Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[KatO79]

Kat have you heard of the Wonder Weeks app? I downloaded it because friends have told me it did a pretty good job of predicting their LOs' fussy periods, which so far has been accurate for Tilly too. It also gives you info on developmental leaps. Here's a screenshot of the predicted fussy periods on a calendar (it's showing weeks). Might Alexander be in one of those?

Re: BFing in public, I know it's not my problem if others take issue with it and I should care, but unfortunately I care too much what people think even when I shouldn't. At least the law here means I can do it absolutely anywhere legally. Also, municipal law in Toronto allows any woman to bare their boobs legally (as in not just for breastfeeding).

No I hadn't but looked into it after reading this post. I've now downloaded it and it shows this:



So he's apparently in a fussy period right now and in the process of Leap 4 with 41 days more to go So this combined with his sleep regression means I'm getting very, very little I just don't get why most of his sleeping issues are at night, mostly after 3 AM when he starts to wake every 1-2 hours (instead of his usual 3-4 hours)? During the day he for the most part sleeps fine in his baby carriage outside. Don't know if it's also because the cradle is close to me? We can't move it further away as there's no room to do so DH doesn't get why I just can't nap during the day and I could in theory but the problem is that it's like 0 degrees Celsius right now so me being out in that weather for 20-40 minutes getting Alexander to fall asleep in his baby carriage wakes me up so there can go 2-3 hours before I feel drowsy again which unfortunately coincides with Alexander waking up or shortly about to so I get either no sleep or precious little, maybe 30 minutes if I get any at all

As for caring what other people think I used to have that issue pretty badly, now I just don't give a rat's ass and do what I want, within reason of course! It's made me a happier person, because really, who cares what a bunch of strangers think? I don't know them and therefore don't know what kind of people they are and if their opinion of me is worth valuing/considering. With bf'ing, I'd venture to say that anyone that looks at me wrong for doing it in a place I know I am allowed to can just leave and are the ones with the problem if they see it as sick or sexual

 

[cutestuff]

Oh the joys of young babies. I'm sorry we all seem to be dealing with fussy baby syndrome it stinks.
Star I learned the hard way that I didn't need about 90 percent of what I bought. We co sleep- not planned but that means no need for a crib or pack and play... I had one anyway for a changing table but now that dd is bigger I don't even use that much. If you are planning to return to work I would invest in a breast pump and milk storage containers, sleepers that are easy in and out, diapers and wipes, a baby bath with assorted supplies, and a car seat. Then once baby is about 1-2 months old you will see if they like pacifiers or whatever. I bought dd an exersaucer at 4 months that was also a good move but a lot of stuff can wait till after baby when you learn their personality and if they will ever use whatever you are thinking about.
Angel I changed dds diaper almost every time she woke during the night but hated the tears so we changed it. She gets a diaper change just before bedtime and then nothing more until she's up for the day. Do what works for you it's not a competition
Kat I know you weren't planning to introduce solids for another month but have you considered re assessing? I did just plain rice cereal at 4 months with a bottle of either breast or formula and sometimes on its own. She seemed to be easier to calm down and happier in general. At the time I was working so I pumped and had the bottles there. I also decided I wanted to be outside around people without having to wip out the boob so even after I quit she would get formula during activities and I would feed all night to keep up my supply. It's a personal choice but it could help.

I am taking a minute to recommend a book called Toddlers are a**holes to everyone here to prepare yourselves for the future.

Afm we joined gymboree and are down to waking 4-6 times per night from 6-10 or every hour or so. It's better but since I'm not sleeping anymore I can't stay consistent. Co sleepers it's really hard to break the night time feedings so be prepared for your infant who sleeps well at night to start waking hourly once they are more active and not drinking as much in the day. Also be prepared for then to refuse day time drinks in lieu of booby. Nothing else new here

 

[Jezika]

Oh gosh, cutestuff. Don't scare me haha. I'll be at that stage right when I go back to school full time. I was hoping night times would get easier, not harder! Having said that, while yesterday was bad, last night she slept from 12:30-4:00 and 4:45-9:30 (with feeding and a poop explosion in between).

I'm wondering how sleep arrangements will work if I take Tilly overseas to visit family. As you know, we bedshare, and it's fine right now because the crib is right up against the bed on my side and I also reinforce it so she can't slip into any kind of gap, though that isn't an issue anyway because she can't properly roll yet. But in other beds, say... hotels, there's nothing to stop her from rolling off the bed... unless I put her between DH and me? I know that's not advised, but I'm guessing it's a little less risky at 6+ months? Could also take the Dockatot or another bassinet, but of course I'd be naive to think she'd sleep in that all of a sudden whne we are overseas (recall how the bedsharing only happened because she slept poorly everywhere else).

