Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[MissDoc]

Got my NIPT results back today. Healthy baby boy! Im not at all surprised, I've been sensing this little one was a boy from the start, even though before I got pregnant I thought I wanted a girl. But this is just perfect. And knowing the sex, knowing that I'm growing a precious baby boy, makes me feel even more connected to this pregnancy. It's a neat feeling, knowing so early.

 

[KatO79]

Congrats MissDoc

AFM DH and I have been fighting a lot as I feel like he's not being very helpful or involved I've tried discussing it with him but he just gets super defensive and it can get ugly. So I'm going to give up trying and just be glad whenever he does anything helpful, I just can't take all the arguing anymore

 

[Angel5000]

So it looks like I "passed" my 3-hour glucose test! No call from doctor (the tech said that if it was bad I'd get a call within 24 hours), and so I logged into my online account and the lab results were available and all my numbers were within the acceptable range listed on the results, so that looks to me like I'm good.


Kat - Oh no you didn't turn me off breastfeeding at all. I am just glad to know what to expect. They don't tell you all this stuff before you get pregnant! I'm so glad to hear that Alexander's latest results are good! And I really hope the feeding every 3-4 hours is going to be better for all of you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your DH are fighting. I often wonder if men think they are being helpful and don't realize how unhelpful they are sometimes being. Maybe you can ask him specific things at specific times? Like "would you mind changing him" or "could you please...." but for a specific item you want done rathe than a general request for more help? I don't know how he'd respond but it could be that he thinks he's being helpful and involved but just isn't sure what to do specifically to help? Just an idea. Not sure if that would be remotely helpful to you.


MissDoc- Congrats!! How does the rest of the NIPT results look? Everything good?

 

[KatO79]

Kat - Oh no you didn't turn me off breastfeeding at all. I am just glad to know what to expect. They don't tell you all this stuff before you get pregnant! I'm so glad to hear that Alexander's latest results are good! And I really hope the feeding every 3-4 hours is going to be better for all of you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your DH are fighting. I often wonder if men think they are being helpful and don't realize how unhelpful they are sometimes being. Maybe you can ask him specific things at specific times? Like "would you mind changing him" or "could you please...." but for a specific item you want done rathe than a general request for more help? I don't know how he'd respond but it could be that he thinks he's being helpful and involved but just isn't sure what to do specifically to help? Just an idea. Not sure if that would be remotely helpful to you.

So glad you passed your glucose test

Glad to hear that I didn't scare you

Thanks, I suppose I could try but he seems to take everything as a criticism. Like today Alexander was crying and I was still eating dinner so managed to get DH to take him. DH picks him up and then proceeds to just sit with him on the couch while watching TV, no soothing or anything to help to get Alexander to sleep. So I suggest maybe he could start rocking him and talk to him soothingly instead of watching TV, that set him off. Oh and sometimes if Alexander doesn't stop crying quickly enough he gets super pissed, especially if he was trying to e.g. watch something on TV

 

[MissDoc]

Thanks, ladies!

Angel, everything was low risk! Hallelujah. Best news ever. Congrats on passing the glucose test! Another milestone down!

Kat, Im sorry you're experiencing hubby stress on top of the regular stress of a newborn. I hope once you guys find a rhythm and get a bit more sleep and baby is less fussy, that he adapts. But either way, he NEEDS to adapt because this is going to require a lot of patience. Good luck my dear, and hang in there.

 

[KatO79]

Kat, Im sorry you're experiencing hubby stress on top of the regular stress of a newborn. I hope once you guys find a rhythm and get a bit more sleep and baby is less fussy, that he adapts. But either way, he NEEDS to adapt because this is going to require a lot of patience. Good luck my dear, and hang in there.

Thanks MissDoc! It's mostly my sleep that's been affected since I'm the one getting up to breastfeed while DH can and does sleep through the majority of it Unless I'm upset about any problems that may come during bf'ing, then he for the most part isn't very supportive and just wants to sleep I hope so as well because I can't stand the way he behaves sometimes. It makes me feel like he doesn't make Alexander a priority sometimes and it can really piss me off Not to mention his often lack of emotional support if I'm having a meltdown over something.

