7DPO and lots of CM (sorry if TMI!)

[tinadecember]

Hi girls, so sorry for being AWOL and not updating but I've been struggling to find the strength to come online and actually face what's happened. I thought if I can hide away for a few days then I can pretend it hasn't happened...

Started to spot on Saturday, knew in my heart that it hadn't worked but that doesn't stop it from hurting any less. Don't know where we go from here. I feel like IVF has officially defeated any get up and go that I had left inside of me. 4 embryos and not a one of them has implanted, thinking now that there has to be an underlying issue that hasn't been picked up on. Maybe we should have done genetic testing but at the time it would've cost a further 3 grand which we just didn't have.

So how am I feeling... fed up, angry at my body, apologetic to my husband because I feel like my body is the reason why this hasn't worked. Gotta ring the hospital at some point to schedule a follow up appointment with our consultant but at the minute going to that hospital where EVERYONE is pregnant is the last thing on my mind. Selfishly, the delivery suite is right next to the infertility department. What dickhead thought that up?!?!

Any how... I will keep going, even if I don't know where I am going to! More than ever now I need to meet you ladies, get hugs and have lots of alcohol!

When is this happening girls?

xx

 

[Edinburgh]

Tina, I'm so sorry. There just aren't the right words. Times like this there is nothing for it but wine and hugs. I don't think you can go blaming yourself. IVF is a hugely volatile process from what I've read and there are so many potential failure points that you just can't know why this happened. Please be kind to yourself. Big hugs x

 

[friskyfish]

Oh Tina, wish I could be there to give you hugs and pour you a glass of wine xx
I agree with Edinburgh, please be kind to yourself and don't blame yourself.
It's shit, you deserve your bfp so so much.
Can't believe the infertility clinic is next to the delivery suite. In fact I can, when I had to collect post mortem results after losing eve, the room I had to go to was above the floor where I had her, needless to say, I didn't go. I made them meet me somewhere else, wankers.

I think we need to get a date sorted and go from there regards to meeting. It must happen soon though xx

Big hugs to you Tina XxX

 

[tinadecember]

Thank you girls I am feeling much better than I was a few days ago. Still haven't rang the hospital but it's on my list of things to do. Just been so busy this week, haven't had a minute to do anything!

We've made the decision to have a break from IVF. Not only because of the costs but because of the strain it has put on our relationship. We aren't ruling it out in the future if it still didn't happen but for now we are going to try naturally and enjoy having normal sex. No OPKs, no temping or anything... just having sex when my body tells me I am ovulating and if it happens it happens. If not, I guess I am going to have to start to deal with us being a family of 3.

What's everyone got planned this weekend?

I am off work for 2 weeks from the beginning of August, I could do any time then! Or if before then I am off from Friday afternoon - Monday.

xx

 

[friskyfish]

Hi ladies, how are we all?

Tina, how are you feeling? How's mark? I don't really have any words to make this better, just that we are all here for you. I think its a good idea to take a break from it for a bit, it's draining you physically & emotionally. You may feel differently about trying again in a few months xx

Let's get this meet up sorted. It'll be best for me on a Saturday when Az isn't working XxX

 

[friskyfish]

Ladies, we are all very quiet xx Tina my lovely, hoe are you doing??

Its gorgeous here today, aarons dad has just taken oscar out so i can revise, i have my physics exam tomorrow and maths the day after. Urrrrrrghhhhh
Im gonna get on the trampoline and do it, im very tempted to pour myself a glass of wine! Haha why does the hot weather make you want to drink ? Look a sight in summer clothes, not been to the gym in week's, exercise definatley makes you feel better about yourself x

 

[friskyfish]

When i say im gonna revise on the trampoline, i mean im going to lie on there, not jump! Xx

 

[tinadecember]

Morning!

Eurgh, is anyone else awake at this ridiculous hour?? I'm doing a 5-1 in work today, it's Evie's sports day this afternoon in school but just looked at the weather and it's forecast to rain so I think it could get called off. I literally jumped out of bed at half 3, threw my clothes on and I've just spent 20 minutes in the toilets in work trying to make myself look presentable with a bit of mascara and gloss haha!

