Accupuncture ladies-from TTC to BFP

[Jazzbird]

Congratulations Melly! Beautiful girl with a beautiful name. Sounds like you were amazing through such a long labour. I kept asking for an epidural but the anaethetist wasn't available. If I had another, I'd definitely ask for one. My memories of delivery were just me shouting "just get her out"!

I love how you want to freeze every moment. Take as much video footage as you can and make sure you are in it too!

Congratulations again - hoping you get discharged soon and can settle in at home very soon xxx

 

[gingmg]

Kits- how are you doing? When are you due?

 

[kits]

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted, I'm really happy for all your bundle of joys arrivals. I have read the posts especially in the wee hours when struggling to sleep & it's been nice to follow along.

If you ask me I'm due march 8th, but my notes have me down for march 10th. Either way I get a strong feeling baby may be a bit early.

Pregnancy has been interesting but I'm starting to get scared now. In the past I've always dreamt of being an active, healthy & exercising throughout type of person but none of that has happened. Instead I have pretty much felt exhausted throughout the entire time, I've had loads of back pain from the first trimester and barely eat healthy. I think a lot has to do with the pub as I still try to help where I can but end up having to sleep that much more when I do anything extra.

I've tried to get into a pregnancy Pilate's class but that's been so difficult instructors haven't wanted to take me on due to doctors or midwives not wanting to sign off a consent form. Nobody has wanted the responsibility of liability. Finally I was able to get a midwife to sign it off so I get to begin on Tuesday but I think I'm so far (33 weeks by then) gone that I won't be able to do much & end up not getting anything from it.

Which leads me back to starting to be really scared about labour, I think I'm physically too unfit and that'll cause a difficult one.

I've noticed some of you using the hypnobirthing CD's & books which can't say I'd ever really was interested in but I'm now feeling those could be my last hope.

Can't say I'm that prepared either. There's so much to do around the house but we work a lot so have really been struggling to begin. So much rearranging & move around that needs to be done. Think I'm too irresponsible for kids :\

My sisters that live in the US insist I need to purchase so many things but then I ask around and people in the UK find some of it ridiculous like baby wipes warmer. One came to visit me during Christmas and ended up bringing a bottle warmer even though I will try my darndest to breastfeed. I also ended buying a diaper genie because they insisted I needed one but whenever my oh & come up with our own ideas they can get shot down for example a snuzpod.

Then I found a lady selling the travel system I wanted so I eagerly bought it only to find out it was the 2013 model that isn't compatible with isofix. I was so upset as I have a new car, spent £250 on this set and will always have to wrap the seat belt around it. Luckily oh's brother is giving us theirs which is isofix but isn't part of the system much less compatible.

Soooo many mixed feelings!

I also have a lovely case of pregnancy tendonitis so that doesn't help with typing or being on the phone but I seem OK on the tablet which is why this rant is going on forever. I think this is why Ive refrained from posting.

On a positive note we had a photo shoot during Christmas and we're finally going to get a chance to look at photos tomorrow. Really looking forward to that but purchasing any will definitely be expensive.

I don't think I realised how down I actually am until rereading all I've written.

Sorry ladies!! I feel pretty guilty now especially since the other ladies are still really struggling to get to where I am now.

 

[gingmg]

Kits- so good to hear from you! So close! Don't feel bad about not exercising. I always thought I'd do yoga throughout pregnancy but I stopped in the second trimester and then even stopped walking at some point too. It happens.
As far as all the baby stuff. You are right, most of it is marketing. There really are very few things you actually need, the rest is just extras which some are nice to have but most are unnecessary.
As far as labor, it really is so unpredictable. But your body was made to do this. Trust that it will be OK, even if its hard. I really liked the hypnobirthing CD I listened to. If anything, it helped me to stay positive and excited for the experience rather than fear it. That in and of itself was a great gift.
Do you know what you are having? Or is it a surprise?
I'm here for moral support anytime. It feels like all I do is breastfeed, so I still check in regularly.

 

[gingmg]

How is everyone?

 

[melly2]

Hey there!! Sorry I've been away for so long. Busy with the little one and attending to guests. The good/bad news of having absolutely no relatives here is that we don't see them often; however, when they do come, they end up staying for a week or so. My mom and stepfather came first and stayed a week. It's hard enough trying to figure out the schedule (or lack thereof) of a newborn, then having to entertain guests who just want to hold the baby and not help out has been challenging.

