any other over 35 first time mums?

[clio]

Hello ladies,

I have been reading all your post. Love you all!

Leeze and Sabrina : glad to hear you and Kia and finn are fine. I always fear the stairs when gong down with thiago!!!

Rowan: God bless you tomorrow! We want to know the sex of the baby!!!
And after you have the baby tell me how it is having two little ones so close in age. I am still debating about having another one !

Angel: love the boys outfit and pictures!! They are such a handsome pair!!! You will have a line at your door full of girls!!!! I wish I was a baby now !

Kizzy: happy birthday again for your cute pie georgina!!! Loved the Facebook pics!!

Clio: I am doing well. Trying to keep my hopes that my hubby will get a job soon. I think we found a church that we liked last sunday so hopefully thiago will be dedicated in the beggining of December. It is really cute how they do it. You write a letter and read in front of the members. My sister is coming on Friday ... So full house!!! So happy to have my family here!!

Catch up with you girls later.

Kosh:

Borboleta!--(I don't know what it is, but your name calls for an exclamation mark at the end of it.) I think we posted at the same time (waaaay back by now), so I missed what you wrote. I'm sorry that your husband is still out of work. It's really hard here, too. Where in the States do you live? I remember that Indigo was in Texas. Or was that you?

What will your letter be about? And it sounds like you have a very loving family, with the added bonus that they are willing to come see you!

I am posting this right now so I won't get distracted by J and forget to hit "submit."

 

[clio]

Okay, good. Post for Borboleta! submitted.

So the funniest thing happened today. I let J out of the living room so he could roam the downstairs while I went to the bathroom. I know. I'm a negligent mother--my eyes certainly weren't on him the entire time. Otherwise, this wouldn't have happened. Instead of following me, as he usually does, I sat there on the toilet wondering where he was. Then I heard this thumping sound. I *ahem* "finished," and went to see what was going on and turned the corner just in time to see J's butt also turn the corner...ON THE STAIRS. I had left the gate to the upstairs open, and J had booted up there! And, as I went after him, the little monkey actually giggled! I mean, I knew he could climb stairs, but that's slowly, with us right behind him, ready to catch him if he falls. Not as if he has a jet pack on his back.

I wonder if he'll ever decide to walk, seeing as he has this crawling thing down so well. I've tried to tempt him to walk with toys and so on, but he just lets go of whatever he's holding onto, crawls the one inch to where the toy is and then pulls himself up again. I hold his hands like Rowan does with M, and he he just bounces. Again:

 

[clio]

*gasp*! This is what happens when you don't read ahead! There is so much to respond to!

Rowan--yaaaaaaay!!! You must be so happy! Congrats! I'm sorry about the SPD, though. I have heard that it is terrible; are you feeling any symptoms yet, or is it too early to tell if it will happen again?

I can't believe you're pregnant again. Seriously--I look at your ticker and shake my head in wonder. To go through so much to get M, and then boom, suddenly you're pregnant once more! I went to my GP the other day, and she said "I hope you're not going to try again!" She meant well, as she had been with us during the 4 years it took to get J, but still, I was quite taken aback. I'm only 40!

SabrinaKat--welcome to the beginning of the head banging. Now, I'm no doctor, but in my experience, head knocks (and this is just the first of many) result in a red spot for a while, and then go away very quickly. I actually think an ice pack would be too harsh on F's delicate skin.

Hmmmnnn... I may not be a doctor in real life, but apparently I believe I have the experience to play one on the internet...

But I'm sorry! That sounds very alarming. Wait for the first black eye! The guilt is extreme!

kosh--J learned half on lino, and half on carpet (no hardware floors here, unfortunately). He learned while chasing the cat, and the cat has no preference. But he learned to go really far on carpet at his grandparents. They have a huge, long living room and he practiced his "long-distance" crawling there. It's a bit cramped at our place. How come you're asking?

Re: more babies--I'm so finished, even though I felt offended by what my GP said. J is our miracle baby, too, and all I can handle. I can't go through the losses again, either.

