Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[Angel5000]

I only have one more day of work this week and then I get the rest of hte week off! Yay! I'm so excited. Of course that will make the next 3 full weeks after Thanksgiving (before Christmas break) extremely long. I can't believe how close we are to December, which means how close I am to being less than a month away from baby!


Kat - ugh, I agree, you should unfriend them. Not worth having them on your social media where you have the potential to see that stuff.

As for your DH, I have the same Q as Jezika - what exactly does he think his contribution to parenting should be? The "why is it my job to...." comment makes me so angry because parenting is a dual job, not just yours because you're the woman. And you have every right to a little "you" time!


Jezika - Thanks! I'll look into hypnobirthing. I've never heard of it before but I like to look at new things!

MissDoc - As of a little over a year ago I went no contract with my dad's side of the family. It makes me sad that my daughter won't know her grandfather or all the rest of the family but decided the toxic relationship(s), abuse, and narcissism was not healthy for myself, my child, or my family. Our LO will have us, and my sister and her family, and my mom, and we decided that it's just better that way. It's sad that you had to go "no contact" but I'm encouraged to hear that I'm not hte only one who has had to make these kinds of decisions.

 

[star_e]

I have a lot to catch up on here. Will do that tomorrow. Just wanted to update you all and say my NT scan went well. We passed all the tests. The LO is doing great.

 

[KatO79]

Angel sorry you have toxic family as well. My toxics are narcissists as well, my most toxic brother is even a malignant narcissist As for DH I don't know, apparently as little as possible. Don't know if he feels he's been to work all day and feels he wants to unwind after. Don't think me staying home is considered work since I'm not being payed. He's going to be gone 2 nights in a row this week since Thursday he's going to a concert and Friday is the company Christmas lunch. Oh and at first he agreed to watch Alexander so I can go to the hairdresser but now his parents will come by and watch him instead. Although his parents are a lot more helpful and constantly offer to e.g. get Alexander to stop crying and sleep so I actually get breaks when they're here that are guilt trip free to boot

 

[Angel5000]

Kat - Yeah, toxic sucks. But, at least we are in good company. lol.

Sorry DH bailed on watching Alexander, but at least his parents are more helpful.

 

[KatO79]

Kat - Yeah, toxic sucks. But, at least we are in good company. lol.

Sorry DH bailed on watching Alexander, but at least his parents are more helpful.

Yeah that's true!

Thanks and yes it's great they're more helpful. They're coming today so going to enjoy their help. Also looking forward to getting my hair cut as it's been almost 3 months since last time

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Angel I'm so sorry about the toxic family.. I can relate as some of mine is too. My older sister (she's the middle sister) is very toxic and very uppy. She didn't have me in her wedding because I was too fat and would mess up the aesthetics.

Sometimes even though they are blood family, they aren't always the best people to be around..

 

[KatO79]

Gagrlinpitt so true and sorry about your sister. She sounds like a narcissist/NPD.

AFM got my hair cut yesterday DH's parents were pretty helpful which was great. Although they were very into me eating more. I just don't get the time as it's like Alexander either wants boob or needs help to sleep and during the day he won't sleep in his lift So when I do get food I have to juggle making and eating it while holding him. I dread tomorrow when DH is away all day and night as he's going to the company Christmas lunch right from work since it starts 2 PM and first ends at 11 PM

 

[star_e]

Kat glad the haircut went well! You deserve a happy dance! Yea!

i hope everyone is having a good day today and just wanted to say thanks for all the support on hear. I am so thankful to have this amazing thread in which to learn and support each other.

 

[Angel5000]

Hope everyone (in the US) had a lovely Thanksgiving! We were with my sister and her family, and her husband's parents and grandparents joined us. It was a nice day, though busy/tiring with 4 kids, and my sister and I (and my husband) doing most of the cooking. Thankfully we pre-prepped a lot of stuff which helped.

Gagrl - ugh that's awful! Sometimes people are horrible!

Kat - Good luck with DH being gone for so long. Sounds like it will be hard to juggle. I hope you're able to get things calmed down soon. Do try to make sure you take care of yourself too.

 

[star_e]

Not sure if I asked this already. I don't think so. I've read that I'm supposed to be sleeping on my left side. And not supposed to sleep on back. Sleeping on one side is very hard. Is it okay to also sleep on right side? I will avoid the bac but it would be nice if left and right side is okay.

 

[KatO79]

star I don't think it matters so much with which side you sleep on, I alternated sides through the nights as laying on one side through the night got more uncomfortable the further along I got. I think they only say left is a bit better because of blood flow to the placenta? But I don't think that it's absolutely vital so feel free to sleep on your right side if you feel like it. I did and my son is perfectly fine! I think you should first avoid your back when you're further along, something about baby + uterus pressing on a vein which can be bad. I did however end up sleeping on my back occasionally (mostly did it in my sleep), even at 8-9 months (although it got more uncomfortable so happened more sporadically and would lay like that for extremly short amounts of time), and nothing ever happened. I'd say that if you don't feel ill doing it, it's probably fine but maybe try to avoid doing it as much as possible.

