any other over 35 first time mums?

[Rowan75]

have you got one of thos mirrors so that you can see him from the front of the car - that seems to reassure martha as she can see us too

martha has 2 dummies to sleep with lol one to hold and one in her mouth once i taught her how to pick them up it was fine - but before that sheesh i was up and down like a yoyo getting her dummy

 

[clio]

I know what it was. It was about OH. He's pretty hands-on but generally I need to ask him to do stuff and it feels like unless I ask him then we both assume that I just get on with it. And often when he's 'in charge' he needs my help with something. We can talk openly about it, which helps. Saying that, I often find myself going over the same things again with him. Sometimes it feels easier just to get on with things myself but I know he's got to learn! I'm going back to work in 3 months and I think that by then things will need to feel a bit more equal. At the moment, i'm always the one getting up in the night, but since I'm BF and that's wick settles her then I'm not sure what else to do 't the moment. Keep talking, I guess!

Yes, exactly - he does it but I feel I have to ask him or, as you said, we both assume I do it, which is funny, because most of the times I am OK with, but then something happens and I think, hang on a minute, why is it me doing it again? Like you, I too think thingswill have to change when I go back to work. And to be fair with him, I know they will change, it's just that when I am around it's easier for him to do the things he likes, rather than the nappy changes etc.

Hi Leeze! I'm glad you decided to re-join the thread!

Kosh, I'm an historian like my husband, and contract lecture at a college here in the city. But the contracts suddenly dried up when I said I couldn't take a job when I was pregnant. They tend to forget you pretty darn quick, it seems.

I know what you two mean about things naturally falling to you. I've got very little to complain about, but two things are solely my responsibility: research and organization. And this has always been unspoken. Now, my husband is a Google fiend like I am (and a researcher by living), so sometimes I am astounded when he complains to me about teething or something and I ask him was he's discovered through his reading and he gives me a blank stare. Since when am I the expert on all things baby??? LOOK IT UP!!!

Then there is the organization. This is friggin' important. I make sure that if we need something, it is there. We are never out of diapers, wipes, food, clean clothing, etc. Anything you can imagine, I've stocked us up. And Leeze, it's like you said--you can tell him something over and over again, and he seems to think it's his right not to have to remember, because it's so "trivial." Then he complains because he has poo on his hands because he came home with the wrong type of wipes. He's also decided that everything should be up in J's nursery because it's "proper," when I had everything set up perfectly in the living room, and I am going crazy.

I have just decided that he is bringing everything down again.

Now he is not a big fan of the car. Unless I am sitting on the back sit with him ( even that sometimes it does not work) he starts complaining in there. I told my husband that maybe we have to think about getting him a little DVD player to play Elmo for him. He has a music bar on his seat toys... Nothing seems to help the car ride. I know he want us to hold him but that cannot be done in the car. Any other tips?

I'm glad the wedding worked out! Sometimes our LOs are superstars.

J has also decided, at random times, to HATE his car seat. All of a sudden, he starts crying, then screaming, then braying like a donkey. Not every trip. Not the whole way. But we have no idea what starts it, and the only thing that stops it is him falling asleep. Nothing has worked so far, so I'm afraid that I have no tips. Even the mirror does nothing.

So now that J had such a great time PAR-TAYing at 4 o'clock in the morning a few nights ago, he has decided to make it a nightly party. And he has moved the party-time up to 3 o'clock. AND he has decided that going back to sleep after an hour is totally uncool and won't go back to bed. It's my husband who has to deal with it and he's at his wits end. Anyone go through this? I mean, yes, 5 o'clock wake-ups are pretty normal, but 3? And nope, as far as I can tell, he's not teething, nor going through a growth spurt (these were the suggestions I came across while Googling it this morning...)

You know, first I solve the poo problem yesterday, and now this. Why didn't anyone tell me that babies are HARD WORK???

 

[clio]

Oh, and for those of you who have LO ones that are mobile and into everything, how did you manage to keep him/her away from electrical cords? So far, we've come up with the genius idea of covering them up with blankets and pillows because he's at a developmental age where if something is out of sight, it doesn't exist anymore. But 1) that he's going to grow out of that stage soon and know we just hid the cords--they did not magically disappear, and 2) it's not really the safest way to deal with electrical cords. At all.

 

[Borboleta]

have you got one of thos mirrors so that you can see him from the front of the car - that seems to reassure martha as she can see us too

martha has 2 dummies to sleep with lol one to hold and one in her mouth once i taught her how to pick them up it was fine - but before that sheesh i was up and down like a yoyo getting her dummy

Two dummies. That is so cute .

