Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[Fleur828815]

Thanks for the info Kat, have informed DH that we're going to take Vit C/D/E lol.
I can't believe some people are saying it's your fault you're not pregnant yet . I hope you'll conceive naturally but you know there's help at hand if you need it. My friend struggled for years but got pregnant quite rapidly when she started the hormone injections.

Happy anniversary bluebird, enjoy your trip to Napa.

I hardly drink alcohol so no one would suspect anything if I didn't have a drink.

Ladies, let's hope 2015 will be our year!

 

[KatO79]

Thanks for the info Kat, have informed DH that we're going to take Vit C/D/E lol.
I can't believe some people are saying it's your fault you're not pregnant yet . I hope you'll conceive naturally but you know there's help at hand if you need it. My friend struggled for years but got pregnant quite rapidly when she started the hormone injections.

Happy anniversary bluebird, enjoy your trip to Napa.

I hardly drink alcohol so no one would suspect anything if I didn't have a drink.

Ladies, let's hope 2015 will be our year!

Well I think DH's family thinks it's me as there is no history of conceiving issues in their family while in my family, my brother and his wife needed help (wife was 41 though) and my sister needed help with #2 but she was about 40 as well. My mother is narcissistic so she likes to blame me for lots of things But I think generally people blame the woman if they're not informed otherwise. Luckily my MIL called DH last night so she got the good results

Seems my mother called DH as well about those results as well but I'm sure she'll keep rubbing in my face how easy she had it conceiving her 6 kids (with 6 different men). She's totally unsupportive by the way. She tried for months convincing me NOT to have kids because "they're not worth all the hassle" and is still trying to tell me that being pregnant isn't what it's cracked up to be and neither is having children I can barely even say anything about the fertility clinic before she gets annoyed. Like the day before the meeting I mentioned I was a bit nervous about hearing my results. Her response? "Can't you talk about anything other than that?" in an annoyed voice

So it's great I have DH, my 1 friend who's not TTCing (has no kids) and all the ladies here to talk about all this

 

[Fleur828815]

Wow, some people are just unbelievable! I'm wonder why they think your sister-in-law's fertility should affect yours in any way?? Blaming the woman is common in my culture but I didn't know it still happened throughout the world in 2014! (Just noticed you're not in the US too).
I'm sorry your mom especially is not being more supportive Fair enough if she doesn't think kids are worth the hassle (although she had 6!) but that's your choice to make.
Good to know you also have some "real life" support in your DH and friend as well as this forum

 

[KatO79]

Wow, some people are just unbelievable! I'm wonder why they think your sister-in-law's fertility should affect yours in any way?? Blaming the woman is common in my culture but I didn't know it still happened throughout the world in 2014! (Just noticed you're not in the US too).
I'm sorry your mom especially is not being more supportive Fair enough if she doesn't think kids are worth the hassle (although she had 6!) but that's your choice to make.
Good to know you also have some "real life" support in your DH and friend as well as this forum

Maybe they think infertility runs in families and felt my brother had some fault there I don't think they understand infertility as no one in the family had issues. DH's grandmother conceived 3 girls easily, my MIL (one of those daughters) conceived her 3 boys easily. DH's big brother and his soon to be ex-wife conceived their 2 kids easily as well. Don't think they get that I started trying at age 34 while my MIL was about mid-20s when she started and the soon to be ex-wife was like 28 or so when she started. The fact that my fertility has halved since my 20s doesn't seem to compute with them. Babies just happen in their family without too much trouble.

Well my mother unfortunately suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder so she's trying to get me to do what she thinks is best for me. She doesn't see me as an individual but as an extension of her. She's constantly creating drama, especially if Im trying to set reasonable boundaries, then she'll sometimes go crazy and scream at me and then silent treatment me for weeks on end, then call and act like nothing happened. Confronting her seems to be useless as she denies all accountability by either saying she didn't do anything wrong or she'll gaslight and say she doesn't remember stuff. She refuses therapy or even to try and have adult relationships with her children. I'm the last one standing as she's chased all her other kids away with her horrible, childish behaviour. So she's a toxic influence and I'm going to have to keep my future child away from her as much as possible. I'm almost hoping she goes crazy on me again so I have reason to cut her out of my life to avoid her poisoning my child against me or saying the nasty stuff to him/her that she says to me, smiling all the while.

Sorry that turned into a rant, I'm just so disappointed that my mother continues to behave this way

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Kat, that's horrible! I have "issues" with my mom too but your story puts it into perspective! I will do my best to be nice to my mom when she comes out to visit me over Xmas. She annoys me, but she is a good person and did her best raising me. I hope you get to be the mother that you never had growing up! Hang in there.....your baby is coming!

