Anyone LTTTC Number One?

[wannabeprego]

@SKoer, congratulations on the new job!!!!

https://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh126/izzybee22/congratulations1-3.gif

 

[urchin]

big congratulations skoer - a new job for a new year

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Well despite viewing a car today we are still without one

We have about £1200 that I can 'easily' raise BUT part of me wants to thumb my nose at the whole fertility thing and splash out on a second hand smart car (smart car has to be the most un-practical 'family' car ever ) but I don't know whether it is worth the extra stress that finding the cash will be. Argh I am so confused right now

 

[wannabeprego]

I am feeling like such shit today, sitting here crying as i type....... I got into an argument with DH over something really dumb today.. and now I am all upset... It is funny how the simpliest thing sets me off and I go off into an emtional rant at DH... than when the tears start flowing and I am by myself I realize how depressed I am, and how much of a toll this LTTC shit is taking on me and my marriage.. I am mad at DH for his low sperm count and him getting the vasectomy way back when and part of me I think blames him for us not having a baby yet.... Even though the rational side of me knows that he has no physical control over his sperm count, so realistically how can I be mad at him for something he cant control.. Plus he has come around and does more on his part in regards to TTC so I can give him credit for that, even though it took a little while for him to get there... Today is one of those days were my depression has taken over and I cant manage to pull myself off the couch to get out of the house and do something which i know always makes me feel better....

Right now i am trying to mentally prepare for the pain of surgery well all the while knowing that realistically i still may not get pregnant after that.. there are just no gurantees.. i cant control DH's sperm count... Than the financial strain being put on me and DH right now is tuff, we finally get our tax return and instead of it paying for IUI it is going to pay for surgery for me.. it just feels like there is always some obstacle to over come... where do I keep finding the energy to keep going through this LTTC crap.... I just dont know how to keep doing this month after month.....

Do any of you girls feel like LTTC is taking it's toll on your marriage or relationship?? Throw in financial stress on top of everything else and sometimes i feel like i am going to break under the weight of this all..

 

[wannabeprego]

I am feeling like such shit today, sitting here crying as i type....... I got into an argument with DH over something really dumb today.. and now I am all upset... It is funny how the simpliest thing sets me off and I go off into an emtional rant at DH... than when the tears start flowing and I am by myself I realize how depressed I am, and how much of a toll this LTTC shit is taking on me and my marriage.. I am mad at DH for his low sperm count and him getting the vasectomy way back when and part of me I think blames him for us not having a baby yet.... Even though the rational side of me knows that he has no physical control over his sperm count, so realistically how can I be mad at him for something he cant control.. Plus he has come around and does more on his part in regards to TTC so I can give him credit for that, even though it took a little while for him to get there... Today is one of those days were my depression has taken over and I cant manage to pull myself off the couch to get out of the house and do something which i know always makes me feel better....

Right now i am trying to mentally prepare for the pain of surgery well all the while knowing that realistically i still may not get pregnant after that.. there are just no gurantees.. i cant control DH's sperm count... Than the financial strain being put on me and DH right now is tuff, we finally get our tax return and instead of it paying for IUI it is going to pay for surgery for me.. it just feels like there is always some obstacle to over come... where do I keep finding the energy to keep going through this LTTC crap.... I just dont know how to keep doing this month after month.....

Do any of you girls feel like LTTC is taking it's toll on your marriage or relationship?? Throw in financial stress on top of everything else and sometimes i feel like i am going to break under the weight of this all..

Another thing that makes me depressed is the fact that a little over a year ago I finished my business BA degree in human resources and I was looking forward to having a "Career" after but ever since me and DH moved to this state which was also a little over a year ago I have been through hell as far as finding a job... All I could find was temporary jobs, and one job I had working for a cable company was pure hell, I think it was the worst job that I have ever had in my life to be totally honest with you, the people that worked there were total trash.... I was so stressed at the job that I literally threw up one morning before I went into work, eventually I quit the job because it wasnt worth me being physically sick over some shit job I hated anyways... so it has been Hell...

so long story short... I dont have the amazing "Career" that I hoped to have after working so hard for almost 4 years and racking up 35k plus in debt... and i dont have a baby either, so my dream of being a mom seems so far away to me right now... so sometimes I dont know what I have to look forward to in my life right now... so i think this also adds to my depression.. the dam crappy economy has alot to do with the job market right now also... I am also 31 years old and i thought i would have at least one or the other going for me by now in my life....