Frisky, firstly... that pig video of Oscar I showed Evie and she was laughing her head off. He is so gorgeous!! It's nice to be able to hear your voice too How did the revision go? It was gorgeous here as well yesterday.
I'm struggling with the gym, I've been trying to go to as many classes as I can but it's killing me off. I went to a high intensity class last night, it was only a 30 minute class and by the end I was crawling out of the gym haha!

Good thing though... came to work this morning in a dress that I bought last summer and I haven't worn it since then. It was really tight around my waist the last time I wore it so I was shitting myself putting it on today in case I'd put more inches on but it fits like a glove! YESSSSSS!

I'm feeling okay you know, I have my appointment for our follow up. It's on 31st May... just trying to compile a list of questions to ask when we go. I've been speaking to some ladies who have been through IVF multiple times and they've given me loads of advice for supplements and vitamins that we should both be taking but we've gotta stick at it for 3 months for it to have any effect. So on pay day on Friday I am off to stock up on medical supplies!

Betty/AB/Edinburgh, what's happening ladies... it's all very hush hush!

Let's get this meet up sorted out!

xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Sorry for absence ladies.... How are you all??
Tina... Have you for a good ivf support group?? I think it's great to get some first hand advice from people who have been through or are going through the same as you.... im all for vitamins! I tried most things during my TTC years and it's all worth trying!!! What kind of vits are you getting???
Frisky....how did your exams go??? When do you get the results??? I need to see this video of Oscar!!!
We had Alfie's app at the RVI on Saturday and he is going to have his operation in the next 4 weeks, they are also going to do all three procedures during this op (hernia, tongue tie and remove the cyst near his eye) just waiting for te date now.... God I will be so bloody nervous when it comes round to the day

Hope everyone else is well.... I'm getting very little sleep at the minute and I have an awful sore throat and cough battling through tho!!! X

 

[tinadecember]

Oh Betty, I can only imagine the worry you must be feeling as Oscar's op comes closer. Poor little man, I imagine he is going to be sore and irritable for a while afterwards. Sorry to hear that you're feeling under the weather, hope it clears up for bank holiday weekend!
Yes I have joined a few IVF support groups, it's easy to think that you're alone when you're going through it when in fact there are thousands of women in the UK who are suffering infertility and need a place to vent as well.
I spent almost 70 quid yesterday on vitamins and supplements!! I almost had a heart attack when I saw the prices of some of them but it's worth a try and it's a damn site cheaper than IVF.
For me...
Royal Jelly
Ubiquinol
Omega 3
Folic acid
Vitamin C
Vitamin E

For Mark...
Vitamin C
Vitamin E
Ubiquinol
Zinc sulphate
Folic acid

I've been very organised and bought some pill boxes so I can sort out the tablets by day otherwise I know Mark won't take them!

xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Oh well done tina!!! You know, it sounds a lot but I bet it's cheaper than a weeks shopping and it's all doing good things for your body so it's totally worth it!!!! Also look up Maca powder as this is great for fertility and I used it a lot, it's a powder from chile (I think!) and you just put a spoon full in your smoothie or food each day! Have a look, it lasts ages!
You never know! This maybe all you need!
I have proper man flu I have such a sore throat and an awful cough I ended up sleeping on the sofa last night as I was just having full on coughing fits and didn't want to wake the little darlings!!!
I am armed with codeine and cough medicine for tonight!!! Vivienne has her cousins sleeping over at ours on Saturday night so I will have 4 kids in the house not sure why I volunteered to do that!!! Must be MAD!!!
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend xxx

 

[Bettyt63]

Here you go tina..... Look at this and you would need to buy the gelatinized maca powder
https://natural-fertility-info.com/maca

 

[tinadecember]

Hey ladies,

Oh my god Betty I only just realised looking at my last post that I called Alfie Oscar by mistake! I apologise

I will definitely have a look at Maca powder. I was at Mark's mums last night and she said she saw something on This Morning about a tablet made from something in tomatoes and that's supposed to be great for sperm quality. I could go on forever I think buying all of these supposed miracle cures.

get yourself a bottle of wine in for Saturday night, if you're full of a cold and have 4 kids on the go then it's gonna be the only thing that'll get your through it!