We do have the mirror too. He does like for about 5 min and them he is like "are you going to pick me up?"

 

[Borboleta]

I know what it was. It was about OH. He's pretty hands-on but generally I need to ask him to do stuff and it feels like unless I ask him then we both assume that I just get on with it. And often when he's 'in charge' he needs my help with something. We can talk openly about it, which helps. Saying that, I often find myself going over the same things again with him. Sometimes it feels easier just to get on with things myself but I know he's got to learn! I'm going back to work in 3 months and I think that by then things will need to feel a bit more equal. At the moment, i'm always the one getting up in the night, but since I'm BF and that's wick settles her then I'm not sure what else to do 't the moment. Keep talking, I guess!

Yes, exactly - he does it but I feel I have to ask him or, as you said, we both assume I do it, which is funny, because most of the times I am OK with, but then something happens and I think, hang on a minute, why is it me doing it again? Like you, I too think thingswill have to change when I go back to work. And to be fair with him, I know they will change, it's just that when I am around it's easier for him to do the things he likes, rather than the nappy changes etc.

Hi Leeze! I'm glad you decided to re-join the thread!

Kosh, I'm an historian like my husband, and contract lecture at a college here in the city. But the contracts suddenly dried up when I said I couldn't take a job when I was pregnant. They tend to forget you pretty darn quick, it seems.

I know what you two mean about things naturally falling to you. I've got very little to complain about, but two things are solely my responsibility: research and organization. And this has always been unspoken. Now, my husband is a Google fiend like I am (and a researcher by living), so sometimes I am astounded when he complains to me about teething or something and I ask him was he's discovered through his reading and he gives me a blank stare. Since when am I the expert on all things baby??? LOOK IT UP!!!

Then there is the organization. This is friggin' important. I make sure that if we need something, it is there. We are never out of diapers, wipes, food, clean clothing, etc. Anything you can imagine, I've stocked us up. And Leeze, it's like you said--you can tell him something over and over again, and he seems to think it's his right not to have to remember, because it's so "trivial." Then he complains because he has poo on his hands because he came home with the wrong type of wipes. He's also decided that everything should be up in J's nursery because it's "proper," when I had everything set up perfectly in the living room, and I am going crazy.

I have just decided that he is bringing everything down again.

Now he is not a big fan of the car. Unless I am sitting on the back sit with him ( even that sometimes it does not work) he starts complaining in there. I told my husband that maybe we have to think about getting him a little DVD player to play Elmo for him. He has a music bar on his seat toys... Nothing seems to help the car ride. I know he want us to hold him but that cannot be done in the car. Any other tips?

I'm glad the wedding worked out! Sometimes our LOs are superstars.

J has also decided, at random times, to HATE his car seat. All of a sudden, he starts crying, then screaming, then braying like a donkey. Not every trip. Not the whole way. But we have no idea what starts it, and the only thing that stops it is him falling asleep. Nothing has worked so far, so I'm afraid that I have no tips. Even the mirror does nothing.

So now that J had such a great time PAR-TAYing at 4 o'clock in the morning a few nights ago, he has decided to make it a nightly party. And he has moved the party-time up to 3 o'clock. AND he has decided that going back to sleep after an hour is totally uncool and won't go back to bed. It's my husband who has to deal with it and he's at his wits end. Anyone go through this? I mean, yes, 5 o'clock wake-ups are pretty normal, but 3? And nope, as far as I can tell, he's not teething, nor going through a growth spurt (these were the suggestions I came across while Googling it this morning...)

You know, first I solve the poo problem yesterday, and now this. Why didn't anyone tell me that babies are HARD WORK???

Oh Clio, I always have a great time with your post . You have a great sense of humor. Maybe you should write a book about the adventures of Jonah. I would buy the book .
The only advice I can give you is buy a disco ball and let the boy party . Babies are hard I agree!!! They have a mind of their own .

 

[clio]

Thank you Borborleta! Though I really have Jonah to thank.

At what point does allowing your baby to do independent play become neglect? I managed to get him to sleep after my husband crashed, and he slept for around two hours. I spent some of that time doing "housework" and did manage to baby proof some cords, but then decided that it's too hot and crashed on the couch. Now the boy is up, and I'm still crashed on the couch. He's busy developing a new language using a spoon (he sticks it in his mouth and "talks" around it), and I see no reason to interfere.

I guess I'm saying that I'm waiting for him to cry while I watch Beverly Hills Nannies and then I'll HAVE to go to him. Does this make me a bad mother? It's okay, you can say "yes."

