Am I Being Horrid & Stupid???

[MummytoShan]

OH has just called me...well earlier on this evening to say he has asked his daughter to come to Yarmouth this weekend. Beaing in mind that she has been on holiday with her family and out with her mates to Thorpe Park, Alton Towers etc.... all 7 weeks of the holiday and has £245.00 from him so far this holiday?

Shannon (my daughter) has not been anywhere only on days out to the beach when it has been a good day and out clothes shopping with her grannie cos we couldn't really afford a holiday this year due to Babs and saving up for the things that we need for hm/her. So our friends said they was going to Yarmouth with their 3 girls and asked if we would like to go to with Shannon (1 of her girls is Shannon's best mate) so we said yes.

It was like a fantastic day out for Shannon, get her a wrist band and treat her for the day cos we have not been anywhere, but now we have to pay for her too, cos her mother wont give her any money for the day out she will expect OH to pay!!!

I am a bit annoyed do you think I am being stupid????

Shannon is 7 and the other one is nearly 16,

I don't know if I should say anything to the OH incase he gets annoyed, he has not seen his daughter all holiday but then that is her own fault we have asked her to come and stay with us but she has been upset with my OH cos he would not give her extra money for the school holidays and to be truthful whenever she txt's or calls it is always for more money, she should get a bloody Saturday job like I had to do at her age!!!!!!

 

[orange zebra]

i would be annoyed to!!
OH NEEDS 2 step up to his responsibility!!
because its not fair on u & your baby

ooops read it a bit wrong :O

yea i would make her get saterday job, tell her if you want money earn it yourself, & tell her if she wants to be trusted & wants responsibility then GET A JOB!!!
get OH 2 help

=]

 

[Duffy]

So his daughter is 16? Is she asking for money to do fun stuff with? I know a lot of younger kids are constantly asking their parents for mom at that age, I did the same. Maybe he could slow down on it and encourage her to get a summer job or after school job, just to learn money is earned and it might give her a concept of money.

 

[MoonMuffin]

Really, at 16 I was babysitting had to pay for anything except food whenever I went out(except if I was going into the city or something, they would give me money for the train and emergency money too, but I was an only child so they could afford to do so). You guys have a 7 year old and a baby on the way so why should you be paying for her so much? She could easily get a part-time job if she needs so much money. I understand chipping in for school things, food, etc. but there is a limit.

 

[MummytoShan]

So his daughter is 16? Is she asking for money to do fun stuff with? I know a lot of younger kids are constantly asking their parents for mom at that age, I did the same. Maybe he could slow down on it and encourage her to get a summer job or after school job, just to learn money is earned and it might give her a concept of money.

She gets £35.00 a week (on a Friday night) maintainance money given to her in her hand and wants more cos it is the school holidays. This will be paid until April next year when it will all stop cos she will be out of FT education.

I had to work for my money in my family's business and had a paper round to do after school. She is a lazy so and so just wants everything dropped in her lap.

I am not worried about the money cos my OH supports her and she can't turn round and say he never cos he aint like that, but to spoil my little girls day out (we can't spend that much on her if we have 2 of them) when she aint been anywhere all holiday is not good.

I am gonna save as mush as I can from now till next summer hols and take me and my little girl and my new baby away and leave him here.....od he has annoyed me the more I think about it the more annoyed I get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[orange zebra]

i feel sorry for your daughter because of that other girl,
but i bet ur such a good mum & i bet she wants to spend alot of time with you & GOOD LUCK on that summer holiday

=]

 

[WW1]

£35 per week at aged 16!! I must be getting old - I didn't get £35 per week when I was 16 and I had a Saturday job.

I think that amount of money is plenty per week - if she can't do everything she wants to with the money, she'll need to learn to prioritise - welcome to the real world!!

 

[redpoppy]

I think this is a horrible situation and you have every right to be upset; as a couple I think you need to speak to your OH about this. He may resent your being upset but its natural and you need to talk it out.

Since he is not able to spend time with his other daughter I imagine he compensates by trying to buy her things or give her money. This might make him feel better but really its not good parenting on his part. He needs to bond directly with his child and telling her that free money isn't a reality and also that he can't afford to do that is important.

I don't know what it's like to be in that situation, but my brother has three kids from his first wife (they divorced 5 years ago) and is now in love with someone else and I imagine in the next however many years they will settle down and have kids etc. But I know it would break his heart if he ever felt that his three kids from his first wife were ever considered "outside" of his family unit once he has a family with his current GF.

Although he doesn't need to pay his wife alimony any more I know he still helps her out because her life is their (his kids) life and also, although he won't need to pay his kids support after a certain time I can't imagine he feels his duty as their father and hence provider will ever end.

I know teenagers are horrible but usually they just need quality time and boundaries and although they may THINK all they want is fun and money and hanging out etc. that's not what they need. I think if you speak to your OH he'll realise he's trying to overcompensate and that being a good dad would involve talking to his 16 year old with love and explaining that at 16, if she needs money, she's going to have to get a Saturday job. I don't think it would be your place to ask her to do that as it may cause problems.

Also, instead of always goign out as one huge family unit, I think it would be VERY beneficial to ALL involved if he spent time with you and your daughter alone as well as with his daughter and him alone too. She's becoming an adult and he should invest in that individually.

Best of luck in whatever comes to pass.

 

[Boomerslady]

Ahhhh you've gotta love 16 year olds!!! It sounds like she is trying her luck to be honest.

I know to her £35 a week doesnt seem much (and to be fair it probably isnt enough to keep her busy every day of the holidays) but its certainly enough for him to give her.

Like the other ladies have said, I had a saturday job at that age, and my Mum was very harsh on me with money.....

Personally I think you should put your foot down, and say its a day out with you, your daughter and her friends...I can imagine a 16yr old will just feel in the way anyway, especially with younger kids around.

I do agree that your OH should try and spend time with her, rather than give her money (I know my Dad didnt bother spending time with me, and I do see him as a cash cow....personally I think its the least he can do!) But i'd have much rather had his time and energy (and affection) than money thrown at me.

Is there a way he could spend the day with her, before or after your day out? That way yes she will feel annoyed she cant come with you, but will it'll mean she has a 1:1 day out with her Dad?

 

[welshcowgirl]

No matter the age gap... both kids have to be treated the same. I bet you wouldnt like it if your dp took his girl out and didnt bother with yours.

I am in a similar situation, as in I have a ds from a previous relationship, and my dp has 2 ds from previous relationship too. if we are doing anything, then his boys always comes with us. yes his boys does lots of thing with there mum, where as my ds doesnt really get anything by himself.... this holidays my ds has only been to the zoo, and the boys came too, where as they have had trips to the beach, and are off on holiday this week.

At the end of the day I knew this sort of stuff would happen when I met dp, if I couldnt handle it, I shouldnt have carried on with relationship. simples!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MummytoShan]

Thank you ladies for all you support and advice, OH had asked her every week to come back to Lincolnshire with him (from London) but she has declined the offer everytime. I know 16 yrs olds have there own mates and wanna hang out and do whatever they do but if she really wanted to spend time with him she would have come. It's not as if I don't like her, I treat her as if she was my own after all she is a little girl to me and being a Mum you treat them all the same as I do my little girl and I have even bought her stuff for school trips that she needed but it is thrown back in my face not by here may I add it is her Mother (she is not a very nice person) I think her Mother is the reason she askes for money all the time.

I will talk to him cos I am not the sort of person that can hold thing in I have to let them out.

Thanks again ladies x x x