We're off to my mums tonight, it's my dad's birthday so we are getting chinese food and then Mark's out all day tomorrow with the boys so I will see what the weather is like and do something fun with Evie. So happy that it's bank holiday!! It feels good knowing there's no more work until Tuesday.

xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Lol tina don't worry! I keep calling him Ralph!! so many brain cells damaged!!!!
I ended up at the doctors today.... I have an infection so a weeks worth of antibiotics although she said that im probably over the worst now and to maybe see how I am on Sunday before taking the antibiotics!!! I feel like I've swallowed 20 razor blades I cannot even think of drinking wine (shows you how bad I am!!)
Have a fabulous bank holiday weekend all!!! Wish me luck for tmrw nite! I've actually managed to get another bloody kid!!! Chris' brothers little girl found out about the sleepover party and so now she wants to come..... This is going to be very interesting!!!!

 

[Edinburgh]

Omg betty! Hope they all cooperate for you, especially as you are under the weather. I'd be for cancelling till I felt human.
Our hols have been lovely. Going home tomorrow night, back to work on Tuesday. Been great to be away from work stress and have some fun with the kids. Leo has had good days and bad, getting 4 top teeth coming through and has been regularly miserable. He's been living on yoghurt, oranges, cheese and brioche. Shouldn't do him any harm. Mia is really growing up too fast. She has loved the kids clubs here. The food is really oily though! Think I've put on half a stone. Going to drag my mum to slimming world when I get home. There are some seriously yummy mummies in the hotel and I feel like the ugly duckling. I need some lessons in being a bit more glamorous. I also need to learn about this contouring lark. I only just started wearing a foundation at all.
Tina, I'm sure you've told us before but what do you do that requires a 5am start time? Sounds just brutal!
Hope alfie's surgery goes well betty. At least they are coordinating all the issues for the same time. Stressful for you though.
All your exams done now frisky? How are things working out with childcare arrangements.
How is work ab? I hear we're due some freaky warm weather when I get back. Would be nice to have an actual summer this year.
M due his vasectomy the week we get back. I'm still convinced I don't and won't want more children but it is so final. I am really looking forward to not having to take the pill anymore though!
Flight gets in late tomorrow so crashing at a premier inn in Newcastle and driving back Monday. Will be nice to be in my own bed!

 

[friskyfish]

Hey ladies, how are we all ? Hope you have had a good bank holiday.
Betty, did you survive the sleep over? Rather you than me! Haha
How are you feeling? So sorry to hear about alfie and his operations, its easy to say 'dont worry' but you can't help it can you? Bless him, he will be fine, lots of mummy cuddles. He really is beautiful, i still need to send him a little gift.
Tina, i really have the upmost respect for you, getting up that early every morning. Does your body clock still wake you up early at weekends?
Glad you have found some support of other ladies who have been through the same thing regarding ivf. The supplements sound good, you are an absolute trooper!! Your appointment will soon be here.

Edinburgh, glad youve had a nice holiday. Are you all home safe now? Lovely weather you have come home to. My friends have just gone to France for a week & its raining there and will be all week! Shes well pissed off. Haha
Oh god, yummy mummys are a nightmare on holiday! We had one in lanzarote, looked like a frikking supermodel, tiny baby and a size 6 body! Bitch!
You are not an ugly duckling at all. Do you have a mac make up counter nearby? They do makeovers for 30 quid and you get 30quid off the products. You dont have to get loads put on, but they could give you a natural look, tell you how to achieve it at home. I had one before i went to Gibraltar to get married, she was really good and gave me a lesson in how & what to apply on my wedding day.

Ive only got one more exam left on Thursday, maths. Really not sure how ive gone on, defiantly failed my physics paper though. Wont find out till. AUGUST?? Arrrghhhh.

Az and i went out friday for a meal, Italian tapas. It was lovely. Had a real shitty day yesterday, Joe is been a nightmare at the minute. Im so stressed. So az and i watched the boxing last night & ended up demolishing 3 bottles of wine....Feeling slightly hungover today, ive left him in bed xx

 

[tinadecember]

Hello ladies!

Hope everyone had the best bank holiday!

Back to work for me this morning unfortunately... Edinburgh, I work for a company called Magna. They are an automotive parts supplier to the likes of Jaguar and Bentley and my job in particular requires me to be in at stupid oclock to ensure that reports are done for a meeting at 8am.
I second what Frisky said about the makeup lessons. Though if you can't afford a makeover then youtube have some brilliant tutorials. I wouldn't have had a clue where to start with contouring unless I had youtube. My friend works for Bobby Brown and they don't contour because they believe it looks dirty. Safe to say that I never contour when I am going out with her haha!