Kat - obv I have no advice though I do get how you can't nap during the day. I can't nap either, and in any case there's stuff to do while she's asleep like making lunch and doing dishes. Have you thought of using a sleep consultant? And re: BFing, of course you're right - I think I need to just get out there, do it and own it.

 

[cutestuff]

Jezika sorry I scared you. You will make it work some of my issue is that I'm a stay at home mom so it's not as important to stick to a routine between 10p and 5a. Re your question my dd shares a bed with dh and I and we never had any issues. When we switch boobs and she's between dh and I even as a newborn I would put her under my armpit and put my arm around her body. This way I could feel if dh moved or something and could wake him or block him.
Yes it's not easy having a walking talking lo but it's also fun

 

[KatO79]

Jezika we don't have sleep consultants in this country, we only have the health care provider that specialise in babies and their care. Also I've read that the vast majority of babies aren't ready for sleep training until they're around 6 months. My provider said the only thing he's ready for is less rocking to help him gradually learn to fall asleep on his own. I just think he's one of those difficult babies that's hard to get to sleep

Cutestuff my provider was almost completely against Alexander starting more solid food until he's closer to 6 months. She was considering us trying giving him formula at night to see if that helps first and wanted the other provider who was going to weigh the babies in the group decide after weighing him but she'd weighed him on a crooked part of the floor so got a weight that was too low and I'd gotten him to sleep by the time she found out the problem so she couldn't make that call. I've texted my provider to make sure she knew but haven't heard back. I may call Monday if I don't hear from her tomorrow. Oh and I've read that giving them formula or solids doesn't always help with the sleep issues. I'm hoping it's just the leap and the 4 month sleep regression and it'll get better in time.

 

[KatO79]

Oh forgot to mention that DH was out Monday to see his selfish friend and last night said that he'd be home around 9 PM Friday night because one of his coworkers has invited some of them over to eat dinner and play games. So I'll be alone with Alexander for all those hours today and am exhausted as he woke up every hour last night I told DH I wasn't happy and he said he felt he had to go and be social, yeah because who cares about my ability to be social now that Alexander is in a fussy period and running me ragged? DH said he's dropped going to a concert on Monday because he's going out tonight, ummm thanks

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Oh forgot to mention that DH was out Monday to see his selfish friend and last night said that he'd be home around 9 PM Friday night because one of his coworkers has invited some of them over to eat dinner and play games. So I'll be alone with Alexander for all those hours today and am exhausted as he woke up every hour last night I told DH I wasn't happy and he said he felt he had to go and be social, yeah because who cares about my ability to be social now that Alexander is in a fussy period and running me ragged? DH said he's dropped going to a concert on Monday because he's going out tonight, ummm thanks

I really think you two need to have a sit down discussion. Alexander is half his and He really needs to prioritize you two first..

 

[KatO79]

Oh forgot to mention that DH was out Monday to see his selfish friend and last night said that he'd be home around 9 PM Friday night because one of his coworkers has invited some of them over to eat dinner and play games. So I'll be alone with Alexander for all those hours today and am exhausted as he woke up every hour last night I told DH I wasn't happy and he said he felt he had to go and be social, yeah because who cares about my ability to be social now that Alexander is in a fussy period and running me ragged? DH said he's dropped going to a concert on Monday because he's going out tonight, ummm thanks

I really think you two need to have a sit down discussion. Alexander is half his and He really needs to prioritize you two first..

I just find it hard to discuss anything with him. He always finds a reason not to discuss things when I want to discuss them e.g. he just wants to relax and have dinner, he just wants to see his TV show and relax right now, the kitchen needs to be cleaned. I suppose I could tell him we could set a date and time for our discussion and ask him when he feels it'd be best for him? Although he may still weasel out I think we also need to agree on how much he should be able to go out each month or two, maybe even write it down in some sort of agreement (geez, makes me think of Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory" if anyone sees that show) so there are no future discussions on what we actually agreed? Oh I've reminded him a number of times that he's the father, mostly when he's being a jerk and making his help sound like he's extending me a favour growlmad, but it doesn't seem to help much Ugh I'm tempted to ask my FIL how often he went out when him and my MIL had their eldest child, somehow I don't see him going out more than once every month or 2. We're going to DH's grandmother's birthday tomorrow (she's turning 95!) and am tempted to out DH on his going out twice in the same week and see what his family think of that.