 

[kosh]

Thank you Borborleta! Though I really have Jonah to thank.

At what point does allowing your baby to do independent play become neglect? I managed to get him to sleep after my husband crashed, and he slept for around two hours. I spent some of that time doing "housework" and did manage to baby proof some cords, but then decided that it's too hot and crashed on the couch. Now the boy is up, and I'm still crashed on the couch. He's busy developing a new language using a spoon (he sticks it in his mouth and "talks" around it), and I see no reason to interfere.

I guess I'm saying that I'm waiting for him to cry while I watch Beverly Hills Nannies and then I'll HAVE to go to him. Does this make me a bad mother? It's okay, you can say "yes."

i think if he's not crying/calling for you, he should be ok, unless you think he can actually eat the spoon? my boy was doing something this morning (no idea what!) while i gathered strength to get up, and i think it took me about an hour!

re. the 3am party time, yessss, we've been there! but i always manage to get him to go back to sleep, even if that is 2hr later. have you checked if he's going through a 'wonder week'.i don't know reliable (real?) they are, but the last time we had this,it was spot on ww27. or in another words, you say he's not going through a growth spurt but maybe he's reaching a developmental milestone? with us was rolling/sitting up.

 

[clio]

Thank you Borborleta! Though I really have Jonah to thank.

At what point does allowing your baby to do independent play become neglect? I managed to get him to sleep after my husband crashed, and he slept for around two hours. I spent some of that time doing "housework" and did manage to baby proof some cords, but then decided that it's too hot and crashed on the couch. Now the boy is up, and I'm still crashed on the couch. He's busy developing a new language using a spoon (he sticks it in his mouth and "talks" around it), and I see no reason to interfere.

I guess I'm saying that I'm waiting for him to cry while I watch Beverly Hills Nannies and then I'll HAVE to go to him. Does this make me a bad mother? It's okay, you can say "yes."

i think if he's not crying/calling for you, he should be ok, unless you think he can actually eat the spoon? my boy was doing something this morning (no idea what!) while i gathered strength to get up, and i think it took me about an hour!

re. the 3am party time, yessss, we've been there! but i always manage to get him to go back to sleep, even if that is 2hr later. have you checked if he's going through a 'wonder week'.i don't know reliable (real?) they are, but the last time we had this,it was spot on ww27. or in another words, you say he's not going through a growth spurt but maybe he's reaching a developmental milestone? with us was rolling/sitting up.

He ended up watching BH Nannies with me. I'm not certain that was a better parenting decision. But he went nuts every time he saw one of the kids on the show, so I think I may need to take him to more play groups, no matter how many kids' hair he pulls.

I'll check on my iPhone app if this could be a WW. Though to be honest, I'm not sure how "real" they are either. But he has been doing tons of developmental stuff lately. He's just learned to cruise from his music table to the window sill right next to the music table. That's a full 45 degree turn there. I think I'm raising a genius.

Do your LOs bop to music? Cuz I also want to know if I'm raising a budding Mozart, too.

 

[Borboleta]

Thank you Borborleta! Though I really have Jonah to thank.

At what point does allowing your baby to do independent play become neglect? I managed to get him to sleep after my husband crashed, and he slept for around two hours. I spent some of that time doing "housework" and did manage to baby proof some cords, but then decided that it's too hot and crashed on the couch. Now the boy is up, and I'm still crashed on the couch. He's busy developing a new language using a spoon (he sticks it in his mouth and "talks" around it), and I see no reason to interfere.

I guess I'm saying that I'm waiting for him to cry while I watch Beverly Hills Nannies and then I'll HAVE to go to him. Does this make me a bad mother? It's okay, you can say "yes."

They say that is good for them to play by themselves too. I know my hubby and I have been bad about that and thiago might play by himself for about 15 min but them he want us to entertain him. I told hubby we need to stop entertain him so much. So I think it is great that he is having fun with the spoon. When he starts fussing then you go and get him .
An you need to have some Beverly hills nannies time for yourself too. i am the same way. Sometimes I just want a show were I don't have to think whatsoever.

 

[kosh]

Thank you Borborleta! Though I really have Jonah to thank.

At what point does allowing your baby to do independent play become neglect? I managed to get him to sleep after my husband crashed, and he slept for around two hours. I spent some of that time doing "housework" and did manage to baby proof some cords, but then decided that it's too hot and crashed on the couch. Now the boy is up, and I'm still crashed on the couch. He's busy developing a new language using a spoon (he sticks it in his mouth and "talks" around it), and I see no reason to interfere.

