Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[PSamuel]

Psamuel - I forgot to answer your question earlier. My doctor did not give me travel advice when I moved. So I didn't do anything special in terms of the move. I will recommend, however, if you do get your BFP soon, which I have my fingers crossed that you do, that you set up an appointment with a doctor, at the hospital you want to give birth at, as soon as you can bc they fill up very quickly. I was surprised that when I was calling in November to get an appointment with an OB for a birth in June, at the hospital that is my first choice, that almost everyone was booked. I was extremely lucky to get an appointment. Some offices even chuckled when I asked if they had availability for June – they would say oh no we've been booked for June for a long time.

Thank you for this detailed response Star! If all goes well (praying it will) my due date will be October 1st week sometime (per FF). I will be moving to Toronto by end March, so do you recommend that I start looking up docs/hospitals in Toronto right away to secure a spot as a new patient? If you are in Toronto, can you recommend anyone or clinics? Also what is the best insurance to have there (PPO vs HMO - or Canada equivalent).

As you can tell although its super early I'm already anxious. I keep telling myself to breeeeeeeathe and relax!

 

[drjo718]

Those are normal feelings, ps. Also, you're safe to fly until the last month of pregnancy, barring any complications. Although there's no evidence the TSA security scanners cause any pregnancy problems, I always asked for pat downs instead of going through. I flew from Iowa to Hawaii and back when I was 11-13 weeks pregnant.

 

[tikatika]

Hi all!

New here and I love this thread. I'm 32 and NTNP, but I woke up today at 8DPO and had some pink spotting on the TP after I wiped! Hopeful because that never happens, sometimes a day or two before AF but never this early.

Also I am ravenously hungry, just all the time.

I 'tried' to get pregnant last year for about 7 months and never had anything close to a BFP, so there's a small part of me that worries about fertility problems.


Anyway, hi all!

 

[KatO79]

Angel I'm not sure how long a sleep regression typically lasts, a week or 2? There are more on the way as I think there's one around 9 months and 12 months if I remember correctly. As for sleep can't you and your DH tag team? Yeah I figure Alexander can sense DH's feelings and it affects him but not sure what to do when he denies saying stuff like that

PS congrats and h&h 9 months

tika welcome and fx'ed for you I think only around 30% experience IB so it's not required - I didn't bleed at all during my viable pregnancy and only bled during my CP. Remember it can take 1 year to conceive as you only have a 15-20 % chance each month so no need for concern until then.

 

[Jezika]

Tiki - hiii! Hoping if the spotting is so early and unusual for you it means good things. Keep us posted!

Kat - maybe if you made those comments to DH and he denied them he knows it's wrong and will quietly take it on board? Or is the concern that it keeps happening?

Star - my answer to your question is the same as the other ladies'. I change her right before her final feed and sometimes continue with the other boob while lying in bed if she's not properly sleepy yet and it eventually sends her to sleep. Luckily she doesn't mind being changed. Then through the night I only change her if I hear, smell or feel she's done a poo or if she's fussy, so she doesn't get changed every feed (anymore). I also put a natural lotion on her after every change, so she's never had diaper rash.

PSamuel - Congrats! I totally get the what ifs and the anxiety. I was pretty scared all the way through first trimester. It all sounds good so far, and I definitely had the same sensations. My only advice is to take each day as it comes. As for signing up with a doc in Toronto, I don't know how it works if you're not covered by our healthcare over here (OHIP), but here a GP either refers you to an OB-GYN who follows you till birth or a midwife. You can also self-refer to a midwife, but again, I don't know if that still applies if you don't have OHIP coverage. I think for an OB-GYN you specify the hospital you want to give birth in and they find you someone there (I could recommend hospitals but I'm guessing you'd want to be close and I can't remember where in Toronto you said you're going). If you want a midwife I'd move quickly too because I think there is more demand than supply there. I went with a midwife so i don't know the OB-GYN side of things.

Gag - my gender reveal wasn't super creative but it did have all my friends squealing. We put some pink baby clothes in a nice box with pink and blue tissue paper and then opened it on front of everyone. The pink and blue tissue paper threw everyone off, and the first onesie we pulled out was gender neutral just to mess with everyone a little longer. I'm sure you could find some fun ideas online. Oh, i also told everyone there was a clue somewhere in our apartment, which drove everyone crazy. It was a charm on my bracelet of s teddy bear with a tiiiiny pink bow. Someone did actually ask if the clue was a charm but I denied it because then it would've ruined it haha

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Jezika- thank you for the tip.. I think we decided to go with a piñata since it's indoor friendly. We're expecting snow everyday off and on for the next week or so at least and Feb is supposed to be very cold and snowy so I think that will be a fun way to do it... I can't believe it's coming so soon.. I feel like that will make everything more real...