Thanks Angel, it ended up being a bit of a nightmare though Alexander was impossible to get to sleep (he's still like that today) so my day and night went with alternating between bf'ing and trying to get him to sleep with varying degrees of success. Was looking forward to DH coming home around 11 PM so he could help me but he came home wasted He did nothing but barf and sleep on the couch and then he slept all night in the bed snoring away. Was afraid of how he might flail around in his sleep so moved Alexander's lift so I was laying between them. Thankfully he's making up a bit for it now though!

 

[Angel5000]

Star - I don't think the side matters too much. I flip between sides at night. Not sleeping on your back is more important as you move through second tri and later. My massage therapist continued to do massage on my back up through 16 weeks, and most of my exercise (prenatal) dvd's didn't tell me to stop doing floor work on my back until 16-20 weeks. The back bit is because the weight of the baby can start to weigh on your artery and can make you feel dizzy/sick (which I found out the hard way at the dentist when they laid me back too far). You'll know when you are too far along to lay on your back because it will be uncomfortable and you won't feel well doing it. You can sleep on either side, and honestly if you need to, you can lay on your back if you are partially propped up so there isn't weight directly on that artery. I sometimes can't sleep on my side because my hips hurt too bad so I prop myself up a little and sleep on my back.


Kat - So sorry to hear about how awful everything was!! Hope your DH is making up for it in a big way because that sounds terrible! I get really PO'd when adults get so smashed they are throwing up and passed out and can't handle themselves and then add in that there's an infant to care for and I get really annoyed. I guess i Just feel like you had time to act crazy before, but as an adult I don't appreciate when people get so drunk they are unable to handle it. That also comes from having an alcoholic for a dad and my ex was an alcoholic and would get so smashed he'd be out for over a day. Anyway, hope he's helping out to make up for it and maybe you can get a little rest!

 

[KatO79]

Kat - So sorry to hear about how awful everything was!! Hope your DH is making up for it in a big way because that sounds terrible! I get really PO'd when adults get so smashed they are throwing up and passed out and can't handle themselves and then add in that there's an infant to care for and I get really annoyed. I guess i Just feel like you had time to act crazy before, but as an adult I don't appreciate when people get so drunk they are unable to handle it. That also comes from having an alcoholic for a dad and my ex was an alcoholic and would get so smashed he'd be out for over a day. Anyway, hope he's helping out to make up for it and maybe you can get a little rest!

Unfortunately getting drunk at Christmas luncheons seems to be a part of the culture here I think drinking alcohol at celebrations and large get togethers is just the thing here and if you don't drink, people think you're weird. I still remember politely declining wine at my IL's get together back in June (I think?) when DH's aunt asked and she kept on saying "But can't people drink some wine while pregnant?" and I told her I'm sure some do but I've chosen to abstain (other than maybe the occasional sip here and there) and she was hard to get to stop with pressuring me. But yeah DH should've not gotten that drunk or at least gotten drunk early and then started to sober up later in the evening so he would come home reasonably sober So sorry about having an alcoholic dad, that must've been terrible

 

[Angel5000]

Unfortunately getting drunk at Christmas luncheons seems to be a part of the culture here I think drinking alcohol at celebrations and large get togethers is just the thing here and if you don't drink, people think you're weird. I still remember politely declining wine at my IL's get together back in June (I think?) when DH's aunt asked and she kept on saying "But can't people drink some wine while pregnant?" and I told her I'm sure some do but I've chosen to abstain (other than maybe the occasional sip here and there) and she was hard to get to stop with pressuring me. But yeah DH should've not gotten that drunk or at least gotten drunk early and then started to sober up later in the evening so he would come home reasonably sober So sorry about having an alcoholic dad, that must've been terrible

I know in some places it's a big part of the culture. I just get a little baffled by the decision to get smashing drunk. I mean, we (my family/friends) like to drink but it's always in moderation. I think it's kind of crazy that even with all the research out there about not drinking during pregnancy some people still encourage it. I've been told that some isn't an issue, but I've worked with a lot of kids with FAS and I couldn't drink, even though I know it takes a LOT of alcohol to cause FAS. I've had a couple sips here and there to try something but very small sips to the point where even my sister was giggling about my version of a "sip". LoL.

Yeah, the dad thing sucked. Honestly, most of the time it wasn't an issue except that he'd get overly emotional and sentimental and it was the only time he'd say he loved us, etc. It made my sister and I resent him showing any affection because it was almost always motivated by alcohol (and made it hard for us to show affection for awhile). Then later in life (after we were teens) something flipped and he became angry/violent when he drank. Not sure what changed, but either way large amounts of alcohol bring back not so pleasant recollections.

