Accupuncture ladies-from TTC to BFP

[tryfor2]

Jazzbird: I'm not sure really. My parents are very self-involved--really into their bridge and tennis and social engagements. It's getting more pronounced as they get older. They weren't super supportive last time, so I was somewhat prepared for this, but with this being my second pregnancy their interest is pretty much non-existent. (They have yet to see a picture of my bump and I'm 8 months pregnant!) Anyway, they are who they are and I just have to deal. Doesn't make it any less disappointing though.

Having said that, I can imagine how your situation might get grating pretty quickly! It's hard to gauge how you will feel PP but you may end up having to have a chat about boundaries. As sweet as their intentions may be. DH is extremely close to his parents and I have felt a bit suffocated on more than a few occasions (especially given my wildly different upbringing). You're right though--pregnancy, birth and new parenthood does tend to bring up a lot of emotional issues among families. I had some stuff surface last time. I'm currently reading a book called "Difficult Mothers." Kind of says it all!

 

[BBbliss]

Jazz, no I was absolutely not born very positive, quite the contrary, I was very insecure, sad, I'd cry a lot growing up and in my teens. Didn't have many friends and felt victimized all the time. Then in my mid 20's I was broke depressed and a single mother of 2. I was the end of all hope I had ever had for myself, or so I thought. I know how to pray and I had been exposed to some good philosophies so when I was in my "dark night of the soul" moment there were only two options, sink of swim... I had to learn how to swim. I prayed, read good books, self-help, new-age, spiritual, one after the other, went to seminars and had to change the way I looked at everything. My sister says I became a different person. You see, I know now that there an evolutionary force in this universe that propels us to grow, to do better, to be better, it's the same life that permeates all nature, we are as part of nature as nature itself and if we can just sit still and appreciate the magnificence of this life force working in our lives everyday, beautiful things will start to happen. I also don't live in the past, I made sure to really work at every little thing so I wouldn't attract situations that made me fell the same way again, still life is a work in progress and I accept the process, everything is an opportunity to learn a lesson... And yes it is a choice, everyday. When you look for the good in all things life becomes more fulfilling and mystical, and that's the choice I make. All is well

Try, you made me smile with your comment
I'm sorry you feel such disconnect with your parents, I know how it feels. Love them anyways as I know you do. When you know better you do better, they have their own limitations and they just don't know better. Sometimes people want to do more but just don't know how. Pride and ego can really disconnect us from people we love. I hope this baby brings you all closer again.

Alison I live in Fort Lauderdale

 

[BBbliss]

Oh and I almost forgot, DF had gone from zero morth to 6%! The week we started IVF just from supplements! We want to test again to see where we are now.

 

[Jazzbird]

Try - that is tough. It's funny but I said to OH yesterday how I wish my mum had some of her own hobbies. All she does is work and call for opportunities to visit! It's like we have polar opposite parents. I guess a balance between the two would be ideal I'm very lucky with my in laws - they are interested and call but are very considerate and will only visit for a few hours after the baby is born and then maybe stay one night a few months later. But they always help out with house stuff etc. Mum announced that she had taken the whole of august off work to help! I mean it's very sweet but the due date is 11! And so she might not come til end of august and OH wants it just to be two of us for first few weeks. I did ask her if she could move her holiday to September when OH goes back to work and I'm sure I'll need help but she said no! Grrrrrrrr!

I think BBbliss is right - they are just working with their own limitations. I think I'm always hoping they will change and see the light but maybe it's me who needs to change my attitude towards them.

Try - were they upset when you told them? Did they feel bad or have they just cut communication?


BBbliss - I'm inspired by your story. I must change too what do you recommend to read or do? It's so easy for me to be negative - yet I feel my life maybe so much happier if I was more positive.

Hi to breaking, Melly & Ging - miss you gals. Hope all your pregnancies are going well!

X

 

[alison29]

BBliss F Lauderdale is nice quite the drive from here however like another planet lol. I really agree with your philosophy on life, thanks for sharing. I read a lot about that the first time I was trying to conceive it was really helpful. I can see the positive in most things i just have to beat back that little devil that wants to remind me of how easy most others in my life get pregnant. I really do believe there is a lesson i am supposted to be learning right now with all this waiting and one day it will all fall into place and make sense somehow. Infertility changes us that is for sure

 

[alison29]

Oh sorry I am on the pregnancy thread should be harping on infertility but I think everyone here understands

 

[BBbliss]

I think it's easy for everyone to be negative, but it's like that Cherokee tale of the two wolves that live inside all of us one bad and one good who are always fighting... The one you feed wins. Simple as that.