Tomorrow my in-laws come and this will be the true test. My mother-in-law has a psychosis (literally has been institutionalized several times) and is already being super weird about things. On the phone she was asking why we were taking her out in a stroller already (I live in Texas and it's been 75 degrees). She is 80 years old and has very 'old school' thoughts on everything; including breastfeeding, which I can tell she objects to. Ugh!! I will either get really good at biting my tongue or finally blow up at her...we'll see. Wish me luck for the next week.

Gretchen is four weeks old and is now almost 9 pounds. Every day when I think I have her schedule figured out, I don't. I've come to realize that newborns have their own schedule and I'm feeing her on-demand. She sleeps pretty well at night (wakes up once or twice) and never cries; however, she does have an appetite, so I feel like I'm feeding her constantly (in fact, I'm feeding her right now).

Kits, don't worry about all the unnecessary stuff. I only got the basics. I'm even doing cloth diapers, which I've really enjoyed. Sorry to hear that you are down right now, but know that the baby will soon be here. Every pregnancy is different. I find myself actually kinda missing being pregnant. Maybe it's because I had such an easy pregnancy, but most women are ready to get that baby out when the time comes. I, too, tried hypnobirthing and I really think it helped me get as far and long as I did naturally, though I did end up getting an epidural in the 12th hour of induced labor. It helped me stay calm and visualize rather than focus on the pain.

Ging: are you back at work now? How's little Jack doing? Is he sleeping through he nights now? I'm curious when everyone got their baby to sleep through the nights. I know I'm a long ways off until she reaches that point, but was curious about everyone's experience.

 

[gingmg]

Melly- sounds like you are doing great! I can't believe she is 4 weeks already. I hope all goes well with your in laws visiting. It blows my mind that people aren't comfortable with breastfeeding. Its what our bodies were made to do! If she objects to you going outside in Texas I wonder what she would say to me going for walks here in Boston! LOL Good for you using cloth diapers! I feel guilty that I don't, but my wife wasn't interested in using them even though I wanted to.
Yes I am back to work. I cried for a few days leading up to it, but once I was actually there, it wasn't too bad. He's asleep by 5:30pm so I still get to put him to bed and then leave for work after that. It makes me feel better about working knowing I'm not missing all that much- just a few nighttime feeds. Once he starts sleeping through the night, he won't even know I'm gone. He still wakes up to eat every 4 hours. I have no idea when they start sleeping through, but I have a feeling its not going to happen anytime soon for us.

 

[melly2]

The in-laws visit was...stressful. I'm happy they're gone. I can see that my mother-in-law and I will be locking horns on a few issues...or more. Needless to say, I'm happy they're gone and thankful they don't live close (I know that's bad to say).

Ging: Hope you're surviving all the snow up in Boston. Wow!!! I can't believe the winter up there. Stay warm and safe. I think it's good that you work evenings, because you're right, you're not missing a whole lot.

Hope everyone else is doing well! Keep us updated.

 

[Jazzbird]

Hello lovely ladies!!!

Kits - Eugh I remember the last few months of pregnancy. I found pregnancy really rough - the sickness, the bloating, the heartburn, the itchy belly, belly button stretching feeling and my bump feeling unsupported and achey - not to mention the insomnia. I hardly found the energy to do anything, let alone exercise. Some women love pregnancy - I did not. Even the sleepless nights and crying post birth did not match the uncomfortableness of pregnancy. I think it's very hard as you feel you are supposed to glow and enjoy this time. Honestly you will be so happy to have your body back so very soon ... Try to let go of any expectations and take each moment for what it is.

Easy for me to say but don't worry about labour. It is tough at times but you will get through it and you have so little control over it - there really is no point in worrying about it. I'd try anything that helps you not fear it like Ging says. Fear is the enemy as it produces all the stress hormones and makes you tense up. Relaxing as much as you can in labour is the best thing you can do.

Ignore all the advice about what you should get; get what you feel you want. If you over indulge - why the hell not? It's your first. Anything you are missing you can get easily! I bought a snooze pod type thing and my little girl slept in it every night brilliantly. Not sure I can put it down to the pod but if you want one; get one. The only piece of advice I have is that you cannot have enough baby all in ones and enough muslins.