 

[Fleur828815]

Rant away Kat, it must be very disheartening to have your own mother behave like that No wonder her other children have given up on her. Don't let her (or your in-laws) get you down, concentrate on the family you're building with your DH. You need to put your own, and the coming baby's interests first, so just block them all out!

 

[EmmyReece]

Hi ladies

Was wondering if I could join too?

Both hubby and myself are 30 and have been ttc #1 on and off for a few years. We've been to the Dr previously (who thought my irregular cycles were down to my weight) and I was referred to the weight loss nurse. I was doing really well with her and was meant to arrange an appointment when we got back from holiday in 2012, but, our wedding plans were in full swing, things got busy, I kept forgetting and then it felt like too much time had gone past to rearrange an appointment.

I've been plodding along, trying to lose weight, but not really concentrating like I should be doing. So, I've plucked up the courage to arrange another appointment for in 3 weeks time and hopefully can start the ball rolling properly with some help towards ttc.

I'm currently 6dpo, trying really hard not to symptom spot and trying to keep away from the tests until monday when I'll be 10dpo. Easier said than done though

 

[KatO79]

Kat, that's horrible! I have "issues" with my mom too but your story puts it into perspective! I will do my best to be nice to my mom when she comes out to visit me over Xmas. She annoys me, but she is a good person and did her best raising me. I hope you get to be the mother that you never had growing up! Hang in there.....your baby is coming!

Thank you so much Yeah I have tons of horror stories about her but will refrain from telling them all.

I hope you're right. I'm just at the moment a little disappointed we might not be able to start IUI until January due to Christmas/New Year's holidays but we'll see. If it wasn't for my unhelpful GP we could have gotten that HSG done before the meeting and been able to start next cycle as it's the only test missing

Rant away Kat, it must be very disheartening to have your own mother behave like that No wonder her other children have given up on her. Don't let her (or your in-laws) get you down, concentrate on the family you're building with your DH. You need to put your own, and the coming baby's interests first, so just block them all out!

Thanks Fleur I had actually dropped her last year after she went nuts last August but DH convinced me to give her a last chance when she contacted me 6 months after I sent her a letter telling her I wasn't going to put up with her behaviour anymore and was going no contact. So I gave her a chance and when I tried to discuss some of the things she's done to me in the past, she said she doesn't remember any of it (how convenient) and started crying (she can turn tears on and off within a few seconds) and talking about poor her and her sad childhood No empathy for me, only for herself But next time she behaves really badly, she's out for good Until then I'll have to put up with her demeaning comments like how I'm getting fatter every time she sees me or she how ugly e.g. the hat I'm wearing is or how horribly some of my favorite artists are and how they can't sing at all when anyone can clearly hear they can, all said with a huge smile on her face and twinkling eyes I'm just not going to discuss anything with her anymore and rely on DH for any emotional support I need. I'm almost hoping she does something nuts again as she'd be a horrible grandmother and I'd hate to put my child through the wringer of seeing his/her mother getting verbally and emotionally abused by Grandma

 

[Hollynesss]

Welcome, Emmy!

Kat- I'm so sorry to hear about your issues with your mom My mom has some psychological issues, and although it really isn't their fault, its really difficult to be around someone like that. Its hard to be happy about TTC when your mom is putting such a damper on things. Stay strong, keep on doing what you're doing

 

[pihabella]

Kat- your mum sounds like she needs to figure out that she should just be supportive if she wants to keep a relationship with you. Put the hard line on her and leave it up to her to decide how she wants to act around you. Keep positive and she may start picking up the vibes

 

[pihabella]

On a side note: Currently CD10 and started using OPK's today! Anyone on or near that same date and looking at a long cycle ahead too? I hope the vitex shortens this cycle but I have heard it may take 3-6 months to work its magic (if at all). Anyway feels good doing the opks so that I feel like I can start to keep track of things rather than just wondering what is going on.

 

[KatO79]

Welcome, Emmy!

Kat- I'm so sorry to hear about your issues with your mom My mom has some psychological issues, and although it really isn't their fault, its really difficult to be around someone like that. Its hard to be happy about TTC when your mom is putting such a damper on things. Stay strong, keep on doing what you're doing

Kat- your mum sounds like she needs to figure out that she should just be supportive if she wants to keep a relationship with you. Put the hard line on her and leave it up to her to decide how she wants to act around you. Keep positive and she may start picking up the vibes