I guess I'm saying that I'm waiting for him to cry while I watch Beverly Hills Nannies and then I'll HAVE to go to him. Does this make me a bad mother? It's okay, you can say "yes."

i think if he's not crying/calling for you, he should be ok, unless you think he can actually eat the spoon? my boy was doing something this morning (no idea what!) while i gathered strength to get up, and i think it took me about an hour!

re. the 3am party time, yessss, we've been there! but i always manage to get him to go back to sleep, even if that is 2hr later. have you checked if he's going through a 'wonder week'.i don't know reliable (real?) they are, but the last time we had this,it was spot on ww27. or in another words, you say he's not going through a growth spurt but maybe he's reaching a developmental milestone? with us was rolling/sitting up.

He ended up watching BH Nannies with me. I'm not certain that was a better parenting decision. But he went nuts every time he saw one of the kids on the show, so I think I may need to take him to more play groups, no matter how many kids' hair he pulls.

I'll check on my iPhone app if this could be a WW. Though to be honest, I'm not sure how "real" they are either. But he has been doing tons of developmental stuff lately. He's just learned to cruise from his music table to the window sill right next to the music table. That's a full 45 degree turn there. I think I'm raising a genius.

Do your LOs bop to music? Cuz I also want to know if I'm raising a budding Mozart, too.

ours dances to sonidera (if you happen to know what that is! ) and loves the lights (which baby doesn't! ) so we think we're raising an electrician

 

[Leeze]

Wow. You lot are fast thread movers. Not sure I'll be able to keep up! Also doing this with one hand on my phone while LO feeds to sleep means I can't go back and check who said what. Things I want to say though ... I wouldn't worry too much about trying to break sleep associations personally. Babies change and grow so quickly, I say do whatever helps you and baby get through the day or night. Re the 3am partying, we haven't had this for a while but I do remember bizarrely that this was one of the times where LO could be put back in her cot awake and would settle herself - as long as I didn't interact too much with her which is hard when they're all smiling and playful. Just remember, whatever it is it's a phase and it will pass! Re the car problem, we've got that too. Kia used to be ok for about an hour or so and now she starts screaming after about 10 mins and doesn't stop till she gets out of the car. I've started taking the train everywhere with her and hoping she grows out of it. Someone suggested to me to get a forward facing car seat which we may have to do if she's big enough. One of my friends said to let her CIO and then she'd learn that she has to put up with being in the car but I just can't do that. She sounds so distraught, I can't just ignore it. And the OH sometimes not getting involved and then sometimes trying to take over eg moving all stuff around. Drives me mad. I explained to OH that when I was working that I got to make lots of decisions about how to plan and organise things without having to consult someone constantly and that I guessed he had the same in his work. Then I reminded him that at the moment looking after LO has replaced my work and I need to be able to do things my way to function properly. I think he got it but things didn't really change. It is bloody hard work having a baby, and I think it's a real test to any relationship. I'm just hoping things do improve as LO gets older and we can be more harmonious again!

 

[clio]

Totally agree re: sleep associations. If they work, they work. Why make life more difficult if you don't really have to? I've never really understood why they are bad. How can the Paul Simon Song Book be bad?

I hope I'm raising an electrician. I hear they make a good wage. Better than an historian... And he's certainly not allowed to be a musician. Right, I'm tossing that music table.

ETA: Leeze, I get you on the relationship thing. It's exactly how you put it--less harmonious. Today I got upset at my husband for showing J how great eating a piece of pineapple was. I felt it was distracting J from his task, and accused my husband of "making it all about him."

I have yet to apologize. I may not even.

 

[Borboleta]

Wow. You lot are fast thread movers. Not sure I'll be able to keep up! Also doing this with one hand on my phone while LO feeds to sleep means I can't go back and check who said what. Things I want to say though ... I wouldn't worry too much about trying to break sleep associations personally. Babies change and grow so quickly, I say do whatever helps you and baby get through the day or night. Re the 3am partying, we haven't had this for a while but I do remember bizarrely that this was one of the times where LO could be put back in her cot awake and would settle herself - as long as I didn't interact too much with her which is hard when they're all smiling and playful. Just remember, whatever it is it's a phase and it will pass! Re the car problem, we've got that too. Kia used to be ok for about an hour or so and now she starts screaming after about 10 mins and doesn't stop till she gets out of the car. I've started taking the train everywhere with her and hoping she grows out of it. Someone suggested to me to get a forward facing car seat which we may have to do if she's big enough. One of my friends said to let her CIO and then she'd learn that she has to put up with being in the car but I just can't do that. She sounds so distraught, I can't just ignore it. And the OH sometimes not getting involved and then sometimes trying to take over eg moving all stuff around. Drives me mad. I explained to OH that when I was working that I got to make lots of decisions about how to plan and organise things without having to consult someone constantly and that I guessed he had the same in his work. Then I reminded him that at the moment looking after LO has replaced my work and I need to be able to do things my way to function properly. I think he got it but things didn't really change. It is bloody hard work having a baby, and I think it's a real test to any relationship. I'm just hoping things do improve as LO gets older and we can be more harmonious again!

