Anyone having christmas on their own?

[LoraLoo]

Well I guess not completely alone as I have hubby and 5 kids! 😃 but alone as in- just us?

If so- how do you find it?

I've always thought of xmas as a big family time. When I picture xmas in decades to come I picture us with all the kids and their family's aNd our millions of grandkids 😂 that's a proper Christmas to me.

My and my mum currently aren't speaking. If she doesn't come for xmas it'll be the first year. My sister has decided to have it on her own the last couple of years- so it is looking like it's just going to be us.

I guess I just feel a bit... Deflated. It's not really how I picture xmas day. It's one of the reasons ive always wanted a big family- so that my kids will always have each other. There's only ever been me, mum and my sister. No grandparents etc.

Anyone else? Any ways to make the day feel a bit more special having it alone? X

 

[Kate&Lucas]

We always had Christmas "on our own" as kids and we loved it! Until I was living on my own, leaving the house on Christmas seemed wrong
We spend it visiting different family now but my favourite part of Christmas day is when it's just us having breakfast together etc.

 

[LoraLoo]

I suppose I just don't want the kids to be dissapointed- especially if their nan isn't here. My sister will probably POp in briefly to see them but other than that we won't see anyone else.

Did consider booking somewhere but it's just to expensive for all of us x

 

[Miss Vintage]

We always had Christmas on our own as kids too, and I loved it. Got to stay in our pjs, didn't have to rush out the door or tidy up for guests! We have it just the three of us now too, have done since we had our son. I really love it, it's peaceful, relaxed and special, although my family do come over and spend Christmas Eve with us, so we do the big festive room full of people thing then. My family can be quite stressful in large doses and my OH's family aren't really into Christmas, so it works out perfectly for us.

 

[motherofboys]

We have it alone now. We have a family meal the weekend /few days before and get that Christmas feeling but I like it alone now. The first year was weird. But Mil expected us to open presents at home then make the kids leave all their presents (apparently her gifts were less exciting if they brought any of their santa gifts with them) and stay there until the day after boxing day which lead to tired irritable children who then annoyed her as she doesn't particularly like small children, which then stressed me out. Then we would go home to paper and mess everywhere from such q huge rush to get to hers in time for breakfast and felt that we had actually missed the fun! No one will come to ours for the day either, which I don't mind because there's no expectations on us then. The kids can stay in pj's if they wish and we can eat at a time we are happy with and not play host and its much more relaxed.
The less said about my mum the better but she isn't welcome in dh home and dh wouldn't be welcome at hers and I'm not spending Christmas without him, surrounded by people in not comfortable with.
I do hope that we get some Christmases with our kids and their kids in the future but I think we would take turns visiting them

 

[DCS]

We are usualy on our own for most of the day. My family, nan, aunties, uncles and cousins all usualy pop round a few days before. Then on the day OHS mum, dad, sister and her boyfriend usualy pop round in the morning for about an hour. In the after noon we have have my mum and brother round for an hour. But that's it. But is lovely because we can take things at our own pace and do as we please.
Growing up we were always at my nans. The entire family. And I miss that. But I live that the kids can play with their toys, me and OH can play with them without having to cater to other people.

One day, I'd love to do a big family Christmas. It will be a few years off as our house isn't very big.

 

[toosecat13]

Hi, i have not spoken to my parents or sisters in four years ( long story but they got too involved in my parenting choices where my eldest
daughter is concerned she is 21 now and i was maybe alittle over protective towards her, my choice i am her mother!) up untill this point we where a very close family and all of us went to my parents on Christmas day for the big family Christmas.

This changed and we have spent the last three years at our home, me oh and my 4 kids, i have to say it has been the best three years, so happy, not having to rush around getting everyone ready.

We run our own business and between Christmas eve and after new year our business closes. Which means we have a good amount of family time and we have the twelve days of Christmas. Compensates for the rest of the year which is frantic.
I am sure with 5 kiddies you will have a great time x

 

[LoraLoo]

Thanks ladies, your replies have definitely helped!
I guess it's even the lead up- I usually go xmas shopping with my mum. It's just not the same having nobody to bounce ideas off Bd get excited with. DH can't come with me as we have nobody to have the kids.
It's just different this year I guess, will just try and make the day as special as possible and try not to get too bogged down with overthinking. Xx

 

[Rhio92]

Thanks ladies, your replies have definitely helped!
I guess it's even the lead up- I usually go xmas shopping with my mum. It's just not the same having nobody to bounce ideas off Bd get excited with. DH can't come with me as we have nobody to have the kids.
It's just different this year I guess, will just try and make the day as special as possible and try not to get too bogged down with overthinking. Xx

I'm also having my first Christmas without my mum as I've cut her off. It's going to be strange but I'm determined my family will have a good, albeit quiet, christmas xx

 

[Amarna]

We used to do the big family Christmas but I found that traveling out of state to see one set of parents, negotiating time to visit another an hour away and then the next year doing it all over again with the last set of parents and one set always being disappointed that we weren't with them...it was all too overwhelming when I really just wanted to focus on building traditions for our kids that were enjoyable and relaxing.

So now we just stay home, everyone knows they have an open invitation to come visit us if they choose to but no one other than MIL has ever bothered. I like staying home and having it just us, MIL and her husband sometimes drive in for the holiday and we see her for a bit in the morning for presents with the girls and then Christmas dinner but I have no idea what the plan will be this year as she's talking about going through a divorce with her husband.

Growing up we always had the huge family Christmas and I loved it for the most part but I find that now I like staying home with my small family much better.