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Wannabe I just want to give you a huge hun xxx

 

[MrsHowley81]

(((Wannabe)))) Firstly this is so normal to feel like this it IS normal and totally acceptable, it is such a hard thing to deal with and yes it seems your journey maybe longer than expected, as mine is. As for your marriage I am sure everyone feels the strain. When I first found out I can't conceive I wandered if my hubby was blaming me and If our marriage can take the strain of IVF, then they go and do/say something that completely proves those niggling doubts are wrong, your hubby is most definitely in it for the long haul, other wise he wouldn't of had his VR, he is committed, I know that they are just tiny doubts but you can't blame him, he loves you. Believe me he does care and he does feel it too, they are just men with basic emotions.
I don't think anyone can understand a hundred per cent as all of our situations are different but we at least all know the pain of LTTTC, and we keep going because we don't want the regret or what if's. It might just bloomin' work out, of course nobody knows but we just have to keep trying, you will get through it, I promise you this you just occasionally need a mental break down.... so please go ahead, I know you probably feel like if you start you won't stop but you have to let all these emotions out, we are all here to support you just like you support us xXx

 

[mrshanna]

@wannabe

I dont post often but I want to throw in my two cents.

Dh and I have been TTC for 18 months now and it has been the most difficult thing I have ever been through. Honey I really think the bouts of depression are absolutely normal. Personally, every month has left me a sobbing mess when I see the first spot on the TP. It has become very hard on our marriage as well, not just on me. DH and I are not getting any younger either and are hearing the clock ticking in deafening fashion!! TICK TOCK DAMN IT!!!

The difference in our situations is that our issues are completely my fault. DH is fine, but I have nearly-completely blocked tubes. I am going through a LOT of guilt over this fact. I fear that my husband sees me as broken and less of a woman. I know he married me assuming we would be having children, and now Im afarid he feels trapped in a relationship that is doomed to be less than he bargained for. I know this is irrational, but what woman is rational in times like these???

And our health insurance wont pay for any further consultations, procedures, surgeries, whatever either. So at what point do you cut off the spending? If I have to choose between fixing my tubes, IVF, or adoption what on earth will I do? I cant afford them all.

Im sure wannabe that your husband is likely feeling guilty as well. Men just dont share their feelings very well, if at all!

 

[Wanting2BMom]

I am feeling like such shit today, sitting here crying as i type....... I got into an argument with DH over something really dumb today.. and now I am all upset... It is funny how the simpliest thing sets me off and I go off into an emtional rant at DH... than when the tears start flowing and I am by myself I realize how depressed I am, and how much of a toll this LTTC shit is taking on me and my marriage.. I am mad at DH for his low sperm count and him getting the vasectomy way back when and part of me I think blames him for us not having a baby yet.... Even though the rational side of me knows that he has no physical control over his sperm count, so realistically how can I be mad at him for something he cant control.. Plus he has come around and does more on his part in regards to TTC so I can give him credit for that, even though it took a little while for him to get there... Today is one of those days were my depression has taken over and I cant manage to pull myself off the couch to get out of the house and do something which i know always makes me feel better....

Right now i am trying to mentally prepare for the pain of surgery well all the while knowing that realistically i still may not get pregnant after that.. there are just no gurantees.. i cant control DH's sperm count... Than the financial strain being put on me and DH right now is tuff, we finally get our tax return and instead of it paying for IUI it is going to pay for surgery for me.. it just feels like there is always some obstacle to over come... where do I keep finding the energy to keep going through this LTTC crap.... I just dont know how to keep doing this month after month.....

Do any of you girls feel like LTTC is taking it's toll on your marriage or relationship?? Throw in financial stress on top of everything else and sometimes i feel like i am going to break under the weight of this all..

I just want to send you some hugs. I feel at times how you are feeling.

