Am i the only one who thinks this is wrong?

[whit.]

Wow the joys of having an opinion!

You can have your opinion - but everyone else can have theirs, too. You're going to get a lot of strong ones when you make judgmental comments about how people live and raise their children.

 

[devon_91x]

I remember as a child i was placed into nursery for the afternoon. My dad worked full time and my mum worked part time so i was in nursery until my mum finished work. My dad used to leave around 6am and wouldnt be home until around 7/8pm, by which time i was either in bed or getting ready for bed. He was hardly ever there and although we had weekends to spend with him i just never really got a chance to know him or spend enough time with him. Don't get me wrong i loved nursery and loved the nursery teachers there but after 3-4 hours i just wanted my mummy. I couldnt image leaving my LO for 12 hours a day if she felt like that. Now to this day, i have no relationship with my father and i blame that on the fact he was never around. I personally think if my mum had also worked full time and i hardly ever saw her, our relationship would also be the same.

 

[bumpy_j]

Devon I'm guessing by your username that you are my age, an age where you haven't really had a fully fledged career spanning years and years. A woman of 35 will face different pressures into having children unlike you and me. Giving up their career may just not be viable be it that they're single or rely on her and her partners combined wage. So should she not have children because she hasn't 'made it' in the way that she can give up her job? Even if you had good intentions, what you said has come off as very naive and offensive. Should a brilliant GP, relied on by her village, not return to her job so to spend more time with their pre-schooler? Because I'm sure her LO will not remember those years anyway. I just don't see the need to bash these people because surely no right-minded mum WANTS to give her kids to someone else for 60 hours a week?

 

[Athena]

What was the whole point of this thread? You and the nursery worker were just gossiping; her telling you that parents leave their kids for for 12 hours a day and she gives them their breakfast, lunch and dinner tsk tsk, oh I say.. and your thinking 'this is wrong' I must go home and make a thread on baby and bump about this immediately, to ask others if this is 'wrong'!

There are a lot of your type at the school gates whispering about the kids that have to go to breakfast club because their parents work. Oh and the ones that get free school meals, because their parents don't work....

What's it like being so judgmental?

 

[whit.]

My husband works 12 hour shifts 5-7 days a week. He has an AMAZING relationship with his daughter. He works those hours so I can stay home.

Can't all be perfect, I suppose.

 

[pompeyvix]

Grrrr, I am not offended at all by this thread, as the situation doesn't apply to us as a family, but my goodness, I am getting annoyed at the ridiculously sweeping judgements some posters are making! Just because some families lifestyles and circumstances are different from yours and just because some mum's need to work full time to pay the household bills, it does not make it wrong!!

I am very surprised at how naive and short sighted some people are.

 

[Broodypants]

Wow the joys of having an opinion!

You have over 800 posts and have been a member for over a year, you must know by now that if you have a strong opinion others will too. By all means have your opinion but don't be so naive as to think situations aren't different for everyone else and your opinion isn't going to offend those people.

 

[pompeyvix]

I can't imagine leaving my son for 30 minutes, let alone 12 hours! I mean wow... I don't understand why both parents would have to work 12+ hours five days a week anyway. Unless they have horribly massive debt!

The original post didn't offend me but I have to say this did, myself and oh work 5 days a week, not to pull ourselves out of debt but just to live. We don't survive on benefits (yes we accept help towards childcare) but we have our own mortgage and car and bills to pay for. We don't have luxuries, and we save for our children's future. Some of us just simply don't have the choice.

I didn't mean it like that and I believe I stated in a different comment that I can totally understand if you have to take care of your family financially. Maybe read further along in the thread before quoting someone?

Actually the thread had progressed that fast that by the time I had written my post there was a new page. I just think it's incredibly naive of you to come out with something like that. If you mean what you say about finances maybe you should have put it in your first post and not had to have explained yourself later on?

Yep agree with this. Whether or not you back tracked later in thread, your initial post was incredibly short sighted and naive - sorry it that offends lol!

