Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[Angel5000]

Oh Kat, that's awful. I know that you don't have the greatest family, especially in terms of support, so I know that you don't have a lot of people to lean on. I hope your in laws were able to help you. I also hope that your in laws are able to realize that your DH is not being helpful and maybe they can be some help. Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't packed up and gone to stay with a friend or your in laws or someone who could help you more than your DH. . . but then again I'm a complete B* at times so that might be out of line for other people. It just makes me feel so awful that your DH is being an ass and isn't helping and is treating you so poorly. You and Alexander should be the priority.


PSamuel - So sorry about your cycle. It is really true that your body may change cycle to cycle. Especially if you haven't been off bcp for awhile (I can't remember, sorry). It took me about 10 months after we started TTC and I stopped BC before I started having cycles that weren't 100% different every time. They are never exactly the same, but at least they were a little more "normalish" after that.


cutestuff - Yeah, I teach high school. With little kids it can be harder because there isn't a definite period off, but on the other hand because you have the same kids all day it can sometimes be easier to do things like pump because you get recess, lunch, and "specials" (time when kids are with PE, music, art, etc). Unfortunately I get one time during the day when I don't have kids and lunch, and my time off happens to fall during the lunch period. It's nice in that I get what we call "super lunch" (my 50 minute prep period plus the 30 minute lunch) but it's all backed up together, so I can't even use those to pump at 2 different times of the day.

Getting 3 breaks in the day would be borderline impossible. Our classes are 50 minutes, I have class starting at 7:30am, and don't get a break until 11. Then lunch at 11:50 - 12:15. So I have ONE big chunk of time when I'm without students, 11 - 12:15. Classes end at 2:15, the earliest I could pump after that is 2:30 (I stay at school until at least 3:30 to help students with after school tutorials/help). To get another break or two in the day would require me giving up almost half of a class period (between getting my stuff, going to another part of teh building where I could pump in private, then pumping, then packing it back up and returning ot my room) which means my HS kids aren't learning even half the material they have to. And someone would have to cover my class during that time.... I'm going to talk to some other HS teachers and see what they did.


Unfortunately the stuff that other jobs get to do doesn't apply to us. It's just like being on Mat leave. The parents are mad at me because their kids "might not be learning as much " because I'm not there (the sub isn't a math certified teacher). I get a lot of backlash. People don't respect teachers and we are just expected to put our families and our children on the back burner for other people's kids. It's bull, honestly. I love my job but things like this make me frustrated. Even the tips people give about how to pump or whatever at work are not applicable in any way to my job.

There's a good chance I'll end up significantly reducing BF when I go back to work to only BF in the evening/night. And if I do that I'll actually attempt to start that schedule a few weeks before I return to work because then I won't have as hard of a transition. I hate the idea, but at least I will be able to say I tried to BF for a couple months.



Star - That was exactly my problem - waking up in the middleo f the night and couldn't go back to sleep at all. I'd lay awake and stare at the ceiling for HOURS and would usually fall back asleep just about 30 minutes before my alarm went off. That's why dr told me start taking the tylonel pm so I could get some rest. I still woke up several times a night but I was able to go back to sleep again afterwards. I made hte mistake of taking 2 the first night because the box says 1-2 and tylonel usually is so bad at helping me with pain I didn't realize tylonel pm would be so strong. I almost couldn't get up for work the next day. Then I started taking 1 and after a few days was actually only taking 1/2 a pill because it's still strong enough to help me.

So glad that you are OUT of that apartment with the mold! Hope the results come back that it isn't dangerous.

 

[KatO79]

star thanks yeah it was great to have him sleep for that long after he'd been semi-sleep deprived for about 24 hours I don't think babies this age sleep for much longer than that. As for bf'ing I only pump when DH and I are planning a few hours away from Alexander so my ILs can feed him without having to give him formula. I hate pumping though even though my pump is comfortable enough (a single electric Philips Avent) so have to start about 72 hours before we have to hand him over since I don't want to pump after every feed to have enough for those 5-8 hours, especially not in the middle of the night Mostly it isn't necessary to pump if you're going to be a SAHM unless you want to build up a freezer stash of milk. Some also pump to increase their supply, that's what I had to do at first because Alexander and I had difficulties in the beginning so he would get what I pumped out and then supplemented with formula until my supply was where it should be. If you're going to skip a few feeds then I'd pump just before that as you otherwise risk getting engorged which is very uncomfortable and bad for your breasts if it happens too often. Last time for those 8 hours I was away from Alexander (I'd literally just pumped before leaving him with my ILs), I was starting to get a bit uncomfortable before we got back to him. Just to give you a feel for what it's like to not feed or pump for a few hours because I'm sure it varies a bit depending on how much your baby feeds and what your production is like. Glad that your getting away from that apartment!