 

[KatO79]

Jezika my concern is if DH keeps on saying stuff like that, especially once Alexander is older and can understand what is being said. Although I don't even like him doing it now as it's putting in negative energy to Alexander and I'm sure he can feel that and it upsets him. I'm just not sure what to do to get him to stop, especially when he keeps on denying it

Oh and my DH's older brother has now got him interested in training for some swimming competition thing which he's training for I'm not much for it as it means DH has less time for Alexander and me. Franklly I find it thoughtless that my BIL would suggest it as he has 2 kids himself (now ages 11 and 8) so he must know how much is involved and how DH training would leave me doing even more of the work taking care of Alexander

Also heard back from my toxic brother and they're not coming to the Christening either which means only my toxic mother will be there for the whole thing while my cousin will on be at the ceremony. I managed to get DH to drop inviting a few people because they're only people we see 1, maybe 2 times a year and a Christening is a bit more intimate than a wedding so it's not like we have to invite the same people. We're hoping to get the invites sent tomorrow or Tuesday. Oh and still not sure what to do about the Christening gown as my toxic mother and my MIL are apparently competing for which gown we'll use DH doesn't want me to buy something else since I felt that was the best suggestion seeing as how I can't win choosing either gown: if I choose DH's family gown, my toxic mother will bitch about it for years while if I choose hers (it was made for me but has been also used by my toxic brother's daughter for her Christening) than my MIL will be hurt and my toxic mother will probably be a bad "winner" In reality I'm more inclined to go with DH's family gown but don't want to listen to my mother's complaints for years to come hence why I suggested getting something else (found this cute set with pants, a shirt, jacket, tie and a cute cap) but DH won't hear of it as he feels Alexander should wear a traditional Christening gown

 

[Jezika]

Could you, like, pretend to your mum that because there was no fair way to decide, yoi did a coin flip (and maybe actually do a coin flip?). Your outfit idea sounds super cute though. It's disappointing that he can't get on board with that, especially if it's a genuinely good choice and would avoid any kind of animosity from either of your mothers.

As for the swimming, gah, I feel for you. I was mad at DH last week for going out for somebody's leaving drinks and leaving me alone for an extra few hours in the evening - I had had a tough day and couldn't get a single thing done with Tilly being fussy, so I really needed him home, and him coming home late also delayed dinner and everything else, so basically it was a mad rush when he did come home and we all went to bed late (then he was grumpy that Tilly was fussy while I was showering). Even more annoyingly, he didn't even want to go to this leaving drinks; he's just really unassertive and felt bad for saying no, as if someone wouldn't understand that it's difficult to commit to things when you have a newborn. Anyway, afterwards, he agreed it was not fair and said it won't happen again. He'd also thankfully realized it's not a good idea for him to go on his usual four-day running thing in Nova Scotia in May because it would make things difficult for me, and we BOTH have to make sacrifices and he already has the luxury of a lot more free time than I do. Have you talked to your DH about the swimming and explained your concerns?

The saying mean things to Alexander... that must be so infuriating if it happens a lot and he denies it each time. I don't know what I'd do about it. I'd probably ream him out if it was my DH, but obv that doesn't work when someone denies it. Or maybe I'd make it clear that I DO hear these things, whether he denies it or not, and that this will be a relationship deal breaker if it carries on, since I'm not putting up with my child being exposed to such emotionally unhealthy things from their parent. And maybe back it up with some evidence of the effects of such things. In an ideal world, he'd be comfortable talking about where these comments come from... frustration... feeling of incompetence? And then you can talk about it and maybe you can relate in some ways and validate each other's experiences etc. and then troubleshoot. Tbh that's the only thing that helped me when **I** was spiralling with frustration and kind of resenting Tilly during the really hard weeks. It's hard to talk about but it helped so much. It also helped to talk to other mothers who had felt the same. I'm guessing DH wouldn't be interested in some sort of dads network?

 

[KatO79]

Could you, like, pretend to your mum that because there was no fair way to decide, yoi did a coin flip (and maybe actually do a coin flip?). Your outfit idea sounds super cute though. It's disappointing that he can't get on board with that, especially if it's a genuinely good choice and would avoid any kind of animosity from either of your mothers.