Did I remember everybody?

Fun question for all--what did your LOs inherit from you? Apart from looking like me, J also has my determination. If he wants to learn something new, he works like crazy to do it. I'm quite similar: if I have something to achieve, I become very determined as well. How about you guys?

 

[kosh]

clio - i asked re. crawling on carpets/floor because i still don't know what's best for G. we have wooden floors downstairs and he's got a play area all padded where he plays etc he goes on his tummy and tries to shuffle a bit (reversing! ) but that's all he can master so far, so i was wondering if the surface was not helping him?

re. chasing the cat. my DH said to me today that if we had a dog (he's a dog person, I am not. I am, like most in this thread, a cat lover) G would be crawling by now.

re. inheritance - good question, I really don't know! the charm? lol

 

[AngelUK]

Rowan I am sorry you had a traumatic birth experience. I didn't realise. What happened, if you don't mind me asking? And what did you do about your parted tummy muscles? I have that too, a 3 1/2 finger separation. I have a video with exercises but heh... Have you found out what you are having? I don't want to seem pushy though so if you don't want to tell, I totally understand

Leeze are you going to give up on the carrier for Kia then or just for now? I can totally understand that you got scared! But isn't she getting a lil heavy now anyway? Both my boys are getting too heavy for OH. They were too heavy for me from 3 months on cause of my parted abdominals. But I know what you mean about the pram and buses. I have not dared take a bus with our double pram even though it is in fact not wider than a wide-ish single. But I know what ppl are like, especially here in London. So I either take the car of it the weather is nice I walk. You'd think I would have lost weight with that eh? Yeah... not.

Borboleta fingers crossed for your DH and his job. It is not easy at the moment I know. I am still hoping Nick will find a job too. He isn't looking very hard though cause he does have an income from a house he owns and rents out. (And looking after our boys feels like a full time job as well!) That, together with what I have, lets us live comfortably especially as I own my flat (apartment) outright and do not have a mortgage any more. Still, while I do not know how I would cope if Nick did have a job and therefore couldn't alternate nights with me, I think it is important that the parents are role models for their children and that includes at least one of them having a proper job. So I shall cross my fingers for your family and mine Btw what church are you joining? Is it a catholic one? I assume you being Brazilian you would be Catholic?

As for more babies... Call me crazy but I do long for a little girl! I don't think it is going to happen and if I am sensible I know I should not even long for more babies. My pregnancy was smooth and easy apart from the usual aches and sicknesses. But I am 42 now and I was very lucky to have healthy babies. Plus, I don't think we can have babies without IUI which is both expensive and has the added "risk" of twins or even triplets! Although the "fault" was OH's and I was completely fine and fertile, they did still treat me with hormones to enhance our chances. This of course made me produce several follicles and hence our two lovely boys. I could not cope with another set of twins. In fact I don't think I could cope with even one more baby unless it was like Sebastian and slept well early on and then only if Dominic were to start sleeping through soon, which is doubtful. Oh but I do wish I could have a daughter too!

Sabrina how scary! I am glad Finn is ok though! But I think I agree with Clio that an icepack might be a lil too harsh for his skin. Besides he is bound to not like the coldness and that might make him cry more than the initial pain of bumping his head. Where are you doing the course? Is it specifically towards children or is it a general one?
I love quilts! Hope you get some more fabric that fits and that you will show us a picture when you are done

kosh about the dog versus a cat. I disagree! The dog wouldn't run away and therefore not offer good practise in walking. I think cats are much better cause they make children chase after them lol

re inheritance: as far as I can tell Dominic has inherited my love of food and my impatience to get at it lol. Difficult to say with Sebastian, I don't think I can tell yet.

 

[Leeze]

Kosh, we've got wooden floors in our flat and t wasn't until we got a big playmat for Kia that she started crawling. She still struggles a bit on the floors as they're quite slippery.