 

[LoraLoo]

See I normally have a good relationship with my mum, but we've not spoken in 3 months, she didn't even ring me when I lost the baby 😔
I guess I find it hard to not feel for her at xmas because she's on her own. Usually she comes up to watch the kids open presents and then spends the rest of the day moaning how tired she is and then goes home about 2pm after putting a downer on everyone's day 😐
One year we took the kids to the local pub just to meet up with friends for an hour before dinner. The pub was only open for an hour so it was literally one drink, but the kids enjoyed putting their new clothes on and finding out what their friends got from Santa. My mum made out we were awful parents taking them awY from their toys to a pub on xmas day!!
Last year whilst mum was at ours, I asked if she would be ok to watch the kids while we took the babies some flowers- it's literally 2 mins away, but she huffed over that too.

But she dotes on my kids, and then her, So it's a tough one.
xx

 

[BabyHill]

We also have it just dh, I and our two kiddies. We LOVE it! Like others have said there's no rushing, no guilt, no travelling or leaving presents, we all open stockings on our bed and take everything as it comes afterwards. The in laws pop will over for some coffee and cookies around noon and give the kids their presents but they don't stay long and we are still in pjs. It's just a totally relaxed, yet exciting, and easy going day for us.

 

[motherofboys]

I would suggest offering an olive branch if you are feeling her absence. The longer it takes the harder it is, and after 5 years without mine, it took my nans death to get us talking again. Our relationship will never be the same after so long.
I've just had a reminder again as I lost my dad just a couple of weeks after I sat in front on my laptop contemplating emailing him for the first time in 3 years, got distracted so didn't, then got the call to say he had gone.
Obviously it depends what happened and how you feel about making up, but if it's something you want don't wait for her to make the first move.
That's just my opinion though and I know every person and situation is different. Best wishes

 

[BabyHill]

^^ cross post, I agree with motherofboys. Life is very short and sometimes it takes the absence to change a relationship for the better (I speak from experience but not with my mum). If you miss her give it another chance x

 

[DanielleM]

We always have our Christmas dinner at home, it changes year on year as to who comes for dinner, we always let it known that we do breakfast and dinner and people kind if invite themselves, like last year for breakfast we had my brother, SIL, nephew and my nan. Then for dinner we had my mum and her partner. Every year my aunty has a party so all of my mums side of the family go there around 6/7pm and this goes on until the early hours. It works for us as we are all close but we all have our individual families if you get what I mean. My mum is 1 of 6 then there are 15 of us cousins who are mostly grown up and have our own children the next generation who all range from 1-11years. All the young children are second cousins I guess and they all have a fab time Christmas Eve. It means they get all day with their toys, then a party at night.

Boxing Day is usually spend just us 4 a chilled out day eating all the leftovers and watching all the recorded programs from Christmas Day.

So to answer your question, no we don't spend it alone but I can see where you are coming from because I am used to all this I wouldn't feel as upbeat about spending it just the 4 of us, I would think it would be boring

 

[LoraLoo]

She had a few olive branches really. My eldest daughter invited her up for her birthday and said Id told her it was fine etc. but she never showed.
Hubby has rang a few times to communicate about the eldest 2 kids (who are old enough to visit by themselves)- at the end of the phone all she slams the phone down or puts it down mid conversation.
I've thought a lot about calling her myself, because I know how stubborn she is (guess I am too!!) - my sisters only just started speaking to her again after 4 months. My mum never admits she is in the wrong.
It was a silly fall out really over my husband not decorTing my uncles flat for him (after working all day) as quickly as she liked(short story) but it was her attitude- really shitty on the phone and having a go but there's been a few other incidents too. Then her not calling me when our baby died was the clincher. She didn't even ask my husband how I was when I was in hospital. That's the part in finding hardest.
I miss her but I don't miss her criticism and moodiness.
Guess I will see how things go before Xmas. Now my sisters speaking to her again it might move things along a bit.
I appreciate everyone's advice- I do know Id be devastated if anything happened and we weren't speaking.
Sorry this has gone totally off topic! ☺️ Xx

 

[Mummy May]

We have Christmas at home, just us. We went to MIL's a couple of times but I just didn't think it was right - though it was nice! We love Christmas at home, its so relaxed and we don't have to please anyone lol xx

 

[kellyc1987]

I'll be having Christmas 1/2 on my own (me & DS who will be 8 months).

OH is working 7am-7pm and my mum is working 8am-4pm. So I'll pick my mum up from work at 4 and we swill go to my grans where the whole family meet about 6pm and OH will meet me there when he finishes

 

[smileyfaces]

We visit (quickly lol) family in the morning then always always always have the rest of the day just for us and the kids. It's how we like it

 

[motherofboys]

She had a few olive branches really. My eldest daughter invited her up for her birthday and said Id told her it was fine etc. but she never showed.
Hubby has rang a few times to communicate about the eldest 2 kids (who are old enough to visit by themselves)- at the end of the phone all she slams the phone down or puts it down mid conversation.
I've thought a lot about calling her myself, because I know how stubborn she is (guess I am too!!) - my sisters only just started speaking to her again after 4 months. My mum never admits she is in the wrong.
It was a silly fall out really over my husband not decorTing my uncles flat for him (after working all day) as quickly as she liked(short story) but it was her attitude- really shitty on the phone and having a go but there's been a few other incidents too. Then her not calling me when our baby died was the clincher. She didn't even ask my husband how I was when I was in hospital. That's the part in finding hardest.
I miss her but I don't miss her criticism and moodiness.
Guess I will see how things go before Xmas. Now my sisters speaking to her again it might move things along a bit.
I appreciate everyone's advice- I do know Id be devastated if anything happened and we weren't speaking.
Sorry this has gone totally off topic! ☺️ Xx

If you've tried then that's all you can do. Like you say maybe now she's speaking to your sister she will come around. I hope I didn't sound like I was telling you what to do.