My mother, being a narcissist and super toxic, would just get nasty about it and tell me that I'm weak or something similiar for not pushing to use the gown shhe used hours to make but apparently it's not good enough ..... yada yada, more emotional abuse Nope DH is going very traditional on this and pushing for a Christening gown. Personally I think Alexander will look a bit silly in one and the outfit I found would be very cute but I've given up a bit on it

As for the swimming, gah, I feel for you. I was mad at DH last week for going out for somebody's leaving drinks and leaving me alone for an extra few hours in the evening - I had had a tough day and couldn't get a single thing done with Tilly being fussy, so I really needed him home, and him coming home late also delayed dinner and everything else, so basically it was a mad rush when he did come home and we all went to bed late (then he was grumpy that Tilly was fussy while I was showering). Even more annoyingly, he didn't even want to go to this leaving drinks; he's just really unassertive and felt bad for saying no, as if someone wouldn't understand that it's difficult to commit to things when you have a newborn. Anyway, afterwards, he agreed it was not fair and said it won't happen again. He'd also thankfully realized it's not a good idea for him to go on his usual four-day running thing in Nova Scotia in May because it would make things difficult for me, and we BOTH have to make sacrifices and he already has the luxury of a lot more free time than I do. Have you talked to your DH about the swimming and explained your concerns?

Ugh sorry he did that but hopefully he won't do that again, at least not without checking in with you first before saying yes. Lucky you that he won't go on his 4 day run, my DH is still talking about going to a heavy metal festival in Copenhagen for 3 days in June To make things worse, a friend of ours that's expecting a baby in May is also planning on going so leaving his wife alone with a newborn for 3 days I wish mine would get that more, that he has more freedom than I do. Almost makes me wish I'd gone with formula instead of breastfeeding because it'd give me more wiggle room and be easier to leave DH with Alexander for longer hours (can't do that without pumping days in advance). Not really but I'm just waiting for it to come up again, he hasn't started training so I'm hoping it's just something he's thought better of doing and has dropped the idea entirely. But I'd love to know what my BIL was thinking suggesting it as he's had babies and knows Alexander can be a handful, especially when it comes to getting him to sleep

Ugh speaking of DHs being away for a few hours, my DH is going to visit his annoying, selfish friend tomorrow so I'll be alone with Alexander for a few more hours, during a sleep regression

The saying mean things to Alexander... that must be so infuriating if it happens a lot and he denies it each time. I don't know what I'd do about it. I'd probably ream him out if it was my DH, but obv that doesn't work when someone denies it. Or maybe I'd make it clear that I DO hear these things, whether he denies it or not, and that this will be a relationship deal breaker if it carries on, since I'm not putting up with my child being exposed to such emotionally unhealthy things from their parent. And maybe back it up with some evidence of the effects of such things. In an ideal world, he'd be comfortable talking about where these comments come from... frustration... feeling of incompetence? And then you can talk about it and maybe you can relate in some ways and validate each other's experiences etc. and then troubleshoot. Tbh that's the only thing that helped me when **I** was spiralling with frustration and kind of resenting Tilly during the really hard weeks. It's hard to talk about but it helped so much. It also helped to talk to other mothers who had felt the same. I'm guessing DH wouldn't be interested in some sort of dads network?

I've tried putting my foot down but he just denies more and it becomes a pointless discussion when he does that I've been thinking of filming him with my mobile so I have more hard evidence but I hate to resort to something like that. But thinking that on the off chance he forgets saying it as soon as it's out of his mouth than maybe seeing it will make him aware he's doing it? I think he's frustrated with e.g. not always being able to get Alexander to sleep easily, he's also tried asking me for tips when in fact I'm not any better than him at it and despite me telling him that a few times, he will sometimes still ask Plus he doesn't get much play time with Alexander because of his work hours but I always push for him to get as many play hours as possible during the weekend. Although sometimes he'll have other priorities like today he decided to drive to the large hardware store about 10 minutes away to get a couple of things right when Alexander had waken up and I was feeding him. I told him he probably wouldn't reach anything other than Alexander's down time when I try and do relaxing activities before putting him down for a nap or bedtime. Nope he was sure he'd reach more but of course he didn't so he ended up doing Alexander's relaxing time which ended up not being so relaxing as he watched TV So DH had a hell of a time getting him to sleep afterwards, more than usual. As for a dad group I don't think they have those in Denmark plus it's completely not his style at all

 

[Angel5000]

We have had company since Wednesday and I'm exhausted. My cousin and his partner were here Wed night - Saturday morning and then Saturday afternoon DH's mother and brother came in. They were going to leave today but decided tos tay another night and leave tomorrow morning. I'm reaching a point where I just don't have the patience. They aren't hard to deal with at all, it's just harder to keep Melody on a schedule or anything when people are around. She gets over tired easily because everyone wants to hold her and even though she'll sleep in their arms, I find that on the days she spends sleeping mostly in people's arms I have a harder time getting her to sleep at night. She was so fussy last night, and then she kept me up from 2-5am. Dh and I Have decided that after this we aren't having company for several weeks (Except next saturday my aunt will be here for a few hours but she lives nearby and she's coming over to bring us lunch, help with some cleaning, and visit baby, so that will be an easy visit not so taxing). We're so over having people around!

