any other over 35 first time mums?

[kosh]

Thank you again for the support, everyone.

Kosh--I am so very sorry about how you feel. You must be completely drained from it. How long has this been going on?

thanks clio.
on and off for a couple of weeks, but it peaked last night

 

[Storm1jet2]

Oh Kosh I'm sorry I didn't comment on your rough time - how rude of me. I sometimes find exhaustion overcomes completely and I have complete meltdowns. I told DH I hated him the other day after he told me I had to understand he was tired too... um yeah I'd been up 4 nights on the trot and you slept so how does that work!

You maybe want to keep an eye on your feelings and see how they go over the next few weeks, I'd hate to see you feeling down all the time. Honestly I think you are superwoman and a week of sleep would sort you out! Big hug x

 

[kosh]

thanks storm. I am actually waiting for a referal to see someone because I feel I am not coping well, so I hope that helps


ps - the toddler bed seems to be a success!!

 

[SabrinaKat]

sorry, I was a little AWOL, but the computer at work decided that it didn't want to work and then with Mr. Finn, no time really at home....

clio - I have had bouts of manic-depression, particularly in my 20s and kept alot of issues bottled up. I was given anti-depressants at Oxford, which dealt with the problem itself, but not issues itself. I personally found talking therapy with a sympathetic psychologist to have really benefitted me post-mc a few years ago as it gave me techniques to deal with that and the other things (partner who died when I was in my 20s, etc), and was able to remember those tips when faced with sleep deprivation after Finn was born. It made me feel better to know that how I was feeling was 'normal' and I was/am incredibly lucky that both my GP and my therapist were understanding and helpful. I know that if I ever spiral out of control, I can see my old therapist and that also helps me alot to know that. That said, the constant pain that you are in would undermine most 'normal' people and sleep deprivation is also soul destroying. I can only offer a hug and a sympathetic ear and hope that you know that all of us in our little group care very much for you. Whenever I do log on, I always scan down to see who is 'viewing' our thread and when I see your name, I am glad -- even if you don't post, I know that you are around!

kosh - again to reiterate the above to you -- I am glad that you feel comfortable telling us that you are going through a rough patch....

As for me....well, another biting (but it has been two weeks) in creche as Finn wanted a toy another child had...but, without the girl in the room telling who was bitten (reasons of confidentiality) I got the impression that it was an older child who every time I have been in the wobbler room, this child is always grabbing other children's toys and evern tried to grab Foxy from Finn while I was there and Finn was not happy. Sigh...

and....I think I want to ttc again. My OH and I are somewhat talking about it, but....I am 45. I think my body could handle another pregnancy, but what if it all went wrong or worse, another mc? My GP didn't think it would be an issue as I got successfully pregnant with Finn naturally at 43/44 and any pregnancy does have risks or worries....of course, my OH pointed out that we need to DTD to have that happen and I'm about to get my AF, so it would have to start next month......I am so happy with LO and so very grateful that I have him, but....oh, well, we all get broody at times.

hugs to all and hope that all have a good night!

bye!

 

[Storm1jet2]

Oh SK how exciting! Will be here cheering you on from the sidelines xx

Oh and its 5am, just got L back to sleep and I'm awake... Herr

 

[kosh]

Oh sabrina that's the best news ever! you know, I have been thinking about waiting a couple of years to TTC, I know it sounds mad as age is obviously not on my side but at the same time I have to accept that I dont feel fit/able to have another one now so to know that you are going for it at 45 gives me hope!
All the best for next cycle!

 

[Kitty_love]

Clio - sending big hugs to you We are all here for you to talk to, vent to, whatever you need. Wish I could do more to help, but I'm thinking of you.

Kosh - big hugs to you as well, sorry you're having a rough time. How is your anxiety today? Hope it's easing up a little.

