~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[craftymum]

I do worry about this too, that she will eat to get home and then start the whole process all over again. She's really struggling today as they've upped her to 3/4 portions and she just couldn't eat breakfast and refused her supplement. She's finding the no privacy policy very very tough and is scared to shower or use the loo etc with someone watching her. She has someone sitting in the doorway of her room 24/7 and this is difficult too. Today there are a lot of temps in and at lunch she really struggled and was crying and the health care worker just ignored her. This evening they brought her round the wrong meal as she is allowed 3 dislikes and when they replaced it with what she was meant to get she said it was still frozen! The guy watching her was a foreign guy and didn't understand much English so he just ignored her during and after the meal which I am disgusted about as she is meant to be supported during the meal and for 30 minutes afterwards! Think we will be having words with her primary nurse on Monday as what good will it do getting great support Mon- Fri for it to be wrecked at the weekends!

 

[tasha41]

Do you guys think an ED can affect your birth control pill?

OHs family keeps prodding me every few months for explanations about why my BCP failed. Elyse is a year old now and I don't feel like I owe them an explanation really but it is hurtful that they think I am lying that I took my pill religiously at 5pm daily.

Tonight I was thinking... because MIL said oh were you sick or anything that month if you can remember it was a long time ago... and DUH. It hit me that maybe I was throwing up my BCP (not everyday but often enough to affect it)... which I'm sure would explain irregular periods while on the pill too? Because I told her mine were funky -- even funkier before I started on the pill -- and she said it was impossible to be irregular on the pill. Then I researched if you have diarrhea it can make it ineffective and I used to take a laxative everyday because I wanted to have one BM per day even if I hadn't eaten (not that it always worked lol).

They've been regular since the baby... well guess what I am fat and hating it and only thrown up a handful of times... I eat at least 2 meals and a snack everyday..

I feel in a way like this is my fault and I can't come clean about it because people will "blame me", but then now I feel a bit better because I feel like I know why now.. tons of people say they got PG on the pill and no one ever believes them and now I know what the probable reason was and that there is one,

I'd never tell OHs family.. maybe him and his mom.. but I don't want my OH to think I'm f-ed, he saw me making myself throw up when I was drunk once after I had already been sick a lot and he told me it was gross.





Also a bad night in general for me, I looked at old photos from high school... MIL said "oh you were so thin!!! Pretty girl!!" then she said "not that you aren't pretty or that you're fat now.. just before the baby"... so now I feel like a frumpy mum.

I think I am on the verge of a possible relapse as well, how significant it will be, IDK.

Part of me says being strong means eating and exercising and being normal, another part of me feels like being "strong" is all to do with the willpower to not eat.

Is it possible to go on a diet - healthily - after going through this? Or am I going to be stuck fat forever?

I don't want to have a nutritionist/dietician supervise my diet I never like what they have to say, I feel like I can never please them, sometimes they're telling you to eat more than once a day or eat more at your meals, then when I was PG they told me to cut out juice and go on all these supplements and do more salads and less carbs if I wanted to stay on top of my weight gain, then I perceived that as being called "fat" when really I know it makes sense??

 

[aidensxmomma]

I've been having a bad week, ladies. I don't know if I ever posted on here, but here it goes:

I've never officially been diagnosed with an ED. However, I have disordered eating and it's been going on since I was 12. A boy in my class told a new boy not to date me because I was fat and I've never gotten over it. I "recovered" for a while but after having Mady, it's gotten much, much worse. I've been thinking about losing weight almost constantly and I know it's heading down the wrong path. I don't even know how to diet in a healthy way. I'm trying for my kids, especially Mady, but it's so difficult.

Sorry for the long post. It just feels good to talk about it to people who understand.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Tasha, I'm pretty sure that your ED could have messed up your bc. When I asked to be put on bc, my doctor said it was pointless until I got over my ED because I would just end up throwing it up. Of course he left the final choice up to me, but that was his view. So, that could be why it failed.
And stay strong honey! There are a lot of really good healthy diets you could go on. There was a really good one, and it was all about eating MORE food to lose weight. I'll have to find a site explaining it and PM it to you. My whole family went on it a year ago or so. (I didn't stick to it, but everyone else did and they have never been in better health!)