Other than that, things are good though.


PSamuel - Congrats!! Keeping everything crossed that this your sticky bean! When I got my BFP (at 9dpo) I was a little obsessive, I bought like 5 different brands of pregnancy tests and was testing twice a day with at least 3-4 different brands each time, just to see if it was getting darker. Now I see it was a little obsessive but at the time I just needed reassurance.

Good luck at your doctor appointment. They will probably just do a urine test, and maybe a blood test (depends on your doctor) and then will probably have you schedule another for somewhere between 8-12 weeks for your first US. Unless you've got a high risk tag or something similar and then they may do more checks. As for travel, you'll be fine. It's perfectly safe to fly while pregnant. The only time they don't recommend it is later in pregnancy.

THe pull/pinch/stretching/full/bloated feeling is very normal! I had a lot of that, and lots of cramping. Actually, the cramps I Had when I was early pregnant were very similar to period cramps but actually hurt worse than my period cramps. They would wake me up and I was sure that I was going to go to the bathroom and find blood every time but never happened.


tikatika - Welcome! This is a great group! Some of us have had our BFPs and just stick around (I just had my rainbow baby 3 weeks ago, after 14 months of trying and 2 CPs), and some are still trying for their BFP. We're a very supportive group! It can take up to a year to get pregnant, easily. I got my first BFP around 7-8 months. Will you test early at all, or just wait until after AF is due ?

Kat - DH and I can tag team for sleep, just not for feeding until we introduce bottle. Right now when he's not working I Try to take most all of the night stuff because he works with power tools (construction) and I don't want him sleep deprived and getting hurt at work. Once I go back ot work though we will basically trade off so I can get more sleep (because a sleep deprived teacher of teenagers is not a good thing!).

 

[star_e]

Hi all, just catching up. been really busy with just trying to set up this apartment and looking for a car. we are renting for now, and the last thing we have felt like doing is buying a car and deciding on one. its very boring to say the least. the other thing, the baby list has been taking a very very long time to create. there is so much research that goes into it b/c i don’t want to waste money. the big headache for me lately has been do i need a bassinet, playard, swing, bouncer or rocker. i decided on getting the bassinet, playard (mostly for later) and am now deciding between the swing, bouncer and rocker, knowing that i’ll get two of them only. i live in an apt and i can’t fit this stuff in. I’m thinking of getting the playard (pack n play thing) only for later b/c if i have a bassinet and a rocker or one of the other things why would this playard need to be out? i'll already have somwhere to put the baby. i bet i’ll end up getting stuff i don’t need, but am trying to limit it as best as i can. then people talk about that mamaroo swing bouncer, but I took it off my list b/c i read so many bad reviews and its expensive. I’m going to continue trying the best that i can. figuring out what to do with the nursery has also taken a long time - coming up with an aesthetic and making decision, uggg. I think i may have figured that out. can’t wait till this list is over so i can start reading my book on newborns and learn a thing or two b/c I’m clueless.


Angel - thank you so much for the recommendations. I very much appreciate it. Wrote them all down in a list I am creating. very helpful that you gave the specific names of what you use.

also, has working on getting Melody to stay awake during feeding times helped her sleep better? You mentioned you were trying that. Also how big is your stash you are creating of breastmilk? And in terms of skipping a changing a night if Melody goes back to sleep, is the way to determine if the diaper is just wet but not poopy by smell? just wondering how i would know if it is wet or poopy and full vs. not all the way full? (though jezika answered this in her post, by saying you hear it or smell it). Glad your family visits are over! i can imagine that that was very taxing!


Kat - so sorry about DH. your fears of the effect of it all when Alexander is old enough to understand is reasonable. I’m hoping that DH will have more patience by then if Alexander is sleeping better? If not, I think it might be good to tell DH your fears. I know its a very hard thing to do and might not go well, so only try it if you think it won’t make matters worse. Maybe accepting his families christening gown would be a way to start the convo?

