Am I being selfish?

[xolynn]

Don't consider yourself selfish OP! You do what you feel is right. I chose to FF from the start and I'm so happy with my choice! I couldnt imagine BF honestly, but thats just me. Wont go into reasons as to not offend anyone... But just remember thinking about your own needs/wants does not make you a bad person/mom. Neither does choosing to supplement or go full FF.

 

[tristansmum]

I haven't read all the replies but scanned through and wow some people are a bit mean but I guess you did ask for their opinions.
Firstly 3 months is brilliant and better than I managed. I stopped second time round at 8 weeks because although he fed ok I really didn't like it. Hated the sensation and how time consuming it was plus with a toddler too it was all too much. So I was probably 'selfish' too but I don't care. My first was ff from a week and he is perfectly happy and healthy. I was ff and I'm healthy. I think bf is great but if it's not for you or you've had enough then don't stress over giving formula!
Also why are mums expected to sacrifice everything but dads can still go out and do these things. She is talking about a charity run and her sister's hen do.... Who are we to judge the importance of these things to her. I'm sure they are not more important than her child but we all make decisions and what we want to do. If she wants to do these things and feels bf isn't possible then fine.

 

[meli1981]

Why is going out and enjoying the summer for some "me" time considered "pre baby" type activities? Are we not allowed to enjoy a drink or dancing at a club occassionally just cause were moms now? I really feel sorry for people who give up their whole identies just cause they have a baby....you cant lose yourself or noones going to be happy...mom, baby or the whole family...

I'm not sure there's any "real" person (meaning not some drugged out celeb) whose identity is defined by being able to go drinking and clubbing with enough frequency to make doing it while bf a big deal. I'm also pretty sure that most moms can't help but think about their babies while they're away from them, bf or ff.
ETA: Also, it's one year out of someone's life. I think if someone really enjoys something, taking a year off or drastically decreasing it for that year isn't going to ruin their ability to do it in the future. It's temporary.

Thats was just an example...i wasnt saying anyones identity was drinking and drugs...i was just saying letting loose by having a few drinks wasnt "pre baby" behavior...
And of course every mom prob thinks about her babe when shes away from them....but thats thinking not stressing or worrying....and when youre bfing you cant be away from babe for a long amount of time...maybe only a few hours...with ff you have the freedom to not have to clock watch.....

 

[HPmum2B]

FF, BF, Combi Feed - all down to you... But I would think if you are still BF when the time of the run or the hen do come round, your supply would be so established it is not going to dry up if you don't feed or pump that day. Leave LO a few bottles of FF or EBM and do your thing. Carry on when you get home.

However, I do suspect you might not be enjoying / getting on well with breastfeeding and you are trying to give yourself an excuse to pack it in. If I am correct, that again is entirely up to you, but there maybe some help out there to get you back on track with it if this is the case.

The only thing I find a bit funny, is how you are looking at it as a summer off for you... just makes it sound a bit like school holidays to me.

 

[meli1981]

I think she realizes she cant get a whole summer away from babe! (at least i hope not! )

 

[Wriggley]

OP - no judgement from me but do you think that maybe deep down your not really enjoying breastfeeding and your feeling down about that and your trying to find reasons to justify giving up?

I only ask because your reasons are a bit baffling and I wondering if there's more to it then just a run and a party? X

 

[mum22ttc#3]

OMG the judgement on this thread seriously?
Some people really need to get over themselves.

Err, to be fair, she did specifically ask "Am I being selfish?" Had it just been a thread about wanting to quit breastfeeding then she wouldn't have a bunch of people piling in and saying "I think that's selfish."

Which is fine. I've seen replies which say 'yes I think your being selfish' followed by such and such in a nice manner, after all like you said that's what op asked for.

On the otherhand though I've seen some pretty rude comments, there's a difference. I'm not going to mention any particular replies because TBH I really can't be bothered with the whole I'm better than you argument that some seem to have here. Like I said we all do things differently and I'm sure what seems fine to me doesn't to another and vice versa, it's life. I just personally think some that have replied need to get off their high horse, and this isn't the 1st thread that I've seen where certain people have been so judgemental, but hey ho it's baby club after all.

Oh and to add this wasn't directed at you personally, I can't actually remember your specific posts but others, yes I do think are being way too judgemental IMO

 

[mum22ttc#3]

OMG the judgement on this thread seriously?
Some people really need to get over themselves.

Err, to be fair, she did specifically ask "Am I being selfish?" Had it just been a thread about wanting to quit breastfeeding then she wouldn't have a bunch of people piling in and saying "I think that's selfish."

For me it's not so much that people have said it seems selfish, it's more the manner and the type of comments made. The judgement is that this mum just wants to party and is unwilling to make sacrifices for her baby. That's a massive judgement leap to take from what the OP said.