 

[Jezika]

Sorry to hear that Kat. It's funny, though, (not haha funny), because I was thinking just today about how I could imagine DH being the same when our little one arrives. I thought about it because it kind of upset me that he doesn't seem to even listen, let alone care when I point out how Matilda's visibly kicking up a storm in my belly. He just stays glued to the TV or brushes it off with a, "oh yeah, ha." And he's not very sympathetic a lot of times to my discomfort. In any case, I have no solutions, but I do suspect you're not alone!! Hope it improves soon... I do hear that the biggest strain is in the first few months.

 

[KatO79]

Sorry to hear that Kat. It's funny, though, (not haha funny), because I was thinking just today about how I could imagine DH being the same when our little one arrives. I thought about it because it kind of upset me that he doesn't seem to even listen, let alone care when I point out how Matilda's visibly kicking up a storm in my belly. He just stays glued to the TV or brushes it off with a, "oh yeah, ha." And he's not very sympathetic a lot of times to my discomfort. In any case, I have no solutions, but I do suspect you're not alone!! Hope it improves soon... I do hear that the biggest strain is in the first few months.

Hi Jezika Sorry to hear you may end up dealing with the same thing My DH sounds like he was slightly more interested during the pregnancy though but yeah, sounds pretty similiar, including being glued to the TV I think you're right and really hope things improve soon because I hate fighting with him, especially in front of Alexander I hope that your DH reacts better than you think though! Maybe the baby is still a bit abstract for him until she's here? As for you wow, you're so close! Can't wait to see pics of your daughter!

BTW Angel I tried your suggestion and asked DH to change Alexander's diaper while I got ready to feed him this morning. Went bad because first of all Alexander's diaper was full of poo and pee (especially poo) so DH wasn't happy. Then it turns out the diaper had leaked some pee onto Alexander's clothing so that had to be changed as well and DH isn't confident in changing Alexander's clothes, especially bodystockings. So he was pissed and I could hear him say "Why do I have to change his clothes??!!" Ugh, I hope things soon change and it's some sort of adjustment thing DH is going through

Oh and we had a bf'ing crisis yesterday as Alexander suddenly was sucking at my breast like it was a bottle so he was getting little to no milk out Ended up pumping a couple of times but we finally got him back to sucking like he should somehow and bottles are banned until he's at least 6 weeks, preferably closer to 8 weeks. So he's getting his formula fed to him with a small cup.

 

[Angel5000]

Jezika - Oh! I'm so sorry that your DH doesn't seem very involved. Maybe after baby comes he'll be a little more interested? I have heard the same thing about the first couple months though.


Kat - I'm so sorry. I had hoped that maybe directly asking him to help would help him get involved, and that maybe he just didn't know what to do. It makes me a little irritated with the "why do I have to change...." comment because we don't live in the 1950s where women did everything for the house and the baby and men just went to work, came home and watched tv or read their newspaper or whatever.

I'm really hoping it's just an adjustment period and he didn't quite realize what this would entail but he'll adjust, and then things will get better. At least that's what I'm hoping.

How do you feed him formula with a cup? Have you tried those bottles where they say the nipples are made to imitate real breasts? I don't know if that would make it better for him but when I was looking at different options and trying to figure things out for what I'll do when I go back to work at 3 months, they make bottles that are supposed to imitate breasts and help with "nipple confusion" which can occur when switching between breast and bottle. Not sure how well that work though. Just something I read about.

 

[KatO79]

Kat - I'm so sorry. I had hoped that maybe directly asking him to help would help him get involved, and that maybe he just didn't know what to do. It makes me a little irritated with the "why do I have to change...." comment because we don't live in the 1950s where women did everything for the house and the baby and men just went to work, came home and watched tv or read their newspaper or whatever.

I'm really hoping it's just an adjustment period and he didn't quite realize what this would entail but he'll adjust, and then things will get better. At least that's what I'm hoping.

How do you feed him formula with a cup? Have you tried those bottles where they say the nipples are made to imitate real breasts? I don't know if that would make it better for him but when I was looking at different options and trying to figure things out for what I'll do when I go back to work at 3 months, they make bottles that are supposed to imitate breasts and help with "nipple confusion" which can occur when switching between breast and bottle. Not sure how well that work though. Just something I read about.

Yeah here's hoping but I don't understand how he wouldn't get what it entails, I guess I was better prepared for the work involved and he was thinking that his life could continue somewhat normally.