 

[devon_91x]

What was the whole point of this thread? You and the nursery worker were just gossiping; her telling you that parents leave their kids for for 12 hours a day and she gives them their breakfast, lunch and dinner tsk tsk, oh I say.. and your thinking 'this is wrong' I must go home and make a thread on baby and bump about this immediately, to ask others if this is 'wrong'!

There are a lot of your type at the school gates whispering about the kids that have to go to breakfast club because their parents work. Oh and the ones that get free school meals, because their parents don't work....

What's it like being so judgmental?

Can i just point out the nursery workers also agreed that it was too long to leave a LO and that they disgareed? The point of the thread is that i just wondered if anyone else felt the same as me. You don't, thats fine. Like i said, agree to disgaree..

 

[Tasha]

OP you are in the UK right? I cant find anything but I am pretty sure ten hours a day is the maximum a child is allowed to be in the nursery setting. Or at least it use to be when I worked in them. If a child was dropped at 7am, they would have to be picked up at 5pm.

 

[Irish Eyes]

I remember as a child i was placed into nursery for the afternoon. My dad worked full time and my mum worked part time so i was in nursery until my mum finished work. My dad used to leave around 6am and wouldnt be home until around 7/8pm, by which time i was either in bed or getting ready for bed. He was hardly ever there and although we had weekends to spend with him i just never really got a chance to know him or spend enough time with him. Don't get me wrong i loved nursery and loved the nursery teachers there but after 3-4 hours i just wanted my mummy. I couldnt image leaving my LO for 12 hours a day if she felt like that. Now to this day, i have no relationship with my father and i blame that on the fact he was never around. I personally think if my mum had also worked full time and i hardly ever saw her, our relationship would also be the same.

You blame your lack of relationship on your dad working too much. If he'd stopped working then you'd be blaming him for having no where to live and no food to eat. Do you really think he worked those hours for fun? What a niave view of life you have. My husband works very long hours & everytime our Lo puts his arms out to me instead of him it breaks his heart that little bit more. I would be gutted if Lo grew up blaming my hubby for a lack of relationship when he's provided our home.

 

[marron]

I honestly wasn't trying to 'beat' anyone down and if i have made you feel like that i'm sorry but my opinion is what it is.

I'm sorry, but you question a fairly painful fact of life (not a choice!) for millions of women out there, pretty much say kids in daycare are not getting love from their parents, and you claim you're not trying to beat anyone down? I hate to hear what you'd say when you -are- trying to beat someone down then.

 

[devon_91x]

Wow the joys of having an opinion!

You have over 800 posts and have been a member for over a year, you must know by now that if you have a strong opinion others will too. By all means have your opinion but don't be so naive as to think situations aren't different for everyone else and your opinion isn't going to offend those people.

Oh yea definatly and i respect peoples opinions 100%. I've seen countless threads on here bashing my parenting choices such as formula feeding, controlled crying, early weaning etc etc. I've even been called horrible names on here before because i do CC with my LO. But everyone has different opinions. Of course nobody is going to parent in the same way, but i do respect other parents. I'm not naive and i have said countless times i can understand everyone has a different situation which is probably why i feel they way i do as i haven't walked in someones elses shoes.

 

[Tasha]

Oh and when I worked in the nurseries, very rarely was it a lifestyle choice, it was to pay the bills and provide for their children. Yes I had a bond with most if not all of the children, IMO that is important given how much I was looking after them but I would not say it was anything like that of a parent and when they went running across to their parents, huge smile on their face and arms stretched out you knew their bond wasnt affected, that they adored Mummy and Daddy, as much as Mummy and Daddy adored LO.

 

[devon_91x]

OP you are in the UK right? I cant find anything but I am pretty sure ten hours a day is the maximum a child is allowed to be in the nursery setting. Or at least it use to be when I worked in them. If a child was dropped at 7am, they would have to be picked up at 5pm.

Yeah i am in the UK. I've never heard of that but this nursery was definatly open 7-7 and the lady said most of the children are there that time and it was quite common. Maybe it has changed since you worked in one, im not sure?