I have absolutely no doubt even if she hasn't specifically asked, others would have piled in calling her selfish

This

Put much better than I did. It is totally the manner in which some replies have been put, not just judgemental but down right rude IMO.

 

[shanny]

The only thing I find a bit funny, is how you are looking at it as a summer off for you... just makes it sound a bit like school holidays to me.[/QUOTE]

I think its just a bit of summer time before going back to work where she would like to do some things for herself.................I go back to work next week and I have been doing some things for myself before I go back to.

As we have not heard anymore from OP I still think this is her musing over her options...............

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I think she realizes she cant get a whole summer away from babe! (at least i hope not! )

Haha you would think by some of the replies that that is what she was thinking of doing.

 

[HPmum2B]

The only thing I find a bit funny, is how you are looking at it as a summer off for you... just makes it sound a bit like school holidays to me.

I think its just a bit of summer time before going back to work where she would like to do some things for herself.................I go back to work next week and I have been doing some things for myself before I go back to.

As we have not heard anymore from OP I still think this is her musing over her options...............

Oh right. Well as a BFing mum, I do manage to get time to myself too, which is why I am still wondering if this is a bit of a cry for help with breastfeeding?

OP, if you really want to keep the BF going and you are not sure the best way to do this and live your life at the same time, there is lots of help available on the BF forum.

 

[Foogirl]

There's a difference between support and validation. This forum is also here to solicit honest opinions and feedback, even if it's not necessarily what the poster would like to hear. Everyone feels some form of that at 3 months, but that doesn't make it necessarily justifiable to prioritize baby-free outings over infant nutrition. If something makes you feel like shit, reevaluate, because a stranger's opinion isn't enough to actually make someone feel like shit unless there's a nugget of truth stored in it.

And this is where the judgement comes, anything other than breast milk is poor nutrition. Last I saw there were millions of babies thriving on formula so how anyone can say choosing it is risking infant nutrition is beyond me. Her baby will be fed a diet containing all the nutrition it needs, and so long as she doesn't spend the next fifteen years feeding chicken nuggets and chips, LO will grow up just fine. 3 months of breast milk has been a great start and is longer than many who are able, manage to go on for. How about being supportive and validating that at least

 

[MommyJogger]

There's a difference between support and validation. This forum is also here to solicit honest opinions and feedback, even if it's not necessarily what the poster would like to hear. Everyone feels some form of that at 3 months, but that doesn't make it necessarily justifiable to prioritize baby-free outings over infant nutrition. If something makes you feel like shit, reevaluate, because a stranger's opinion isn't enough to actually make someone feel like shit unless there's a nugget of truth stored in it.

And this is where the judgement comes, anything other than breast milk is poor nutrition. Last I saw there were millions of babies thriving on formula so how anyone can say choosing it is risking infant nutrition is beyond me. Her baby will be fed a diet containing all the nutrition it needs, and so long as she doesn't spend the next fifteen years feeding chicken nuggets and chips, LO will grow up just fine. 3 months of breast milk has been a great start and is longer than many who are able, manage to go on for. How about being supportive and validating that at least

Last I saw, over 900 babies die in the states each year from being formula fed. I'm not trying to say that her baby is going to die, but there really is no point in pretending like they're of equal quality. Yes babies thrive on formula, but they also suffer from more frequent illness, ear infections, stomach bugs, etc. It's not always about whether they'll grow up "just fine", but it's about what they end up going through in the meantime, during that first year or two and whether it's really that much of a sacrifice on the mom's part to have to pause to pump (maybe) while she's out having fun during one year of her life (because this won't be an issue any other year unless she decides to have another) to justify risking those more frequent discomforts for her child. It is a risk. That's a medical fact, not a judgement.

 

[meli1981]

Ok...i have ebf my baby since birth...he had his first cold at one month....and prob like four more in his lil nine month old life....he has older siblings that carry germs...im not saying that bm doesnt help because im sure as hell it does, but ebf does not mean your baby wont get sick! Id really also like to see this formula killing babies articles.....cause thats really an awful thing to point out! I bf all my kids...Im not for or against bfing or ffing i CHOOSE to bf....doesnt make me a better mom....

 

[MommyJogger]

Ok...i have ebf my baby since birth...he had his first cold at one month....and prob like four more in his lil nine month old life....he has older siblings that carry germs...im not saying that bm doesnt help because im sure as hell it does, but ebf does not mean your baby wont get sick! Id really also like to see this formula killing babies articles.....cause thats really an awful thing to point out! I bf all my kids...Im not for or against bfing or ffing i CHOOSE to bf....doesnt make me a better mom....

https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2010/04/05/peds.2009-1616.abstract
Not sure if the full article is available to everyone since I'm logged in to my account, but I think it should be. It's awful that it's happening. Period. I don't see how it's awful to point out a reality.
I also never said that a baby will never get sick if they're bf. The vast majority of babies will get sick less often if bf.