Thanks Hollynesss and pihabella I know it's not her fault but it doesn't mean I should accept her verbal abuse. She gets really nasty sometimes. I remember last year when I unjustly got fired from a job during the trial 3 months (won't get into it but it was a case of difficult employers impossible to please) and she kept telling me I should make a big stink and tell everyone at the workplace what happened. When I politely declined, she kept telling me how she's the smartest person I know and I should do as she says. When I politely declined again, she started screaming at me and I just hung up on her, not wanting to hear her verbal abuse. There was also another occasion were I tried to set boundaries and she took offence. Her birthday rolls around and I didn't know what to do. DH (we were dating at the time) told me to just go over to her house. So I bike over there and knock on her door. She opens the door, gives me a cold, nasty look and then slams the door in my face

The woman is constantly creating drama and belittling me. I don't think she'd be a good influence over any child I have, especially if it's a girl as narcissistic women behave worse towards the women in the family. She was absolutely horrible to my brother's wife, hence why my brother won't speak to her. He tried giving her a ½ chance this summer and took his daughter to see her as she hasn't seen her granddaughter in like 5 years or so. She couldn't keep her mouth shut and started discussing it and kept saying she didn't say anything bad to the wife which is a blatant lie as I've been a witness to some of it. My brother left with his daughter (needless to say his wife didn't come with them) as my mom was creating drama.

The thing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is it can't be cured and since she's really ill, she refuses to change her behaviour because in her mind, she's not doing anything wrong. That's what makes it impossible to get her to change, she sees no reason to change, it's everyone else that needs to change in her mind. Geez, this woman justifies her demeaning comments towards me, saying I need to get used to people saying mean things and I shouldn't take it hard and she's helping me.

Here are some articles on narcissistic mothers:

https://www.lightshouse.org/the-narcissistic-parent.html#axzz3INSsJyE4

https://www.lightshouse.org/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html#axzz3INSsJyE4

So sorry for derailing the TTC line of conversation here

 

[Fleur828815]

Gosh, that sounds tough for everyone involved. At the moment, I think the best way to deal with her is to avoid being pushed to confrontation. Just nod politely although you know you're not going to listen to her "advice". I hope you do manage to share some good moments with her, but otherwise, it would be best for you to avoid the drama she creates and keep your distance. Maybe she doesn't realise she's wrong, and you are still making efforts, but as you said, you'll have to re-evaluate the situation at some point if she continues being so toxic.

Sorry that you have to deal with this on top of all the stress related to TTC

 

[zen108]

Kat - it must be really tough for u to have a narcissistic mom, who is not giving u any support at all. But luckily u hv a supportive DH. That's important.

I don't tell my family abt the TTC journey, because they don't understand why it is so difficult for us.

 

[zen108]

Anyone here temping? It's my first time and I am not very sure what's happening.

 

[bluebird44]

Anyone here temping? It's my first time and I am not very sure what's happening.

Zen, I think most of us here are temping, so let us know how we can help! I am often confused by my chart, but there are some knowledgeable people here.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Zen, I'm not one to brag, but I'm pretty good at temping....sadly. I wish I weren't!! If you use Fertility Friend, you can post your chart in your signature and I can chart-stalk you and let you know what's up. Fertility Friend also has a great little "course" you can take on charting.
I chart old-school style (pen and paper) because I do acupuncture and my acupuncturist has me bring in my chart to each appointment.
Important thing is to take your temp at the SAME TIME each morning, and don't get up out of bed when you temp. Just wake up, grab your thermometer without getting out of bed and take your temp. Let me know if you have any specific questions - I'll be happy to help!!

 

[zen108]

Thanks ladies. I will try to post my chart here later.

Basically on CD14, i have a positive OPK and EWCM. On CD15, i have ovulation pains and I was dead sure I have ovulated. However, on CD16 morning, my temps did not rise and OPK is negative.

I tried to temp same time every morning but sometimes I get up earlier to pee.

Wondering whether I am having one of the annovulatory cycle.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Thanks ladies. I will try to post my chart here later.

Basically on CD14, i have a positive OPK and EWCM. On CD15, i have ovulation pains and I was dead sure I have ovulated. However, on CD16 morning, my temps did not rise and OPK is negative.

I tried to temp same time every morning but sometimes I get up earlier to pee.

Wondering whether I am having one of the annovulatory cycle.

OPK negative on CD16 is good. Your surge should only last a few hours, or day at most. It can take 12-36 hours, on average, to ovulate after your +OPK, so you might have ovulated late on CD15 or early on CD16. Your temp should be LOW on the day of ovulation and should increase the NEXT day. Look tomorrow morning for an increase!! My temp is usually 97.2 on day of ovulation, next day is 97.6, following day goes to 97.9 and then hangs around 97.9-98.2 in my luteal phase. Hope that helps!

 

[bluebird44]

Well, AF arrived this morning earlier than expected. The good news is that I should be done before vacation next week! The bad news is that FF shows I only had a 7 day LP.

My Ovulation Chart

I'll start OPKs this month, and luckily DH will be home more since he traveled a bunch last month. We are committed this cycle!