DH transfers the formula from a bottle (since it's just easier to warm the formula in the bottle warmer we bought) to a small plastic cup and just pours it in his mouth. Bottles generally contribute to nipple confusion when introduced too early (before about 6 weeks of breastfeeding) and potentially results in a baby preferring the bottle since it's easier for him/her to get milk out of it compared to a breast. Baby just sucks the milk out of the bottle with minimal effort while with a breast he/she needs to work harder and create an intra-oral vacuum in his/her mouth to get the milk out via a pumping action. Introducing a bottle too early can end with the baby not wanting to breastfeed anymore and either involving a struggle to get a baby to breastfeed again or just going over to bottlefeeding instead. I would think though that if you wait with using them until after those crucial 6 weeks (same goes with pacifiers btw), then the chances of nipple confusion are reduced anyway, no matter what bottle you go with. But I'm a bf'ing beginner

 

[Angel5000]

I really think that sometimes people (men or women in general, but more often men) don't quite understand what the work involved is with a baby, especially if they haven't been around a lot of infants before. I'm hoping that's your DH's case.

Thanks for the info about the bottles! I knew that introducing them early was more likely to have nipple confusion but I wasn't sure how soon or why it happened. Makes more sense now. I'll def keep that in mind! I'm learning so much from you.




AFM - I'll be 30 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe I'm 3/4 of the way through! I feel HUGE though!

And for some reason even though my pics are right side up on my end they're showing up sideways on here. Sorry!

 

[KatO79]

I really think that sometimes people (men or women in general, but more often men) don't quite understand what the work involved is with a baby, especially if they haven't been around a lot of infants before. I'm hoping that's your DH's case.

Thanks for the info about the bottles! I knew that introducing them early was more likely to have nipple confusion but I wasn't sure how soon or why it happened. Makes more sense now. I'll def keep that in mind! I'm learning so much from you.




AFM - I'll be 30 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe I'm 3/4 of the way through! I feel HUGE though!

And for some reason even though my pics are right side up on my end they're showing up sideways on here. Sorry!

That's probably true, could be DH just needs time to adjust. Here's hoping his attitude soon improves! He does have an older brother that has 2 kids but it's probably different seeing them on family occasions versus seeing them on a daily basis and what it's like to have a baby.

No problem, I'm learning as I go.

Looking good Angel, enjoy these last few weeks, they go by so quickly

Thought I'd show a few newer pics of Alexander

 

[Angel5000]

He's ADORABLE!!! Too Cute!

 

[star_e]

Kat - alexanders pics are so super cute! And thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us. I'm so sorry that DH has not been as supportive as you'd like. I can imagine how frustrating that would be bc it can be very hard to change someone's perspective. I agree with everyone else that maybe it's just an adjustment period and hope that soon enough he just realized he should help more. Are you getting more sleep now with the different feeding schedule?

Angel - your bump is so cute! I have no idea what that feels like but awwww. Congrats on the great results with your test.

Miss doc - so happy it's all going well for you too!

Jezika - how are you doing?

 

[Angel5000]

Thanks Star. Right now it's just annoyingly large. lol You'll start to have a bump soon.

 

[MissDoc]

Aww look at these sweet bumps and babies! Too much cuteness.

Can't wait til I'm showing!

 

[KatO79]

Thanks guys, yeah we think so too but then again, we're biased

Kat - alexanders pics are so super cute! And thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us. I'm so sorry that DH has not been as supportive as you'd like. I can imagine how frustrating that would be bc it can be very hard to change someone's perspective. I agree with everyone else that maybe it's just an adjustment period and hope that soon enough he just realized he should help more. Are you getting more sleep now with the different feeding schedule?

Thanks star, that's what I'm hoping as well! As for sleep not much change but I'm also the type that once I get up, I need a long time to fall asleep again unless I'm totally exhausted which I strangely enough haven't been during the night Can't seem to nap during the day as I think it's because I don't like sleeping while I'm alone with Alexander so tend to nap 1-2 times after DH gets home.

 

[Jezika]

Kat - why does DH think dressing Alexander is your job and not his? I do think (hope) my DH will be a bit more involved once Matilda arrives, since he shows a lot of interest in things like her clothing and diapering, oddly, and I'd probably guilt him into doing all those things if he was reluctant, but we did have an argument a few days ago about expectations around how much I'll be able to do around the house with a newborn. He said he doesn't want to come home from work and not get to spend time with his daughter because he has to tidy up after me. We have issues around my tidiness, you see, but I'm worried that he will give me no concession once I'm tied up with a tiny baby. I hear women barely get a moment to themselves!! Good tip of bf-ing by the way. I was also wondering what to do about nipple confusion.

