~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[Rin731]

awee sweetie you are not fat! we all have our feelings of "fat" but they arent accurate! You are beautiful!! *hugs*

Thanks. I wore a dress and heels today and felt rather gorgeous!!!

 

[9babiesgone]

good for you! I am sure you were just stunning! : )

 

[tasha41]

Just reflected majorly on my childhood and I am thinking that I have a lot of food issues because of my dad. But then I feel bad about it, because I could have had it a lot worse, and I have a great mum (her biggest downfall being married to my father).. I think he called me fat for the first time when I was like 10.. I remember having textural aversions to food from a young age. He'd make me sit at the table for literally hours waiting for me to finish my food because he thought I was being picky or something, really certain foods I just do not want to put in my mouth and chew and swallow. Even if they are flavours I like.. or foods I'd like to eat for health benefits, I can't do it. I just looked online to see how you can help yourself and something that came up was unmanaged OCD which is something I've been wondering if I have for quite some time now.

But I don't want people to know about it. I don't want to have to go to behavioural therapy and I don't want to take medication (and, to be honest, I don't know if I can afford to pay for it).

I just want to be normal.

 

[Rin731]

Just reflected majorly on my childhood and I am thinking that I have a lot of food issues because of my dad. But then I feel bad about it, because I could have had it a lot worse, and I have a great mum (her biggest downfall being married to my father).. I think he called me fat for the first time when I was like 10.. I remember having textural aversions to food from a young age. He'd make me sit at the table for literally hours waiting for me to finish my food because he thought I was being picky or something, really certain foods I just do not want to put in my mouth and chew and swallow. Even if they are flavours I like.. or foods I'd like to eat for health benefits, I can't do it. I just looked online to see how you can help yourself and something that came up was unmanaged OCD which is something I've been wondering if I have for quite some time now.

But I don't want people to know about it. I don't want to have to go to behavioural therapy and I don't want to take medication (and, to be honest, I don't know if I can afford to pay for it).

I just want to be normal.

"unmanaged OCD"<--me, and "I don't want to have to go to behavioural therapy and I don't want to take medication " <--me.

I understand how you feel. It's okay.

 

[Sarah10]

How are you all?
Managed to eat like a normal human being for 2 days and i feel disgusting
I just know i can't do the same again tomorrow

 

[TwilightAgain]

How are you all?
Managed to eat like a normal human being for 2 days and i feel disgusting
I just know i can't do the same again tomorrow

You have to. For the sake of your LO .....all of you ladies do. Your children need mommies who are healthy!!

I know its easier said than done - I had issues a couple of years ago, but I managed to get over them by telling myself I NEEDED to be healthy otherwise my life would crumble apart. You ladies have a fantastic motivator to be healthy - your gorgeous LOs.

 

[9babiesgone]

I am so upset, my bff, who also has an ed, is so dang small! and it isnt fair. and it isnt right of me to be jealous of her, bcI Know she has an ed, but I really wish I wasnt so much bigger than her . and I Know it is fucked up but I really wish I was her size. we both have the same disorder, and yet she is like 20 lbs lighter. I AM SO UPSET. why do i let that trigger me. why is she such a trigger?

 

[annawrigley]

FOB said to me today "Maybe your hair's so fucked up cos you don't eat properly and aren't getting any nutrients to it. You have grey hairs you know"

Grey hairs at 18? Thats a new one. I don't have grey hair...

 

[Sarah10]

FOB said to me today "Maybe your hair's so fucked up cos you don't eat properly and aren't getting any nutrients to it. You have grey hairs you know"

Grey hairs at 18? Thats a new one. I don't have grey hair...

Gah! what a twat! you haven't got grey hair at all!!
x

 

[robinator]

I've officially been recovered from AN for 3.5 years (healthy weight), but in the last 10 days I've put on 4 pounds due to an insatiable appetite! I think for the most part I'm okay with it, but then I see pics of healthy-weight pregnant moms and I kind of freak, thinking that at this rate I'm going to be WAAAAY bigger than that. Basically I'm worried that when I would start to show, no one would be able to tell because I'll be so chubby from all this dang food.

DH asked yesterday how I would feel when I start putting on the pounds. I said how can I possibly know that?

 

[Rin731]

My husband told me today that he "knows it's a disease" but that measuring myself up to others all the time and only looking at them as pretty & thin and me wanting to be like that makes me shallow. Which in turn made my self loathing kick into high gear.

So, thoughts? Am I being shallow???

 

[tasha41]

I don't think it's being shallow. I am preoccupied with it as well,
It's the first thing I notice about a person,
but I don't judge people based on their appearance alone.
And I don't base my friends and partners off appearance alone.

However, I blame my appearance for everything bad in my life >_<
And I feel like I am constantly being judged for mine

 

[robinator]

I equate shallow with being superficial, and the last thing EDs are is superficial. Sounds like he is frustrated but doesn't know either how to broach it with you, or even exactly what his own feelings are, so he's taking it out on you. Not helpful.

 

[tasha41]

I also think it sounds like he said that out of frustration. Maybe he is struggling to understand.

But is it because he's him? Because he's a man? Or are we the 'different' ones who understand because we're not like 'normal people'? I am thinking about this a lot lately. Am I actually.. not crazy.. but really not normal? Do other people think about this stuff or do the things I do? ugh..

 

[Rin731]

I don't think it's being shallow. I am preoccupied with it as well,
It's the first thing I notice about a person,
but I don't judge people based on their appearance alone.
And I don't base my friends and partners off appearance alone.

However, I blame my appearance for everything bad in my life >_<
And I feel like I am constantly being judged for mine

Yes! I told him I never judge anyone else, just myself...