Melly - in laws are the worst but I'm going to add in all grandparents. They mean well but they come across as criticising and they overstimulate the baby which throws their sleep patterns out of whack for days! We decided to keep visits to a few hours but not so easy if they live far away!

Ging - back to work must have been rough. I still struggle to leave my baby for more than a couple of hours. In fact I haven't been out by myself in the evening since before she was born! I really need to get out!!! She sleeps 7-5am without waking over the past few weeks. The 5am wake up means I need to be in bed by 9-10pm.
I'm sure Jack will start sleeping through by 6-7 months when you introduce solids etc.

As for me, I'm starting to enjoy motherhood a lot more now she is more predictable. The uninterrupted sleep really helps. She still naps in my arms though which is not so good but haven't managed to get her out of that habit yet - I haven't really tried hard enough.

She's eating some solids now which is great - hoping this will start to increase gradually and the breast feeding will start to lessen. She is sitting up now and very wriggly! I think she will be mobile very soon!!

Hope you are all well!

Xxx

 

[gingmg]

Hi ladies. Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. I'm finding myself more anxious than I was in the beginning. It all seemed to come so natural at first, now I find that I second guess myself a lot. I guess its because I've been following my intuition and instincts to care for DS and responding to him how I think he needs me to and I'm starting to realize its not necessarily how everyone else parents their children. Most times I feel that I'm doing a good job with him but then other times I question everything. I didn't anticipate feeling like this. I think I am turning into one of those moms who has guilt over everything. He has been increasingly fussy and I keep feeling like its somehow my fault. I hope I find my confidence again soon- I liked myself better then.

Briss- I hope you have found this thread. Can't wait to share your journey with you.

I probably will stay around on this website for awhile. There are a few threads that still really help me and its nice to be able to talk about some of my parenting choices that I don't talk about in real life.

Oh and he is rolling like a champ! So fun to watch! He will be 4 months next week.

 

[Jazzbird]

Hey Ging!

I'm with you too on the parenting front. At the beginning I think it is all about the physical needs of your baby - making sure they feed, sleep and poop well. But as they grow and become more aware - particularly after the fourth trimester - it becomes about their emotional as well as physical needs. I always thought once I got her to sleep through the night - that would be it. But this week she is crying when I leave the room or start to walk away from her and she constantly wants to suckle to sleep again. I feel like I need to start sleep training all over again!

I think it is probably the only job where you never feel like you know what you are doing and just as you think you have it sussed it all changes again. I think you have it right though - I spent ages comparing my baby to others and my parenting methods but every baby, every mother and every relationship is unique - so going with your instincts is the only way. Allowing yourself to make mistakes is very important.

We are going through another tricky sleep phase too. She was doing 7-4 or 7-5 without waking and now she's feeding again at 1 or 3 or last night 9 just when all the baby books say she can now sleep through without feeding! Grrrrr! Then I think should I feed her or be firm and put her back to bed. But I usually feed her ... She's still young even though she's nearly 7 months!

Hope Briss joins this thread soon too when she feels more confident in her pregnancy.

 

[gingmg]

Jazzbird- Thanks for the reassurance. I am feeling somewhat better. I think I just need to either learn to tune out the outside chatter better or at least not take it heart when I do things differently from others. It doesn;t mean i am doing anything wrong, just because it is different. I am also learning that people are very opinionated and everyone seems to want to offer advice even when I didn;t ask for it. I think mostly I am just tired from being back at work and being tired leaves me less patient and less confident. Today was a better day though. I just need to trust myself more.

Sorry you are having another bad stretch with sleep. I've heard that this happens here and there. You are right, just when you think you have it all figured out it changes. I wish I could pause time, it's going by way to fast. I want to enjoy every minute of it and not waste this time feeling insecure. I just love him to pieces and I want to make sure that I am doing the very best for him. I guess that's what it all boils down to- I just want the best for him.