 

[NoodleSnack]

There's a difference between support and validation. This forum is also here to solicit honest opinions and feedback, even if it's not necessarily what the poster would like to hear. Everyone feels some form of that at 3 months, but that doesn't make it necessarily justifiable to prioritize baby-free outings over infant nutrition. If something makes you feel like shit, reevaluate, because a stranger's opinion isn't enough to actually make someone feel like shit unless there's a nugget of truth stored in it.

And this is where the judgement comes, anything other than breast milk is poor nutrition. Last I saw there were millions of babies thriving on formula so how anyone can say choosing it is risking infant nutrition is beyond me. Her baby will be fed a diet containing all the nutrition it needs, and so long as she doesn't spend the next fifteen years feeding chicken nuggets and chips, LO will grow up just fine. 3 months of breast milk has been a great start and is longer than many who are able, manage to go on for. How about being supportive and validating that at least

Last I saw, over 900 babies die in the states each year from being formula fed. I'm not trying to say that her baby is going to die, but there really is no point in pretending like they're of equal quality. Yes babies thrive on formula, but they also suffer from more frequent illness, ear infections, stomach bugs, etc. It's not always about whether they'll grow up "just fine", but it's about what they end up going through in the meantime, during that first year or two and whether it's really that much of a sacrifice on the mom's part to have to pause to pump (maybe) while she's out having fun during one year of her life (because this won't be an issue any other year unless she decides to have another) to justify risking those more frequent discomforts for her child. It is a risk. That's a medical fact, not a judgement.

Surely the CDC keeps tract of such number, 900 deaths a year attributable clearly to formula is a big deal, can you point me to it? Or is that extrapolating from some study and not actual fact?

 

[NoodleSnack]

Ok...i have ebf my baby since birth...he had his first cold at one month....and prob like four more in his lil nine month old life....he has older siblings that carry germs...im not saying that bm doesnt help because im sure as hell it does, but ebf does not mean your baby wont get sick! Id really also like to see this formula killing babies articles.....cause thats really an awful thing to point out! I bf all my kids...Im not for or against bfing or ffing i CHOOSE to bf....doesnt make me a better mom....

https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2010/04/05/peds.2009-1616.abstract
Not sure if the full article is available to everyone since I'm logged in to my account, but I think it should be. It's awful that it's happening. Period. I don't see how it's awful to point out a reality.
I also never said that a baby will never get sick if they're bf. The vast majority of babies will get sick less often if bf.

So that's theoretical, not actual. Extrapolations are not fact. Can you find actual cases of infant death attributable to formula absent negligence?

 

[MommyJogger]

There's a difference between support and validation. This forum is also here to solicit honest opinions and feedback, even if it's not necessarily what the poster would like to hear. Everyone feels some form of that at 3 months, but that doesn't make it necessarily justifiable to prioritize baby-free outings over infant nutrition. If something makes you feel like shit, reevaluate, because a stranger's opinion isn't enough to actually make someone feel like shit unless there's a nugget of truth stored in it.

And this is where the judgement comes, anything other than breast milk is poor nutrition. Last I saw there were millions of babies thriving on formula so how anyone can say choosing it is risking infant nutrition is beyond me. Her baby will be fed a diet containing all the nutrition it needs, and so long as she doesn't spend the next fifteen years feeding chicken nuggets and chips, LO will grow up just fine. 3 months of breast milk has been a great start and is longer than many who are able, manage to go on for. How about being supportive and validating that at least

Last I saw, over 900 babies die in the states each year from being formula fed. I'm not trying to say that her baby is going to die, but there really is no point in pretending like they're of equal quality. Yes babies thrive on formula, but they also suffer from more frequent illness, ear infections, stomach bugs, etc. It's not always about whether they'll grow up "just fine", but it's about what they end up going through in the meantime, during that first year or two and whether it's really that much of a sacrifice on the mom's part to have to pause to pump (maybe) while she's out having fun during one year of her life (because this won't be an issue any other year unless she decides to have another) to justify risking those more frequent discomforts for her child. It is a risk. That's a medical fact, not a judgement.

Surely the CDC keeps tract of such number, 900 deaths a year attributable clearly to formula is a big deal, can you point me to it? Or is that extrapolating from some study and not actual fact?

The CDC does not keep track because that's not something to be recorded. Even if a newborn clearly dies from NE or a gut infection they directly track back to contaminated formula or water used to make formula, it never gets recorded as a "formula death". They look at the increased prevalence of certain conditions clearly established as contributable to not being breastfed by multiple previous studies, the rate of death from such conditions, and determine how many deaths occur from the increased prevalence that would not have occurred with higher rates of bf (80 and 90% being the 'closer to optimal' rates they chose). Surely it's common sense that when they find that these conditions with a certain rate of morbidity are found more in the formula fed population, controlling for SES, that infants are dying that wouldn't otherwise die had they been breastfed?