Well, we had a lot of computer drama here this week. The new one has Windows 8, so some of our old software isn't compatible anymore, so I thought maybe this is the right time to move to a Mac. But so much more expensive...anyway after much debating (nicely, at least) between me and oh, we decided to keep the regular desktop. We just got such a good back to school deal. So, now finally loading all our pics and music on the new one.

 

[charlie15]

Just a quick one to say hi as I am full of cold and busy trying to get ready for our trip, yikes and I do hope that this cold goes by Friday!

Sorry for limited personals, but I do read often.

Kosh, so sorry you're not in a good place I do hope you get what help and support you need and that it works for you

SK yey for TTC

Angel, love that pic on FB, so so cute on their little bench

Clio

Night ladies x

 

[Storm1jet2]

Charlie hope you feel better soon and Kitty good job on getting the computer sorted!

Oh SK meant to say L has been biting the last few days, she seems to think its funny!

Toddler bed is a huge success, she loves it! She actually ran up the stairs tonight to get in, not souch to sleep but to mess around with the duvet, run her feet up the wall etc.. but still progress! She's still waking up for cuddles and guzzling milk mind you and,cries to be lifted but if we get in and give her a cuddle she settles ok.

Dh work tomorrow so sleep time for me, growing a baby is tiring!

Btw Kosh, if you aren't in the position to TTC then its absolutely the right decision to give yourself a break for a couple of years! It's a selfless and wise decision.

Sk just thinking I have a cbfm if you want it, no sticks left though but its not like I will need it again! The instructions are there but a nit wrinkly cause L put them in the sink let me know and I can post it if you want it

Clio, thinking of you always and wondering what J is up to!

Borboleta hope dh is settling in his new job.

Angel the boys as usual are adorable, love the pic! Any success with the food?

Leeze did you DTD?

Rowan not sure if you still read but if you do HELLO!

Clairey hurry back we miss you too!

Anyone else, hello!

Sleep time....

 

[Leeze]

SK - that's so exciting re TTC. Go for it!

Sorry for lack of personals - we've had really rough couple days. Kia had temp of 39.8 and it was hard to get it down. Also very grumpy and off her food. We took her to GP who said she couldn't see any obvious causes and thought it was most likely a viral infection. She's a bit better today but I've had sickness and diarrhea most of the day.

Big hugs Kosh. We're all here for you

Storm - you asked why I'm annoyed with OH. Its mainly lots of little things. He's so busy with work and we have very little time together. I want him to show more interest in me but normally his head is elsewhere. When I try to talk to him about stuff I often end up feeling like a hysterical woman as he goes all logical on me. Does that make sense? I guess I'd like more intimacy and togetherness in our relationship instead of constant bickering XX

 

[kosh]

many thanks ladies for your kind words, it means a lot to me

leeze - oh my, 39.8? poor thing, how is she now? hope she gets better soon
what you just described re. your OH is exactly how i feel towards mine. add a full time job and 19 months of broken sleep and no wonder why when he gets grumpy I seriously contemplate divorce.......

 

[Leeze]

Thanks hon. She's a lot better this eve and temp back around 37.

Glad to know I'm not the only one struggling with OH! XX

 

[clio]

News from the bipolar front. Was re-assessed by Health Care Worker, who said I either had to come in voluntarily, now, or they would come with a police escort to take me away. This province is insane. They were far more discrete in Ontario.

You guys by now must think I'm a troll.

Anyway, under duress, Eric and I shipped the kid off to BIL's and headed to Emerg. But I was actually okay with this, because I have to get this cycling under control. The interviews with the doctors were actually quite funny (you have to find the humour in all this and let yourself laugh. Manic stories can be pretty funny.) Anyway, the assessment docs seemed to be having difficulty believing that my mood was shifting as fast as we claimed it was. But during our conversation, I started out calm and collected, and then they'd say something that I interpreted as incredibly stupid and I would fly into a sudden fury. Then I would collapse my head into my hands, sobbing. Then I'd calm down pretty quickly, and Eric would look at the doctors and say, "see?"