 

[Leeze]

Was going to write more but kia not settling so need go x

 

[Rowan75]

hey ladies thanks!

re crawling- carpet!

inheritance - i think my sense of humour shes a right giggler! and if something is amusing but not enough to make her laugh she raises her eyebrows

re birth - ahh induction, delivery ward closed due to short staffing, mw negligent and ignored drs requests/instructions, nearly lost martha, massive rush to theatre - tannoys across hospital for any theatre staff even if they were on a break or finished their shift to run, run to help - 27 people in the room, forceps, 3rd degree tear - but she was fine - alive and not brain damaged - yey!!! Birth was actually not traumatic I felt - I trusted them to do the best they could and didnt care what they did to me as long as she was ok - but the time on the ward in active labour with no-one responding, no-one monitoring her even tho the Drs had said every 2 hours and no pain relief and no one who cared was a nightmare...but gotta move on and hope this next time is better!!

well done j for climbing the stairs - if a little scary lol!

re tummy - i was doing a postnatal dvd postnatal rescue by erin o connor or o brien - cant remember - and got my split down to 3 fingers (was bigger than my hand span) my gp said do sit ups - doh - worst thing you can do for tummy split - good job i know so many physios lol!

oh we will defo find out! I think a boy due to the timings we must have caught that egg super super fast! btw we weren't ttc we just weren't careful - theres no way I thought we would fall by accident! Ive been off contraception since 2008!

 

[SabrinaKat]

I'm doing a child/infant first aid course, which is good for childcare staff and parents -- I'll ask about the ice-pack -- you guys could be right (I haven't used, it was more that I saw in a catalogue and remembered how it helped when I was a child, always hitting my knees, etc.)....

Inherited traits: what traits did my LO inherit; well, according to my OH - LO has a bit of my temper! but, he also has a great sense of humour, which I think both my OH and I have...um...

'Talking not arguing with OH': am exhausted. had a chance to talk to my OH without it being an argument and told him that we both 'dump' on the other, and it isn't fair to either of us; I think he has alot of repressed anger about the situation with his mom (her depression and 'suicide attempts') and he can't tell her how he feels, so he takes it out on me -- I get frustrated with LO, and am so patient with him, that am exhausted and then, snap at my OH -- I hope that all makes sense?

Dogs v cats: I grew up with a dog and she was great, but I am a cat person (and have two cats); so I think people are either cat or dog people; fortunately, my OH loves our big cat, Sabrina, whilst the little cat, Daphne, is essentially my cat, although she is very good around Finn and he laughs and smiles at the little cat, was a bit scared of the bigger cat (me thinks it was the sitting and waiting for him to finish a bottle/food, etc.-- this is a cat who knows my OH is a big softie and sits by him at dinner-time, meowing like she hasn't eaten for days)!

off to bed....bye!

ps. and rowan - what a nightmare! (although I had pre-eclampsia and an emergency c-section, it was overall very good, although there some bleeding where the clamps didn't take; LO was always fine -- it was me that everybody was worried about (supposedly, either my liver or kidney was starting to fail or the toxins caused by the pre-eclampsia were starting to affect the liver or kidney (I spent the next day in high dependency on magnesium sulfate)!, but I was relaxed because I knew LO was okay, if that makes sense?)
pps. yes, I got the contraception 'lecture' whilst still in hospital. I guess if I got lucky at 44, they assumed I might get lucky at 45! NO! (unless I knew I would be okay and so would LO, not easy after the history/past many of us here have had....), but compared to me? You're all youngsters!

 

[Storm1jet2]

Aww Rowan your scan pic made me all broody! I hated being pregnant most of the time was so sick til 15 weeks then had terrible pain and then I was just HUGE and could hardly move, that said I preferred the pain to the sickness. Not sure I could cope being pregnant just yet but hopefuly I have time for another!

Kosh - L learnt to crawl on wooden floors and tiles, we do have a rug but all downstairs is tiles or wooden floors, when she started trying to crawl I bought her shoes to give her more grip for the crawling and it seemed to work! Now she is bored with crawling and just wants to stand up constantly!