 

[NoodleSnack]

There's a difference between support and validation. This forum is also here to solicit honest opinions and feedback, even if it's not necessarily what the poster would like to hear. Everyone feels some form of that at 3 months, but that doesn't make it necessarily justifiable to prioritize baby-free outings over infant nutrition. If something makes you feel like shit, reevaluate, because a stranger's opinion isn't enough to actually make someone feel like shit unless there's a nugget of truth stored in it.

And this is where the judgement comes, anything other than breast milk is poor nutrition. Last I saw there were millions of babies thriving on formula so how anyone can say choosing it is risking infant nutrition is beyond me. Her baby will be fed a diet containing all the nutrition it needs, and so long as she doesn't spend the next fifteen years feeding chicken nuggets and chips, LO will grow up just fine. 3 months of breast milk has been a great start and is longer than many who are able, manage to go on for. How about being supportive and validating that at least

Last I saw, over 900 babies die in the states each year from being formula fed. I'm not trying to say that her baby is going to die, but there really is no point in pretending like they're of equal quality. Yes babies thrive on formula, but they also suffer from more frequent illness, ear infections, stomach bugs, etc. It's not always about whether they'll grow up "just fine", but it's about what they end up going through in the meantime, during that first year or two and whether it's really that much of a sacrifice on the mom's part to have to pause to pump (maybe) while she's out having fun during one year of her life (because this won't be an issue any other year unless she decides to have another) to justify risking those more frequent discomforts for her child. It is a risk. That's a medical fact, not a judgement.

Surely the CDC keeps tract of such number, 900 deaths a year attributable clearly to formula is a big deal, can you point me to it? Or is that extrapolating from some study and not actual fact?

The CDC does not keep track because that's not something to be recorded. Even if a newborn clearly dies from NE or a gut infection they directly track back to contaminated formula or water used to make formula, it never gets recorded as a "formula death". They look at the increased prevalence of certain conditions clearly established as contributable to not being breastfed by multiple previous studies, the rate of death from such conditions, and determine how many deaths occur from the increased prevalence that would not have occurred with higher rates of bf (80 and 90% being the 'closer to optimal' rates they chose). Surely it's common sense that when they find that these conditions with a certain rate of morbidity are found more in the formula fed population, controlling for SES, that infants are dying that wouldn't otherwise die had they been breastfed?

It's not common sense because it's not clear cut like that. There's still a debate about the studies claiming that certain diseases are caused by not bf, or what the actual level of risk is (some studies contradict them, some don't find as big an effect) - so to use those studies to extrapolate something else is nothing close to common sense.

The CDC does keep track of deaths they suspect is related to formula: https://www.cdc.gov/features/cronobacter/

If there's 900 hundred cases of such a year, they have to have a category for it, or they wouldn't be doing their job.

At the end of the day, it's not right to use an extrapolation from some study and claim it as fact, it's not fact.

 

[clever_blond]

Ok...i have ebf my baby since birth...he had his first cold at one month....and prob like four more in his lil nine month old life....he has older siblings that carry germs...im not saying that bm doesnt help because im sure as hell it does, but ebf does not mean your baby wont get sick! Id really also like to see this formula killing babies articles.....cause thats really an awful thing to point out! I bf all my kids...Im not for or against bfing or ffing i CHOOSE to bf....doesnt make me a better mom....

https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2010/04/05/peds.2009-1616.abstract
Not sure if the full article is available to everyone since I'm logged in to my account, but I think it should be. It's awful that it's happening. Period. I don't see how it's awful to point out a reality.
I also never said that a baby will never get sick if they're bf. The vast majority of babies will get sick less often if bf.

Yes the OP's reasons may seem selfish to you (and perhaps they are) but to basically say her baby might die if she formula feeds is just downright wrong and using articles like the one you quoted is scaremongering to try and force your choice on others!

Statistic can be used to prove anything. A study like this can not possibly control for all the other factors which may have caused or led to the deaths of those infants. It cannot account for genetics, environment, lifestyle or socio-economic factors. Its a fact that bf rates are much higher in families from middle class backgrounds, those families typically have access to better healthcare, schools, have better living standards all of which are factors in what kind of diseases they will suffer from.

My dd was hospitalised at 6 weeks with bronciolitis, over that weekend 10 babies under 8 weeks were admitted with the same thing, of those babies 7 of them were bf. I am sure that bf does lower the risk of illness but by using formula the op would in no way be poisoning her baby. You have to be very careful using studies to back up an argument especially when the study contains no actual facts!