 

[melly2]

Hi Ladies,

I think feeling insecure is normal, or at least, normal for good parents. Funny how my mom was 19 years old when she was a mother and felt secure, however, she was probably making many poor decisions as a parent because she was so young and immature. That said, everyone parents differently and you have to trust your instincts. I'm going through the same right now, but only because my company really wants me to come back to work part time. I swore to myself I would be a stay-home-mom, however, I also enjoy my work and I worry that I will get brain atrophy. Hah! I'm a software engineer, so it's in my best interest to stay up-to-date on my work. Therefore, I have chosen to go back to work 10 hours per week. Even with that, I'm beating myself up over it, because I know I can easily get sucked into the vortex of work since I'm one of the more senior people there. I want to just enjoy every moment with Gretchen and not waste time on stupid work stuff, but at the same time, the extra money can help fund nice family vacations and put more money into her college account. You see, even as I right this I find myself justifying my decision. It was such a long and hard process to get pregnant I don't want to piss it away.

Sorry to vent, but it's good to get my thoughts out, just like the rest of you. I sure wish we all lived close. I don't have many friends with young children now, so it's nice to share this journey with others knowing that I'm not alone.

 

[Jazzbird]

Ging - yes you are so right. Filtering out the chatter and advice is so important but I really took it all to heart because it was coming from my family. My mum and sis swore blind they had babies sleeping through by 12 weeks and that I was holding and cuddling my baby to sleep which they never did. Even today my mum started bleating on about how she is "used" to being held etc. she cries when I leave the room now. But if I think about it logically babies are supposed to be held - they are supposed to fall asleep on you. My sister even said I was being used as a "human dummy"! What a stupid thing to say when the dummy is a synthetic substitute for a nipple. Grrrrr! Don't get me wrong - I don't think there is anything wrong with dummies or people who leave their babies to cry or pick them up. What I do have a problem with is judging other people's style of parenting.

It also makes you reflect on your own upbringing. I'm pretty sure I was left to cry and settle myself off to sleep at a very young age. I was fed formula and baby rice and weaned at 4 months. My mum is from 1950s school of parenting. I do remember age 3 waking up every hour and going into my parents room because I was scared. Whilst my mum was/is wonderful at looking after me physically - I don't think she even thought twice about me emotionally. Yet here I am taking her criticism to heart. She even said today she knew she was a great mum. How wonderful it must be to be so self assured ... But then again self-doubt and insecurity allows you to be empathic towards your baby - to adapt your parenting to the individual needs of a child. And it shows that you are striving to provide the best.

It is tough filtering out the noise when it comes from the very person who you depended on your whole life. I don't really have any advice other than I hear you sister!

Melly - I think 10 hours return is doable if you can keep it to that. I only wish part time was an option for me, but it's all or nothing which is going to make returning to work rough. The only consolation is that I will be working 6 months on and then have 6 months off.

 

[Jazzbird]

Ps Melly - I so wish we all lived closer too. I've made a few mum friends but I don't really feel I have much in common with them.

You won't be wasting your time as a Mum by working 10 hours but if you don't want to then stay at home with her. I adore my little girl but I've only been out twice without her in 7 months and NEVER past 5pm! I would love to have a few hours every week just to be me again without my boob hanging out or wiping poo off my jeans ;-)

 

[gingmg]

Jazzbird- So well said. You always make me feel so much better. I'm with you, babies need the love, snuggles, and comfort now. They are only this small for so long so I plan on getting all the snuggles I can get. I hold J all the time too, and wear him when we are out. Its good for both of us and I don't see anything wrong with it. I saw a bunch of my extended family recently and got an earful. "You hold him too much" "he's manipulating you" "he should be sleeping through the night by now" "what?? He's not on a feeding schedule?" "Just put him in his crib and let him cry, its good for his lungs" "he's smarter than you are, you have to show him who's boss". The list is endless. I know they meant well, but its not how I do things. He has the rest of his life to be independent and learn to comfort himself- for these short few months its my job and I'm happy to do it. I look at it that I'm building a strong foundation of trust, love, and security. His independence will come- probably sooner than I want it too.

Melly- Thanks for your kind words too and your reassurance. You don't have to justify wanting to work part-time! You love what you do and are good at it. Just because you are a mom now doesn't mean you have to give up everything else in your life. I really have enjoyed being back at work, its social time for me and it's nice to be challenged and use my brain to figure out complicated situations. I find that my time at home is even more precious now. Sure its hard to leave at first, but when you trust the person caring for them, it gets easier. Granted since I work nights, I'm tired all.the.time. but it really has been a nice balance and even if I financially didn't have to work, I still would. I love what I do. I just wish I could love it part-time not full-time but that will come in time.