 

[KatO79]

I'm losing my mind here, Alexander won't sleep for more than 1 hour at a time and he keeps looking exhausted and showing signs of being overtired within minutes of waking up I try everything but nothing's working and at this rate I won't get any dinner tonight and am exhausted too Tried calling both of DH's mobile phones twice each but he's not answering

 

[Jezika]

Oh Kat, I feel you. It's the worst when you can't even do basic things for yourself. As you remember, I was mad at DH for going out the other night, esp as I'd had such a tough day with barely time to do essential things. I think definitely talk to him about setting a time to talk about things and stick to it. Another thing that's helpful with couples if you can get to this point is to give each other the opportunity to express all of your concerns, issues, things that annoy you, things you find difficult etc. and wait for the person to get it all out without interruption, and then try to paraphrase what they said (not just repeat it verbatim). It's a good way of seeing whether each partner "hears" and understands the other one's concerns and also helps with empathy. And if they don't get it right you just gently correct it and they try again. It's also important to emphasize that each partner doesn't have to agree with the other ones POV, just hear and understand it. May sound silly, but couples spend so much time not really "hearing" and understanding each other because we are each so consumed by our own experiences and perspectives. I can imagine your DH not necessarily taking to this exercise, but perhaps it would help if you told him that women online have told you about similar issues and this kind of thing has helped them... and also, isn't anything worth a shot if a couple aren't in a good place? I've also done it with my DH long ago where we each wrote our what we *think* the other person's perspective is. It's very interesting to see how off it is, and at least in my experience the exercise of simply sitting down and trying to put myself in his shoes mentally has helped me empathize with him better and consequently approach things more constructively (though again, not necessarily agreeing with his views). I guess if he's not game you could still do your part of the written exercise.

 

[cutestuff]

Kat that's rough. Maybe write dh a letter. Most hubbies honestly don't know how to help especially when there are no bottles involved in feedings but I think you need to find a way to talk to him otherwise you will just continue resenting him and it could eventually end your marriage. I'm not joking when I say it doesn't get easier. Once dd started walking she found out she can climb and do a walking run she throws temper tantrums and throws her food on the floor. She in general lives to destroy the house and screams bloody murder for no reason. Its hard and being on the same page with dh will go a long way in making it better or easier for you to be okay getting away.
Jezika that's a really smart idea. Sounds very thereaputic and it would help or could help in a variety of situations. Did you go through therapy or are you in a counseling profession???

 

[Jezika]

Cutestuff I'm in grad school for clinical psychology. I could definitely do with some couples therapy myself though!

 

[cutestuff]

Ha! I knew it. I did psyc and substance abuse as undergrad work. Your posts have reminded me of coursework. I don't use those degrees so I did grad work in healthcare but even that's not what I thought. I couldn't be happier staying home though

 

[Jezika]

How was your degree in healthcare not what you thought? I don't know much about it.

As of right now I'd love to stay at home, but that could be because this is my first break from academia in six years. I'm dreading going back full time in January. It's so intense. I do enjoy *most* of it so ideally I'd do a bit, but I'd love to spend most of my time at home with my beanie girl.

 

[cutestuff]

Unless you have experience or an in somewhere it's difficult to find anything other than an entry level position and they don't pay enough to make it worth being gone 40 hours a week. I couldn't imagine attempting school with dd at the age she is and dealing with her attachment and lack of sleep. I will say it's important to stay consistent in your schedule so baby knows what to expect. I wish you well

 

[Jezika]

Hmm that's suckie re: work opportunities, but glad you don't have to worry about that anyway!

I think I'll need all the luck I can get come January, though in theory school is more flexible than full-time work and doesn't require being away 9 to 5 every day. We'll see!

 

[KatO79]

Thanks guys, I think I'll have to try a mix of these suggestions and see what works best with him. A letter may be good though, he can sit and read it and it may get him to think about things more than if I try saying things verbally. Oh and the reason he wasn't answering his phones was because he stupidly had forgotten both of them in the car so he didn't get my messages until he was about to drive home I did get Alexander to sleep on my lap after bf'ing him, not the best for his sleep training but he was overtired and not receptive to it anyway. He got a good 2½ hours and then I got him to sleep in his cradle afterwards, just after that DH got home with a shopping bag full of candy and chocolate for me (since he's dieting)

Ugh we think one of the reasons Alexander isn't sleeping well is his eczema which has gotten a tad worse since we got a bit lazy in putting lotion on it He's got it on his forhead, on the areas by his eyes (between his eyes and hairline) and on a large area of his scalp. We bought what they tewrm a "fat cream" here on my provider's advice and it's helping, she's coming by tomorrow to take a look. I fear that we may need to use a hormone cream to get it more down though and am not much for the idea