Reading is essential to "feeding" your soul. I tell my DD all the time "feed your soul" life comes full of challenges as we all here know first hand but the better equips you are the better you'll come out on the other side. I think if anything TTC teaches us patience and acceptance, as hard as it is sometimes I have to remind myself to be kind and grateful for my body. Being pregnant also comes with challenges as does having a new born, every stage and cycle brings new lessons to learn but each challenge also bring opportunities for fulfillment and joy and isn't it what life is all about?

I'd recommend and easy read like "The Four Agreements" but some of the best books I've ever read where "The Seat Of The Soul" by Gary Zukav and "A New Earth" by Ekhart Tolle, who's considered to be the most influential spiritual teacher alive today.

Alison, I agree Gainesville is a world away, LOL

 

[melly2]

Hi Everyone! I was sick as a dog the past five days. Came down with some sort of summer cold/sinus infection. Of course, it makes it harder to recover since the medications you can take is very limited. I'm starting to feel better now.

Try: I can empathize with you. My parents are both incredibly selfish. They are divorced, but my dad went almost two years from seeing my sister's kids. I've come to realize that my child will barely know his grandparents, sad to say. My in-laws are great, but they're now approaching 80 and in very bad health. We have no family anywhere near us, they're all at least 600 miles away.

Bbliss: I love your outlook on everything. It's good to have a positive attitude and reflect on the bigger picture.

 

[alison29]

Jazzbird I had a hard time adjusting to the somewhat "open door" having children created in our lives. That sucks your mom can't adjust to your families needs. It was hard adjusting to life with kids and then we had family living with us and helping for 6 wks adds it's stress if you and your husband are used to beign alone Now sometimes I cringe at the amount of visiting that can be done with relatives from 10 am to 10 pm thats alot of visiting for introverts! but the extended family is nice it's me that is the freak lol

 

[gingmg]

Try- I am sorry that it has been difficult with your parents. I hope that it either gets better or that you find some resolution with it.

Melly- Glad you are starting to feel better!

BBliss- I really admire your outlook on life. I always find myself feeling better after I read one of your posts. I am trying to work on being more positive, but it's a work in progress. I hope you are doing ok after your loss.

Jazzbird- that's great that your mom wants to come and help so much, but I bet that it is a fine line when it starts to feel like it's too much.

Alison-You can always bring up anything here! Don't feel bad for bringing up TTC issues, I think we all understand. I only started this thread so that other's TTC wouldn't have to hear about our pregnancies, not the other way around.

Breaking- HI!

AFM- not much. All is well. I think I may be feeling him move, but still not sure exactly if what I am feeling is him or not. It only happens sometimes. Have my level 2 ultrasound at the end of next week. I think I will feel much better after that. I just want to know that everything is forming okay. I think I see too much of what goes wrong and I forget that most times it all goes right. My nurse friends keep telling me to ignore everything we see at work and drive by the ball fields on the weekend. They probably are on to something. I can't help but be nervous, but I'm trying to keep my fears in check.

 

[tryfor2]

BBbliss: Wow. I'm impressed. To think you didn't start off irrepressibly positive (far from it) just blows me away. I've been in therapy for a LONG time (depression) and I feel like it's a few inches forward, a couple of feet back. I haven't heard that comment about the wolves before--very apt. Must remember that. I know how difficult it is to change though. It amazes me that you were able to persevere and do the work required. You must have a steely fortitude. Oh and P.S.: congrats on those new stats!

Jazzbird: Yes, my mum was definitely upset when I told her. Very indignant, defensive, then the thick guilt trip. All "how can you hurt me like this?" and never "why do/I'm sorry you feel this way?" I wrote back a very long explanatory email in which I pulled some of my "punches" and gently explained how she had misconstrued my tone in places etc. Curiously, it was then that she cut communication. My parents do not respond well to having the slightest failing pointed out to them. I keep trying to remember and accept that. As BBbliss said, when people know better they do better. I try to think of my parents as vulnerable and child-like sometimes. Sounds silly, but I find it helps cut the anger and bitterness.

It does indeed sound like we have opposite parents! But too much the other way can be annoying as hell too. That's hard. Your words could quickly be mistaken as "you don't want me around" etc. You'll have to tread gently while still reminding your mum that this is going to be a HUGE transition for you and perhaps your needs (and your baby's and DH's) need to come first. Just for a little while. I don't know what's happening with my mother now, but for the past six months she has casually referred to visiting this summer, when in fact she has never asked when might be good for us. Like you, I don't want anyone here while DH is off work. AFTER--fine. I won't even get into how she is VERY specific about what she will and won't do while here. Honestly, it's far more stress than helpful to have my parents visit and yet I have them come because I still find myself wanting to please them (not hurt them)!