And melly as far as not having any mom friends, I found meetup.com really helpful. (Did I already say that in another post? Sorry if this is a repeat!) I found a few new mom groups in my area and it has given me things to do on my time off. Some we just meet at local coffee shops to hang out and talk, others are more formal activities for kids. One of my favorites is Hikeitbaby, which is an international organization of moms that meet to get outside and go walking with their babies and toddlers. It has saved my sanity this winter. (yes even in all this snow we manage to get out. With the right clothing its not so bad!)I wonder if there is a chapter near you? I also go to monthly La Leche League meetings, mostly I started going to meet other moms but in the process I have really learned a lot about breastfeeding. I don't know that I will meet any forever friends doing any of these activities, but it sure is nice to have things to do with J, have him meet other babies, and talk about all the things that are mind numbingly boring to anyone else without a baby.

Bliss!!! Hi!!! Miss you!! I was just thinking about you yesterday and was going to message you. How are you?

 

[gingmg]

I wish we lived close too. Who knew you could make virtual friendships?

 

[Jazzbird]

Well Ging - I think you're doing an amazing job and you know what? These relatives forget what it is really like. My baby was sleeping through 7-5 reliably for a few months but colds, separation anxiety, developmental changes, and teething continually throw curve balls. Last night I was up every 2 hours Breast feeding her to sleep again! She's cutting two teeth and wants to suckle for comfort. How on earth can parents have babies sleeping through from 3 months with no blips? I'm not saying it can't happen but it's very very rare!

As for babies "manipulating" you - they are programmed for survival to be close at all times, to wake if the circumstances that led them to sleep are not the same (ie if you move them to their crib from your arms). It's just evolutionary programming not some sort of evil master plan. I laugh when people say that to me. It's such an ignorant, unhelpful comment. Jack will settle when he's ready and even if you did sleep train him, you'll have to do it again over and over as the layers of emotional development are built. I think he's only just figured out you and he are separate. Autumn has just worked out distances and cries when I walk away. They will as toddlers learn fear and be scared at night. Just because they are capable of sleeping through doesn't mean they will. You can always shout back the cases of orphanages where babies don't cry because they have learned they get no response. How sad and how damaging.

Perhaps I am imagining it but I always felt like I was a naughty girl growing up - I never felt secure or really unconditionally loved and it has damaged me. I am trying to fix it but having a baby has opened all the old wounds when my mum comments I'm holding my baby too much. I still want to be loved by her and want her approval.

Funnily enough she was a very cold mum when we were growing up - never really gave hugs or cuddles. Always wanted us to achieve at school etc. now she's older she's become all clingy. It's very frustrating!

Then I think in 20 years time it'll be my daughter whinging about me and the mistakes I have made.

 

[melly2]

I agree that you can't hold or snuggle a baby enough. Like you, Jazz, my mom was sorta standoffish and had the opinion that children are better seen and not heard. She didn't interact with us much, and my sister and I were left to our own devices. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I snuck out of the house as a toddler and walked around the neighborhood by myself! One time I ended up in my neighbor's cactus garden with bare feet!!! I'm still traumatized by that to this day. I know my parents feel bad about it now, but I have learned from their mistakes. I hold Gretchen all the time, and she even snuggles with me at night in bed after her feeding. I love waking up with her smiles in the morning. I have only heard from my mother-in-law (I know, shocker), that I hold her too much and that I should leave her in the crib alone more often. I just ignore her suggestions.

Ging: Thanks for the suggestion on meetup.com. I forgot about that sight, but you're right, that's a good resource to get together with others. When did you start going to meet ups? Since she's only 9 weeks old now, I figured it's still too early to really play with other babies, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

[gingmg]

Melly- It depends on what kind of groups you find on there. She is too young to get anything out of it, but if you found a group of new moms it might be something you would enjoy. I've gone to some 'moms with newborns' ones and we just sit around in a coffee shop and talk. Other ones we get outside and just walk. Today was the first one I went to that was for J (story time- but even still he just starred at the other babies) all the others were for me. Sometimes its just nice to get out of the house and talk to other people in similar stages as you. I joined a few 'mom groups' on there and I get daily emails with all the upcoming activities. I just look for the newborn or infant ones- which obviously are for the moms not babies.