Oh Kat, that's awful. I know that you don't have the greatest family, especially in terms of support, so I know that you don't have a lot of people to lean on. I hope your in laws were able to help you. I also hope that your in laws are able to realize that your DH is not being helpful and maybe they can be some help. Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't packed up and gone to stay with a friend or your in laws or someone who could help you more than your DH. . . but then again I'm a complete B* at times so that might be out of line for other people. It just makes me feel so awful that your DH is being an ass and isn't helping and is treating you so poorly. You and Alexander should be the priority.

Even if my Mom was supportive, she's not tech savvy at all so she can't figure out how to use a GPS to get here. Plus she's pushing 80 and her eyesight is getting bad so she refuses to drive once it's dark. But being toxic, not tech savvy and not bothering to learn the route the 3-4 times she's been driven here just shows how much she cares. I actually thought she'd be a bit more involved since Alexander is a boy and she favours boys but nope, not really. She buys him a lot of stuff though My siblings (the most toxic and least toxic of them) live in the US anyway so not like they can help anyway As for my ILs I don't think they totally see it as DH seems more involved when they're watching. At least my DH has improved, I'm thinking once Alexander starts crawling/walking and talking he'll get more interested. But it's still making me think we'll probably not be TTCing #2 or if we do it'll be NTNP as DH was more inclined to having only 1 child. Given what we went through to have Alexander, I'm also super grateful to have him and I think I would find happiness in just having him if that's the way things end up being.

 

[cutestuff]

Angel that's stupid and hard about the pumping but even going once a day will be fine and you will figure it out. Like I said don't pump at home cause the suction of baby and suction of the pump are different so your supply will change regardless if you don't let your boobs get used to it
Kat I forgot about your family issues. That stinks that you don't really have anyone and honestly my dh was a dick at first too because he didn't know how to help. I hope things get easier for you
For all you mommies in waiting here's looking at you and here's hoping 2017 brings some new and extra sticky bfps

 

[Angel5000]

(sorry in advance for the long update)
Just came from my appointment. After talking to doctor she suggested that I consider going back onto my anti-depressant that I was taking prior to pregnancy. She said the one that I was on before is safe for pregnancy, and especially fine now that I'm less than 2 weeks away from delivery, and is 100% safe for BF. She doesn't usually push meds, in fact she told me it was perfectly okay with her if I didn't want to do it. But, I have SADD and struggle significantly in the winter here (when I lived in Texas I was fine but since moving back to Washington, I do not handle winter well at all), and based on our conversation regarding sleep, and the amount of crying I've been doing in the last few days, she's concerned, particularly about postpartum. I've been really great emotionally all pregnancy but now it's getting to a point where it would be worth looking into because the meds take a few weeks to kick in, if I'm already on it now it'll be better if I end up in a bad place post-birth. And, knowing my own past mental stability, I suspect I'll need it, at least through the winter. I usually do really well in summer/spring/fall but a northern winter is very bad for me. Prior to TTC I had actually used herbal remedies (St. Johns Wart with other stuff) and those were sufficient and worked well, but those are dangerous for pregnancy and dangerous for BF, so it's actually safer for me to be on the sertraline instead of the St. Johns Wart until I'm done BF.

She's having me start half pills on the lowest dose until after baby comes, so it'll just start to build up. I'm okay with that. I know my limitations emotionally and mentally and I know that I need to be emotionally stable to care for my baby.


In positive news: she said that the nausea I'm having, plus the extreme emotional stuff is a sign I'm close to labor. She offered to do a check and "stir the pot a little" (Membrane sweep is what I think she was doing, lol). I agreed because I was curious as to how my cervix looked. I'm 50% effaced and she said my cervix is 3cm dilated on the outside and 1.5cm on the inside. I didn't realize you could be two different dilations, but whatever. She said it looks good. And told me to drink lots of red raspberry leaf tea to help things along (I love having an actual doctor who still encourages herbal and natural solutions!). I told her I'm already drinking 2-3 cups a day and said she thinks it's working and to keep it up

She does NOT induce patients unless they are way overdue, she's not a fan of inducing unless there's a strong medical need, so theoretically I could go to 41+3 before she'd induce but she suspects I won't need it.