Oh Melly2, I'm sorry to hear this. That is tough. But I must say that since having my son my relationship with my parents has become less important to me. That may sound awful and callous, but I now feel like my son and husband (and this wee one on the way) are my "real" family (I"m not close to my brother either) and this feeds me in ways my parents and brother do not. I hope it will be the same for you.

Thanks Gingmg….laptop about to die--must go before I lose this!

 

[Breaking Dawn]

Hello ladies!

Been catching up. So much going on here.

I try to get along with my MIL for the sake of my DH. She can be mean, selfish, and conniving. We are announcing our news to family this wknd. And for DHs family she is making a fuss of coming...who else is coming..im not sure I can come. Is it just us bc you don't want me to be around others? Anyhow I told her well talk to DH he wanted to have you over. So then later DH speaks to her and I can tell she's saying the same things. Hen he finally says we have some news to share so I'd like you to come.

I'm just so annoyed....she doesn't deserve to come. She is miserable.

Ugh vent over!

----------

Anyhow!
I'm 12 weeks...yay. i have my 12 week ultrasound on friday it's also the NT. Bit nervous!!!

 

[alison29]

OMG congrats on the 12 wks breaking Here is the place to vent so continue keeps things interesting. Keep us posted about your scan so exciting.

 

[Jazzbird]

Breaking - CONGRATULATIONS! 12 weeks is a big milestone, so happy for you. Looking forwards to hearing about the scan. Will be thinking of you on Friday. MIL's suck. I don't know why but they all have their own particular venom. Mine is actually very very sweet and kind, but a while after we married, she would wait until we were on our own and then ask me how old I was going to be on my next birthday. Once was a bit irritating, then she asked a few months later and a few months after that. It was clearly a back handed comment about my biological clock. When we announced our pregnancy, she was thrilled, but again waited til I was on my own to discuss with me how she felt we would never have children. Grrrr! But I am thankful that on the whole, she is sweet and supportive. I just think there is something about the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dynamic that no matter how lovely each party is, is dysfunctional. I don't think I have any friends who don't have some element of this to deal with. Doesn't make it any easier though!

Alison - echoing Ging - you are SO welcome here - anyone is - TTC, pregnant or Mum. We just didn't want to upset anyone TTC whinging or worrying about our pregnancies. Besides you are a Mum anyway - so we need your help and advice! I totally get you on the "open door" policy that children bring. My mum has been chomping at the bit since I said I was pregnant because she now sees herself as having a use which means more visits and more time. I think I'm very introverted too. I love my own space and time and I find overnight visitors stressful. My Mum snores the house down when she stays and I find it really annoying in the morning when everyone is all bleary eyed and she plonks herself down at the kitchen table, with wet eyes saying "I slept really really well last night". She only lives 30 miles away so I don't know why she has this bee in her bonnet about staying over, but she doesn't really count it as a visit unless she does.

Melly - sorry to hear you have been so unwell. It's hard too not to have relatives close by. Sorry to hear about your folks. I can sympathise as I have no relationship with my Dad. I saw him last 7 years ago and haven't spoken to him since. He behaved atrociously towards my Mum when they divorced - he had been having an affair for a few years and would not speak to her for 2 years when they lived in the same house. The divorce was long and protracted and he went to great lengths to hide any income and request she supported him and his new wife in court. I mean she is like a store checkout lady for crying out loud! It has taken some counselling, but I am happy he is now not a part of my life. I genuinely feel his influence is so destructive and negative that I cannot allow him into my life. My Mum was with him for 40 years and I have to honestly say - he was a nightmare to live with since I was 10 & there is a big part of me that holds anger towards my Mum for staying with him and dragging me through all the dramas in their relationship. She never tried to protect her children from him or the intimate details of their marriage & she has never apologised for it either. I guess this is also partly why I find her visits stressful - so much water under the bridge, so many unresolved issues.

Sorry I didn't mean to go into a life story!!!

BBbliss - thank you for your recommendations, I am going to buy those books and start reading. After my gig this weekend, I will have plenty of time to immerse myself in positive thinking ready for this baby.

Ging - I really sympathise with the worry. It never goes away, it just gets replaced with new worries. However, I think 20 week scan is a real milestone and you will begin to relax more after you have had the all clear.