PSam - congrats!!!!!! i was totally nervous for the first 10 weeks, then i was still nervous but not as much. every time i had a scan and i received positive news its almost as if i was shocked. i kept thinking the worst. all i can say is that the worrying did not help me any, but i knew that at the time and kept doing it in reality, all you can do is take good care of yourself and put your best foot forward. i am so so happy for you! just hang on to that amazing feeling of seeing the bfp

Also Psam - I am in Toronto too, moved from the states and new to Canada in general. So all the advice about finding a doc asap is b/c i learned it the hard way. i had no idea that i needed to do all this so quickly (b/c otherwise I might not get an OB and the hospital of my choice) and that it would be so time consuming. i was lucky to find a doc that accepted a referral and my medical records from my doctor in the US. MANY docs said id have to come to toronto and see a GP and get that person to send a referral and all the paper work b/c they only accepted them from Canadian docs. that was frustrating to hear especially after having found out that people were booked for June when I was calling in November. The other issue that was very difficult is that even when i found docs that would accept my referral and information from the states, they would not book an appointment UNTIL the referral was faxed and the documents received Even when my doc's office did this within two days, it was too late, they were booked for June by that point. So it was really really frustrating. I don’t think you will have a problem if you start EARLY. So yea, i would get in to an appointment asap. find out what hospital you want to give birth at and go to the hospitals website, look at the OBs and call and book. if you do it early, you won't have a problem. In terms of insurance, I don’t even know much about it yet. it takes 3 months to get whatever the national heath card is called (i forget what its called&#8230. until that card comes in we are paying out of pocket, but the temporary insurance that we are getting through DH’s work will reimburse us after, you just have to hang on to all the receipts - get itemized ones, not just payment receipts b/c they need all the codes, etc (if you have some temporary insurance through work)

I’m still really behind too. i don’t have a GP and not sure if i need a referral to get a pediatrician. i still have to figure all that out.

tiki tiki - welcome! fx you get a bfp soon!

jezika - thank you again for your recommendations - much appreciated. and glad your DH realized that leaving wasn’t a good idea and he won’t do that again. I can also sympathize with yours or anyone’s frustrations about losing sleep and just being tired when there are hard weeks. i don’t have a child but understand what that feels like just by being busy and having tons of things to do and being exhausted. i can’t imagine how things will be when my LO arrives, but hearing from all of you gets be to understand it better and i appreciate it very much.

gagrl - good luck with the gender reveal. I’m sure it will be super fun whatever you choose

 

[KatO79]

Angel sorry about the constant stream of guests but glad it's almost over! I'm guessing that Melody isn't sleeping very well in people's arms hence why she gets a tougher time sleeping well at night. If she doesn't nap well during the day, her nighttime sleep suffers. Alexander is the exact same way so that doesn't change. Right, I was thinking that your DH could help with getting Melody to sleep as much as he's able to since the feeding part comes later. Although I personally don't really use bottles unless I'm leaving Alexander in the care of e.g. my ILs so I always bf. I can often get DH to help with the sleep part during a workday at night if I'm having an extra hard time getting Alexander to sleep, maybe you can ask your DH for the same?

star I hope you soon have your list in order and get some great stuff for baby I personally kinda liked car shopping when we had to get a new one 4 years ago as the old lemon my ILs gave us (it was 16 years old so not really worth anything but scrap!) was barely working and not worth repairing since it was so ancient It was fun looking at and test driving the cars we were interested in. Unfortunately I don't think Alexander will start sleeping better until around 6 months when he'll be better able to start sleeping through the night (which technically is 5 hours straight!). We're currently trying to teach him to sleep in his cradle (since he was used to sleeping in his carrycot before that) and to generally learn to fall asleep on his own using self-soothing (right now his method is sucking his hands) as we're doing an absolute minimum of rocking and trying to avoid rocking him in our arms as much as possible unless he's crying a lot and we don't rock him to sleep in our arms, just until he's calm and drowsy. Otherwise we also risk him during his light sleep stages suddenly knowing he's not in our arms and wake 30-40 minutes after sleeping. It's definitely a process As for talking to DH it's a waste of time when he continues to deny saying things like that so I don't bother

 

[Jezika]

Angel I was pretty frustrated when my in-laws were here, even though they're the nicest people. I REALLY appreciated my space afterwards and to actually spend proper time with my baby rather than handing her over all the time.

