~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[annawrigley]

how have i just found this
xxx

Is everything ok? x

 

[Groovychick]

Are you getting any help for it hun? Is your little girl measuring ok and everything? I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this guilt xxx

I'm not getting any help as such at the moment purely because the waiting list is so long. I thought I might have been at a slightly higher priority being pregnant, but it would seem not. Fortunately my little girl is measuring fine and growing well. I just find it frustrating that despite having another life depend on me that I'm still not able to give up my bulimia. Every time I b/p, guilt surges through me at the damage I am causing. I know the stress I am under can't be doing my LO any good either.

 

[Georgie90]

I have been well for 2 weeks now could just really have done with this a few weeks ago xxx

 

[annawrigley]

Are you getting any help for it hun? Is your little girl measuring ok and everything? I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this guilt xxx

I'm not getting any help as such at the moment purely because the waiting list is so long. I thought I might have been at a slightly higher priority being pregnant, but it would seem not. Fortunately my little girl is measuring fine and growing well. I just find it frustrating that despite having another life depend on me that I'm still not able to give up my bulimia. Every time I b/p, guilt surges through me at the damage I am causing. I know the stress I am under can't be doing my LO any good either.

By some miracle I ate fine when I was pregnant, now I don't. I feel guilty all the time. I hardly have any energy and a pretty short fuse and I'm really scared of him picking up on bad habits. I suppose the guilt will never go away as long as our EDs are here (and doubly so having a little person depend on you!), they are so all-consuming and make you feel nothing but shit Hope everything gets better for you xx

 

[Groovychick]

Thanks Anna. And I totally agree with what you say.

Another rubbish day. I am b/p so much that I now have multiple mouth blisters. I guess I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself today.

 

[Lubbird]

X

 

[Groovychick]

Of course not hun.

 

[rockys-mumma]

Hugs to everyone! I have been struggling to eat lately, and what I do eat is just complete shit like some crackers or crisps just to shut my stomach up from grumbling. Been so busy with uni work that dinner has not been cooked for ages, OH has been getting take away and i've just been picking at it too and claiming to have already eaten at my mums when I went to pick LO up. I have just been very occasionly snacking and nobody has noticed as i've been in the library 12pm-7pm for god knows how many days. Its bad that i'm pleased by this! Even my osteopath pointed out that im 'far too thin' and I took it as a bloomin compliment! Whats wrong with me!

 

[Rin731]

Are you getting any help for it hun? Is your little girl measuring ok and everything? I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this guilt xxx

I'm not getting any help as such at the moment purely because the waiting list is so long. I thought I might have been at a slightly higher priority being pregnant, but it would seem not. Fortunately my little girl is measuring fine and growing well. I just find it frustrating that despite having another life depend on me that I'm still not able to give up my bulimia. Every time I b/p, guilt surges through me at the damage I am causing. I know the stress I am under can't be doing my LO any good either.

By some miracle I ate fine when I was pregnant, now I don't. I feel guilty all the time. I hardly have any energy and a pretty short fuse and I'm really scared of him picking up on bad habits. I suppose the guilt will never go away as long as our EDs are here (and doubly so having a little person depend on you!), they are so all-consuming and make you feel nothing but shit Hope everything gets better for you xx

Yes.

I don't have a LO yet, but I know what you mean. And I'm scared to be NTNP....

I hate being this way, and since I have an ED I feel like....I hate myself even more for it....and it's this cycle of self loathing, and it's hard....I also think I have IBS, as when I do eat, I invariably get (sorry tmi) diarrhea, along with indigestion, and just feel like shit.

I'm trying to "diet" and exercise properly, since I am overweight. It's like I want to be thin to be accepted and love myself, but last year, I let myself gain like 60 lbs because I hated myself and wanted to hide in my own skin...

But it's so hard when I think, "But if I exercise more and eat...nothing, imagine how thin I'll be!!!"

It's just so sick, and I hate myself for it.

 

[annawrigley]

It's not sick, it's not your fault God knows where these things come from but I don't believe its any of our faults... I certainly didn't ask for this it just came out of nowhere and now I can't make it go away Good luck NTNP and good luck beating this! xx

 

[Rhio92]

Can i join you? I've never posted before because I've been hiding it from everyone (even bnb) for months.
I haven't got a specific eating disorder, I'm down as eating disorder not otherwise known (I think that's what it is I could have sworn it was EDNOS) Currently seeing a mental health worker who's determined to give me a specific diagnosis
Basically, since having Connor, I've had a fear of putting on weight. I've don't eat. No reason. Just decide not to. I don't think I'm fat, when I look in the mirror I see what I am; skin and bones, no meat, and it's vile. I used to be a size 10, now I wear size 8 super skinny jeans, which are getting baggy. My MH worker won't tell me my BMI, and I'm not 'allowed' to weigh myself.
It's so confusing I used to eat. I used to eat everything and anything and not give a shit. But now... It's like 'eat' 'no' 'why?' 'no reason' inside my head. And all around are my family; my mum my aunt, etc, all trying to lose weight. They always have. I'm scared of a life of weight watchers, different fad diets, gym sessions... I'm scared I'll get fat. But I'm skinny. And I don't want to lose weight. I don't want to be big. I don't get it, things vary every day.
I'm scared I'll lose my fertility. My doctor says I'll have to stop BFing soon. They show me pics of people in hospital with tubes down their throat. They show me organ failure. And I'm scared. I know I'm not at the stage yet, but maybe one day... They've advised me not to play rugby and I've been ill with colds, flu, chest infection non stop for 6 weeks.
I don't know. Non of this makes sense. They think food is the only thing I can control in my life, so that's why I do it. I don't think that's true... But I don't know... Why has this happened? Why?! why me, why you lot, why anyone?

