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Good morning everyone... I wasn't on yesterday... was distracted in my spare time by researching surround sound systems... MIL wants to know what we want. Also got to looking online at nursery ideas. Oh how I love to plan a nursery!! And after work, went with MIL to this girl's workshop and picked out a finished dresser in a distressed blue... we'll use it as a changing table too... she's going to do some finishing touches and then we'll pick it up! MIL wants me to see DH's old crib... may have the girl refurbish it for the nursery too! Loving the vintage, lived-in feel of distressed pieces. And hoping Sprout will want different furniture later so I can steal that dresser for another room later, ha.
 
Today would have been our due date if everything had gone well with my last pregnancy. I woke up this morning to more spotting and this time even more than normal. I am on hold with the doctor. The nurse just told me I couldn't find the hb because I'm only 12 weeks and the home dopplers normally don't pick up until 30 weeks or so. I know this is bs because too many other people have found the hb way sooner than that. And I found it shortly 2 weeks ago. I'm so scared and frustrated right now.

ETA: I have an appt at 1:15 today.
 
Good luck Grace. Yeah 30 weeks is bs! I guess they say that to make you feel better but not when so many ppl on bnb get hb sooner!
 
May get off bnb for awhile... posted stuff on my journal about issues at home... maybe its hormones and I just need a bit to get happy again. Not really sure what to do. I'll copy it here... but since this has been an ongoing problem for a long, long time, don't see it changing sigh.

"I don't know what to do... my DH is just not a great dad and its got me really concerned! Now that I'm pregnant again, its starting to be more of an issue that he can't watch dd without her crying a ton.. she's 20 months old... we can't blame it on her being a baby anymore. I wish he'd hold her, play with her, stop watching tv and cleaning his guns and give her attention. Real attention. Where he gets on the floor in her play room and PLAYS with her, versus just a passing hello or peekaboo when they cross paths as he's headed to get a drink in the kitchen or something.

I really wish I just thought he was so amazing and awesome... I want to focus on the good stuff... he's a good husband... but when I get pregnant, I can't help but wish he'd embrace the dad role. It appears he's following in his dad's footsteps... MIL never pushed him to do more because it was a different era... but pushing/nudging doesn't help anyway. They'll only be as involved as they want.

I've never been able to be away without tons of crying when she's with him. He says she doesn't like him. I think he's not trying. We go in circles over and over. That's why making dinner is so frustrating. He's HOME yet she's crying nonstop because I'm busy. I can look her in the eye and she'll stop, then I'll go back to cooking and she'll start crying again. He'll be watching tv or on the computer and not trying to help. I envy those families that cook together and play together and the husband takes the crying baby from the stressed out mama. Last night, sick of that stupid tv, after a show ended and DH asked if I wanted to watch something (he was cleaning his gun, Siena and I sitting at the table eating dinner)... I said actually let's NOT have the tv on until Siena goes to bed. I could tell he was at a loss.. he started to say something, looked confused... I said I don't think she benefits from having that tv on non-stop. I was cleaning up from dinner and Siena was crying and I said go see your daddy... and he said oh I'm headed to the garage to put this stuff up... and I didn't see him again until she was in bed and I'd just settled into a bath... with him asking to watch a show with me. I want to throw our tvs AWAY!!! Haha hello hormones. "
 
Oh grace, I'm so sorry u keep having these scares. I hope everything is ok! Please keep us updated. What time is it right now where u are?
 
MnJ said:
Oh grace, I'm so sorry u keep having these scares. I hope everything is ok! Please keep us updated. What time is it right now where u are?
Click to expand...

It's around 9:45 here. I will definitely update everyone.
 
Grqce, praying for you.

Libby, does he only say she doesn't like him? Maybe he doesn't know how to get involved with her. Maybe a step by step how to play something with her. Maybe ask him for 15 min to start and work up to longer where you are all doing something and teaching daddy how to be involved. Not a lot of time and can still feel like he can do what he wants. Then maybe the time can be extended.
 
Libby - sorry for the heartache and frustration you're feeling. Maybe he's just more comfortable with older kids and things will get better as the kids get older? I don't know... I don't really have much advice as I'm worried I will be in the same boat! This will be Jake's first baby. He has the women's work/man's work mentality and also is pretty selfish with his time... as in he plays his video game for hours on end!! I've been forewarning him already... he WILL be caring for the baby also. This is NOT just my child. We will see. Anyway, I hope things improve and I don't want you to leave bnb!!
 
Amber thanks! I wrote a thread on the first tri page... "For those prego mommies whose DH/OH are attentive daddies... help!!!" and got some good ideas there too... then sent this email which apparently was too 'soft' but oh well hope it works.

"I think we need to get a plan of action on how to handle evenings at home and weekends. I am getting to the point of things either need to change or I am going to need the dr to prescribe me meds because my anxiety is going up and my happiness is going down. Tired, irritated, stressed, anxious, verge of tears. Hormones? Probably. Prego? Yes. It's a feat just to stay awake until bedtime. I don't even know what to say. I need your help? Trying to think of ideas. Dinner is the worst. Maybe taking her outside to play for a half hour while I prep/cook and sit with her in her play room for a bit after dinner so I can clean up. Or we could take turns, every other night we switch roles. Maybe whoever cooks, the other takes Siena out. Then whoever bathes her, the other reads to her and tucks her in. What do you think?"
 