 

[Jezika]

Eek, I'm still so behind on this thread but will try to keep more up to date!

To answer your question, Kat, you're right that what I was experiencing was baby blues and not PPD but I was concerned it was going that way just because it seemed so novel to me. Thankfully, it seems to have lifted.

Angel, relatedly, its probably a great idea to go back on the meds if you're already predisposed to depression. Even the normal amount of sadness was pretty horrible for me. So excited about your baby coming any day now! Sounds like it'll be really soon! What's your birth plan looking like btw?

Gtg coz Tilly crying, but love to everyone else.

 

[KatO79]

Angel I hope the medicine helps! Hope you don't develop PPD although it's probably hard to not get "baby blues" as I think most women experience it to some degree. Would the medicine help you get through that?

Jezika glad to hear it wasn't PPD and that it's starting to go away Yeah it took me by surprise too but it's apparently normal to be feeling baby blues because of your hormones and the change. My health care provider who tested me for PPD recently was actually glad that I was experiencing some negative feelings as not scoring in that way at all would of concerned her more.

cutestuff thanks and glad to hear I'm not the only one with a DH that turned from a Dr. Jekyll into a Mr. Hyde since baby arrived. When would you say he improved and stopped being such an a**hole? Because while mine has slightly improved, he's still really annoying me at times with his insensitivity and at times lacking in being helpful.

Speaking of my DH he did it again during the night I was frustrated because Alexander was waking up every 1½-2 hours to be fed (he normally goes 3-4 hours between feeds at night) so was getting extremely little sleep I was going crazy and was upset and my DH's response? "I need my sleep!" which he said 2 times in the most nasty/cutting manner He also got annoyed when Alexander was crying when I was having problems getting him to sleep at one point and started whinning about going upstairs to sleep on the couch - I mean he was literally whinning in this annoying voice like he was going to cry. I told him "Go ahead! What did you exactly think having a baby was going to be like??!!" No response and he just went back to sleep. Geez I don't know how much more I can take, he doesn't seem to care what I say, he just keeps on being a jerk and mostly at the worst times when I need his support the most

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Angel I really hope the meds help. So exciting baby is coming so soon.

Kat my heart aches for you.. I couldn't even imagine being in your shoes. You are a strong woman.

AFM I'm sorry for the rant that's about to insue, today I've been feeling really down and emotional. Im already overweight and I feel fat and ugly and just not beautiful at all. My dh took a 12 week bump picture of me last night with the chalkboard I made and after seeing the picture I'm too embarrassed to post it anywhere because I feel like it makes me look like an ugly, fat, slob (even though I know it really doesn't).. Pregnancy hormones are sure surging today. So I woke up at around 4am and couldn't go back to sleep so I ordered a plus size maternity swim suit as I got cleared to start swimming again three days a week and I'm determined to keep my weight down and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

 

[cutestuff]

Kat it's really hard to say cause he is sometimes still a dick but I noticed once we had a routine even as simple as when dd gets her bath and goes to bed he started to mellow out. I doubt many women would admit the biggest change of their lives after baby wasn't baby but their dh or so. I also noticed when I told him I was getting stressed and anxious with his a holiness and that didn't help calm down dd he started trying to calm down and honestly some of it was me so once I went back to Zumba I got a chance to just be me. It's a process.
Garling I remember those feelings but if I could tell the pregnant me one thing looking back it's that growing baby is hard work and who cares what you look like. You are doing work right now that is hard and stressful and just be happy you and lo are healthy and things are progressing nicely.
Afm the status quo is the same here just watching dd walk around and tell the space heater it's hot. So much fun

 

[KatO79]

Kat it's really hard to say cause he is sometimes still a dick but I noticed once we had a routine even as simple as when dd gets her bath and goes to bed he started to mellow out. I doubt many women would admit the biggest change of their lives after baby wasn't baby but their dh or so. I also noticed when I told him I was getting stressed and anxious with his a holiness and that didn't help calm down dd he started trying to calm down and honestly some of it was me so once I went back to Zumba I got a chance to just be me. It's a process.