 

[Buckeyegirl86]

I will be 30 next month. We have had two miscarriages and have been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years. Dr. has diagnosed me with unexplained infertility. I have two genetic mutations which cause me to have a miscarriage. Which can be treated by medications. Good luck, best wishes, and baby dust to all of you ladies!

 

[star_e]

Kat - so sorry about DH. That's really tough. Hopefully there aren't anymore luncheons coming up. And I'm glad you said he was making up for it. Always have my fx that you get some good sleep.

Angel - when you get masssges now are you on your side? And I'm sorry to hear about your dad. that must have been hard. Also hope the pain you had been feeling has gone down some.

 

[Angel5000]

Welcome Buckeyegirl! I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. Before we conceived this pregnancy we had been trying 14 months and I had 2 miscarriages as well. My doctor referred us to a specialist who determined that I had low progesterone which was causing miscarriages. I'm sorry to hear about your mutations, but that's great that they can be treated by medications. Have you been able to start treatments yet?

Welcome to our group. We have a lovely group of ladies here. I've been with this group for a very long time (since sometime mid 2015 I think? I can't even remember) and these ladies have been a lifesaver.

 

[Angel5000]

Angel - when you get masssges now are you on your side? And I'm sorry to hear about your dad. that must have been hard. Also hope the pain you had been feeling has gone down some.

Sorry star, we must have posted at the same time. I am on my side when we do massages now. It's been on my side since about 16-20 weeks-ish. They put lots of pillows for me to lounge on and prop my leg on. It's really comfortable actually, even though the first couple times it was really awkward to get used to since I'm used to the typical "on stomach/back" massages.

 

[Jezika]

Star - you're at 12 weeks! Yay! Remind me, are you announcing / have you announced? As for sleeping, I had heard about the best side being the left too, but I've mainly slept on my right. It's just more comfortable for some reason. I've also heard that it's extremely unlikely to actually make a discernible difference, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Kat - eesh... I hope you have been able to get some rest since.

Angel - ditto on the alcoholic dad. I love him to bits and he's been sober for many years now, but my goodness was life miserable when he was drinking. I've not touched alcohol during pregnancy either. I have a friend who on a couple of occasions had several glasses of wine because she'd heard it was okay but has felt remarkably guilty since her baby was born after hearing that even small amounts of alcohol can cause things like anxiety, depression and behavioural problems later in the child's life, even though it's not FAS. I don't think the research is solid on that yet, but I thought it best to play it safe anyway.

Buckeyegirl - welcome and so sorry to hear about your MCs. Are you undergoing treatments as of recently? If so, hopefully that means you get your BFP very soon!

 

[KatO79]

Welcome Buckeyegirl86, sos sorry about your m/c's but here's hoping you soon get your sticky BFP

Angel wow, so odd that alcohol affected him differently later and unfortunately in a more negative direction. So sorry you went through that I admit in my youth (wow, did I really write that) I did have a tendency to get drunk and occasionaly even very drunk so I'd even have blackouts Thinking about it now, I think it was a way to cope with the dysfunction I was experiencing at home with a toxic mother, toxic brother and a clueless enabler father that was very senile by the time I was 15-16 years old. Haven't really gotten drunk since last New Years and now that I've been working on myself, I don't feel interested in getting drunk anymore. All alcohol consumption will be moderate and to enjoy the taste (I enjoy especially wine, mostly white wines, but also enjoy the occasional whisky). Now that I have a child I guess that getting drunk is out of the question anyway Unfortunately DH hasn't gotten that yet although I'm hoping it was a one time thing and he'll be more careful in the future.

Which leads me to star: nope, no more luncheons although he was at one point talking about us having one for friends but think he's dropped it (at least I'm hoping he has!). As for getting good sleep I think that that won't happen until Alexander can sleep through the night or at least only needs to feed once and hopefully for shorter than his normal 30-45 minutes plus him falling faster asleep than the sometimes 30 minutes it takes now. So yeah, looking forward to him being a bit older when it comes to my sleep. I do nap here and there but it's not always possible and I've often tried feeling super tired and needing a nap but Alexander being difficult so not being able to nap until later and often by then I dopn't feel as tired for some reason so can't. I do get lucky sometimes and that I can nap while Alexander sleeps but that often requires me holding him so we nap together. I prop my arm that's supporting his head and most of him on a pile of 2 pillows and then have a pillow on the top of the back of the sofa and sleep that way. Although I knew chances of me moving or accidently falling on top of him were super minimal as I never have kicked my cat out of the bed even when she's sleeping right up my leg/foot.

BTW was at my first Mommy group and seems it's a nice group of ladies but time will tell for sure. Funny enough all 5 of us have boys We're going to create a FB group as well so we can better communicate so if someone has a question they want to ask everyone, then everyone can see what the others have answered and answer accordingly. We're all meeting again next week on Wednesday and are hoping to meet once a week.