Accupuncture ladies-from TTC to BFP

[kits]

So good thing my phone got a system upgrade & didn't conk out. I had written half of that so many times!

I do want to say that I'm dying to be pregnant again. I loved feeling my little girl move around.

We're (me more so than him, haha) thinking of trying again probably around August. We definitely want as big a family as we could have and with the age concern we need to get a move on! We're also moving back to the USA next summer so I would like to have my second by then.

Not sure that's the best idea, it may be stressful on my body but that's what I currently have planned. Guess we can see what happens in a few months.

On another note, Sophia has been sleeping so-so, most of the time ok but she can squirm herself awake and be unsettled. So I started swaddling her & bought a peanut swaddle as well & that seems to do the trick.

Thanks for the tip on the book jazzbird & all the other advice ladies, it's good knowing what else does & doesn't work for others.

Think I'll be able to post more regularly now

 

[Jazzbird]

Kits - what an incredible birth story. I'm sorry you had such a rough time and sounds like the ambulance etc wasn't that great. No they don't administer epidurals in ambulance in UK but they do have stretchers. I was carried out on one when I was in labour. I also had gas and air on the way to the hospital.

I wonder if birth in USA is better managed. I begged for an epidural and they kept saying he was busy with a c section. In the end I think they were just fobbing me off and I had to give birth naturally.

Anyway - it was amazing to read!

 

[gingmg]

Kits- Loved reading your birth story! I love hearing about everyone's experiences and how their little babies came into this world. It truly is quite amazing! Can't believe you are thinking about number 2 already. Ha! Good for you. Would you go back to Texas? I think that is where you said you were from originally.

I don't know when we will try for number 2. Maybe around the fall or winter? The problem will be if we are done breastfeeding or not. I don't want to cut our breastfeeding relationship short if neither one of us are ready just to try to get pregnant again. I'd rather wait until one of us is ready. Who knows, by next fall one of us might be ready, but it's hard to picture that at this point. I guess I could always try an unmedicated FET with our one frozen embie if I was still breastfeeding and if it didn't take decide when we would start with a fresh IVF cycle.

 

[kits]

They wouldn't have been able to give the epidural in the ambulance but gas & air would've been amazing. Yes, it's all managed completely differently. They don't want mommy suffering at all so they try to make labour quicker by inducing.

I'm not bothered, I'd happily have next baby over here again.

Ging, one thing that I forgot to mention is that close to the end, not long before I started pushing, little Sophia got the hiccups! It was such an odd feeling, if you can imagine on the inside of your va-ja-jay a sort of popping & rhythmic sensation, haha!

Does an unmedicated FET cost a lot? Sorry I don't know much about IVF, etc.

Jazz, sorry to hear that you're still struggling with the recovery I'm guessing that you've tried physio & your doctor knows?

Just want to say congratulations with all the breastfeeding, ladies. I'd like to think that I'd I hadn't gotten such a bad case of mastitis that I'd still be doing it now.

Yes, I'm from Texas so that's where we'd go as I'm dying to be with my family again.

 

[gingmg]

Oh I bet hiccups would be quite a bizarre sensation! Too funny.

 

[melly2]

Finally catching up; I'm not sure where the time has gone.

Kits I loved reading your story. Wow...that is quite a story, too. I'm glad through it all you managed it well. 40 hours of labor is long...very long. Like you, my progress had stalled, too, and I thought I was much further along with constant contractions, but nope! Glad to hear that Sophia is doing well and you recovered from your infections and fevers. Happy to hear you're coming back to the States and to Texas, no less. I live in Austin!

Jazz: I hope your fissure is getting better. I can understand why you would be nervous coming off the laxatives, I was too, and that was only with hemorrhoids. Glad to hear that your sleep situation is getting better. Fingers crossed!

I also loved being pregnant, more so than I ever imagined. My husband and I are now 39 and it's hard to think about number two right now. We have five more embryos in the bank, and I'm just not sure what to do. I told my husband I only wanted one child, but now I'm starting to have second thoughts. I dunno...it's really hard. I love Gretchen so much, but the thought of a second child does seem a little daunting right now. We're trying to find a bigger house and one that is closer to my husband's job, but the market in Austin is CRAZY right now. I've been so busy with that lately..and of course, the baby, so it's hard to think about number two.

 

[gingmg]

Hi ladies. Just wanted to stop in and say hi. Hope everyone is doing well. I think the baby led weaning we have been doing is starting to take off. The first few weeks were mostly playing, putting food in his mouth, gagging it back out, and making a huge mess. I was starting to question whether or not it was even a good idea. The gagging at the beginning was hard too. I would offer something, he would gag, then I would get scared and take it all away. I definitely had some moments that I questioned if I was sane or rationale for giving a six month old a piece of toast with bananas on it. Talking to my doctor about it really helped give me the confidence I needed to move forward with it. I'm glad I stuck with it because he really is doing well with it now. Its messy though, and time consuming cuz it takes awhile for him to eat. But its nice to not have to feed him and I can get stuff done in the kitchen at the same time. Anway, that's solids.

