Am I the only one who gets upset?

[charveyron]

My sister had 3 premies - her first was 34 weeks and her 2nd and 3rd (twins) were at 32 weeks, and although they wern't as early as 24 weeks they wern't without their problems, to see a little helpless baby on a ventilator covered in tubes is not nice, even now her DS is 4 and her twins are 2 and they are still carrying the scars, from all the needles and canulators etc, they will do for the rest of their lives. People should think before they speak, the last few weeks of pregnancy ARE tough, theres no denying it, but they're nowhere near as tough as going backwards and forwards to SCBU and seeing your LO suffer!! Sorry rant over - but an answer to your question, Yes it does upset me!!!!

 

[Samantha]

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[Carley]

I have the right to get upset, I didn't make a big deal out of it did? I just wanted to express how I felt. Maybe if you lost a baby at 24 weeks, your opinions would be different.

 

[Samantha]

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[Mamafy]

why did you remove your posts samantha? If a person stands by what they say there is no need to do this

Ok Carley has every right to be upset about some things that were said. Now the people that say its great I've got to 24 weeks 26 weeks 28 weeks 30 weeks, they really dont know about the limited number of people who can say well actually things might not be ok and we do get cross.

Lets face it until you hold your baby in your arms there are no guarantees

I think we should be a little more sensitive in our postings. I think it is ok to say I am so glad my baby has made it to 24 weeks, my baby may have a chance now. Certain numbers and gestations in pregnancies give no guarantees that you have a healthy baby at the end of it and it is only people that have went through Stillbirth and having babies very premature that can TOTALLY understand that.


I'm sorry if this post has offended anyone but I kinda felt somethings had to be said and I really think we should just give a Carley a break here when she is in a crucial part of her present pregnancy.

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

I never raed samanthas post..! I do understand how babies born at 24 weeks are very ill. But liek kerry said I dont think people mean just beacause their baby is viable they think all will be ok..! but 4 most of us its a milestone..! and take comfort in the fact that if they did go into premature labour that its possible for their LO to survive..! Especially if they've had miscarriage's in the past..! its a huge relief for them..! Of course you have the right to get annoyed at people..but at the same time they also have the right to be happy about whatever they want..!

 

[leedsforever]

Why you delete samantha??

Your last comment shocked me..."Im getting bored of this now" but still....!!

Mamafy correct me if Im wrong but Ive never read a post that has said "yippe Im 24 weeks today.... if my baby was born today then they would live"!!!
The majority of posts have been more along the lines of "my baby is viable in the eyes of the law" "my baby is a baby"!!!
I would hope that any mum to be would not expect a baby born at 24 weeks to be born without worry and risk! If so these people really need educated!

Some interesting facts in my mag
babies born at 23 weeks have a 17% chance of survival
babies born at 24 weeks have a 39% chance of survival
babies born at 25 weeks have a 50% chance of survival

I thought this was interesting as it just shows how much an extra week can make!!

 

[Mamafy]

I dont know exactly what comment upset Carley but I still think she has a valid right to be upset because she has lost a baby at 24 weeks Lets face it not every single person on the forum is tactful, ok if you've never experienced stillbirth or given birth to a preterm baby who dies or you have a baby prematurely that needs/and still needs help then you have absolutely no reason to even think this way.

But I think sometimes the keyboard thinks before the head has got in gear.

This is something I feel very strongly about as I have had all preterm births ranging from 28 weeks to 35 weeks and I also gave birth to my son at 14 weeks gestation as well after a 9 hour labour.

I really am sorry for speaking about you Carley when you arent present but I still cant understand why people just cant say/think 'well you know this lady has had alot to deal with, we should maybe think before we get carried away'. I have back-read some 'viable' threads and yes leeds some girls are very aware that their baby is in a great place and can survive and that is great No-one is saying that is wrong at all but yes there have been posts where it was said 'oh yes I'm 24 weeks, my baby will survive'. This will of course upset a mum who has given birth at 24 weeks and watched their baby die

In the same way if someone said 80% of babies born at 28 weeks live, 20% of babies didnt and with the 80% that do live no-one, and I mean no-one will ever know what it is like to watch your baby on a ventilator on morphine and with every vein in their body jabbed with needles.