Problem is whenever I confront my DH he gets defensive. Sometimes he'll even claim he didn't say something when I'm 100% sure he did so don't know if he forgets it as soon as it's out or what because we've never had that issue before baby. DH's solution to my sleep problem is just give Alexander formula instead at night but I don't want to do that since I'm sure it'll negatively impact my milk production and I don't think I'm saving much time anyway. The real problem is getting Alexander to sleep again a lot of the time because if he suddenly awakes after feeding, he's a nightmare to get back to sleep again. Plus if giving formula was going to help it would require him giving it and letting me sleep but he doesn't want to give up 1 precious hour of his sleep so guess we're at an impass

 

[Jezika]

Kat, I don't know how you do it, even without the DH issues. Right now I'm the one whining about sleep in the middle of the night, and that's with DH doing all the diaper changes through the night and being quite supportive when I get exasperated. I'm hoping it's just because I'm still really fatigued from the whole low haemoglobin thing. In any case, I'll have to be the one that does everything once DH goes back to work next week, and he definitely will need his sleep. He also probably won't be able to help with soothing Tilly when she wakes up and cries after a feeding for no apparent reason. So I think I'll be able to relate to some of your troubles pretty soon. I have a list of things to attempt to soothe her (rock her, vibrate her gently, stroke her face, sing to her...) but getting out of bed and doing those at 4am in addition to feeding, diaper changes and having my breast become engorged and leak every 1.5-2 hours almost makes me want to cry. But as you said, what did we expect?

Gag - you're at 12 weeks, yay! Have you announced yet? If not, what are your plans? Also, I hear ya on the physical stuff. It's still bothering me now, and it hit home last night when we had friends around and we watched our wedding video from 2014 and my friends were all like, "wow you looked sooo good!" They were all in the wedding, btw, so what they were inadvertently commenting on was how different I looked back then compared to now... coz now may face is round and podgy I hope breastfeeding helps me lose weight (I mainly care about my face) but I do have to remind myself that the changes my body has gone through are totally worth it when I think of my daughter. In my more positive moments I'm able reject the pressure to look a certain way and can acknowledge that the body simply changes with pregnancy and that it doesn't devalue me in any way. I refuse to obsess over it and exert time and energy trying to look like I did before and will focus instead on Tilly (though I will say it's hard to maintain this attitude, especially when all my close friends are childless and look like models). I am sure you're beautiful just the way you are. And why wouldn't you be? You're carrying life

 

[Angel5000]

After yesterday's sweep I had a lot of bleeding at first (even some looking like "clots" which scared me at first but then it tapered down to almost nothing by evening which doctor said was fine). Now just having a little brownish spotting today which again doctor said to expect. I think I'm losing or lost my mucus plug this morning because (TMI!) when I went to the bathroom and wiped was a large glob of stretchy mucousy stuff. It was definitely blood tinged and I can't be sure if it was actually "bloody show" or just part of the plug and the blood part is still a side effect of the sweep (since doctor said that could take a couple days to finish spotting).

I just got off the phone with HR though and am a little annoyed. Since doctor had me go out a week early, I was planning to just input that as sick leave and keep my FMLA dates the same, but HR said I can't do that. Since it was doctor ordered they shifted my FMLA leave dates. The reason this sucks is that now my return date for mat leave is a week earlier - and that annoys me because it's one less week with baby. It's actually 2 weeks less, honestly, because the week I was supposed to return is spring break, and because that's a part of my normal allowed vacation time that wouldn't count against me and I'd be back to being a paid employee but would return the week after.

On the other hand....it means I will go back to work for a week and then we have spring break the very next week so I will have a week of adjustment, then a week off to recooperate (I'll need it!) and figure out what changes I need to make before going back full time hard core. So maybe it is better this way. Either way I've been on the phone with HR most of the day and I'm exhausted from it all.


