't know what to do with myself! I just want to sleep! I will keep you all posted, app is at 2.30pm today.....

xxxx

 

[friskyfish]

Morning ladies.
Tina, I'm too crying....that's just amazing of your mother in law to do that. How wonderful. I really think the more relaxed about it you are, the better the effect will be. Hopefully now you can relax just a little bit more knowing that this isn't your last chance. Xxx

Betty, good luck today, I'll be thinking of you. And fantastic news about baby, I'm guessing girl...we have had no girls, so it's got to be. Unless this is a blue thread!

Things here aren't great, doesn't seem important compared to what you & Tina are going through. Things have just come to a head really. I won't go into too much detail. Basically I've not really been myself for months, since moving. I've kind of secluded myself, stopped seeing my friends. I make excuses not to see them. I'm moody all the time, I've just been getting worse. I feel like I've lost myself & I'm not me anymore. Aaron basically told me if I don't seek help, we're in trouble.
So he came to the doctors with me.
I sound pathetic, but I've been referred to speak to someone.
The doctor thinks ive some sort of depression.....with the move straight after having Oscar, money worries, moving again, Joes troubles. I've had the memories of having eve to deal with too, the gulit....It's just got on top of me.
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids.. But I have really blocked everyone out of my life here & I dont know why. It's taken a huge row & a few home truths of Aaron to make me realise.

So now I need to concentrate on getting back to the old me & Getting my marriage back.
Sorry to go on, but thats where we are at here xx
Thanks for listening xx

 

[Edinburgh]

Big hugs Frisky, you are as important as anything else, you just have to hold onto that and take care of yourself for a while. You've certainly had enough cause to become stressed and upset but you need to remember that depression can happen in people who don't really have any external worries at all. It affects like 1 in 3 adults these days. Getting some help is what's important, especially when it's affecting your quality of life and relationships.

Betty, rooting for good news for you this afternoon. Will keep my fingers and toes crossed for Chris.

Tina, I'm so happy for you that you have a bit more breathing space and room to maneuver (that word looks wrong but spell check insists it's right!) financially. I hope you get some answers from your consultant and can move forward feeling positive. I agree your MIL sounds ace.

We're all ticking over. Have to get my finger out and study my project management stuff so I can start applying for jobs end of the month (every company wants a different methodology so it's not enough to go on the experience you have unfortunately). Leo has an infection in his thumb from chewing on his hands so he's on an antibiotic. It's one of the yuffy ones that has to be taken an hour before food or two hours after. Fine if you eat every 4 hours, but he eats every 2-2 and a half hours. The pharmacist said to just do my best. He's used to feeding on demand so I'm dealing with several hours a day of him screaming at me because he doesn't get why I'm not feeding him. Oh, and he has to have it 4 time a day. So the next week should be fun and games, but hopefully his little finger starts getting better! He's looking sleepy at the moment. I'll go dose him so he can go for a kip, because of course, napping is also screwing with the timetable!

Looking forward to my swim and then bake-off tonight - doing internet avoidance so I don't hear who got booted off before then! I hope everyone has a better day today x

 

[tinadecember]

Betty, I will also be thinking of you all day. Hope and pray that it's good news. We need a bit of good news on this thread!

Frisky, don't ever feel sorry for having a moan. It doesn't matter what it's about or how insignificant you feel it is, we are all equally as important on this thread and no matter how small the worry we are all here for you.
Like Edinburgh said though, depression isn't something to be taken lightly. It is an actual illness and unfortunately something beyond our control. I'm so glad though that Aaron is sticking by you and forcing you in the right direction, he is a good man
Edinburgh, poor little Leo! I've never heard of anyone having an infection in their finger! Saying that though.. what normal functioning adult chews on their fingers haha?!?! Sounds like you have a right good old eater on your hands with him! I kind of wish Evie was like that more, I struggle getting her to eat anything.
I did watch Bake Off but I won't ruin it for you! Can't believe the final is here next week already eeeek. Sad really that that's what my life has become. Excitement from mid week TV hahaha

What's everyone got planned for the weekend?

We are having a date night on Saturday. We haven't spent any time together as a couple really since before the IVF started, and I haven't had a proper drink yet. Not sure where we are going yet but we need some serious grown up time.

xxx

 

[ab75]

Tina I was also in tears reading your post,your mil is fab!! Glad you have a plan going forward.

Frisky,Glad you went to the doc, it's important that you look after yourself

Good luck today Betty,hope Chris gets good news. And I still say boy!!

Edinburgh,I am also avoiding Internet as I am going to watch bake off tonight after work. Hope Leo manages his antibiotics and good luck job hunting.

I've got extra hours this month,was working Tues night and last night and I'm on a 12-9 today so poor dh will only get 3 hours sleep as he is night shift and I'll have to get him up after I collect the girls from nursery!!
Will reply properly later. I never have a bloody minute lol xx

 

[tinadecember]

It's all extra money for Christmas AB! God it will be here before we know it. I sure know how you feel though, doing 8 hours 5 days a week definitely takes its toll on my life!

I was also a little teary when she told me, what have I done to deserve such an angel in my life hey? I certainly feel blessed

xx