I am sorry if my opinions offend but maybe you just have to have experienced this kinda thing to understand.

 

[leedsforever]

I dont know exactly what comment upset Carley but I still think she has a valid right to be upset because she has lost a baby at 24 weeks

Oh most definetly!! And Im sorry Carley if my post came across in a way that said otherwise!!

Def agree people can be less tactful but like you said it boils down to experience and knowledge!!

Much love goes out to anyone who has had to deal with any type of premature birth

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

I really am sorry for speaking about you Carley when you arent present but I still cant understand why people just cant say/think 'well you know this lady has had alot to deal with, we should maybe think before we get carried away'. I have back-read some 'viable' threads and yes leeds some girls are very aware that their baby is in a great place and can survive and that is great No-one is saying that is wrong at all but yes there have been posts where it was said 'oh yes I'm 24 weeks, my baby will survive'. This will of course upset a mum who has given birth at 24 weeks and watched their baby die

I really think you've hit the nail on the head there babes, some people should think about it first. I'm quite close with Carley anyways, but what she said in this was that some of the threads upset her, not that no-one should ever make them or that they all upset her. There's a very big difference in some of the ways the viable threads are posted. At the end of the day if you go and read most of the "24 weeks and viable" threads you will see she is one of the ones congratulating people on them milestones (as I noticed these last few days), and I think that says a lot about the loving character she is. After her experiences a lot of other peoples (unfortunately), others could and should be a bit more understanding as to why it may upset her.

 

[charliesam]

hi -i am due with my first baby in 3 weeks, i could never imagine giving birth at 24 weeks, must be so scary, and i think when people who dont know what they are talking about say it would all b ok ifthey were born at 24w are all just wishfull thinking- my midwife told me at 24 weeks that my pregnancy was viable, but looking at the statistics and all the fear involved in premature birth its easier not to think of the worst. but we all know what the abortion limit is, so everything is contradicting xx dont think anyone means any harm x

 

[wilbrabeany]

I've just read this post..after posting a thread to celebrate reaching the 24 week milestone. I dont think there is anything wrong with celebrating reaching a milestone in your pregnancy. When you have lost a baby getting to 24 weeks is as significant a milestone as ever. I lost my baby at 20 weeks and my treatment in hospital was awful because my baby was not recognised as a baby as she had not reached 24 weeks. therefore she got not help and was left to dye after a 20 min struggle in a pan. I'm under no illusions that having a baby at 24 weeks or any premature baby is going to be ok, but i defence of the girls who celebrate the milestone, its just that a celebration of reaching a point when your egg can be called a baby. Stupid i know but we do celebrate lots of stupid things. I guess it just breaks a long 9 months now into blocks that you can aim for. Even my consultant has said that now i'm 24 weeks she wants me to relax(thats a joke!!) and enjoy the pregnancy and reduced my weekly appointments to monthly.

So i hope this doesn't offend anyone but i think most of the ladies who celebrate 24 weeks are not thinking oh great easy ride now and my baby will be ok if its born, more right thats another milestone out way, i'm pleased with myself for getting this far and making this baby and i want to share it with my friends on bnb

 

[mrscookie]

I've just read this post..after posting a thread to celebrate reaching the 24 week milestone. I dont think there is anything wrong with celebrating reaching a milestone in your pregnancy. When you have lost a baby getting to 24 weeks is as significant a milestone as ever. I lost my baby at 20 weeks and my treatment in hospital was awful because my baby was not recognised as a baby as she had not reached 24 weeks. therefore she got not help and was left to dye after a 20 min struggle in a pan. I'm under no illusions that having a baby at 24 weeks or any premature baby is going to be ok, but i defence of the girls who celebrate the milestone, its just that a celebration of reaching a point when your egg can be called a baby. Stupid i know but we do celebrate lots of stupid things. I guess it just breaks a long 9 months now into blocks that you can aim for. Even my consultant has said that now i'm 24 weeks she wants me to relax(thats a joke!!) and enjoy the pregnancy and reduced my weekly appointments to monthly.