Jezika - Yeah, I think it was a good idea to start the meds now to circumvent some more serious PPD. Honestly, I'm really very relaxed about the whole birth plan thing. I'm very much a "go with the flow" kind of person and most of the things I would want are things my hospital already does (like immediate skin to skin contact, waiting for cord to stop pulsing etc). In terms of pain management I'm really open to whatever my body needs, so I've basically said if I decide I can't handle it I want the pain meds but I'm going to see if I can do it without. Like I said, I'm really set to just "go with the flow". I trust my doctor extensively and I know that she wouldn't recommend any procedure that I don't need, and she always gives me multiple options and the pros/cons of each so I can make an informed decision so I figure I'll just go from there. lol.


Kat - yes the meds would help me through the "baby blues" as they are an anti-depressant designed to help alter moods by working with the hormones in your body. I'm sure I'll still have some emotional time but it will be lessened, and easier to manage. And because I'm predispositioned to depression, the "baby blues" could easily become a more serious thing and harder for me to recover from without help so this will sort of help "take the edge off" (i'm on a very low dose).

As for your DH, he clearly had no idea what having a baby was going to do to your lives. I mean, did he really expect he was going to be sleeping regularly and nothin was going to change? Ugh!


Gagrl - I'm so sorry you feel that way right now. It's really hard to be pregnant and deal with the weight issues. Good luck swimming! I know that going ot the gym during my early pregnancy was hard, but it really helped me keep weight under control and helped me feel better about myself. I knew I was still gaining weight (PUT THE SCALE AWAY AND NEVER LOOK AT IT AGAIN! ) and getting bigger, obviously, but I FELT better knowing I was at least exercising.

 

[KatO79]

Jezika glad that your DH is helping out at night. Mine did that when he had his first 3 weeks of paternity leave (he's taking his last weeks starting in June I think) and will often do it on Friday and Saturday nights plus helping to get Alexander back to sleep. But yeah, it can be a nightmare when you're alone, especially if your baby isn't one of the ones that just falls asleep once you put her back in her crib/cradle. I was going totally nuts last night while already being extremly sleep deprived that I only had the cheap cover diapers left (they're an absolute pain to get on and all my good ones where in the wash) and not only that, I wasn't paying attention because I was exhausted beyong belief so Alexander peed all over his changing dresser and a lot of pee ended up soaking into his clothes so had to both wrestle with getting the crappy cover diaper on with inserts plus get the peed on clothes off and then getting new clothes on Alexander which he hates And of course washing the pee off the changing dresser.

Angel nope apparently not which is crazy but guess he felt that since taking care of Alexander at night would be solely my job Sunday-Thursday nights that he'd be getting his sleep covered. Which doesn't always happen as sometimes Alexander will cry when fighting his sleep. Although now I do take a perverse delight in a way when that happens because it wakes DH up and disturbs his sleep A bit bad of me because poor Alexander.... So sorry about your maternity dates being changed but yeah, maybe it's better that way? FXed your baby is soon here

 

[JoJazie]

Kat I wonder if you DH will change once Alexander finds a better sleep routine? I'm sure it doesn't help his mood if he's tired. It's no excuse of course, but I'm just hoping that in time he'll find his "dad legs" and the routine will help him adjust. You're doing amazingly, and I'm sure Alexander appreciates your efforts.

Angel I hope the mess help sooner rather than later. You know your body best so best to prevent things getting worse so that you can have a wonderful post partum meet and get to know you time with baby when the time is right.

 

[KatO79]

Kat I wonder if you DH will change once Alexander finds a better sleep routine? I'm sure it doesn't help his mood if he's tired. It's no excuse of course, but I'm just hoping that in time he'll find his "dad legs" and the routine will help him adjust. You're doing amazingly, and I'm sure Alexander appreciates your efforts.

Perhaps although DH's tiredness is also partly his own doing as he on weekdays often chooses to go to bed at 11 PM and has to get up at latest 7 AM, sometimes he'll go to bed as late as 1-2 AM As for Alexander's sleep, I don't think he'll sleep for longer hours until he's eating more solid food routinely (think breast milk is digested after about 90 minutes) and he can first start experimenting with mushes/porridges when he's 4 months at earliest (so in about 1 month) although I think around 6 months is a bit more normal It all depends on when he starts showing an interest in what we're eating, then he can start trying some mush.

Luckily I've caught up on some sleep last night since DH took over getting Alexander to sleep after I've bf'ed him which he does every Friday and Saturday nights. I also think the fact that I recently called him ridiculously sleep deprived and completely out of it and crying hysterically got him to pull himself a bit more together. I told him point blank that getting that sleep deprived makes it hard for me to handle Alexander and I can't be the mother I want to be for him (since I know a certain amount of sleep deprivation is unavoidable, especially since I'm bf'ing). So FXed!

