Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[Ele3085]

I was thinking of trying fertility tea , which kind did you try . Thank you : )

 

[JoJazie]

Well that's it isn't it Kat, rather than worrying about Alexander and Dh's needs, well Dh is an adult. Alexander actually appreciates what you do - a lot! Dh needs to decide some of those things for himself. You keep going strong Kat!

I do agree with Cutestuff too. When you've mentioned some of his not-so-nice reactions, they have been when he is not at his best (trying to sleep, organised things with mates..), and yes it is his fault that he puts himself in that sleep-deprived boat, but timing those conversations about Alexander may give you a better, more rewarding and connecting result? Eg during dinner together or when Alexander is unlikely to need you. I'm also wondering about how he believes parenting works? Is it worth having an appropriately timed conversation (date night?) about that? Did he grow up with a housewife/working husband type of household where his mother tended to all of the kids needs? What role was modelled to him in his home by his father? I ask because he may just have different ideas to yours, rather than he being uncaring?

All the best gal.

 

[KatO79]

Well that's it isn't it Kat, rather than worrying about Alexander and Dh's needs, well Dh is an adult. Alexander actually appreciates what you do - a lot! Dh needs to decide some of those things for himself. You keep going strong Kat!

I do agree with Cutestuff too. When you've mentioned some of his not-so-nice reactions, they have been when he is not at his best (trying to sleep, organised things with mates..), and yes it is his fault that he puts himself in that sleep-deprived boat, but timing those conversations about Alexander may give you a better, more rewarding and connecting result? Eg during dinner together or when Alexander is unlikely to need you. I'm also wondering about how he believes parenting works? Is it worth having an appropriately timed conversation (date night?) about that? Did he grow up with a housewife/working husband type of household where his mother tended to all of the kids needs? What role was modelled to him in his home by his father? I ask because he may just have different ideas to yours, rather than he being uncaring?

All the best gal.

I feel like I've tried at different times and he just mostly gets defensive no matter when I bring things up. When it's e.g. at dinner, he just wants to relax and eat. No matter when I talk to him, he'll often find something and say he doesn't want to discuss it at that time. As for his childhood, his mother stayed at home when the kids were younger but then went back to work. His father of course worked but sounds like he was super helpful e.g. taking completely over taking care of DH's little brother when he got home from work as it sounds like he was a very challenging baby and my MIL needed some hours break after having had him all day.

Thanks

 

[cutestuff]

I was thinking of trying fertility tea , which kind did you try . Thank you : )

Ele I just went on amazon.com and typed in fertility tea. I chose the cheapest brand but that was almost 2 years ago. I want to say it was organic fertility tea....
Kat sometimes when you spend a lot of time together before TTC and even have to go through a lot to get pregnant it can change things in a relationship. Its Hardy to really advise in this situation cause we only know your side. Do you have a third person you both know you can vent to????? I'm sorry he's a douche tho

 

[JoJazie]

Kat, as cute said, perhaps his parents can be the middle people there to talk to? Or a mutual friend? Or a friend of yours who knows him personally?
Comparing to day 1, you've done very well - look at how far you've come with Alexander and Dh! Each day is a stepping stone

 

[star_e]

Hi all. Been really busy with the move. It's been so stressful as many things have gone wrong. Moving is always hard. I'm feeling exhausted and sick from my stomach. And I have a terrible sinus infection which I believe was caused by the mold. Finally I'm out of that apartment.

Angel - I feel low during the winters too. It's just a uncomfortable time for me. I'm glad the meds work for you and you are starting in time to hopefully feel better before your LO arrives.

Kat thank you for the bf tips. Really appreciate it. And so sorry that your DH is still not being supportive. I'd be pissed with the complaints from him about not being able to sleep given his reoccurring lack of support. I understand anyone wanting sleep bc being tired and having to do what the day entails can be very difficult. But you are working so hard and lovingly to take care of your LO and doing most of it yourself. So for him to be complaining I'd say it's not justified. I so greatly hope things change soon and he starts to help.

Good luck to all those trying. Fx!!!

 

[KatO79]

Unfortunately there's no one I'd want to involve in this. I tried mentioning a couple of things to his parents at one point but they didn't say anything, don't know if they think I'm exaggerating or what. Doesn't help he's more helpful when they're around. I think I'd generally not involve anyone in his family as they'll naturally defend and believe DH more. At this point neither DH or I have many friends left (none that are close that we see regularly, especially as they all live 45 minutes away by car) and I wouldn't involve any of them in this either. I think I'm also more into trying to solve it between us and not involve a lot of people in our issues, probably because my toxic family has a tendency to make a public spectacle out of any disagreements and issues which I hate.

Think I'm just going to be thankful he's improved and hope he gradually keeps on improving

 

[JoJazie]

Good on you Kat. You'll look back one day and think - if I could do that - I can do anything (which you obviously can!)

 

[Angel5000]

I'll try to catch up on posts later I just wanted to let I love you know that baby has arrived!!

Melody was born Friday 1/6 at 1:51pm. 7lbs 2oz and 20in long!

They kept us 48 hours because her jaundice levels were high At her 24hr check. They released us Sunday afternoon with directions to go back to doctor Monday for another test. Her Monday test came back good so she's clear and we are dr free until next Monday for growth check!

Labor was fairly quick. I started at 1am with 5min contractions but they weren't painful so I waited until 3am when they got painful to go in. My water broke on its own in hospital an dafter that I went from 4 to 10cm in a couple hours at that point I opted for an epidural but it never properly took so I felt everything during the labor

I'll try to read and catch up later. I'm updating now on my phone one handed while baby is BF. Lol tricky business

 

[drjo718]

Angel, she's precious! Congrats!