In the end we just went home. They weren't sure why we were there and neither were we. They also made it very clear that they would not help me stop the mania and that I would have to make do until my own p-doc comes back from vacation in September. Ironically, she has always emphasized to me that should anything happen and she not be there, that I should go directly to Emerg. I think we need a second, more effective Plan B.

As for what will happen, that remains to be seen. It's so strange. I never thought I'd be in such a situation again. But I've got to say, I've really missed yelling self-rigeously at people. Poor people.

 

[Indigo77]

Clio - please hang in there... It seems insane that they won't help you...I don't understand... What has stopped the cycling before? Is your doc not available for emergencies?

& still, you manage to find humor in it all - amazing lady


yelling self-rigeously at people sounds good to me...


Kosh - I hope you find a way through this - 19 months of broken sleep would break anyone - I'm sorry, but I want to shake your OH & tell him to wake up & help you!

Borboleta - so very happy for your DH & family

Storm - im so glad the toddler bed is working out

Hello to everyone else & my apologies for being such a flake on this thread


We took N swimming tonight & it was beautiful. We had the entire pool to ourselves & he actually jumped in joy when he realized we'd be swimming.

 

[kosh]

Thanks indigo, nice to see you around here too

Clio - I don't understand. Is not that what emergency is for? Anyway, big

 

[Borboleta]

Hi ladies,

Clio: so sorry to hear you are having a bad experience with the doctors . Sometimes we just feel so helpless. What is your next step? And is it going to take a long time for your to start the talking therapy?

Kosh: to you too. Does you husband doesn't help you much? That must be really hard on you with sleep deprivation and no help ( if that is the case). So glad to hear that you are going to talk to someone though. OH and I have our bickering too. More now after having thiago than before. I wonder why that happens? Just yesterday he said that I act weird sometimes . Sometimes I just get so tired of it all!!

Leeze: same feelings towards OH too sometimes.
And yes OH is having fun at work.

Storm: so glad to hear L is enjoying her big girl bed so much. What a cute. When are you going for you scan to find out the sex of the baby?

Angel: I hope you are feeling better for your cold.

Indigo: how cute that niko enjoyed his swimming so much. Does he has a floaty? Thiago does and he loves it, specially the splash pad.

Charlie: hope you are going to have a smooth travel to see your family is this your first time going back home with S? Is your OH going too?

Sabrina: how exciting that you are thinking about TTC!! How long did it take you to get pregnant once they got your thyroid under control? Did you take any meds?

Kitty: glad to hear you got your computer all ready. Now we can see pictures of Blake .

As for us: doing well. Little t is being really cute today. Smiling more than usual. Yesterday we decided to go to church for the first time and put him in nursery for the first time. When we came back they had brought him to the little babies's room and he was crying . Poor thing . They said he did well for 15 min but then got overwhelmed by how many children were their and probably wondering where were mommy and daddy . He was crying and I could see his little body shaking a bit . I felt terrible!!!! OH said that we are not going to church any time soon. But we need to get him used to be in a different environment with different people. I can just imagine for you ladies that drop your kids at daycare how hard it must have been on you for the first couple of times specially. I think I am just going to try to get him more involved in little kids programs and go from there. Eventually we will try the church again.
Tonight we are going to friends house and thiago will get to play with a 22 months old and 20 month old. S that will be good for him.

Big hugs to all of you.

 

[Leeze]

Clio - sorry to hear you didn't get much support from the hospital. Hope you can get to talk soon to someone that understands. Are there any support groups you could go to?

Borboleta - sorry to hear about little T's experiences. Is there a nursery or creche you could take him to where you could stay with him the first few times until he gets a bit more used to it? Its so hard to see them that upset, isn't it? XX

 

[clio]

Guys, I love you so much, but as I think I once wrote earlier, people really don't understand mania.