So i hope this doesn't offend anyone but i think most of the ladies who celebrate 24 weeks are not thinking oh great easy ride now and my baby will be ok if its born, more right thats another milestone out way, i'm pleased with myself for getting this far and making this baby and i want to share it with my friends on bnb

I agree honey...

I celebrated my 12 week milestone, it didn't mean I wanted my baby out at that point? There is no shame that people are happy that there ''fetus'' is now a viable baby, and are happy to celebrate this.
My first milestone was 9 weeks (scan) then 12 weeks, my next one is 15 weeks, then it will be 20 (scan) then 24 as baby will be classed as a baby and not a fetus, then 30 weeks, and then 40.

 

[GemGems]

I didn't post a "viable" thread at 24 weeks. Dont get me wrong, i'm very happy that i've reached this far after a previous loss, but i just dont feel that i can breathe a sigh of relief until my girl is actually out of my body and i can see that she is healthy and ok. But thats just my own personal feelings on the matter. I think if you want to celebrate this milestone, then go for it! I've learnt alot about prem babies from reading this thread and i just find it so overwhelming that some can actually survive when born at such an early stage. To those ladies who have experienced the loss of their prem baby, i can offer nothing but sympathy and I haven't got a clue what you've been through and how you managed but i admire you. All i know is, i'm sure none of the ladies on B&B meant any harm or offence. We're all such a lovely bunch!!

 

[Mamafy]

I didn't post a "viable" thread at 24 weeks. Dont get me wrong, i'm very happy that i've reached this far after a previous loss, but i just dont feel that i can breathe a sigh of relief until my girl is actually out of my body and i can see that she is healthy and ok. But thats just my own personal feelings on the matter. I think if you want to celebrate this milestone, then go for it! I've learnt alot about prem babies from reading this thread and i just find it so overwhelming that some can actually survive when born at such an early stage. To those ladies who have experienced the loss of their prem baby, i can offer nothing but sympathy and I haven't got a clue what you've been through and how you managed but i admire you. All i know is, i'm sure none of the ladies on B&B meant any harm or offence. We're all such a lovely bunch!!

Very well said Gemma

 

[cheryl]

I hope i didn't upset you carley, but I posted because it was a huge milestone for me to reach and all the way through my pregnancy I have been terrified that I will loose my baby. At 24 weeks there is a chance of survival. Just that small chance was a big thing for me. My son was born at 33 weeks and I know its not as early but he was still poorly and needed to spend 4 weeks in special care. I wouldn't want another preemie baby and I know what could happen, there was a baby in there that was born at 24 weeks and was very poorly.
It was just a huge milestone to reach. There is no way I would have wanted to upset anyone. My LO is now a baby. I can call him a baby. I am still terrified of him being born early and i will be til I hold him in my arms. But reaching that point in my pregnancy was huge for me. As I am sure it is for alot of people. I am terrified of him being born at 33 weeks the same as my son never mind 24 weeks.
I did alot of research on prem babies for college, so I do know.
I admire you for what you have been through hun.
Luv Cheryl xxx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

i dont think the ladies meant to upset anyone. the way i see it is they have had 24 weeks of worrying and fretting about their lil one. they arnt saying that if baby is born at 24 weeks everything will be fine they are celebrating the fact that their little one will at least have a CHANCE and the docters will try everything they can to help a baby born at 24 weeks. they dont think everything will be wonderful and ok they know that a baby born at 24 weeks will be very poorly they just want to celebrate the fact their little one has a chance


xx

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

See I think this is where this thread is getting misinterpreted.

When you see posts or people saying IRL that my baby is viable at 24 weeks and they will be healthy?