 

[JoJazie]

Yay Angel! You're a mum!how are you feeling!? I bet you're extatic!

 

[KatO79]

Congrats Angel Well done although too bad about the epidural, I didn't think they gave those if you're close to or are fullt dilated since it won't have time to take effect Glad her jaundice isn't as bad as Alexander's was, must be the physiological type and not the breast milk type he had.

 

[MissDoc]

Aww, what a little sweetie she is, Angel. Just precious. Well done, mama! So great that your labor was quick and complication-free and you're home now. How are you feeling? How's little miss taking to the bf'ing?

 

[KatO79]

Oh forgot to mention that Alexander was in to get his first vaccination today. It went well but they gave it to him in 2 separate injection, one in each thigh Couldn't stand him crying in pain so let my MIL (who was holding him) take care of it, I was close to crying myself seeing him like that. We just have to keep an eye out for if he gets a fever over 38.5 degrees Celsius over the next couple of days.

Ugh and I know this is probably a bit early to be thinking about it but my childish friend is TTCing and I'm thinking that once she does conceive and have a baby, she'll be wanting to "borrow" our stuff, including the clothes. The thing is we want to keep the clothes (and some of the other items) in storage for DH's little brother for when he has a baby one day. Also I wouldn't be comfortable loaning anything to her, I would rather sell to her because I'm afraid what condition the stuff will be in afterwards or if she loses some of it or whatever. Not sure what I'll say to her when that time comes though

 

[JoJazie]

Kat, just tell her you want to keep it for Alexanders brother so you're not lending out to anyone. Say it early and firmly at the beginning. It's your choice at the end of the day. I'm sure there will be things you won't want to keep as you go, just give her those. It's up to you end of the day.

 

[KatO79]

Kat, just tell her you want to keep it for Alexanders brother so you're not lending out to anyone. Say it early and firmly at the beginning. It's your choice at the end of the day. I'm sure there will be things you won't want to keep as you go, just give her those. It's up to you end of the day.

She may suggest that she can use it in the mean time and start giving clothes back as her baby grows out of them. Most of what DH and I have bought is good quality stuff (even the cheaper clothes we've bought is mostly pretty good quality) so wasn't exactly cheap. I'd hate to see it go to her and she loses things or destroys things.

On a more positive note we've called the church and they suggest Alexander getting christened either on the 4th or 5th of March (since we wanted March and it has to be before he turns 6 months on April 5th). One of those dates is him getting christened during a regular service while the other is a special day where there will be only christenings. Not sure what's best so just left it up to DH. I loathe though inviting my toxic family (in some ways mostly my sister as she didn't invite me to her son's christening when we still were on ok terms) but guess I have no choice now that we're in contact again. I don't think any of my siblings living in the US will come though as they're planning on coming to Denmark this summer so don't think they can get more time off from their jobs. One can hope, right? Don't know if they're expecting to be godparents, I'm not the godmother to any of their children btw.

 

[Ele3085]

I agree with Jojazie , it is ultimately your decision : )

 

[star_e]

Angel - congrats!!!!! She's beautiful!!!!! And awesome that the labor was quick! Hope everything is coming along well!

Kat - totally agree with the other girls on this. It's your decision. Just tell her no.

 

[KatO79]

I'll try but she doesn't like accepting a no, as said she's very immature for her age. She may very well try guilt tripping me.

So I know everyone must be getting tired about hearing about it but DH and I had another argument very early this morning I had issues getting Alexander to sleep after a 5 AM feeding (which was after a 3 AM feed) so was walking around with him upright bouncing him. Both times I felt he was ready to transfer to his carrycot (we'll be getting him to start using his cradle tonight!), my arms would give so his feet would hit the edge and it'd wake him up He's probably close to 6.5 kg now so not easy to carry him around for an extended time. Ended up getting DH to do it because my arms were dead and I just couldn't carry him around anymore. DH wasn't happy but ended up doing it. Unfortunately Alexander woke up 2 hours later at around 7 AM and wanted to feed yet again. I was super upset as I hadn't gotten much sleep but DH had to be annoying and told me that he didn't get any sleep since walking around with him and to just go to sleep and then he started rocking the carrycot crazy fast after sticking a finger in Alexander's mouth (since he won't take a pacifier) I told him to stop and that he wasn't going to get Alexander to sleep that way but he kept on doing it and insisting I just let him do it his way and sleep. I put an end to it, took Alexander up to change his diaper before feeding him and in frustration and anger at DH for yet again behaving like an a**hole, I kicked his side of the bed. I guess my exhaustion affected my aim because I by accident kicked him in his lower leg I was about to apologise and say I only meant to kick the bed but he went crazy and scolded me in this super angry voice so I lost any bit of desire I had to say sorry. He got up just when I started feeding Alexander and when the feed was done asked if he could try getting Alexander to sleep. I didn't bother wanting to discuss what occured just 30 minutes ago since I know how that'd go from previous experience so also acted like nothing had happened and said sure, he was welcome to try. Don't think I'll bother saying anything when he gets home, it's pointless

 

[Ele3085]

I am sorry he is being difficult Kat , have you considered trying to carve out some free time where you and he can go on a date or something to have some grown up time and reconnect just the 2 of you? I know that might be the last thing on your mind with him being a huge butthead towards you , but it might help . Or maybe find a couples counselor the 2 of you can talk to(offering that as a gentle suggestion , please don't be sour with me for it : / )

On a happier note , did you figure out what day you were going to christen Alexander on?