Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[KatO79]

Hi Friends!

Sorry I have been MIA. I was hanging out at the October testing board for a while, then the november testing board, but the witch keeps getting me. And no offense to all the lovely ladies on those other boards, but sometimes it's hard to hear about someone younger than me getting their BFP for #7 when I'm over here getting BFN after BFN for #1. So I think I'm better off on this board with other like-minded ladies. I don't have time to follow more than one board so I have to choose wisely

I know exactly how you feel bighouse I get pretty frustrated myself with those women myself. I've been on testing boards myself but may very well let the November one (started by n.miller) be my last and contínue here and with some of the ladies on the LTTTC boards. I feel like I'm lost on those testing boards and most of the time seem to get overlooked E.g. was I mentioned on the November thread the good results I got but not one said anything I try offering support or advice for others on those threads but the vast majority of the time no response. I think it also has to do with the fact there are normally a lot of women on those boards and it's easy to get lost in the mix.

Fleur - hang in there. It gets better with time. If can, talk to friends who understands. The first friend whom i spoke to right after the D&C asked why I had miscarried so easily. Such a friend. Good to make yourself busy.

Kat - sometimes dysfunctional family can make you stronger and more determined to build a beautiful family with your DH.

AFM - FF finally gave me the crosshair though my temps r not that accurate due to the open mouth sleeping.

Thanks zen

Wow, some friend! That was just uncalled for

Praying, your symptoms do sound promising! When I got my BFP I waited till 17 DPO to test, I didn’t want to get my hopes up for nothing.

Kat, unfortunately mothers are people just like everyone else, they don’t automatically become all light and sweetness just because they have children . We’re here if you need to rant about your family! I’m sorry you had to grow up like that, but you’ll do everything to create a happy and loving environment for your own children, she won’t be able to tarnish that.

I also don’t drink, don’t smoke, eat pretty healthily, exercise regularly… you’d think our bodies would realise we’re working hard and just let us have a healthy pregnancy already

bighouse, I know how you feel, it seems unfair that everyone else seems to have a baby so easily. THREE of my good friends have fallen pregnant “by accident” over the last 3 months, and it took them some time to come to terms with it. I’m happy and excited for them, but I just wonder why it has to happen that way! Hope you’ll be giving your nephew/niece a little cousin very soon.

zen, what a weird question from your friend! I’m lucky to be surrounded by supportive friends, and this forum helps so much.

crystlmcd, where are you in your cycle? I sure don’t miss the cold and the snow!

Hollyness, I didn’t realise you created this thread! Thanks so much. I’ve tentatively dipped my toes into the TTC after loss forum but I felt out of place on most of the threads. The ladies seem to know each other well and most of them have gone on to have babies, so it’s more like a baby group than a TTC thread (although I’m sure they’re very welcoming).

cdelmar, hope you will get some answers soon. I won’t tell anyone when we start TTCing again either, although I suppose they know that we’ll be trying again soon after the miscarriage.

Keeping everything crossed for Praying and Kat! Come on miracle babies!

Thanks Fleur It's so good to know that everyone is so understanding here of my situation. I've tried being on another forum (based on one of my collecting hobbies) were I basically got attacked for saying how impossible my mother is on one thread. I think the fact I mentioned that I find it hard to make friends in Denmark because people aren't as open as, say, Americans and how difficult it is to get an academic job here without connections also angered said person who attacked me. She was a Dane living in the UK and she totally flamed me, saying that it must run in the family to be self-absorbed and the reason I have difficulty finding friends in Denmark is because I "have a crappy personality" which is why I also can't get a job She was really horrible and many women supported her so I just dropped the forum, shocked that they treated me that way

Anyway I'm hoping my mother won't be able to tarnish my little family. She's been so adamant about me not having a child and so unsupportive of DH and I during this journey. The sad thing is I seem to find much more support here than with her If she's still in my life, I'll keep her involvement to an absolute minimum. I'm sure my in-laws won't understand it but there's nothing to be done when she's mentally ill

Yeah you would think our bodies would realize we're doing what we can to be healthy and have our babies. But it doesn't seem to work that way. I've heard of women drinking and doing drugs and still are able to get pregnant and even have healthy babies (some of them). I think the worst story i heard here was a hairdresser on a Danish TTC forum (who'd been trying for about 6 months or more) told about one of her clients. The woman was pregnant with a girl and was so upset that she was drinking and colouring her hair and doing a lot of bad Things because she didn't care how it would effect the baby because it was the wrong gender I will always Wonder why women like that can conceive and women like us are having such issues conceiving sticky beans

 

[crystlmcd]

Fleur - I'm on CD12. Just waiting for O. Based on my last couple cycles, it will probably be a few more days, possibly this weekend.