The birthday went fine yesterday except that I think Alexander was tired and the restaurant was noisy so he kept on wanting to comfort feed. He did that while I ate and then DH's mother got him afterwards since he seemed to be in a better mood. Although we hurridly started getting him ready to sleep when we got to the grandmother's house although my MIL wanted to keep on holding Alexander. She admitted in the end that he was tired and let us put him to bed. To the complaints of certain family members (among them my FIL), they don't get he needs to sleep and can't be up for 4-5 hours even though most of them have had kids Had to listen to crap from my FIL when I mentioned that getting Alexander to sleep at night is DH's job on Friday and Saturday nights, he remarked "Wow, what service!" which pissed me off but I let it go not wanting to argue at the grandmother's birthday. I wanted to remind him that Alexander is just as much DH's child as mine and that I couldn't see the problem in getting help at night when DH isn't going to work the next day so I also can get some needed sleep Oh and DH's uncle (married to my MIL's sister) remarked that us having rocked him to sleep and only now starting to ease up on it was us "spoiling" him I was tempted to ask how do you otherwise get a 0-1/2 month old to sleep otherwise but let that go as well And then my MIL had to annoy me and get all protective when I felt that Alexander wasn't strapped in good enough in his car seat, I had to tighten it more when we got away so my MIL didn't see it so I could avoid her trying to stop me She totally doesn't get car seats and the need for the straps to be a certain tightness to keep him protected in case of an accident, DH says that she used to hold them when they were babies in the car until they were older.

 

[star_e]

Cute stuff- thanks for the advice. I think I'll wait on some of the stuff. Don't want to make mistakes and will look for ways to get things cheaper. Sorry it's been tough with the sleep though it's good your LO is waking up less. Is Gymboree a mom and child exercise class?

Kat - really sorry about the issues with DH. Maybe give the exercises jezika mentioned a try? I'm aware of those exercises and they can be very helpful. But I'm curious - as off as this may seem, do you think DH thinks he's contributing and it's going unnoticed? Often times in conflict I've realized that people think they are doing exactly what evidence shows they are not doing. One thing is for sure, he does not realize how much you are doing or is not showing enough appreciation for it. I wish he had to be you for a weekend so he could get a taste for it. Sucks bc sometimes for some people it takes actually being the other person for realizations to sink to the heart.

Jezika - how's it going? Did you give the breastfeeding in public a try? Was it okay? I'm glad you have respite at least for now from school and you can be at home with your LO.

Did any of you use a pregnancy pillow? I haven't been that comfortable at night and am wondering if that pillow helps. For years now I have already slept with a pillow between or beneath my knees and I hug another pillow. It's really my shoulders that hurt.

 

[drjo718]

Kat, please don't get upset with me for mentioning this, but at four months some babies are awake for longer than 4-5 hours at a time. Every baby is different. Nora would be up for 8 hours straight at that age. She was a cat-napper and would just doze for 10-30 minutes and be up for several more hours. She would only nap on me or in her swing. I know how challenging it can be to have a baby that doesn't go to sleep easily or who doesn't seem to do what all other babies do. For me it was less stressful to just let her play when she fought sleep, even when she was giving some sleep cues. She just wasn't ready to give in and nap. Just a suggestion.

 

[KatO79]

star perhaps although he often makes me feel like what I'm doing isn't much work when he harps on about him needing sleep and making my need for sleep completely secondary, like taking care of Alexander isn't work. Yep I've often wished for a "Freaky Friday" experience for him, preferably where he tries a more rgular day and the most stressful days I have so he can get a full picture.

Kat, please don't get upset with me for mentioning this, but at four months some babies are awake for longer than 4-5 hours at a time. Every baby is different. Nora would be up for 8 hours straight at that age. She was a cat-napper and would just doze for 10-30 minutes and be up for several more hours. She would only nap on me or in her swing. I know how challenging it can be to have a baby that doesn't go to sleep easily or who doesn't seem to do what all other babies do. For me it was less stressful to just let her play when she fought sleep, even when she was giving some sleep cues. She just wasn't ready to give in and nap. Just a suggestion.

But mine just isn't one of them and they know that because they've tried babysitting him and know the longest he goes is about 2 hours before he gets tired and cranky. My health care provider has advised me that he needs 3 naps a day with at least one of them being 2-3 hours while the others can be as short as 30-60 minutes but he mostly goes for at least 1-2 hours, less than 1 hour for him tends to end in him getting overtired more quickly (and sometimes 1 hour isn't enough). Also from what I understand, not all babies just give in to naps, some fight them even if they truely are tired and need to sleep. My baby is one of them, it's just part of his personality and doesn't mean he doesn't need to sleep. I wouldn't be confortable letting him "decide" to not sleep as he's not capable of making that decision/call at that age