Misty, yup that's how DH seems to be... like Siena is really my job not his and he's just there too. He can just leave the house even if I'm in another room napping and leave his daughter unattended and not think anything of it because he's not in charge I guess?? I'm ASLEEP! Hasn't happened but once when I napped while she was and I mistakenly assumed he wouldn't leave like that.

I've been thinking it'd get better as she got older yeah. But geez. It's like I'm waiting for her to be old enough to watch herself for them to be good together! I'd say start early and don't let up with Jake!! I gave DH leeway, esp after he went back to work and I was on mat leave since he needed his sleep for his job and I was nursing anyway... wrong!!! Set us up for this situation!
 
I told him that too, Libby, that I'd do nightly duties while I'm on maternity leave but after that we'll BOTH be working so we can BOTH lose sleep! I'll be nursing but he can get up, get the baby and change him then I'll get up to nurse and put back to bed. Seems fair to me! I thought your email was great. It wasn't pushy or overbearing but at the same time let him know something needs to change as you are at your wit's end.
 
Morning ladies. I'm so tired. But there is so much to respond to before I forget what I read!!! Here I go!

Grace, you're first! Please try not to worry. It will only drive you nuts! When you go to the doctor, if they do an ultrasound ask them to look at your cervix and see if there is any "fluid" trapped in the cervix. That was the reason that I'm spotting. The slightest movement would make me spot. I thought I would have to spend my entire pregnancy still and statue like. To make you feel better, my doctor told me that the fluid will work it's way out and not to be surprised if it's heavy one day and I even pass a clot. As long as there is no cramping involved I'm okay. This is just my sistuation, but I'm thinking you might have something similar. Don't fret about not being able to find the HB. It's hard!! Especially with your first pregnancy. I think it's easier for me because this is my second and everything (muscles) is more "relaxed." If that makes sense. Feel better and think positive. You're going to be fine!! :hugs:

Libby, I think it was you that was having trouble with your husband? I'm already forgetting. Either way, I want you to know that I went through the same thing! My husband doesn't have a gun, but he does play games on the computer and likes to always have his nose in a book. So, one day something happened, I can't remember what, but I told him, "you wonder why Samuel doesn't like you.." I didn't mean it to sound mean, but it was truthful. After that I kinda took the situation into my own hands. Samuel loved to look out the window and watch for people.. So, he would always watch for Dan to get home. When Dan would pull into the driveway I would tell him to go give him a kiss and hug and tell him he loves Daddy. So, he did it. After awhile, it became repetition, so he just does it now when Dan gets home. Another thing was Dan became the one to read bed time stories. Whether he wanted to or not that was his duty. Now he enjoys it because he gets his one on one time with Samuel. No matter how tired he is, he always reads him a book (even if he skips some pages). Samuel really enjoys playing with trains. So, when Dan comes home he "plays" trains with Samuel. Most of the time he just sits there on the floor while Samuel puts the trains together. Every once in awhile Samuel will ask for some help and Dan will help him, but Samuel enjoys this. It's good enough for him.

Your Daughter is taking advantage of you. She is at that age where she will test you and pitch a fit just to get what she wants. It's not that she doesn't like her Daddy, it's just that you give her what she wants all the time, anytime. I went through that stage of give and doing anything for Samuel just so I didn't have to hear him cry. Do, what I did!! A few weekends leave your daughter with your husband for hours. This was the easiest way to get them to bond because they had to. If she cries. Let him ignore her. She will then learn that crying doesn't get her everything. Be sure to take the remotes and game controls with you. :) I guarantee things will get better.

Misty, while I was pregnant with Samuel I told Dan that I would do everything during the night so he could to work and be full of sleep. This made sense to me because I wasn't working. About 2 months in I begged him for help. Only because Samuel was not a normal baby! He threw up everything!!! I would feed him and burp him and he would throw up EVERYTHING that he just ate, so he would be hungry and I would have to feed him again. I was scared that I was going to turn into a bad mother because I had no patience what so ever. It was so frustrating. Dan was pretty willing to help though because he hated seeing me as a bitch and crying. I cried a lot out of frustration. It felt like I had a broken baby and of coarse I blames myself because I thought it was something that I did during my pregnancy. That's the biggest fear I have now with this pregnancy. I'm sure Jake will come around and be more than happy to help. :)
 
libby, I agree with janelle....maybe with one exception, about the crying....yes they can learn to control it and be a little independent, but with him already ignoring the crying I would wonder if he would pay any attention even if she stopped. I don't know. If she's crying bc she just wants you or is using it to get good/bad atention it's different. Only reward her with attention when it's not from throwing a tantrum. Is your husband scared of something? An underlying fear of not being good enough or that she may get hurt? I sometimes think husbands are just like kids. You have to praise him for even the littlest things. Build his confidence and he knows that he's doing a good job. I think about this and think how stupid it is that we sometimes have to treat them like kids too. Realy, they are a parent- grow up already. But, when they have that idea of a man's and woman's roles and not helping you have to help them out to get that relationship of equality. I'll help you and you help me. Is there something that he enjoys that you and Siena could ask to get involved with for a bit? I think if you are persistent with some gentle nudging maybe he will come around. Sit down with him and find out if he's worried about something and also ask what he would like the family relationships to look like in the future. Now is the time to be that involved dad. I saw a book today about father / daughter activities/dates. Maybe a book he can reference or find some friends with an involved dad and spend some time with them. Maybe if he sees how a dad can be involved but still have their own time it would help him. Good luck.
 