Luckily it didn't snow much but it's a little icy out so that's awesome. Good thing I live close to work.

 

[zen108]

Not sure if I was hormonal but I shouted at my boss yesterday for talking down on me and being rude. Working with her for close to 5 yrs and still so unbelievably rude. If i get a better job, am definitely leaving. i can't believe the nerves I had to fight back. It was the first for me. I blamed it on the hormones.

Anyway, feeling crampy and backache and fatigue is hitting hard. It's only 3DPO and trying hard not to symptom spot.

 

[Hollynesss]

You're welcome, ladies! I was having a hard time relating to a lot of the younger crowd, and while people are generally very nice on here, I got tired of people giving advice, then someone else telling them that this is bad advice, do this instead, etc... Plus, once you've been at this for so long, the very basic talk about TTC gets boring. I like to think of this as graduate school for TTC

Kat- that girl sounds like a total cow! I can't believe how unbelievably mean people can be to people that they don't even know. Very few people know about my mom and the way I grew up, as it isn't easy to talk about. Its devastating when you do try to open up and get responses like that. We're all here for you anytime you need to vent!

Zen- It sounds like your boss deserved it! There is only so much a person can take before they lose it. Hopefully she'll end up respecting you more for standing up to her!

Cdelmar- It amazes me how brash people can be! There was no way I could hide TTC from my coworkers. I work with a lot of older women, and as soon as I got married a year and a half ago they started asking when we were going to have kids, and so I finally told them this summer that we were working on it just to get them off my back! They, too, tend to ask very personal questions. I think people like my coworkers and your friend think that they are being supportive by taking an interest, not realizing it can be uncomfortable.

Fleur- Hang in there, love Its still a bit raw, but your heart will heal in time. We're all here for you

I am currently on CD15, waiting to O. I'm REALLY hoping that this is a normal cycle. We've been BDing every other day. I usually O on CD18. I'm not sure if I shared this yet, so I apologize if I'm repeating myself! My primary care doctor had offered to give me a referral for a fertility workup back in June due to my crazy cycles, but I told him I wanted to try for a few months and see if we could do it on our own, but that I'd take him up on that offer in December if we hadn't conceived by then. I just got a letter in the mail saying that he is retiring at the end of November I'm hoping that my new doctor will be open to giving me a referral since we've technically been trying for less than a year. I'm hoping that this cycle will be normal and we'll conceive so I don't have to worry about it!

 

[pihabella]

I agree Zen- sounds like your boss needed to be put in her place finally! I think power goes to many people's heads and they forget how to be human sometimes.
Crystlmcd and hollyness- sounds like we are all close to O soon! I am on CD15 now too, getting slightly more stretchy CM and a darker OPK yesterday but not positive yet. Hope this is all good signs as I would love to O this early and have a shorter cycle. Not sure if this is just hormones normalising after coming off BC or the vitex working already? Will see what the OPK reveals later today! Anyway we have been BDing every 2 days just in case

 

[KatO79]

Kat- that girl sounds like a total cow! I can't believe how unbelievably mean people can be to people that they don't even know. Very few people know about my mom and the way I grew up, as it isn't easy to talk about. Its devastating when you do try to open up and get responses like that. We're all here for you anytime you need to vent!

Zen- It sounds like your boss deserved it! There is only so much a person can take before they lose it. Hopefully she'll end up respecting you more for standing up to her!

Cdelmar- It amazes me how brash people can be! There was no way I could hide TTC from my coworkers. I work with a lot of older women, and as soon as I got married a year and a half ago they started asking when we were going to have kids, and so I finally told them this summer that we were working on it just to get them off my back! They, too, tend to ask very personal questions. I think people like my coworkers and your friend think that they are being supportive by taking an interest, not realizing it can be uncomfortable.