 

[Ele3085]

Hi Holly ,

We have been trying since August 2015 , with all the girls I know getting pregnant around me and I still have no baby belly : * ( . I see you got your precious angel , how long did you try before you had luck , any tips/tricks or suggestions?

 

[JoJazie]

Kat wow he listened?! Yay! It's a small step, but then so was the last one. I'm so pleased to hear he is helping out on those Fridays and Saturdays. Like I said, small step, but a good step..

 

[KatO79]

Kat wow he listened?! Yay! It's a small step, but then so was the last one. I'm so pleased to hear he is helping out on those Fridays and Saturdays. Like I said, small step, but a good step..

Yeah but it's sad that I had to have an emotional and physical breakdown before he listened As for those Friday and Saturday nights he's been doing that for a while albeit with the occasional complaint

He annoyed me just now though because I powered through a play session with Alexander on the bed and for the first time he consciously grabbed something (a bunny rattle) and I tried showing DH but he just said in an annoyed voice "Geez I just fell asleep!" before turning over to sleep more I asked him when he was awake why did he want a baby if his sleep is so important but he brushed me off and said I was being silly and to quit it God I give up, not going to tell him about any milestones and if he sees something I'll just say "Oh yeah Alexander has been doing that for the last x number of days. Didn't think to mention it given your reaction last time I tried to show you something he was doing for the first time. " Honestly he shows more interest in our cat and while I do love our cat a lot, I love our son more so it annoys me

 

[JoJazie]

Well kat thank goodness he's at least doing the Fri/Sat nights - ignore the complaint - he's doing it! He may look back one day and realise he should have made more of an effort realising the milestones, but he needs to come to that in time. You've got enough on your plate to take on extra battles. YOU are seeing the milestones, and you will be able to enjoy them because you put in that time, effort and love. He just needs more rewarding experiences with him and he will start to see the beauty of having a baby of his own. Have you thought of couples counselling? Perhaps some underlying issues need resolving to get you unstuck here?

 

[KatO79]

Well kat thank goodness he's at least doing the Fri/Sat nights - ignore the complaint - he's doing it! He may look back one day and realise he should have made more of an effort realising the milestones, but he needs to come to that in time. You've got enough on your plate to take on extra battles. YOU are seeing the milestones, and you will be able to enjoy them because you put in that time, effort and love. He just needs more rewarding experiences with him and he will start to see the beauty of having a baby of his own. Have you thought of couples counselling? Perhaps some underlying issues need resolving to get you unstuck here?

I just feel like it's a shame if he misses out I guess, thinking he'll regret it later but nothing I can do. As for counselling I don't think I could get him in, he doesn't see an issue in most of what he does so it's pointless. Apparently I'm not the only one who's DH turned into an a**hole after baby so it doesn't seem like it's unusual in that sense. All I can do is hope he pulls himself together at one point (maybe when Alexander starts crawling?) because I'm tired of fighting about how I feel like he prioritises his job, his sleep and our cat more than Alexander and I. It's wasted energy, energy I should be putting into Alexander instead.

 

[cutestuff]

Hi Holly ,

We have been trying since August 2015 , with all the girls I know getting pregnant around me and I still have no baby belly : * ( . I see you got your precious angel , how long did you try before you had luck , any tips/tricks or suggestions?

Hi. Everyone has a different ttc journey. This thread has people who conceived within a few months all the way to people who needed ivf to conceive. Many people seem to temp take opks and track cycles. For me personally it was time and luck. I did try opks a few months as well as some fertility tea but I don't know how much that helped. I think after an unsuccessful year it may be time to speak with your doc and get some testing to see if there is anything medically preventing you or your oh from conceiving.
Angel I hope you have that baby soon. I was induced so my water never naturally broke but I know it was bloody and it felt like I was peeing and had pressure in that area like nothing I ever experienced before.
Kat that is hard I bet he does want to know but that maybe it was a poorly timed conversation. Leaving him out may lead to him resenting you. I know my dh has made comments like that but he has insomnia and our dd is very much a mamas girl right now so he doesn't feel like he can help. I would ask for a family day or time after work where you can tell him those things.