Sleep still sucks and I'm starting to think I will never sleep again. We are both so sleep deprived that if I sleep for 3-4 hours, I feel great and am good to go. I really don't know what to do anymore. I keep hoping that it will get better, and it doesn't. We can finally put him down more awake than ever, but it somehow doesn't seem to help the night wakings. I thought it would. Anyway, that's sleep.

I love J more than anything in the world but I am realizing I need to start doing things for myself again. I miss yoga and need to make more of an effort to get myself to classes again. Or at the very least make some time to do some at home. I think it would do me a world of good.

 

[Jazzbird]

Hey Ging!

Fab news on the baby led weaning. We do a mixture of baby led and purée. She is definitely enjoying feeding herself but loves to be fed yoghurt! She just loves the taste.

Sorry to hear about sleep. I too thought that if you put them down awake - voila, they should sleep through. However, it's apparently not the case. You have to also teach them to go back to sleep by themselves too. And teach them to fall asleep for naps and go back to sleep in the middle of a nap. They are all separate skills. Grrrrr! I wholeheartedly recommend the sleep sense program. I sat with my little one when she woke next to her cot and told her it was sleepy time and patted her tummy. It took a good 45 minutes before she dropped off. The next night it was 20 minutes and since then (4 weeks ago) if she does wake she usually goes back to sleep by herself. I have gone in one night when she wouldn't settle back. She sleeps 7-5.45 most nights. Honestly it is so worth it. She now naps twice a day for an hour! Hurrah!!!

Sleep deprivation sucks!

 

[gingmg]

Does it involve a lot of crying? I can't do it if it does. I understand that its a skill they have to learn but I'm just not sure that I feel right about him letting him cry in order to learn something, even if im standing right there. I would end up picking him up. Maybe I could slowly treat the overnight wakings the way we got him to go down awake at the start of the night. It would just mean less sleep in the meantime because its a painfully slow process. This sleep stuff is so incredibly isolating.

On the bright side, he only woke up once last night which felt so manageable and leaves me feeling hopeful that he will slowly outgrow this. Now that I've written that he is certainly going to wake up every hour tonight.

 

[Jazzbird]

Hi Ging - the crying really will depend on your baby. Some cry a lot; some cry a little and some just roll over and go to sleep! However I think if you have no tolerance to any crying then I wouldn't attempt it. I got desperate edging towards 9 months of no sleep and just couldn't see it improving. My tried and tested methods for getting her to sleep (feeding her back to sleep) stopped working as well and she started waking up more.

They will always protest when there is change to what they know. Mine cried a lot yesterday because I wouldn't let her chew a cable on the floor - I know it's not the same thing but easier to let her cry because it was for her own safety. It's nice now because she reaches out for her bed when it's night time.

Only do it if you feel comfortable. I must confess I also leave her crying at 5am as she wants to get up. I have tried everything to get her to sleep longer but she is an early bird. I've been getting up at 4 & 5 for 9 months and I'm tired of it - so I leave her til 6 now. Some days she goes back to sleep but often she just cries. I guess I've become a bit hardened to it now. I sound like a terrible mum but believe that if I'd left her earlier in the mornings instead of getting her up - I wouldn't have a baby that wakes every morning at 5!!!

It's all so hard!

However if you are really struggling and feeling low - it is worth it in the long run. I'm not sure I was ready to do it at 6 months but also because my oh has chronic fatigue he just couldn't help with night waking and early mornings so had to do it for my own sanity and for the whole family. It really wasn't that bad though.

 

[gingmg]

Jazz- you are not a terrible mom. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Its whatever works for you, your family, and your baby. I have to say I'm quite jealous of the sleep!
Have you started acupuncture yet?

 

[Jazzbird]

Yes I'm enjoying being a mum so much more with the extra zzzzs. I can usually manage 7 hours sleep a night & I turn off the audio monitor now (breathing sensor/alarm is still activated) so I'm not waking up unless she's fully awake. Not so keen on the 5am starts but I shouldn't complain as I know it can be so much worse.

It'll probably all change again soon and I'll be cursing that programme!!!

They all find their way eventually so I'm sure if you don't do anything, Jack will figure it out in his own time. It's just whether you can cope with it.

No I've not started acu yet - I will be in August. Just sat mornings but so looking forwards to treating patients and earning a little cash. I really don't like going to my husband for stuff like a new bra!!!! I am taking an online course in acupuncture with ivf to understand more about supporting the ivf process. I can't believe my baby will be one year old when I start! In some ways it's gone so fast and in others I feel like I have lived and breathed every moment. Less so now she's doing better at night.