Fleur- Hang in there, love Its still a bit raw, but your heart will heal in time. We're all here for you

I am currently on CD15, waiting to O. I'm REALLY hoping that this is a normal cycle. We've been BDing every other day. I usually O on CD18. I'm not sure if I shared this yet, so I apologize if I'm repeating myself! My primary care doctor had offered to give me a referral for a fertility workup back in June due to my crazy cycles, but I told him I wanted to try for a few months and see if we could do it on our own, but that I'd take him up on that offer in December if we hadn't conceived by then. I just got a letter in the mail saying that he is retiring at the end of November I'm hoping that my new doctor will be open to giving me a referral since we've technically been trying for less than a year. I'm hoping that this cycle will be normal and we'll conceive so I don't have to worry about it!

Thanks Hollynesss Yeah she behaved horribly and the worse thing is, some of the others were agreeing with her One other member went so far as to say that this Danish woman (she is 34 but sounded like she was much younger) was doing me a favour and giving me a wake-up call, just like her father did for her once. She seemed to fail to see the difference between her father, who knows her personally, giving her a wake-up talk and this Danish woman who's a stranger bashing me, it wasn't anything like a wake-up call. They failed to see it was personal and she just was lashing out because I said a few minor negative things about Denmark. Geez, I never go that crazy if someone has something negative to say about the US (where I was born and lived for 16 years), if I disagree I might politely say so but i'd never get personal about it It was especially hurtful that other members were supporting her as I'd been a member for years and had been offering advice to a lot of them when they had personal issues. So it was a stab in the back basically. Some of them were a bit odd and would get really offended if you didn't take their advice and do what they said. Very odd, I never took it personally if a member chose to ignore my advice and do something else: it's their life and their call!

You might want to consider getting him to refer you before he retires then Just in case the new one doesn't want to refer you until a later date. It can't hurt to get the workup done so you know if there are any issues or not If there are no issues, then you can just try naturally for longer and wait with getting referred for fertility treatments. But that's my 2 cents Here's hoping you conceive soon and don't have to worry about it

 

[cdelmar]

crystl and holly my friends ask here and there are nice about it, the two driving me crazy are my MIL (DH had to put her in her place about prying and asking stupid questions) and my coworker who is 20 years older than me. I wouldnt dare tell them...they dont understand the ttc questions are sensitive and personal (my MIL took 3 years to conceive her third but she either doesnt remember or maybe she was more open about it???) but my coworker means well but likes to know everything smh!!!

anyways, I am CD 22, usually O on 19 but i really think i Oed yesterday, waiting to confirm with next couple of temps. Cant wait for my appointment next month (im actually excited about it!) and I will be close to Oing around that time...but entering my tww over here and I just have that feeling this is not it BUT, you never know, we'll see.....

 

[Gen_2014]

I hope I can chime in on this thread. I am 31 and hubby is 35; we are enetring our fourth month. Recently started to feel ovulation pains!!!! My fingers are all crossed! And it is super hard and sad everytime AF comes!

 

[zen108]

Gen - Welcome to the thread. Lots of supportive ladies in here.
Holly - Thanks. Moving on from that episode. Need to focus on TTC instead of work.
Pihabella - My lady boss is unmarried and single all her life. Maybe she is unhappy with her life that causes all those anger. She thinks respecting a human means being aggressive and rude. Anyway, am moving on from this.

AFM - Nothing much happening in terms of TTC. In the 2WW. Trying hard not to symptom spot. This month we hope we timed everything right. But then again, our body sometimes tend to disappoint us. So, want to focus on TTC but at the same time don't want to think too much about it.

 

[Praying4BB]

Welcome Gen I will echo what everyone else has been saying. This is my favorite forum by far

We haven't told any family we are TTC. It would be my MIL's first grandbaby, and well... she already jokingly asks when she is getting grandbabies, so probably best we don't reply with "hopefully soon!" My parents already have two that are living with them, so I don't think they would be quite as eager. I've broken down and told a few friends just because I literally broke down about it all, but their responses are the same: "you really haven't been trying that long"; "DH hasn't been around enough"; or "we got pregnant after __ amount of months so it will happen for you soon enough." None of those responses have been super encouraging. I realize we haven't been trying long and my DH is never around- thank you CPTs Obvious. However, I took the time to educate myself on fertility and was able to realize that something was not quite right (like the fifth straight day of spotting I am having right now). No, it will not happen "soon enough" for us when I bleed almost half the days of my cycle every month, thank you very much.