In such a mood with DH today, yesterday I had the dentist then the bank and then had to go get mt tyre fixed which he managed to get a puncture in the ONE DAY he had my car, I had his to take to MOT (yes arrange your MOT and don't be off work to take your car - grr), when I got back he had done nothing! L was eating her lunch in her pjs, the cat poo was still in the litter tray and the house was the same as I left it - I hoover and clean the floor EVERY day as we have 3 cats and a dog. He didn't have time to do anything even though L was asleep for 40 mins?? Then he announces he has to work on Monday - the day I have arranged to have my hair done and he wasnt even going to tell me - then reboils the kettle I have ready for the bottles so I have to start again and to top it all forgets to put the bin out before he goes to work and comes back this am STINKING of smoke. He is meant to have given up smoking it was one of the deals we made before we agreed to have a baby - he had to quit smoking and here we are and he is still sneaky smoking - boy was I mad - hes asleep now and I shall be taking the dog and L when she wakes up out this afternoon away from smokey boy - arrrghh.

I would rant more but my laptop battery is about to die so Im away to feel broody over Rowans little gorgeous wiggly baby in her tummy

 

[AngelUK]

Aww Storm I would be annoyed too! And my OH also does the odd sneaky cigarette! Really pees me off too! I know I am being a hypocrite like most reformed heavy smokers but why does he give in when the craving takes him? Surely that is just prolonging the addiction indefinitely. I sometimes have a nostalgic craving too which is odd I know but I only have to enumerate the down sides of smoking such as the disgusting smell of stale smoke, the icky smell of my hair, the incredible cost and last but not least how bad it would be for my boys, to make me not want one after all. Besides I always hated the head rush one gets after not smoking for a while but he likes it, weirdo. But what makes me most angry is that he tries to lie about it. But usually my bloodhound nose will pick up on it and there is no way he can deceive it or me. I am also worried that by doing it again and again (once a week I'd say) he knows he will wear me down and I will come to accept it. Or he thinks that as long as he doesn't admit it to me he isn't really smoking. I could imagine the last one cause I used to feel that way about secretly eating chocolate lol. Bad. Nick is a great dad and I love him very much but sometimes I wonder if I should. He broke every promise he ever made to me and I find it hard to trust him in certain things. I am becoming cynical towards him and I don't like it. But well that is what I have decided to live with I guess. Sorry I went off on a tangent here. I am done now.
Does your DH admit to smoking and does he say he will give up when you ask him about it? Do you think he tries and is just weak or is it just empty promises and he knows it? I wish I knew how to get my OH to stop.

 

[clio]

My final conversation with my OH about smoking after he failed to stop again and lied about it: "if you make me stop, I shall always resent you." Wow. What do you say to that? So I gave up. He told me he'd "try" to stop before the baby came, but didn't. He just "smoked less," whatever that meant. Then he "tried" again after the baby came because I have this horrible fear of him dying of cancer AND his life insurance payments were through the roof because of it, and that's when I got the "I'll resent you" comment. It was almost a relief to give up fighting it--he was always lying about it, and I hate it when he lies to me.

Angel, I'm sorry to duck out right now after reading what you wrote, but I promise I'll respond once I get J down; he's acting like a bozo right now. But,

 

[SabrinaKat]

I 'quit' smoking in January 2011, as I felt it was stupid to try IVF if I was still smoking; after LO came, I....do smoke again, BUT it's roll-ups (pure tobacco only, in fact, the smell and taste of regular cigarettes do make me sick (I have an emergency pack in the hall closet and have only 'smoked' about 3 since they were bought a month ago)....and it's always outside, washing my hands and brushing my teeth afterwards. I only take maybe two or three puffs, put out and go on with my day....

I used the Alan Carr book, which was really helpful, but...as a quasi-smoker, your OHs won't quit until they are ready...and it's also the habit, e.g. I never smoke outside of the house/away from the house/with LO with me ever, and therefore, it's confined to the back garden and it's my little break....