Star - I forgot you're in Toronto too! I may hav said this before, but if you're on Facebook feel free to PM me as I check that more often and would be more than happy to answer any questions you have, including stuff related to the city (e.g., there are lots of Facebook groups in the city for mums where you can share advice and also buy and sell baby stuff, so if you find you don't need something, you can easily sell on there). As for your list of baby stuff, I totally remember how hard it was to know what to get. It was like a logic puzzle! And our apartment isn't massive, so that made it hard too. I've found that so far we use our crib for storage and she won't even use it probably for a long time. The Summer sleeper bassinet thing that she refuses to sleep in is still good for putting her in anywhere around the house when we can leave her napping or need to put her down in eyesight. We have three change pads (Kushies brand) which we rotate when she soils them and we just change her on those on the bed. It works fine. As for clothes, we received soooo many as gifts, and I'm finding now that bodysuits/sleepsuits are what we prefer over all the fashionable stuff. They're warm and convenient. Also prefer zippers over poppers, but zippers are less common (maybe because zippers can nick the skin?). Other things that we actually use are the stroller with bassinet, car seat (attaches to stroller), the snot sucker thing I told you about, a wrap for babywearing, an Ingenuity rocker that also plays music and nature sounds, nail clippers, thermometer (I bought one that instantly detects tempt from just pointing the thing at her forehead - so much easier than putting under armpit), gripe water for gas, baby lotion, baby wipes and diapers (we use a reusable diaper service but use disposable ones overnight because they are less likely to leak and are probably more comfortable), baby bath, towels, washcloths, bath thermometer, baby shower gel, nursing pads, nursing bras, blankets, nursing pillow (essential before I built up arm muscles but now I rarely use it), stroller/car seat blanket for winter, swaddling stuff (though tbh we haven't swaddled her much). For some reason we have WAY too many hats for her (plus she hates stuff on her head). We only use hats when we go outside, so she's outgrown so many of them without even using them. That's all I can think of right now. I should also say that other things like knowing how to tell when she's pooped, try not to worry about it. You will learn all these things on the go - I certainly did! Plus the Facebook groups have been so helpful with stuff I've been worried or confused about.

 

[Jezika]

Oh, and we have a breast pump but I only just started using that. I also have some formula from when I was in hospital and couldn't feed her, which I kind of like having in case she unexpectedly can't be fed by me for some unforseeable reason (I'm probably paranoid from when I got rushed to hospital, but I guess another example would be if I went to an appt somewhere and the subway broke down and I'm gone for 3+ hours and haven't left any pumped milk at home). And a couple of colourful, interesting, high-contrast toys for when baby starts being interested in things (remember their vision is pretty bad for a while).

 

[Angel5000]

Our guests are gone and yesterday I spent the whole day just vegging on the couch watching tv with Melody. I Needed a mental break.

Today is her 1 month growth check up. I'm nervous because it will be the first time I am taking her anywhere out of the house by myself. I keep telling myself it's just the doctor office, and if anything that's the best place to be with a newborn because the doctor/nurses/staff will be understanding if she's fussy or crying or needs to eat. My biggest anxiety comes from if they don't get us in on time and she needs to eat. I am not really concerned about BF in front of people, but I am nervous about other people's reactions if I do BF in front of them. We have laws that protect us in Washington, but that doesn't make me any less nervous about being confronted by ignorant people. However, my friend made a good point to me that the doctor office was the safest place to "public BF" because even IF someone said something in the waiting room, the staff wouldn't put up with it because they are so strongly pro-BF. Anyway, I am excited to see how much she's grown!

Star - One of the things I did was buy stuff at garage sales. I saved a LOT of money that way. I was able to get a swing for $10 and a bouncer seat for $5. It's really handy to try to buy things used if possible, and if you aren't weirded out by that. The only thing we wouldn't buy used is the mattress for our crib, but otherwise we saved a ton of money with gently used items. And that way if baby doesn't like it, we didn't waste money.

When you say "rocker" do you mean rocking chair? Or something else? Not sure what you're referring to. I like the swing, but the baby may or may not. The bouncer chair is helpful if I'm going to take a shower or something and she's not asleep I can set it in the bathroom easily and so even if she feel like being in it and is crying she's at least in the bathroom with me so I can see/hear her. The nice thing is having something easily moveable so if I am moving room to room she can come along too.

You probably won't need a pack and play right away unless you're using it for sleep purposes. My friend used her pack and play because it came with a bassinet type attachment and they used it for a bassinet as infant, but that's up to you.

I'm with Jezika on the clothes too. We really prefer the bodysuits over some of the other stuff because they're so much easier! I definitely prefer zippers over the snaps, but they are harder to find. Snaps can be really annoying in the middle of the night.