I've had anorexia for 4.5 years and was working on recovering when I fell pregnant. Being pregnant has really helped me get out of that mind-set for now, as I am more concerned with my daughter's well-being than my weight. But I'm really scared because I can't break the habits that have become my lifestyle. I went 4 1/2 years ignoring hunger pains to the point where I never know if I'm hungry or not. I have to have a timer set on my phone to remind me to eat, because otherwise I won't notice until I'm famished.
And my stomach is still so small that I can't eat a whole lot. I mean, my appetite increased quite a bit, but it's still only about the size of a normal person's.
I love my bump, and have never really thought of it as "fat" or being a bad thing, because I know my lovely little girl is in there. But I do worry about after she's born how I'll react.
I want to be able to eat all the right things for her, and I want to remember to eat, I just don't know how to break the habit.

 

[tasha41]

aidensxmomma & Croc-O-Dile It's hard especially when you have a girl I think -- you feel this strong urge to live how you've become accustomed to and lose the weight... but you feel guilty almost because it feels irresponsible when you have a girl? I don't want this for Elyse at all-- just like I'm sure you don't want it for your daughters.

I still do silly things like.. I won't drink milk because I am afraid it will make me fat

I am still teetering. I have binged 2x. Tried to throw up, couldn't do it. I am so afraid of getting caught. But then when I'm not "trying to" I can feel myself almost doing it if I think about it too hard? I've been taking lots of laxatives though Which I know still is no better.

Thursday when Elyse goes to the nurse practitioner for her 12 month appointment I may talk to her about a diet plan... and possibly some anti anxiety medication.

I know I need it Silly things make me so anxious and cranky, I feel sick about certain times of the day (ie when my dad comes home from work mostly, having to go home from my OHs house, etc). I am afraid I will gain weight on medication though!!

I already need to lose as it is, I just saw some pics of me from a couple of weeks ago and I am looking so fat. My face shows weight gain so much, if it weren't for that I might feel better. Why do I have to be overweight right now AND ugly?? I just want to be average or a bit below and pretty.

 

[annawrigley]

its becoming so hard to eat properly now that im not pregnant anymore

 

[shocker]

anna, could you maybe talk to your home visitor about it? it must be hard eating when your so busy with a new baby!
tasha - are you taking any anti depressants? I take prozac and it really helps with binging

 

[tasha41]

anna ... what if you make your lunch for example up in advance so when it comes time to eat it's only eating you have to tackle not figuring out what and making it? Or having vegetables cut up in the fridge?

shocker-- no. I'm afraid to go on anything in case it causes weight gain.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Tasha, have you thought about taking a yoga class? They're great for getting in shape and it's a good alternative to anti-depressants. When I was about Elyse's age my parents split up, and my mom put me in a day-care program that was more like a play group for an hour while she went to a yoga class twice a week. At first she felt bad leaving me, but apparently I had quite a time there.
If you want to check into them, you should see if any of your local temples have free yoga nights. (we have a large Hindi population around here, I don't know how it is where you are though.) Or the local colleges sometimes do them as well.

Anna: They make power bars that have all the nutrients you need in them, so if you're running around with Noah and don't have time to eat, try one of them. They don't taste too bad either!

 

[shocker]

shocker-- no. I'm afraid to go on anything in case it causes weight gain.

I was the same and I remember recently in gs a few members were considering trying them but were reluctant for the same reason but afterwards ended up being nicely surprised.When i started taking prozac I actually lost weight instead of gaining as do a lot of people who take it to control bulimia, thats the main use of it.It makes people lose weight because it stops the urge to binge, I remember at one point after i started taking them I walked into the kitchen and just got so confused because it was the time i usually binge and i just kind of expected to out of habit, I ended up sitting there for an hour and only having a small yoghurt there was just no all consuming need anymore Like someone turned off the manic eater button lol it was quite confusing and scary at the start but its been a massive help in reducing the frequency and intensity.You feel a bit zonked at first, I remember being like wow were the days always this long, but it was just because so much of it used to be spent out of my mind in the eating coma.I would seriously recomend it to anyone who struggles with binge eating though its extremely helpful

 

[tasha41]

Would I just ask for that lol or should I go 'have a talk' with my doctor and see if he suggests something else first

It's harder to talk to someone face to face about it I find because they try to like make eye contact and take notes..