I will try, however, to cut out the roll-ups completely in the next few weeks, as it's getting cold and I will be working (mornings, tho), so perhaps only a roll-up when I having a glass of wine....

I DO completely understand all the arguments -- it's like weight loss, you just have to have the motivation (and I lost 4lbs in September, not as much as I want, but slowly, getting there....), but maybe tell them no smoking at home?

best wishes

 

[clio]

...as a quasi-smoker, your OHs won't quit until they are ready...

...but maybe tell them no smoking at home?

"Quasi-smoker"--I wish! Nope, he's a full-on smoker. But he never smokes in the house, which is some small mercy. But I'm not fighting this battle ever again. It's not worth the anger it brings forth from both of us.

Angel, Eric lies, too. About big things that he's "embarrassed" about, but they're really just stuff he doesn't want to tell me about. And the lies are the type where I have to reassess the entire relationship because of this new piece of information (but it's never been about an affair, thank god). The last time it was the cigarettes. It hasn't happened often in the nine years we've been together, but it's happened enough to make me cynical about certain things, too. And make me feel betrayed, which, I've decided, is one of the worst feelings possible.

And again:

StormJet--I'd be totally mad, too. (Though I am incredibly impressed that you wash and vacuum your floors everyday!)

My husband and I officially take care of the kid 50/50, so it makes me so mad when I come down for the morning and find that OH hasn't fed J his breakfast (he and J are early risers. REALLY early risers). But by now it's time for J's nap, which means that he will then only get lunch. Seriously, how hard is it to give J breakfast? Dry Cheerios and an apple! That's it! His latest excuse? "I was busy trying to entertain the boy." WTF? Try feeding him; that takes up a good 45 minutes! It's like weaning him is entirely my job, including giving him ALL meals. Making them all I'm fine with. It was my choice to do BLW. But...arggghhh!!!

Wow. OH came off really badly in this post. But, I love him, so one deals, I guess.

 

[Storm1jet2]

Evening ladies - I do feel like I am hard on the non smoking thing as I used to be a social smoker and I really did enjoy it, but the second I thought I might be pregnant I stopped and I haven't had one since. DH didn't even try to cut down or stop until I was 6 months pregnant, he went to the doctors got a course of champix to help him and then half way through the course told them he had moved house (he moved a year before) and they made him transfer doctors! The new doctors simply doesn't prescribe champix so I ended up getting him the rest of the course off my brother who is a dr. He had stopped completely, then I had L and with the stress of my mum dying he started sneaky smoking.... hes been doing it ever since, he swears its not all the time but sometimes he is just too keen to walk the dog! It makes me mad as hes a paramedic and the guy he is working with smoked all night -would you want a smpke stinking paramedic coming to your aid???? Anyway I was so mad I took L out to my dads, then went to my SIL and I only came home cause it was her bedtime - he is bathing her now....

Clio I only hoover and wash the living room floor as with the 3 cats and a large labrador the hair is unbelievable and I can't get anyone to take their shoes off before stomping all through the house and the dog is alw'ays wet from her walks and it only takes a day for the floor to be a health hazard! I swear Im not house proud I just don't want L dying of some horrible disease! I can hear her kicking off now, he must be trying to dress her after her bath - man she hates getting dressed!

Anyway I'm just narked at DH, thats what you get for getting married late in life and having a baby precisely a year after you start living in the same house! I think I lived on my own for too many years *sigh*

 

[Storm1jet2]

...as a quasi-smoker, your OHs won't quit until they are ready...

...but maybe tell them no smoking at home?

"Quasi-smoker"--I wish! Nope, he's a full-on smoker. But he never smokes in the house, which is some small mercy. But I'm not fighting this battle ever again. It's not worth the anger it brings forth from both of us.