 

[Rin731]

It's not sick, it's not your fault God knows where these things come from but I don't believe its any of our faults... I certainly didn't ask for this it just came out of nowhere and now I can't make it go away Good luck NTNP and good luck beating this! xx

Thanks.

So hard to try and diet and exercise the weight off without restricting....sooooo hard.....but being heavy fuels the self loathing....gah........Thanks. NTNP isn't going anywhere, really, I think the ED stress and extra weight aren't helping.

 

[annawrigley]

Can i join you? I've never posted before because I've been hiding it from everyone (even bnb) for months.
I haven't got a specific eating disorder, I'm down as eating disorder not otherwise known (I think that's what it is I could have sworn it was EDNOS) Currently seeing a mental health worker who's determined to give me a specific diagnosis
Basically, since having Connor, I've had a fear of putting on weight. I've don't eat. No reason. Just decide not to. I don't think I'm fat, when I look in the mirror I see what I am; skin and bones, no meat, and it's vile. I used to be a size 10, now I wear size 8 super skinny jeans, which are getting baggy. My MH worker won't tell me my BMI, and I'm not 'allowed' to weigh myself.
It's so confusing I used to eat. I used to eat everything and anything and not give a shit. But now... It's like 'eat' 'no' 'why?' 'no reason' inside my head. And all around are my family; my mum my aunt, etc, all trying to lose weight. They always have. I'm scared of a life of weight watchers, different fad diets, gym sessions... I'm scared I'll get fat. But I'm skinny. And I don't want to lose weight. I don't want to be big. I don't get it, things vary every day.
I'm scared I'll lose my fertility. My doctor says I'll have to stop BFing soon. They show me pics of people in hospital with tubes down their throat. They show me organ failure. And I'm scared. I know I'm not at the stage yet, but maybe one day... They've advised me not to play rugby and I've been ill with colds, flu, chest infection non stop for 6 weeks.
I don't know. Non of this makes sense. They think food is the only thing I can control in my life, so that's why I do it. I don't think that's true... But I don't know... Why has this happened? Why?! why me, why you lot, why anyone?

Wow that was weird to read, thats exactly how mine started over 4 years ago now! I didnt know why, it just happened. Just like that. Odd. Same as you I used to be a size 10 but my jeans are falling off me and look stupid so went to find some the other day and 8s are baggy I've not even lost weight, only a few lbs
Always here to talk if you need hun xx

 

[9babiesgone]

I am so upset. I really really need to purge. or something. I feel nasty for eating a regular sized meal.

 

[Sarah10]

I am so upset. I really really need to purge. or something. I feel nasty for eating a regular sized meal.

how are you now?

Sorry i haven't been on for over a week i've been on a mini holiday, put on 5lbs because i felt awful for FIL to say no to his meals, gah.
Jeans are still loose but i know scales aren't fibbing.

 

[9babiesgone]

uggh . not great at all. purged.
why cant I let myself eat a normal sized meal without freaking?

 

[Groovychick]

Hugs to everyone! I have been struggling to eat lately, and what I do eat is just complete shit like some crackers or crisps just to shut my stomach up from grumbling. Been so busy with uni work that dinner has not been cooked for ages, OH has been getting take away and i've just been picking at it too and claiming to have already eaten at my mums when I went to pick LO up. I have just been very occasionly snacking and nobody has noticed as i've been in the library 12pm-7pm for god knows how many days. Its bad that i'm pleased by this! Even my osteopath pointed out that im 'far too thin' and I took it as a bloomin compliment! Whats wrong with me!

Hun, you need to eat something. Your body can't continue like this. What if you collapse due to lack of food while your alone with your LO? It really doesn't bear thinking about. How about trying some meal replacement drinks if your having trouble with regular food?

 

[Groovychick]

uggh . not great at all. purged.
why cant I let myself eat a normal sized meal without freaking?

 

[louandivy]

uggh . not great at all. purged.
why cant I let myself eat a normal sized meal without freaking?

I know how you feel hun, I haven't given into any of my anorexic behaviour in a while now but I still hate feeling full, like I'm not 'me' if you know what I mean. Is there any way you could distract yourself after meals? I know it is so hard to stop yourself purging, almost impossible, but you have to feel the fear and do it anyway Why don't you try going for a long walk when you feel like you want to purge, then you are getting some exercise too?

When I unexpectedly fell pregnant I was still deep in my eating disorder, I would restrict all week but secretly collect and stash food, and then every Tuesday would spend the whole day binging and purging, then before bed take 50 or so laxatives. I had been doing this for a year when I got pregnant and it was sooo hard to stop, so I would always arrange things to do on Tuesdays to keep me out of the house. It was soo hard but I don't have the urge to binge anymore, but obviously not restricting helps as I never get really hungry. I really hope you can battle this hun

 

[9babiesgone]

thanks ladies. I dont know if i can distract myself I am a sahm in a very small mobile home, so not much to get away from the purging!! I dont know what to do anymore. I cant tell my husband he would kill me if he found out.