The discussions over if and when number 2 might happen have already started given I'm going to be 39 in November but I'm still on laxatives - so still feeling very damaged from the birth. I think I've probably healed but every time I try to stop them I get pain and it's so important to avoid re-opening the fissure - so I end up back on laxatives. I think maybe I need a liquid diet for a while and to take oil supplements. It's been such a long recovery for me. Some days I worry it's permanent.

Gah! We'll keep us updated on sleep. I remember Autumns sleep going pear shaped around 6 months. They really start to understand independence etc.

 

[melly2]

Hi Ladies,

Sleep is a mystery, that's for sure. I think you just have to do what's feel most natural for you and your baby, and sleep will eventually consolidate. I do recommend the Magic Sleep Suite; it seems to have helped us. Gretchen seems to enjoy it and is now sleeping 11-12 hours during the night without waking once. Her naps are still short, but I've just decided not to fight those since her nights are so long. That said, there is no magic solution only things that help assist. I think every baby is different and has their own way of maturing into sleep.

The baby led feeding sounds interesting, and I think I may try it. I've tried solids on Gretchen and she doesn't appear to be ready yet. The moment I put the food in her mouth she just sticks her tongue out and the food falls out. She's only 5 1/2 months old, so I won't push it yet. Maybe I'm not doing it correctly?

 

[Jazzbird]

Hi Melly

I think 5 1/2 months is still quite early for some babies. We started around that time with some purée but she wasn't really interested. It's a very gradual process.

We did purée for a few months and introduced finger food slowly. Now she is almost completely feeding herself. I feed her porridge and her favourite purée but she eats everything else by herself. I found puree to be excellent to get them interested in flavours and tastes.

Gretchen will get the hang of it.

As for us - we have crawling mastered and pulling herself up. Life is much more hectic now. Can't leave her for a second. Everything is edible! Only a matter of a few weeks and I think she'll be walking

 

[gingmg]

Melly- I agree with jazz, she doesn't sound quite ready yet. The food being pushed out by her tongue is a reflex that will go away soon. Loosing that reflex is actually one of the things that shows readiness to eat. Is she sitting unassisted yet? That was one of the milestones we waited for and happened pretty much exactly at six months.

Jazz- it is a game changer Hugh? J is crawling like crazy and pulling to stand too. He does not stay still ever! It was actually a little scary a few weeks ago cuz he didn't seem like he was taking in enough to make up for the fact that he is so mobile so early. He was small to begin with but dropped percentiles even more once he started crawling and standing. He's catching up though in these last two weeks, finally!

 

[gingmg]

My heart hurts and feels so sad and heavy right now. J wouldn't settle for my wife at all tonight. He cried no matter what she did. She eventually put him in the crib and got in it with him. She said he cried for a very long time before finally lying down with her and going to sleep. I'm sure that's what she will do anytime he wakes up tonight too. I'm working the next two nights as well and I think she is going to do the same those nights too. I didn't want to sleep train him and I don't believe in crying it out (for us anyway). But essentially that's what he did, just with her there. She said that she is going to be so upset if on Monday I put him in bed with me and break everything she did. My heart feels so sad and heavy. I love putting him in bed with me and I'm sad that I have to give it up. It wasn't even a discussion but I understand that it makes things harder for my wife when I do that. So fine, I can work on settling him back into the crib but if he wakes up I can't not nurse him. I won't let him scream in my arms and not nurse him. And I won't tolerate him crying in her arms while I am in the next room. I dont know how to move forward from here. If i go back to putting him in bed with me, this cycle will never end and they will end up in this same situation over and over again. Its actually not usually this bad, but I just had a week off and I think he got used to only me at night again. My heart hurts knowing he cried for 3.5 hours tonight. I didn't want to sleep train and I'm afraid that this is what's happening. She's crying it out with her in the crib. I know she didn't plan on it, he just wouldn't settle for her and after a looonngggg time of rocking/bouncing etc she just gave up and put him down. I hate that I work and that I can't be there. I hate that because I work I can't take care of J how I want to and that I have to let these things happen to him. I'm at work now taking care of other peoples screaming children and all I care about is being home with my own. This fucking sucks. My heart feels so heavy and sad for him. I don't know how to handle Monday night. I can't continue what she is doing because it doesn't feel right to me but if I feed him or co-sleep its breaking everything that she is doing and essentially that's extra not fair to him if he has to go through this over and over. I know this sounds so stupid to be so distraught over, but I am. This sucks

 

[gingmg]

Sorry for the long post last night. I'm feeling better. Its just so hard to be away from him and know that he is crying for hours on end and there is nothing you can do to make it better. I feel helpless at work when that happens. After he screamed himself to sleep they actually had a fine rest of the night. I wish I didn't work full time. I just wish I could be home more. Its probably why I don't want to give up co-sleeping, I'm gone so much that its nice to reconnect, but I think my co-sleeping days are coming to an end. I know all our sleep problems are my own fault and my own doing but to be honest if I didn't work at night i wouldnt even think we had any sleep problems. I guess its time to try to make this better for everyone. I just want to make sure we are as gentle as possible during this process. I'll keep you posted how we are doing. I'll need some big time strength to hold out and not nurse at night anymore, hopefully I can do it and hopefully he takes it OK.