Angel, Eric lies, too. About big things that he's "embarrassed" about, but they're really just stuff he doesn't want to tell me about. And the lies are the type where I have to reassess the entire relationship because of this new piece of information (but it's never been about an affair, thank god). The last time it was the cigarettes. It hasn't happened often in the nine years we've been together, but it's happened enough to make me cynical about certain things, too. And make me feel betrayed, which, I've decided, is one of the worst feelings possible.

And again:

StormJet--I'd be totally mad, too. (Though I am incredibly impressed that you wash and vacuum your floors everyday!)

My husband and I officially take care of the kid 50/50, so it makes me so mad when I come down for the morning and find that OH hasn't fed J his breakfast (he and J are early risers. REALLY early risers). But by now it's time for J's nap, which means that he will then only get lunch. Seriously, how hard is it to give J breakfast? Dry Cheerios and an apple! That's it! His latest excuse? "I was busy trying to entertain the boy." WTF? Try feeding him; that takes up a good 45 minutes! It's like weaning him is entirely my job, including giving him ALL meals. Making them all I'm fine with. It was my choice to do BLW. But...arggghhh!!!

Wow. OH came off really badly in this post. But, I love him, so one deals, I guess.

Ps on the rare occasions I'm out I get texts saying 'what will I feed her?' - oh my goodness man open the cupboard its full of emergency jars and pouches or even chop up a banana and give her it with a yoghurt - or make an omlette (ok probably a step too far!)........... ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[AngelUK]

Just checking in, will reply to posts in more detail tomorrow.
Thank you ladies for your replies and understanding

Clio love the new pic! He rather loves that hat doesn't he? So so cute!

Here is a recent one of my lovely sweetie Dom who tonight btw has fallen asleep by himself without rocking from us as soon as we put him down and has not woken since!

 

[SabrinaKat]

Storm: I hoover the living room/hallway every day due to two cats and an OH, who 'forgets' to take his shoes off! Also, I married late in life (LOL!) and was with my OH for over 10 years when LO was born and....my OH is a slob. We have separate bedrooms, separate bathrooms and I hired a cleaner twice a month to clean his bathroom, stairs (three stories) and kitchen floor as I am not his maid, nor his mother! Our house is pretty organised and clean-ish (I have loads of bookcases with storage stuff from IKEA, but it's very organised chaos, not dirty....), so I do completely understand and agree!

Clio:: My OH will omit to tell me things, but I tell him off....I guess having a few own things is okay, but if you feel that it is compromising your relationship, then maybe it's time to really talk things through?

Am so annoyed with my own OH tonight....he forgot his mobile, so left me an email message to say he was working late, and then came home and disappeared with the computer for another hour and even now, it's his night to take LO and I'm the one who got LO off to sleep and....

LO has a slight cold, so using a little baby vicks on him, but it's meant that he wakes up throughout the night with a little cough or cry and whilst he does go back to sleep, I didn't sleep so well last night, and am exhausted....

off to bed...no ciggies tonight for me!

bye!

 

[Leeze]

Hi ladies. I'd be mad at ve whole smoking thing too. Luckily for me OH has never smoked. I get annoyed about his alcohol use though. I think it's because I'm not drinking at the moment due to breastfeeding and so I'm a bit resentful that he can drink and I can't. Last Saturday he had a hangover and stayed in bed all morning. I was really annoyed with him because that meant that I looked after Kia all day and all evening Friday on my own and then all morning Saturday. Also he kept telling me he was getting up in 5 minutes and he eventually got up around 11.30. But, I get annoyed with him a lot at the moment. Storm, like you we met later in life. We've been together about 3 and a half years but started TTC after we'd been together about 6 months. He is an amazing guy in many ways and is a great Dad to Kia but sometimes I wish we'd had longer to build our relationship first. Due to our age it wasn't really an option.

 

[kosh]

very short

angel - yay for Dom, he did it again!!!! I knew he'll get better

and love the picture. Gael has similar chubby cheeks. why are they sooooooo cute

clio - love the new picture too

re. lies - the couple of occasions when I thought/imagined my DH was lying to me, made me feel soooo bad. yes, betrayal, def one of the worst feelings