The key word in that sentence is WILL BE healthy. Carley didn't say at all that people who make 24 week viable yey baby has a chance posts upset her at all. It's the people who put it in a way that their baby will be born alive and well and will make it and have no problems etc that upset her. And after what she has been through, along with a lot of other people on this board / in this world I can understand that. I really do not think it meant the people who are celebrating that their baby has a chance. Also I think the post below outlines that it was a random comment someone made, rather that someone genuinely reaching that milestone and thinking yey my baby has a chance that was the problem.

I must confess, I think I am one of those who posted a "yay baby is viable thread at 24 weeks".

But I in no way meant to offend or upset anyone - I realise perfectly that each week that baby remains inside is important, that if baby is born at 24 weeks, they might not survive/may have lots of problems/need so much care etc. Like others have said, you are told in all the books that 24 weeks is when the pregnancy is legally recognised (i.e. if baby is born, the doctors have to try and help it etc). It is a milestone that gives some hope that wasn't there before.

I am sorry if posting that upset you, I'm sorry for what you have been through.

Oh hunny, you didn't upset me, just something someone else said did upset me.

Also, there was a thread on this forum last week I think it was, that someone's sister in law was going to try and induce labour at 24 weeks? Seeing something like that after what these parents have been through must be upsetting. Also, the original post said IRL... in real life. There are people out there I know that have made comments like "I'm 24 weeks baby will live now" and as much as if anything ever happened I would hope and pray and wish for that to always be the case, it isn't in 100% of cases.

I think what was wrote was a personal opinion after a very deeply emotional personal experience and it was never intended to hurt or upset people.

 

[PeanutBean]

I've posted in the thread in 2nd tri before reading through this thread (sorry, didn't have time to look for it - thanks Vamp). I guess a couple of things:

First, I have every sympathy with anyone that loses a baby at whatever stage of their pregnancy or after birth, though I appreciate that the later a baby is lost, especially if after birth, the more distressing it is. And also with those who struggle with a premature baby waiting to see how things will turn out. I doubt that anyone would lack sympathy for people who go through it.

Second, If some people have posted 'hooray my baby is healthy' then they are probably just ignorant and though that must be upsetting when you've experienced otherwise my time on BnB has shown me that many people are ignorant about many things in pregnancy, some of them more important/serious than others. But I doubt anyone would mean to upset anyone else in celebrating their own personal milestones. I'd like to add that in the thread about someone's SIL saying they wanted to try and have the baby early (as if it was a matter of choice) everyone leaped on the notion and was horrified that someone would even contemplate such a notion.

I think BnB is full of ladies (and some men!) who are struggling through their own difficulties in pregnancy, perhaps because of past losses, or maybe because of scares during pregnancy. I think this is what makes BnB so rich and makes the vast majority of its members so supportive of others. However, BnB is still an internet forum where communication is the written word and can be interpreted differently. We can each only go so far in trying to be sensitive to others or we might never post anything at all. There are plenty of things in my past that I've chosen not to mention to anyone on BnB that will mean I might take offence to the way someone has chosen to put something across, and I mean things more of opinion rather than celebration, but because I don't want to get into those things I don't respond and keep it to myself. I don't mean that Carley shouldn't have started this thread or be feeling this way or anything like that, we each feel what we feel and choose to make it public on BnB or not. I guess what I'm saying is almost anything might upset someone but it's up to us how we choose to take it and what we choose to post in public.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound aggressive as I certainly don't mean it that way!

 

[BeckyBoo]

I went into pre-term labour at 26 weeks. I had to look at the view that my baby was 'viable' to survive, that did not mean that I would be happy about it being born then, I was out of my mind with worry. But they stopped the labour.

I celebrated the 24 land mark that if my baby was to appear for whatever reason, she would stand a chance of survival.

I don't think it's wrong for people celebrating landmarks, just the same as people who have had countless MC's before, I imagine each landmark to them in pregnancy is a tressure. So it gives no one the right to upset them.