Frisky, glad you and Az had a fun date night together! What has been going on with Joe? Me and Mark are well overdue a night out, we've pencilled in 11th June. I think England are playing in the euros so if the weather is good we're gonna have an all dayer at the pub

Betty, I so hope you're feeling better today hunni. Did you end up taking the antibiotics?

It's my appointment this morning for our follow up. Should be interesting to see what his take is this time on why it didn't work.... I ordered some Maca by the way Betty! I've been taking all the tablets for about 5 days now.

Had a hectic weekend. Took Evie into Southport on Saturday afternoon, it took us about 2 hours to get there! Eurgh, is there anything worse than bank holiday traffic? Yesterday my dad ended up in A&E, he has a hernia behind his belly button but woke up yesterday and it was purple. Went to A&E and the doctor confirmed it's a strangulated hernia so he has to have emergency surgery. Just a busy weekend all in all!

xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Hello my lovelies how are you? Hope you enjoyed the bank holiday weekend! I survived the kiddies sleeping over, they were actually no bother and we had a really fun night....

Tina.... You're going to be off your tits on vitamins!!! lol! I hope this natural route works for you... You just never know!!! What did they say at your appointment today???

Frisky.... Can I just say you are looking smokin hot girl!!!! What have you been doing to look this good? I need to know! Not that I'm saying you looked shit before but you just look super hot at the mo!!

Edinburgh.... I can't help on the make up front, I can barely be arsed to wash my hair, never mind sit and put make up on I wear eye liner and mascara and if I'm going on a night out I put some BB cream on and some blush but that's about it! My cousin is obsessed with make up and always looks amazing, she has primers for everything! Different creams for different parts of her face and different brushes that she uses on each area.... I just don't have the patience! I think I will hve to start making more of an effort tho as the wrinkles are coming in thick and fast! A bit of Botox might be on the cards! Glad you guys had a good holiday, do you feel relaxed after it??? How was it with two little ones?? We are thinking of going away next year?!?!

Well girls I had a call from the RVI today and alfie has his operation TOMORROW!!! Yikes! I think it's actually better this way as it means I don't have a lot of time to get stressed about it! We have to be at the RVI for noon tmrw and he is first on the list..... Jeez, keep your fingers crossed, mamma will be a HOT mess tmrw

AB.... Where are you lovely??? X

 

[friskyfish]

Hey lovelies,

Tina, how did your appointment go?? Hope your ok & feeling a bit more positive about things. Your poor dad, that sounds painful, hope he is ok? That made me laugh out loud with the not contouring when you are out with your make up friend. I must say i am quite obsessed with make up, dont wear much at home in the day, but love to pile it on when im going out, false lashes the lot! Betty, cant believe thats all you wear on your face! You always look bloody beautiful, its not fair! Haha
Talking of BB cream, ive never used it before. But was in aldi the other day & they have their own called CC cream! Haha....i bought some just to see what its like & its bloody brilliant & only 4 quid!!

Betty, hope everything goes well with Alfie tomorrow, at least he is the first one in so your not waiting about worrying all day.
As for me looking 'good' Thanks, but i really dont feel it, ive lost a bit of weight due to stress & stress messes with my blood sugar level, makes it rise . Ill be piling it back on when everything is good at home.
It's joe, to cut a long story short, he hates living here. Hates me & aaron, wants to see his dad. He is angry, rude & aggressive towards me. Aaron almost left the other night, said hes thinking about getting his own place as he cant live with joe & cant bear how he is with me.
This hasn't just happened overnight, Joe has had behavioral problems for years. He is on a waiting list to see a professional . He is just getting worse, im sick all the time because of it. I just dont know what to do anymore .xx

 

[Bettyt63]

Oh frisky... I'm really sorry to hear that I can't imagine how stressful that is for you!! Where is joe's dad? Does he live near you and does he have much to do with joe??? Are you getting any help with him??? Know that one day he will grow out of this.... Sending you love xxx

Alfie has just got out of theatre.... He was in for 2.5 hours everything seems ok although he's going to have a hell of a scar on his face just waiting for the surgeon to come and speak to us and wait for him to recover then we can hopefully go home!!