So yeah. I am still hanging out in the no news could be good news camp. My spotting is still brown, still very light. I feel like I have every symptom under the sun- ridiculous bloating, gas, pelvic pressure and ovary twinges, the face/neck/hairline breakout from hell, my boobs hurt when I run, not really any other time though, and I am just so hot all the time. And add possible oral thrush to the list- the inside of my cheek and lip are covered in white patches. Gross!!! I still believe this is all from Clomid and my body experiencing a real amount of progesterone for the first time in 10 years! But Clomid was supposed to fix the spotting, so that fact makes me a little bit concerned.

If no change tomorrow, I will test on Thursday. I will just do it. No way to have a 15/16 day LP right?

 

[zen108]

Welcome Gen I will echo what everyone else has been saying. This is my favorite forum by far

We haven't told any family we are TTC. It would be my MIL's first grandbaby, and well... she already jokingly asks when she is getting grandbabies, so probably best we don't reply with "hopefully soon!" My parents already have two that are living with them, so I don't think they would be quite as eager. I've broken down and told a few friends just because I literally broke down about it all, but their responses are the same: "you really haven't been trying that long"; "DH hasn't been around enough"; or "we got pregnant after __ amount of months so it will happen for you soon enough." None of those responses have been super encouraging. I realize we haven't been trying long and my DH is never around- thank you CPTs Obvious. However, I took the time to educate myself on fertility and was able to realize that something was not quite right (like the fifth straight day of spotting I am having right now). No, it will not happen "soon enough" for us when I bleed almost half the days of my cycle every month, thank you very much.

So yeah. I am still hanging out in the no news could be good news camp. My spotting is still brown, still very light. I feel like I have every symptom under the sun- ridiculous bloating, gas, pelvic pressure and ovary twinges, the face/neck/hairline breakout from hell, my boobs hurt when I run, not really any other time though, and I am just so hot all the time. And add possible oral thrush to the list- the inside of my cheek and lip are covered in white patches. Gross!!! I still believe this is all from Clomid and my body experiencing a real amount of progesterone for the first time in 10 years! But Clomid was supposed to fix the spotting, so that fact makes me a little bit concerned.

If no change tomorrow, I will test on Thursday. I will just do it. No way to have a 15/16 day LP right?

Your temps look really good. Hope it's a BFP!

 

[Praying4BB]

Awww thanks Zen, but huge temp drop this morning and spotting increased. And it's really dark brown, almost black now

 

[zen108]

Awww thanks Zen, but huge temp drop this morning and spotting increased. And it's really dark brown, almost black now

Oh dear. Hopefully it's implantation dip.

 

[zen108]

Such saw on Facebook that a friend my age is pregnant with her 2nd child. Few months ago, a cousin 40+ is also pregnant with her 2nd and was lamenting about morning sickness on Facebook. I have to unfollow her to keep sane.

And here I am in the 2WW, hoping it's a hit this time. Life sucks.

 

[Praying4BB]

Such saw on Facebook that a friend my age is pregnant with her 2nd child. Few months ago, a cousin 40+ is also pregnant with her 2nd and was lamenting about morning sickness on Facebook. I have to unfollow her to keep sane.

And here I am in the 2WW, hoping it's a hit this time. Life sucks.

I feel you. When I first went to my OB/GYN because I thought something was wrong, I overheard a woman talking on her phone in the waiting room about how she "just can't deal with this pregnancy thing" while complaining about all the tests. And I get a little annoyed at some mothers who, on facebook or in person, are always complaining about how hard their life is because of their kids. I get it, kids are tough and they wear you out! But please, spare me the martydom. I am guessing those are mothers who probably conceived rather quickly. I know I will constantly be reminded what a blessing my kids are and how happy I am to have the opportunity to finally be a mom (but you are free to ask me about how that is going in a few years when I'm a worn out frazzled hypocrite )

If anything, this whole process will help me to be grateful and more sensitive to others.

 

[zen108]

Yes, Praying. I totally agree with you. Because of this difficult process, it will make me more grateful just to be pregnant and God willing, to have a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I guess these mothers take things for granted because they had it easy.