HB was in the 150's! Dr doesn't know what to say about the spotting. Next appt in 4 weeks anatomy scan on jan 11th. Seems so long away. I am going to chill out when I see spotting because baby is doing just fine in there.
 
YAAAAAAAY Grace!!!! I'm so happy for u! I can just imagine the relief! Dr didn't do an ultrasound?
 
No u/s. I really just wanted to hear the hb though. She found it in like 10 seconds. I felt like such an idiot but I was so happy to hear the hb that I didn't care. My next u/s won't be until january.

How are you today?
 
Yea!!! so happy to read that, Grace!! I knew all would be well. It's hard to find the heartbeat. Don't fret, you know it's there!!! Have you popped out yet? I WANTED TO TELL YOU!!! When I was pregnant with Samuel, I couldn't feel my uterus, when my doctor told me where it was I didn't believe him. I think it's easier to feel where it is for me because this is my second pregnancy, but I have no idea.

So, this morning I woke up laying on my tummy and I could feel my uterus all the way at my belly button. I rolled over on my back and felt it. I had a full bladder and once I used the restroom, it dropped down, but it was so weird how high it was!! Next time I'll try and get a photo, see if I can spot a bump. Maybe this weekend when Dan is home and can take it? LOL would this be considered, "carrying high?"
 
Gosh, it's so quiet.. Where is everyone??

Aspe, have you tested yet?

Krissy, I'm missing you!! Two more days until you test!! Whoohoo!! :winkwink:

Nicole, I bet you're super busy packing and getting ready to travel. Your Ultrasound is tomorrow right? Or was that someone else?

Loren, you find out the sex on the 22nd right? Gosh that's right around the corner. LITERALLY!! I'm so excited for you!! I can't wait.

Grace, did the doctors give you an idea as to why you were spotting?

Amber, is this pregnancy better than your last? Or is it about the same? Sounds like you're not as sick as you were with our first, but I'm not sure. 12 weeks tomorrow!! ((happy dance))

Libby, I hope things work out for the best with you and your husband. Don't worry though, I think all first time parents go through that. At least it has with everyone I know. I think a lot of moms are first to make the switch into parenthood because they carry the baby so, it's more real for them. Guys are just slow naturally I think. I did want to clarify something though. If your daughter is just crying for YOUR attention when you're there, she most likely wont do it when your husband and her are alone. I had to give Samuel and Dan some bonding time because Samuel is a total Mama's boy, but I'm around him 24/7. He still runs to me when he hurts himself and gets a boo-boo. Daddy's kisses just don't cut it. I like that. But Daddy reads his night time story better than I do, so if Dan's home Samuel wants nothing to do with me during story time. I like that too. We both have something that Samuel favors. We didn't discover this until like 6 months ago. So, don't worry. Things will get better, you just have to try a few things and see what works best for you all. :)
Siena, does seem to be at that age where she's testing her limits though. Kids are smart, don't under estimate them. 11 weeks tomorrow!! ((happy dance))

Misty, I almost forgot about you! ALMOST, but didn't. You're going to be an avocado soon! Every time I think of avocado I think of the ones I bought at the farmers market in Kauai. That was the best farmers market I ever went to by the way. Anyways, they were the size of my hand and they were so good!! I went through this phase of eating avocados with just salt and pepper out of their skin. When, I see you're almost the size of an avocado, I think of those giant beasts! So, excited for you

Kanicky, Angel, & all the other ladies I'm missing you all!! :hugs:

AFM, I'm bored out of my mind!! Dan is at school, my house is spotless. My son is playing in his playroom and I have terrible gas. I'm talking silent but deadly! It's awful!:blush: I went through all of the clothes that my friends sister gave me and I'm shocked at how much her daughter wore white! But then again, I'm sure she didn't puke as much as Samuel did. Seeing all these cute frilly dresses really makes me want a girl. I want to do the bows and ribbons so bad!! Oh well, if we get another boy, I'll be just as happy that I wont have to deal with periods, make up, and shaving legs.
 
Aspe - Happy Birthday!!!

Janelle - Happy peach day!

Libby - Happy lime day!

Amber - Happy plum day!

Nicole - I'm so excited for your u/s today. Did your mom make it there yet?

Misty & Krissy - :hi:

I has been quiet lately.

AFM - It's 4 am here and I'm wide awake. I had to get up to pee at three and I've just been laying here so I decided to come get on bnb. I'm hungry but I'll feel crazy cooking something to eat this early. Maybe I'll just eat a bowl of cereal.

Anyone have any big plans for the weekend?
 
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