Try - I am so encouraged by your comment that your relationship with your parents has become less important since you had your son. Despite my rocky relationship with my Mum I have been living in a cycle of resentment, guilt and fear (healthy no?!) when my Mum comes to visit. I usually spend the visit getting really irritated with everything she says and does, then when she goes I feel tremendous guilt at why I can't have a more positive relationship with her and then I feel so much fear that I will lose her (she is getting old) and that she is everything to me. I am hoping that my baby will bring some balance back into my life. I hope it will with my OH too. He has a lovely relationship with his folks, but we are always rushing to see them on mother's day, father's day and their birthdays, easter and xmas - and I wonder if having our own family will force us both to think about our own little unit first and everyone else second. Perhaps it will also bring some empathy towards my Mum for all she went through with me.

Sorry for the super long post girls. I'm on my home computer and not my smart phone, so I can type much much faster!!!

 

[Breaking Dawn]

Alison..jazz..thank you so much. I haven't had an ultrasound since 9w5d. So I'm feeling a bit nervous.

As for MIL. Yes it's such a headache. I've been keeping that to myself for a couple days bc i dont think it's always fair to vent to my DH how his mom affects me in trivial things. Yes if she does something to me...he will know.

Anyhow I'm not looking forward to Sunday. I know she is going to say I knew it...once we tell her. and I'm going to want to say well of course you did.. you only came today bc DH said we had some news. What other news would there be?!

and she is very old fashioned..... anytime anyone she knows is pregnant..she says oh I hope it's a boy. it's going to be a boy..shes carrying like this... And if it turns out to be a girl. She will say Ohhh well maybe next time they will have a boy. I told DH I'm not going to take that crap...she better keep those opinions to herself.

Well on the bright side....im seeing my family on saturday...so that will be very exciting to announce to them

 

[melly2]

Breaking: Great news on the 12 weeks! Good luck telling the family, I know they will all be thrilled. Sorry about your MIL. I have a challenging MIL as well, but our relationship has gotten better the past few years.

Jazz: Sorry about your family relationships. That is quite complicated and I can totally understand your resentment. I try really hard not to hold resentment towards my parents, but as I prepare to have this baby and reflect on the stupid, selfish decisions my parents made, I can't help but get angry and perplexed at their parenting. That said, they were very young when they had my sister and I and it was a shotgun wedding, so I will blame their poor parenting on ignorance. One thing I always tell my husband, 'As long as I learn from my parents and raise my child the exact opposite way, then we should be good'. ;-)

 

[melly2]

Ging: I think the 20 week scan is great milestone. I'm much like you that I worry about everything, and unfortunately, have known too many women with pregnancy horror stories (ie. THREE women I knew died either while pregnant or during child birth. No Joke!). I'm constantly worrying about what could go wrong, which I why I'm reluctant to tell our families until I'm 20 weeks. That said, having a good 20 week scan is really important to see the overall health and growth of the baby. Good Luck! I know it will go well.

 

[Jazzbird]

Breaking - my MIL convinced herself ours was a boy. She even named him and kept referring to little x. It is very annoying indeed. But it was quite satisfying when we found out it was a girl She is good with kids but goes over the top - so much so that her grandson screams the house down when she leaves. It really upsets her daughter. But I think you're right - not good to trouble OH with trivial issues. I try to think of the best interpretation of her actions and words. Like her wanting a boy was because she wanted a mini replica of her son whom she loves so much. It makes it easier when you think good thoughts of them even if you are sort of lying to yourself I also think that no matter how nice you are or how much you do for them, you will always be the biggest threat to their son's happiness - because you can break their heart. So they can never completely let go with you.

Melly - you are so right. It's a good use of energy to focus on how we will be different to our parents. I have the longest list of things I want to help my baby girl do. I want to help her be positive, to see failure as a necessary step in life, to help her follow her passions, to enjoy every day of her life, but above all I want her to know she is loved unconditionally. Sadly my folks were so focused on our achievements - academically and otherwise that I felt love was conditional on my achievements. But at the same time my folks did their best with what they knew at the time. It's just do hard for me to see how someone could get it so wrong! Even now my mum is so very judgemental about her grandchildren. She'll cast very final judgements on them and I can see the damage it does.

 

[alison29]

Jazz that is so funny! I can just picture her at the table so cheerful whiile everyone else is exhausted .Seems like she should know about the snoring problem by now geez. She should be able to drive home for sure which would make the help so much more helpful when you aren't having the plan for a house guest you know? Hopefully when baby gets older you can trust her enough to babysit and you can go to her house( ;

 

[alison29]

Breaking my sarcastic sense of humor would want to say the news is "We are getting a divorce, surprise!" Just to see what she would have to say to that. IT's fun to imagine anyway. My dh likes to mess with his family that way.