 

[Hollynesss]

praying and zen! I can definitely relate. I have friends from high school who are my age and already have 3 or 4 kids Don't get me wrong, I have zero regrets waiting until 30 to try, but yes, that green-eyed monster does rear its ugly head every now and then! My baby/ies will be greatly appreciated knowing how much I want them and how long I've been waiting!

Praying, I hope this is it for you!

 

[Praying4BB]

Praying, I hope this is it for you!

Thanks Holly, but I really don't think so. There was so much spotting this morning that I actually thought AF got me because it was watery, but black. It's dried up now back to brown cm like the previous cycles' spotting. Six days of this now-unreal. I've now officially crossed the threshold of bleeding more days than not during a cycle.

I called my RE to let him know I was having all this spotting despite the Clomid. I'm going in for a "saline infused ultrasound to look for polyps" on Tuesday. I really wish DH was here for all this- I don't even get to talk to him this training cycle This is starting to get very nerve wracking especially since the hormones don't seem to be the issue now that I'm on Clomid. Of course when you google black spotting, the most scary things pop up. Part of me wants to be so hopeful that it's just a lot of leftovers from implantation, but it just seems like way too much for way too long at this point.

 

[Fleur828815]

Kat, how horrid that woman on the forum was ! What was she being so defensive/angry about when she doesn’t know anything about your situation? A little empathy never hurt anyone. And the other women backing her up… talk about herd mentality. Hope you’re more settled in Denmark now and have managed to make some friends and get a job in your field.

Your mother probably can’t bear the attention to be shifted to someone else, hence why she’s not being enthusiastic about you trying for a baby. Don’t let her get you down, you’ve done as much as you could for her and you’ve got other priorities. I don’t believe that you should be beholden to your parents forever just because THEY chose to have you, and then didn’t care for you as they should have.

crystlmcd, it must be perfect weather to stay holed up all weekend and make a baby!

zen, good on you for standing up to your boss! Hope she’ll tone down the rudeness now she knows you won’t just bear it quietly.

Hollyness, won’t your current doctor transfer your file to the new one and tell him/her he’s planned the fertility workup, so to go ahead with it? Hoping you’ll end up not needing it though!

cdelmar, I don’t understand why people keep prying when they see you’re not comfortable talking about it. Did your temps confirm ovulation?

Welcome Gen_2014, good luck with TTC!

I think we all feel it’s unfair that women who don’t have a healthy lifestyle seem to fall pregnant/ have babies easily. There’s a family living next door, I don’t know how many children there are (at least 6 or 7) but they’re always running around on the (very busy) street unsupervised. We even saw one of the kids, maybe 7 years old, SMOKING once while there was a party going on at around midnight :no: Calling the police doesn’t help, they just turn up the music again and go on partying as soon as the police leaves. Also knew someone who just stopped eating, taking her vitamins etc. when they told her she was expecting a second daughter (that baby turned out to be a boy, and they were telling this story when their daughter was in the room…great.)

I hope we all remember to appreciate our babies when we’re going through sleepless nights and toddler tantrums.

Good luck to everyone on the TWW or about to ovulate!

 

[Fleur828815]

Praying, I hope this is it for you!

Thanks Holly, but I really don't think so. There was so much spotting this morning that I actually thought AF got me because it was watery, but black. It's dried up now back to brown cm like the previous cycles' spotting. Six days of this now-unreal. I've now officially crossed the threshold of bleeding more days than not during a cycle.

I called my RE to let him know I was having all this spotting despite the Clomid. I'm going in for a "saline infused ultrasound to look for polyps" on Tuesday. I really wish DH was here for all this- I don't even get to talk to him this training cycle This is starting to get very nerve wracking especially since the hormones don't seem to be the issue now that I'm on Clomid. Of course when you google black spotting, the most scary things pop up. Part of me wants to be so hopeful that it's just a lot of leftovers from implantation, but it just seems like way too much for way too long at this point.

Praying, this must be messing with your head. My OB/gyn said brown/black blood is just blood that has been leftover in the uterus from a previous period, don't panic yet! This year I suddenly started having brown discharge (not just spotting) for up to 4 days before AF started properly, according to him it was nothing to worry about, and I did manage to get a BFP. Sorry your DH is not with you, I understand how hard that must be. We're here for virtual hand-holding