It makes me feel better to know that other babies hate car ride too. Don't you wish they were like dogs that if you say let's go for a car ride they would get all excited !!

And yes it is amazing to see how a marriage changes after having a baby!!! I love my baby but I do miss going out to quite dinners or going shopping and not worry about if LO is getting fussy or not. And the Movies!!!! I miss going to the movies soooooo bad, or actually just sitting at home and watching a movie without interruption. But I guess it will get better. I do know that hubby and I are not as connected as we were before and I miss that. But I still love my Hubby very much and I love what a good daddy he is for thiago.

 

[Borboleta]

Angel: have you tried cosleeping with dominic? I wonder if he would sleep better? I know you have two babies to care. Do they nap at the same time? Maybe you could take a nap with Dominic then. I know thiago takes fabulous naps when I put him to bad with me. Like now, he is by my side taking a nao while I browse on the internet . Maybe not a good thing in the future but he is so cute. How can I resist him . But he does take naps in his crib and sleeps at night in it too. May e is my matress and my sheets that are very conforting to him.

 

[AngelUK]

Sleep associations can be really good, such as white noise and certain lullabies. But the ones I want to eliminate are us rocking him to sleep and him having his dummy in his mouth. Cause we worked out that he cries when he wakes up cause he misses the rocking and the dummy. Proof of that is that as soon as we reinsert the dummy, he drifts off to sleep again, especially if we wriggle him a lil. I am thinking that if he didn't miss the dummy he wouldn't wake enough to cry. We are working on the rocking thing by rocking him till he almost drops off and then lying him down in his cot, drowsy but still awake.
Borboleta I am too scared to sleep in the same bed with my babies. I know ppl say you are aware of them etc but I am not convinced that I would not crush them. Besides especially Dominic is a really noisy sleeper. He snores really loudly lol. But yeah when OH goes back to work I know I will have to nap when they nap or I will go crazy with lack of sleep. xxx

 

[kosh]

glad to know others don't see a problem with sleep associations. don't know you read so much about creating 'bad habits' etc etc
atm i'm trying not to nurse to sleep every single time gael wakes during the night. needless to say, i'm 90% failing!

re. future jobs - gael also likes running water, so who knows he might end up being a plumber which is even better!

 

[clio]

One of my most hated phrases is from that Baby Whisperer book: "Accidental Parenting." I was so mad that they wanted me to stop singing the Paul Simon Song Book (I truly did this...) because somehow it was creating sleep associations with "You Can Call Me Al" and this made me an unwittingly bad parent.

BUT, on their site/forum, there is a lot of people who live by Tracey Hogg's theories, and they have a lot of threads on how to get babies weaned off of dummies. Maybe they have some good ideas?

I actually have no idea how one gets a baby to sleep without feeding it first. I still eat a snack before I go to bed--is this really any different?

 

[Borboleta]

One of my most hated phrases is from that Baby Whisperer book: "Accidental Parenting." I was so mad that they wanted me to stop singing the Paul Simon Song Book (I truly did this...) because somehow it was creating sleep associations with "You Can Call Me Al" and this made me an unwittingly bad parent.

BUT, on their site/forum, there is a lot of people who live by Tracey Hogg's theories, and they have a lot of threads on how to get babies weaned off of dummies. Maybe they have some good ideas?

I actually have no idea how one gets a baby to sleep without feeding it first. I still eat a snack before I go to bed--is this really any different?

Good point!

 

[AngelUK]

That is what I wondered too. The Easy method is probably great but my boys want to nap after the bottle and I am very glad to let them drift off so easily as one does with a full tummy. As for the dummy weaning, we are trying Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan and it is working, somewhat. Sad to say but Dom has a stronger will than we do lol.

 

[creatingpeace]

I am totally not keeping up well with this thread, hikes! But we are totally going through the same thing! My LO just started crawling and he will pass by59 toys to get to a toy! Cries earnestly when taken away from said cord. We have not found a solution yet.

There is a theme here, I must also do all the organization in the home and research! Hmmmmmm, a gender specific trait lacking in men?