As for Melody, she's sleeping about an hour in her bassinet at each nap time and then at night she ends up in our bed which gives me 2-3 hours between feedings rihgt now. I'm trying to start each night in her bassinet and then after the first night feeding maybe keep her in bed if I need to, but the last few nights she's had her fussy time every night from about 9pm -11pm and by the time we get her settled I am too tired to put her in teh bassinet and wonder if she'll stay out for long so I just put her in bed with me so I know I'll get to sleep at least a few hours.

Right now my stash is small, I have about 5 bags in the freezer and each bag is between 2-4oz of milk (mostly 2oz bags because that's what I tend to get at each pump session).

You can determine if a diaper is poopy sometimes by smell (though Melody's poops aren't very smelly - I think that's part of the breast milk feeding vs. formula feeding - the poops are very different looking between the two) but I can definitely hear it when she poops during a feeding. If she poops in her sleep I won't always know, but the easiest way to check is to peekin the side. You can pull back the diaper around the back/bottom of the leg and peep inside without having to open the diaper all the way and see if there's poop. Wet is easy because all the newborn and size 1 diapers that we have bought so far have a line on them that turns blue if she wets the diaper so it's easy to see right away. As for full or not full, the diaper gets thicker/squishier as it gets fuller. At first you'll have a hard time because they won't pee a lot, but after a few days you'll start to be able to see a big difference because of how the diaper will look/feel.


Kat - I'm so glad teh family is gone! I have my aunt coming on Saturday but she lives nearby and is only visiting for a couple hours. Plus she's coming to be helpful and is bringing lunch, which will be awesome. The last few nights DH has been great at helping get her to settle down, especially at night before bed. She's still being really fussy around 9-11pm, which right now is just her standard fussy time. Kind of sucks because that's when we're trying to go to sleep, and I'd really rather she was fussy earlier (like 6-8pm!) but at least DH will take her and walk her and do whatever he can to help settle her down.


Jezika - Yes, that's exactly it! The having to always feel like I have to hand the baby over part! lol. I'm glad everyone's gone and I can have my cuddles back.

 

[Jezika]

Angel I totally hear you on the fear of taking her out! How did the appt go? I'm not so scared of making short trips anymore but I'd definitely be nervous about going longer distances - same thing about the BFing. What if she cries and I have to find somewhere suitable ASAP? I'm sure no one would be against me doing it anywhere but just the thought of someone feeling uncomfortable makes me feel uncomfortable, even though that's ridiculous. Been meaning to go out for dinner for some time but I'm also scared she'll cry in the middle of it and I won't be able to stop her or will annoy people or again do the whole BFIng in public thing. Even going on the subway with her makes me anxious, just the thought of getting in people's way and what if she cries... I need to get over these things! I'd feel better if I did them with other people first I think.

 

[KatO79]

Jezika I hear you on the bf'ing thing, although in this country oddly enough not all places allow it I had to e.g. check with the place we're going to on Saturday for DH's grandmother's birthday to see if they allow bf'ing since nothing was mentioned on their site but thankfully they do allow it. I'd say if the place allows it then there isn't a problem at all, people that see bf'ing as sexual are seriously mentally ill and need pyschological help so I wouldn't concern myself too much with people like that. If they don't like it, they can leave! It's really not our problem. As for baby crying I wouldn't worry too much about that either although you may want to stick mostly to family oriented places for a while so most people will understand it and those that don't shouldn't be going to a place that has lots of families if they're not willing to deal with children crying.

Ugh so went to another Mommy Group meeting yesterday but wish I hadn't as Alexander was exhausted I think the only reason I went was because a health care provider was going to measure and weigh the babies so I felt the need to go as my own provider wanted the other one to see if Alexander needs supplementing or not. So she weighed him when we got there because I told her how exhausted he is and needs to sleep. His length was good but his weight worried me although she didn't say anything so guess she wanted to wait until Alexander was sleeping. I hadn't brough my baby carriage so borrowed the lady who's house it was at but it was a huge struggle getting him to sleep since he wasn't in his own carriage, he was overtired and the lady lives close to a busy road so the traffic noise was crazy and Alexander is use to it being more quiet One of the other ladies had her baby sleeping outside as well and she came out to check on him, I told her I felt it was too noisy for my son to sleep and she smiled and said "No, I don't think so!" before sauntering off after having checked her son I finally got Alexander to sleep but felt he'd be awake within 1 hour due to the noise. In the meantime I found out that Alexander's weight wouldn't be journaled as they found out the weight she used was on a crooked area of the floor so all weights were too low but since I was already getting Alexander to sleep and the other babies were awake, they got weighed again but Alexander would have to do without, great my main reason for coming was shot Oh and the other lady who's baby also slept outside said that she felt a baby sleeping close to a busy road was like white noise so helps them sleep better, ummm...no, totally depends on what baby is used to While I was talking to the provider, the other lady's baby woke so she went out and got him, then she turned off her baby alarm even though she knew my son was still out there and I hadn't brought my alarm I barely got done talking to the provider and then socialising a bit before we could ever so faintly hear Alexander crying, jep about 1 hour after he fell asleep He was pissy and exhausted still so I ended up deciding to leave because I was no way going to get him to sleep outside and didn't want to try inside as the meeting was soon over anyway. I got him to sleep outside at home and he slept for 3 hours which was great because he needed it