Angel - cuuuute bump pic! And the next ten weeks will fly by I'm sure.

Star - bless ya for checking in. I'm good thanks, just doing my classes at school and missing being able to walk since it's so uncomfortable now. It was my only form of exercise so now I feel like my face and arms are gaining lots of weight :$ Oh, also been doing hypnobirthing classes, which I hope will help me manage any pain and anxiety a lot better. I'll still have an epidural, though. How are YOU doing?

Re: bumps, here's a bump pic from a few days ago. The weird pose is coz I sent this pic to show my mum my new boots (I had to buy all new footwear for winter because my feet grew an entire size due to the bones spreading + a bit of swelling!). I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but a month ago I was measuring a month ahead and was so, so miserable because I couldn't imagine having another two months to go. Luckily the growth has tapered off a bit and I no longer get so many comments on how big I am for my number of weeks. I think I can just about deal with all the discomfort for another 4-5 weeks, but then this baby better get out of me and let me snuggle her (and also let me roll over without feeling like I'm dying!).

 

[KatO79]

Kat - why does DH think dressing Alexander is your job and not his? I do think (hope) my DH will be a bit more involved once Matilda arrives, since he shows a lot of interest in things like her clothing and diapering, oddly, and I'd probably guilt him into doing all those things if he was reluctant, but we did have an argument a few days ago about expectations around how much I'll be able to do around the house with a newborn. He said he doesn't want to come home from work and not get to spend time with his daughter because he has to tidy up after me. We have issues around my tidiness, you see, but I'm worried that he will give me no concession once I'm tied up with a tiny baby. I hear women barely get a moment to themselves!! Good tip of bf-ing by the way. I was also wondering what to do about nipple confusion.

I have no idea I think he just hates doing stuff he isn't very good at, you don't want to know the reaction I got when I told him that it's good for him to practice then. I'm not perfect at getting clothes on him either but am getting better. Actually it annoys me more that when he has to console Alexander and if it doesn't happen within 5-10 minutes, he looses his temper and starts stomping around the house with him and saying in an angry voice "Shut up" I get so enfuriated when he does that I've tried telling him it's better to put him down and take his frustration elsewhere but to no avail. Wow your DH sounds bad in other ways I can tell you that when you're bf'ing (which you'll be doing every 2-4 hours) and taking care of a newborn, you'll have limited time to do housework so probably best to not expect to have a perfectly tidy house, especially the first weeks when you're adjusting.

Re: bumps, here's a bump pic from a few days ago. The weird pose is coz I sent this pic to show my mum my new boots (I had to buy all new footwear for winter because my feet grew an entire size due to the bones spreading + a bit of swelling!). I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but a month ago I was measuring a month ahead and was so, so miserable because I couldn't imagine having another two months to go. Luckily the growth has tapered off a bit and I no longer get so many comments on how big I am for my number of weeks. I think I can just about deal with all the discomfort for another 4-5 weeks, but then this baby better get out of me and let me snuggle her (and also let me roll over without feeling like I'm dying!).

Great pic! Lucky you that had an excuse to buy new shoes, wish I'd been as lucky As is I only got to get new clothes but kept it to 2 pairs of maternity pants and 5 maternity t-shirts (plus a dress since we had to go to a wedding when I was about 32 weeks along). Sorry you've been so uncomfortable, I know I had increasing discomfort those last weeks, especially the heartburn and back pain where killing me Ugh I hate bump comments, it's so silly because everyone carries differently so there's no "big for number of weeks" really

 

[star_e]

Jezika - absolutely gorgeous picture! I love the bump pics! I have no idea what that feels like. I'm sure it's uncomfortable but awwwww. I hope the discomfort does not increase these next few weeks. Please do share what you will do to manage pain. How do they decide when to give the epidural? I don't know anything about the birthing process. Is it given at a specific time?

Afm - i have another scan tomorrow and if all is well I graduate from the fertility clinic. Thought that was happening last week but it turns out it's this week I was confused. I still have no morning sickness at all. None. The only symptoms I have are tiredness and increased hunger.

I know we've talked about this a bit earlier. But did all of you have MS? It's not like I want to feel sick but I've heard that's a sign that all is well.