 

[dachsundmom]

Wow the joys of having an opinion!

You have over 800 posts and have been a member for over a year, you must know by now that if you have a strong opinion others will too. By all means have your opinion but don't be so naive as to think situations aren't different for everyone else and your opinion isn't going to offend those people.

Oh yea definatly and i respect peoples opinions 100%. I've seen countless threads on here bashing my parenting choices such as formula feeding, controlled crying, early weaning etc etc. I've even been called horrible names on here before because i do CC with my LO. But everyone has different opinions. Of course nobody is going to parent in the same way, but i do respect other parents. I'm not naive and i have said countless times i can understand everyone has a different situation which is probably why i feel they way i do as i haven't walked in someones elses shoes.

If you really feel this way, why in the hell would you start a thread like this in the first place?

 

[Tasha]

Yes our nursery was open 7am until 7pm, but they were not allowed to use the full twelve hours. My sister is currently a senior nursery nurse in one of the massive chains of nurseries in the UK, I will ask her in the morning if it is still the same.

 

[devon_91x]

I remember as a child i was placed into nursery for the afternoon. My dad worked full time and my mum worked part time so i was in nursery until my mum finished work. My dad used to leave around 6am and wouldnt be home until around 7/8pm, by which time i was either in bed or getting ready for bed. He was hardly ever there and although we had weekends to spend with him i just never really got a chance to know him or spend enough time with him. Don't get me wrong i loved nursery and loved the nursery teachers there but after 3-4 hours i just wanted my mummy. I couldnt image leaving my LO for 12 hours a day if she felt like that. Now to this day, i have no relationship with my father and i blame that on the fact he was never around. I personally think if my mum had also worked full time and i hardly ever saw her, our relationship would also be the same.

You blame your lack of relationship on your dad working too much. If he'd stopped working then you'd be blaming him for having no where to live and no food to eat. Do you really think he worked those hours for fun? What a niave view of life you have. My husband works very long hours & everytime our Lo puts his arms out to me instead of him it breaks his heart that little bit more. I would be gutted if Lo grew up blaming my hubby for a lack of relationship when he's provided our home.

All i'm saying is that as a child i would have loved a relationship with my dad. Yes we had a massive house, yes we had holidays abroad twice a year, yes we got everything we wanted, but if i could go back now and swap all that just to be able to spend more time with my dad i would. And i know if my LO grew up thinking like that id be devastated.

 

[midori1999]

Tbh, if I was going to leave my child in a nursery and th eworker was gossiping about and judging other parents that left their children there, I'd view her as unprofessional and wonder what she was going to say about me. I'd look for somewhere else to leave my child.

No one else can make me feel anything. I'm not offended by your opinion, I am a SAHM, but even if I did work (and I have had to in the past) I still wouldn't be offended, because I know I do my best for my child and I am old enough to be confident in my own decisions.

Bizarre really that you say you do CC, eg. leave your baby alone to cry, and are happy with that, but it is wrong for a parent to leave their child to be well cared for by a responsible and qualified adult...

 

[Randianne]

Wow the joys of having an opinion!

You have over 800 posts and have been a member for over a year, you must know by now that if you have a strong opinion others will too. By all means have your opinion but don't be so naive as to think situations aren't different for everyone else and your opinion isn't going to offend those people.

Oh yea definatly and i respect peoples opinions 100%. I've seen countless threads on here bashing my parenting choices such as formula feeding, controlled crying, early weaning etc etc. I've even been called horrible names on here before because i do CC with my LO. But everyone has different opinions. Of course nobody is going to parent in the same way, but i do respect other parents. I'm not naive and i have said countless times i can understand everyone has a different situation which is probably why i feel they way i do as i haven't walked in someones elses shoes.

I've been on that end of the CC debate too. You know how it feels when they tell us that we're neglecting or abusing our babies? That's how you're making working moms feel. It's not right in either case. If you don't agree then fine. But you have made some pretty hurtful and judgmental comments about moms who only want the best for their babies.