To make things more fun, after around 4 AM today he started waking every hour although he wasn't hungry or had a diaper in need of changing every time so no idea what that was about

 

[star_e]

Jezika - thank you for your offer to share info with me about the city, FB groups, etc. i'll PM you on here. And thank you for the list of things you use most.! I’ve saved them all and will go through them as i continue to make my list. it is much appreciated and very helpful i live in an apartment and the thought of a lot of things in here just makes me uncomfortable due to the space issues. tbh I’m nervous about everything right now. I’m sure its a natural emotion but it all starts to feel overwhelming. i think it should settle in another month or so b/c i just started thinking about preparing for the baby. at first it was just anxiety about whether or not the pg would stick and then it was the crazy busy schedule of setting up our move mostly during the holidyas and trying to work on this apt. now its a mix of settling in here and preparing for baby.

angel - thank you for all the helpful advice! i really appreciate it. when i said rocker, i meant rock n play (not for overnight sleep, but for naps and as a way to be portable). i agree, i don’t need the pack n play right away - it will only be for travel b/c I’m going to get a bassinet. so don’t know what else id use it for other than travel. I’m looking into getting the swing and rock n play. and an activity mat for tummy time? i will look into cheaper options on these things b/c i get nervous about wasted money. it all starts to add up. also, when you say that melody sleeps in your bed, does she sleep between you and DH?

jezika and angel - i also totally sympathize with the BF in public worries and with the crying. i know i will feel that way. i have been in public places and it is sad b/c people do sometimes look at others who are BF in a not nice way and its so absurd. it should be totally accepted and people should not blink an eye. would one of those breastfeeding covers make you feel less likely to receive looks from others? i hope Melody does well at her appointment and good luck with that.

Kat - so sorry you did not get to weigh alexander at the mommy group. and that it was so noisy. i agree with you traffic does not sound like white noise. i use white noise often to sleep, but traffic drives me nuts especially if there is honking, its also not a constant or consistent noise likee white noise. glad you go your LO to sleep when you got home though. hopefully you can weigh him another way soon?

 

[KatO79]

Kat - so sorry you did not get to weigh alexander at the mommy group. and that it was so noisy. i agree with you traffic does not sound like white noise. i use white noise often to sleep, but traffic drives me nuts especially if there is honking, its also not a constant or consistent noise likee white noise. glad you go your LO to sleep when you got home though. hopefully you can weigh him another way soon?

Yeah that's what DH and I meant, that white noise is more consistent. Don't know what she was thinking but I'm sure she feels she knows it all bcause it's her 2nd baby I guess her son is used to traffic or he's just another personality type and it doesn't bother him much As for weighing I don't know, my own health care provider may want to weigh him herself now. I'll have to text her and let her know what happened and see what she says. DH and I did try weighing him on a kitchen weight with him in his carrycot balanced on a very wide bowl and he was around 65 kg I think, definitely more than the 56 kg or so that he was incorrectly weighed at. He had his diaper and clothes on but even subtracting that he's still up there since clothes and cloth diaper don't weigh all that much so even if we go nuts and say minus 1 kg, he's still around 64 kg. The other health care provider didn't seem concerned since his length was spot on.

 

[Jezika]

Kat have you heard of the Wonder Weeks app? I downloaded it because friends have told me it did a pretty good job of predicting their LOs' fussy periods, which so far has been accurate for Tilly too. It also gives you info on developmental leaps. Here's a screenshot of the predicted fussy periods on a calendar (it's showing weeks). Might Alexander be in one of those?

Re: BFing in public, I know it's not my problem if others take issue with it and I should care, but unfortunately I care too much what people think even when I shouldn't. At least the law here means I can do it absolutely anywhere legally. Also, municipal law in Toronto allows any woman to bare their boobs legally (as in not just for breastfeeding).

Star - i was thinking of a playmat thing but for now we are doing without. We do tummy time on the bed (and apparently holding them upright to your chest or in a wrap also counts as tummy time, which is what we do most) and show her lists of colourful stuff and her toys.