 

[B.J.Ld]

I am ltttc #1. I just started 150mg clomid this cycle and keeping my fingers crossed. I'm in the tww now and TRYING to wait to test until Feb 1st to test. I haven't posted much since I've been so busy with doctors. Good luck to everybody!

 

[urchin]

just popping in with some hugs for wannabe - it's a very hard road we're all travelling hon and not surprising it gets us down. The whole thing is so important and we have so little control of it.
We also have to contend with the fact that we have been sold a lie. From the time we were little we were told that we would meet our partner, fall in love and the babies would follow on naturally. So naturally in fact, that we better make sure we use protection through our teens as otherwise we know what the results will be.

And so we do, we use protection, we are careful to avoid unwanted pregnancy like good girls until the time that we very much want pregnancy ... so we stop with the pills, the coils and the condoms and wait for those babies to roll in (like they told us they would) and we wait, and wait some more

Next we turn to the internet and we find that far from being able to conceive the second we look at a boy, there are only a few fertile days each month that we have to aim for.

So we arm ourselves with digital thermometers and sticks to pee on and charts and lubes.... and we wait some more

Eventually the doctors admit that maybe just waiting isn't going to work and they send us off to be prodded and poked ... and now the talk is of clomid and IUIs and IVF
and somehow we are expected to stay on an even keel through all of this? To relax and not try so hard?

I am a strong believer that depression is a perfectly natural response to depressing situations - if life throws misery at you, surely it's natural to feel miserable?
It's only when depression becomes entrenched and doesn't lift as circumstances change that there is a problem

The difficult thing is that we can deal with things so differently from our partners, which can set us apart from the one person that really is going through what we are - they are just showing it, and coping with it in a very different way

Big hugs to you chikkie and I hope the sun comes out again for you soon xxx

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Urchin that made me well up, you have managed to sum up all the frustration and anger that we all feel at being lied to - thank you my sweet

Wannabe I really hope that you are feeling better today

Have just had a friendly talking to by a friend over my desire to splurge money to make myself feel better after waiting list shock. It would be all too easy for me to say that she doesn't understand what I am going through but in her own way she does, if not more so; she suffered a still birth just over a year ago so knows a thing or two about having your life devastated. Needless to say I am now having to take a long hard look about up-coming decisions and figure out if I am doing them for the right reasons or just to lift my spirits for a short but expensive while

 

[wannabeprego]

I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much girls!!!!! You girls are all so wonderful and I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with me and for the encouraging and kind words!!! You girls are awesome friends!!!!

I am feeling much better today. DH and me had a long talk lastnight and we reached a compromise and now that I got everything off my chest I think it has helped a great deal, plus you girls listening to me and sharing your experiences with me helps a great deal as well!!!



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[fisher640]

Wannabe

LTTTC #1 girls

 

[urchin]

We are the best!
This is a mighty thread, full of mighty women ... and I'm mighty glad we're all here for each other

 

[Feisty Fidget]

I am so glad I started this thread It has been wonderful getting to know everyone and sharing stories, I really feel that the support from you lovelies has helped me and everyone else no end

May have caved in on the smart car front Arrives Tuesday...

 

[Buckles]

Hi girls, can I please join you!! We have been ttc for 22 cycles and it's just not happening for us, we have been using opk's and our cbfm, BDing at the right time, I've had day 21 blood tests and they were all clear and I'm ov, DH has had a SA and all clear there as well. We went to the docs and we are being referred to a fertility specialist for investigations, so hopefully we'll be given some answers.
My husband is very supportive but he said he gets his hopes up every month and it's now getting him down. Bless him!!!

Look forward to getting to know you all xxx

 

[urchin]

I'm glad you started it too FF - just think of all the lovely people we'd've missed if you hadn't
You'll have to share a pic of the smart car when it arrives chikk - seeing as you caved so easily

Of course you can join us Buckles - always room for another

 

[Buckles]

Ahhhh thank you girls! I am waiting for the dr to call me tomorrow as we've decided to go private for these investigations, just need the name of the consultant and then we'll hopefully get an appointment super quick!!!

Xxx

 

[wannabeprego]

@BJLD & Buckles... Welcome to the group girls... It is nice to meet you girls.. Good luck and baby dust to the two of you!!

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