And I will probably get asked questions about my daughter too if I go right... I'm not having any problems caring for her or anything though!!! And I don't want to get weighed

 

[shocker]

Thats ok, It is so much harder saying something face to face with someone! I havnt been weighed in years, i did get kicked off one program for refusing but that wasnt the one that gave me prozac so I wouldnt think its a problem if you just say you'd rather not.Tbh as far as i know they give the stuff out pretty easily lol, like i read this book after i started taking it called 'prozac nation' and they were talking about it being prescribed to depressed cats in america and everything I would assume they wouldnt question your abilitys at caring for your daughter seeing as they know you if its a family doctor and will see how well you care for her.You could write it in a letter if its easier for you, they prescribe it for depression aswell.If you just tell him you've been researching which option could be the best for you and you believe this could really help im sure they would be understanding

 

[Justagirlxx]

I don't know if you guys are still posting on this thread but I'm having trouble right now. Because I am pregnant and now that I'm getting bigger its really bothering me. Sometimes I look in the mirror and just start crying at this huge baby bump I have. I've been trying to post pictures and stuff to be proud of the weight I've gained but its really hard not having my tiny body back.

For years I've been under 125lbs and I am 6'1 with an ED. Its hard for me to say anorexia because I always prided myself on being thin "naturally". lol

Does anyone have any advice for self esteem for pregnant women with body image disorders?

 

[tasha41]

I would repeat things in my head over and over until they stayed there.
ie: I am pregnant, not fat.
Pregnancy is supposed to be the happiest time of your life.
I will not be selfish when I am the only one who can nourish this baby and give her a chance to live.

+ I actually liked my pregnant body more than my pre-pregnant body. People were always complimenting my bump etc and that helped me..

What about getting a pregnancy photoshoot done? Lots of my friends had them (I know so many amateur photographers just from back in high school, friends of friends, etc).. they all turned out beautiful; someone did their make up and they wore fun clothes and had photoshopping and stuff.

 

[annawrigley]

bump in case anyone needed it

 

[TheNewWife]

Hi everyone! :wave: Been a member here for a long time and just found this thread. Thought I would post a hello.

I've dealt with bulimia since I was about 19. It got really bad in my mid 20's until I had a stern conversation with some concerned friends and got myself some help. Now it isn't too much of an issue but still haunts me regularly. I control it most of the time but I'm not perfect.

I'm now pregnant with Baby #2 and trying to find a healthy balance between watching what I eat (I don't want to gain 57 lbs again like I did with Emma) and not being obsessive about it.

I can't talk to OH about it because he just doesn't get it. He's lovely but he's a man.

Glad this thread exists. Hope that everyone is doing well and winning the battle.

 

[jen1604]

Hi girls!
Sorry I've been a bit absent,only been able to grab a few minutes on BnB here and there,life with 2 kids is MANIC

How are we all doing? I'm dieting still to lose the baby weight but progress is slow and so tempting to purge or properly restrict.I hate the 'pull' of having an ED and how easy it is to go back to.
xxxx

 

[mrskx0x0]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the thread because I didn't know it existed until about 30 seconds ago I'm having a pretty shit time of it at the moment with PND. At the same time I'm trying to watch the calories without counting them (still in maternity wear!!!) but today I went to a mother and baby thing and it made me feel TERRIBLE and so I have had a little cry, talked myself out of self harming, and now am tempted to run to the cupboard and make a calorie itinerary of everything ARGH!

 

[jen1604]

Hi Mrsk.
Sorry you're having a bad time of it lovely Scarlett is still little so don't push yourself or be too hard on yourself although I know how easy it is to say that and how hard it is to actually do it.
I hope you start feeling ok soon and I hope you come back here and chat to us too if you need to xxx

 

[tasha41]

Hi ladies,

to all. It's a long hard road. MrsK, I found the early days post partum to be really intensely difficult, even without PND, my baby blues made things tough enough.. so I can't imagine how much worse it is

Life has kind of been crazy around here lately. Trying to buy a house with my BF, I think we are really close, but it is a big emotional/mental drain. Working lots too and trying to enjoy the sunshine with my LO.

Put my scale away but still struggling.