 

[Jazzbird]

Ging - I'm so sorry I only just picked this up. You do sound so low - what's happened since?

I really feel for you that your shift timeframes mean you can't always parent Jack in the way that you want. It must be so hard for you being apart from him at night. I still haven't left Autumn at night and only left her with my husband for a few hours.

If there is no way round it - then just try to think of how this could benefit Jack. I think consistency is so important - so if you're not there a few nights a week you need to be able to keep his routine consistent so he is not too disturbed.

I know you don't want to sleep train him and it goes against your parenting style but eventually the sleepless nights may wear you down. I have a co sleeping friend whose 5 & 2.5 year old still co sleep and the younger one still wakes for breast feeding. There is obviously nothing wrong with it at all but she is absolutely worn out. It is now much harder to get her children to sleep independently and it is putting a strain on her marriage.

I'm not saying sleep training is the right thing to do but if you have no choice - perhaps you can try and think of the benefits.

You are an amazing mum and I'm sure he feels very secure and attached to you with all the wonderful co sleeping and wearing him in a sling you have done so far. I honestly believe it really gives babies a loving secure attachment that will last for life. But just because you don't co sleep with him doesn't mean that you can't still build on this loving attachment. They change so fast and need different things as they grow. Perhaps you can think of some other ways to continue with your parenting style? A calming, fun and loving bedtime routine? Making his cot super comfy (I'm sure you already did this). We used a sleepyhead and she loves it! It almost hugs her to sleep.

https://www.sleepyheadwebshop.com/en/products/sleepyhead/sleepyhead-grand-pristine-white.html

I sing her lullabies too before each nap and bed. We read lovely stories to her - check out "the runaway bunny". It's so lovely.

Perhaps you and your wife could sit down together and decide on exactly when and how you should put him to bed bad have fun choosing a lovely routine. I think it is so helpful to involve the other parent.

It's so hard but I guess so much of parenting is knowing when to let go and when to hold on. Our own feelings get mixed up too and sometimes you don't really know who you're doing it for.

Anyway, big cuddle to you Ging. Thinking of you. Post back with an update.

 

[gingmg]

Thanks for your kind words jazz. Its been a better week. He is starting to put himself back to sleep sometimes. We still cosleep at some point in the night, but so does my wife when I'm not there so I don't feel the pressure from her anymore to change anything. We do have a pretty good bedtime routine and are still working on putting him down more and more awake. She is actually better at putting him down this week than I have been, he settles right down and goes to sleep now. Maybe all that unintentional crying last weekend helped them into a better pattern. I don't know. We actually have our mattress on his floor right now. Crazy I know. We thought it would make it easier for him to stay in the crib if he feels like someone is right next to him. We both end up putting him in bed at some point in the night so it was pretty stupid really. I can't help it. No matter how many times I say I will settle him back to the crib, when I am that tired, I just do what's easiest.
I know consistency is key, but I don't feel right to go against what feels natural to me. I will feel resentful and angry to have to parent him differently. Most nurses I work with said it just takes time for their OH to get into their own rhythm. He has to learn that I may do things one way but that she does things a different way and thats OK. I do think they will find their way. I know I said I was going to try not to feed him overnight, but that didn't feel right either and he doesn't nurse often overnight anyway.

Its just hard. My wife doesn't want to sleep train either, but when she has a bad night she texts all kinds of messages to me and I'm sure of the conversation that's coming. But then once she is rested, she changes her mind and says she was just frustrated and doesn't want to actually do it. At least for now, I'm holding out that this is going to get better keeping on the way we are. Maybe I live in la-la land and this is a never ending cycle- but I don't think so. I know he will get there. I think that even when I have long stretches off, my wife needs to continue putting him to bed and staying involved because I think that's what was at the route of the problem last weekend. He had lost his groove with her. Im happy to do everything for him when I'm home but I think we need to continue with each of us playing a big role, otherwise I think it backfires when he has too many nights without her involvement.

Thanks again for your words of reassurance.

 

[Jazzbird]

I'm glad things are better Ging. You are so right - of course he will find his own way. I think they all do eventually. Sleep deprivation does make us so irrational and frustrated. I can totally understand your wife's jumbled texts. I was the same after a bad night. My partner has post viral fatigue so he never really helped with the night shift - he really has no idea about how hard it can get. It's great your wife is so involved.