 

[Rin731]

I equate shallow with being superficial, and the last thing EDs are is superficial. Sounds like he is frustrated but doesn't know either how to broach it with you, or even exactly what his own feelings are, so he's taking it out on you. Not helpful.

I know. I love him to death, and I KNOW he's frustrated. Doesn't he think I am, too?! I told him it's hard for him to deal with but even harder to be in my head while I'm dealing with it. But "shallow"???? That's like TELLING me a way I'm not good enough, and another thing to feel guilty for! (Though I know he didn't mean it that way, it still hurt me and set me off on an episode.)

And as far as broaching...it seems like we talk about this on a daily basis, lately. I am just so tired. I want it all to stop and BE NORMAL again.

 

[Rin731]

I also think it sounds like he said that out of frustration. Maybe he is struggling to understand.

But is it because he's him? Because he's a man? Or are we the 'different' ones who understand because we're not like 'normal people'? I am thinking about this a lot lately. Am I actually.. not crazy.. but really not normal? Do other people think about this stuff or do the things I do? ugh..

I'll tell you how I feel, you can decide if you are "normal" or not.

-I only see numbers when I eat
-I can hardly go outside because I'm afraid everyone is looking at me and thinking I'm fat
-I don't eat all day when my husband is at work, and I feel accomplished.
- I feel like no matter what I do, I will never be good enough
- I am afraid of scales
-I'm afraid of exercising & dieting properly because idk if I can without going full-blown anorexic
- I pushed all my friends away because I can't stand them to see me fat
- I don't look in mirrors unless I'm doing makeup, and even then, I can't focus on me as a whole, just my eyes, or lips, etc while putting it on
-I have voices that tell me I'm useless

and most of all I am ALWAYS scared my husband will get mad and leave me ( not because he will or things are like that but), because my mom did when I was 3, and my ex fiance did after 3 years together and a wedding dress in the closet, and I have a pretty severe abandonment complex.

And I am so scared of never getting better. I've actually started thinking of going from NTNP to WTT because I don't know if I can handle it all and a , and I applaud you all who do.

 

[tasha41]

See I can go through periods of binge and purge (my normal routine I suppose, though my purge is typically laxatives vs inducing vomiting).. then feeling guilty and restricting.. but then always going back to the binges. So I don't always consciously worry about calories as I am stuffing my face..

I have a lot of food aversions so I struggle to have a well balanced diet.

My mind is preoccupied with thoughts about how much better my life would be if I was skinny, what number skinny is (as in, what weight in lbs), the things I would do if I was thin.

I blame not getting jobs, relationship issues, everything possible on being fat and/or ugly. I am afraid to apply for certain jobs because I'm fat or not attractive enough to get it.

Contast to you I look in the mirror constantly at my stomach. To see if I notice a difference when I eat etc. But ya, my face.. I tend to focus on my eyes and stuff rather than looking at all of me.

I don't own a scale.. but can't resist weighing myself at everyone's house I go to.

I feel like nothing I acheive matters and I can't enjoy any successes until I get skinny. I worry my daughter will be embarrassed by me or that my OH will not be attracted to me. I refuse to shop for new clothes because I don't want to buy fat clothes anymore, take too many OTC diet/supplement pills at once. Think nothing of taking 3, 4x the dosage of laxatives.. or the normal dose of like 3 kinds.. then I wake up cramping and ill in the night and when I don't take them I'm not regular and I end up taking them because I want to have a BM so badly.

 

[_laura]

See I can go through periods of binge and purge (my normal routine I suppose, though my purge is typically laxatives vs inducing vomiting).. then feeling guilty and restricting.. but then always going back to the binges. So I don't always consciously worry about calories as I am stuffing my face..

I have a lot of food aversions so I struggle to have a well balanced diet.

My mind is preoccupied with thoughts about how much better my life would be if I was skinny, what number skinny is (as in, what weight in lbs), the things I would do if I was thin.

I blame not getting jobs, relationship issues, everything possible on being fat and/or ugly. I am afraid to apply for certain jobs because I'm fat or not attractive enough to get it.

Contast to you I look in the mirror constantly at my stomach. To see if I notice a difference when I eat etc. But ya, my face.. I tend to focus on my eyes and stuff rather than looking at all of me.

I don't own a scale.. but can't resist weighing myself at everyone's house I go to.

I feel like nothing I acheive matters and I can't enjoy any successes until I get skinny. I worry my daughter will be embarrassed by me or that my OH will not be attracted to me. I refuse to shop for new clothes because I don't want to buy fat clothes anymore, take too many OTC diet/supplement pills at once. Think nothing of taking 3, 4x the dosage of laxatives.. or the normal dose of like 3 kinds.. then I wake up cramping and ill in the night and when I don't take them I'm not regular and I end up taking them because I want to have a BM so badly.

Are you reading my mind? This is EXACTLY how I feel. xx

 

[louandivy]

Why don't we remind ourselves of the bad parts of our eating disorders? I almost romanticise my struggle with anorexia, I only remember the parts when the number went down on the scale, and I felt so light and free living on coffee and cigarettes, but so many aspects of it were horrible!

- Barely going out with friends because I was too preoccupied thinking about food to have any kind of interesting conversation
-Being constipated for 3 WEEKS (this really happened!)
-Spending Friday nights running in circles round my gardens for hours because I ate a bowl of pasta
-Puking horrificly every time I drank because I was always drinking on an empty stomach!
-The insomnia. I would go for days without sleeping because I was just so unbelievably hungry
-Having grey skin, losing my hair, passing out whenever I got out of bed!
-That shameful feeling after you purged a binge and you have sick in your hair and on your clothes.