Talk therapy doesn't work; only drugs work. This has nothing to do with bottled up feelings, though I really, really wish it did! Chemicals in my brain--in particular, a hormone called serotonin--are not remaining steady and I therefore can't control my mood. I wasn't joking about the conversations with the doctors: that's exactly how they went. I have what's called Ultradium Bipolar, whereby I cycle incredibly rapidly between mania and depression. But strangely, mania appears to be the dominant mood this time, which is not typical.

But I've looked at my drug cocktail and see the snafu, so I know what to change until the 3rd, when my p-doc can take over.

In the meantime, J is at Oma's and there has been a cross country call to action. This illness is a nightmare. When things go wrong, they go really, really wrong.

SK--I had absolutely no idea you were bipolar! What is your official diagnosis?

 

[Storm1jet2]

Clio my dear I think we all understand your illness can't be fixed by therapy alone, I think the ladies were hoping you would get a little more support from therapy in addition to the meds. I'm glad Oma is able to help with J, that must be something less to worry about. We are always here for you during the good and the bad times.

Borboleta L won't go into creche in Church at all, I end up staying with her. At least she gets to play for an hour will the Church let you stay with T? Mine has no issues with me staying, but I'm also background checked for child protection purposes cause of other things I do with the kids in Church.

Oh big scan isn't until the start of Oct, I will be 21 1/2 weeks... I want to know now!

I'm off work today, L has gone to nursery cause I'm going to my dads to decorate her new room... Wish me luck... Had huge row with unhelpful husband so going on my own, I don't want him near me... He annoys me!

 

[charlie15]

Clio I am so sorry you are having such a bad experience with this episode. That sound pretty extreme to threaten a police escort especially when you have such perfect insight and understanding into what you are going through! I have no idea what it is like to live with bi polar but I do see a lot of patients with manic episodes in my job and you are right about finding humour in it, I think to cope with it you have to. But I also sometimes find it heart breaking and so sad because it can really turn your life on it's head big time and I do think a lot if people don't understand mania at all. I do hope you can get help to get in top of it and get back to your normality ASAP.

Borboleta, thanks for wishing me a smooth trip, I am not convinced that we will have though Sophia is now not only standing but starting to climb, we have made it onto the sofa! All I can hope for is that I can tire her out at the stay and play at heathrow before our flight so once she is use to the plane, food, boobie and sleep...and of course everything WILL go according to my plan Australia is not really home for me, even though I have dual nationality as my mum is an Aussie and I have lived there, London is very much home. But Sydney is where my mum is from and this is why we are going. My mum as had an awful couple of years, except for the arrival of Sophia. As I think I have mentioned my dad passed away 18 months ago, well this happened unexpectedly and only 6 weeks after my parents had sold their beloved family home and moved to another part of the country. So poor mum literally lost everything, her home, neighbours, community and then husband in the space of 6 weeks. She did not cope at all well and I was flying to and from my work, home and hers to do everything for her. She is now back in London but near me, she still needs a lot of support and help, mentally, more than anything else. Her confidence has been shattered and she suffers from pretty severer anxiety now. So any way this trip is for mum, to give her something to look forward to, spend a whole month with us, mainly Sophia! Sophia adores her, which is anyway, that's such a long, unnecessary explanation of our trip, sorry!

As for church, will they let you stay with him for a few days there before yiu leave. Poor T, that must have been horrible for you to see good to hear G is loving his job, still so happy for you

Kosh, me aggggggrh, does your hubby serupiously not help out even though you are both working full time?! even with your and G's sleep, that's not on at all! I hope you get things sorted.

Storm, will you find out the sex then?

Angel, how are you your lovely boys?

Claire, hope Ireland is wonderful.

SK heard from your dad?

Kitty, yey for computer, I'd love a mac too, but soooo pricey! Does that mean we get to see more pics of Blake soon?

Has anyone ever heard from Jules?? I wonder how she is getting on now?

Right, time to get showered, have a lovely day ladies x