Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[KatO79]

star it doesn't take very long to clean since our house isn't very big (even though it's 2 stories high) but I think DH wants things to be nicer than they would be if it was just us plus he knows we can't always both be cleaning since when Alexander is awake one of us has to be watching him. So DH wants to get a head start.

AFM DH annoyed the heck out of me last night so here's another rant He brought Alexander in after his nap to be fed and I said that he needed to go to bed after but DH wanted Alexander to be awake for a bit to spend time with him. I had a feeling that Alexander wouldn't be up to it but didn't push the issue and told DH that I didn't think it was a good idea because Alexander is going to be too tired. Well turns out I was right and Alexander wanted to sleep, he actually fell asleep on me. But nope, DH wanted him to be awake for a bit before putting him in his cradle. The thing was that dinner was ready so it ended up DH was suddenly more interested in eating than spending time with his son and he tried to prop up Alexander next to him so he could eat dinner and have his son next to him. Which didn't work as Alexander can in no way yet balance himself so he can sit up, so he fell to one side I told DH that I did try to tell him but he put pretty much all the blame on me because if I was so sure, I should've put my foot down and insisted Ugh then he had to annoy me at night because Alexander woke me for a feed but I really had to pee so said so and DH told me to go pee. I did hear Alexander crying but assumed DH was doing something which was completely wrong because DH was lying in bed trying to sleep I told him why didn't he try to entertain Alexander for a bit or maybe change his diaper or something, anything but letting him lie there crying, but he couldn't see he had done anything wrong because Alexander wanted a feed and he couldn't give him that so he "couldn't do anything" and I felt like I was trying to talk to a back-talking, belligerent tween/teenager and not a man turning 40 this year

 

[star_e]

Kat that seems very frustrating and a very big burden on you if you have to say something in such a way to get your DH to understand you. Cause you told him it wasn't a good idea. So sorry.

And in terms of your DH not checking in on Alexander and instead trying to sleep, I guess he doesn't realize that he should do that to comfort him?

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Kat I'm so sorry.. You are one strong woman.

Afm, Our anatomy scan is getting closer.. March 2. My husband and I decided to do something a bit... Fun for our reveal. We are having a piñata at our reveal and decided we are going to fill it with white candy. So everyone will take the time to find it what it is and then it'll all be white. Then we are going to have the local bakery make us cupcakes with the icing color inside and will have those in my husband's trunk of his car. Well go grab those after the "disappointing piñata" and that's how our family will find out.. I'm sure my mother in law is going to want to strangle me lol..

 

[KatO79]

star yeah it annoyed me a lot and he's always trying to shift blame back on me in some way. Like he recently one night complained about pointing the finger at each other but then went on to practically say I'm the only one doing it and it makes him feel bad He doesn't seem to consider that maybe, possibly I could be right about just some of it, nope it's just me being a nag He actually said that to Alexander last night when I was trying to help DH and give him some pointers on playing, "Alexander, your Mommy can be a nag sometimes!" or something like that, geez I wanted to say something but decided not to. Anyway as for comforting nope, I guess the idea doesn't strike him. He apparently wants me to tell him what to do but then will sometimes turn things around and say I'm a nag. I just can't win.....

Gagrlinpitt thanks Your idea sounds lovely! I hope your MIL doesn't get too mad

 

[Jezika]

Kat have you done the whole setting aside time to talk thing yet?

Gag, I'm loving the disappoiñata, haha!

 

[KatO79]

Kat have you done the whole setting aside time to talk thing yet?

Gag, I'm loving the disappoiñata, haha!

Not yet, I've been leaning more to writing a letter first (hoping that DH won't go into defensive mode right away that way) but haven't had much time to do so I'll have to find time soon.

DH is definitely in super cleaning mode, he says if the house isn't practically spotless soon he'll cancel the Christening I'm hoping he's not serious.

Still haven't heard from a few people so thinking they're most likely not coming (except DH's little brother and girlfriend as I'm assuming either both or just the girlfriend are/is coming depending on if the brother's band will be rehearsing that weekend or not). I'll still be contacting everyone we haven't heard from on the 26th (RSVP is the 25th) to ask for definitive answers though.

Oh and my toxic mother is sick with a cold although she claims she's dying or something to DH and now says she won't come to the Christening because she's too sick even though it's first in 2 weeks and then complained she hasn't been to any of her grandkids' Christenings Yeah, going to ignore that as she's clearly out for attention and trying to make Alexander's Christening about herself, disgusting and unfortunately not unexpected

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Kat it sounds like this is genetic thing with your husband...I guess the Apple doesn't fall from the tree.

 

[KatO79]

Kat it sounds like this is genetic thing with your husband...I guess the Apple doesn't fall from the tree.

Genetic thing? My MIL is pretty nice and has been more helpful when she's here than he is most of the time. If that's in referance to what I just wrote, than I think you've misread, it's my own toxic mother that has decided to not come to the Christening and is playing deathly ill for attention, not my MIL!

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Kat it sounds like this is genetic thing with your husband...I guess the Apple doesn't fall from the tree.

Genetic thing? My MIL is pretty nice and has been more helpful when she's here than he is most of the time. If that's in referance to what I just wrote, than I think you've misread, it's my own toxic mother that has decided to not come to the Christening and is playing deathly ill for attention, not my MIL!

I apologize I did misread that... Stop sorry about that. I know all about toxic family, so that I can relate to. None of my family live up here so I told my two sisters and my mom we would FaceTime them in for the gender reveal.. Well my oldest sister and my mom were so excited and said they didn't care where they were or what they were doing they wanted to be FaceTime in. My middle sister ( whos wedding I wasnt in because I was too fat a year after an almost really car accident) said her twin 9 year old boys have sports that day and she'll be too busy..

 

[star_e]

Kat is your mom just saying she won't come for attention or does she intend not to come? It's a strange excuse to predict that her sickness will last two weeks. Sometimes sickeness lasts longer than two weeks (I've been congested since December) but it's not predictable. How you doing otherwise? Did your DH clean to his liking this weekend?

 

[KatO79]

Gagrlinpitt I do remember you mentioning it before, so sorry your sister continues to behave in a toxic manner but unfortunately, most people like that don't improve. I'd personally not expect better from her and have 0 expectations for her to be excited or happy for you, it may be easier to deal with. That's what I've been doing with my toxic relatives. So great that your mom and other sister are nice though!

star nope the house is still not clean enough As for my mom: both probably! She's just using her sickness as both an excuse not to come plus making it out to be worse than it is for attention. She's a narcissist so can't stand the attention being on someone else. She did a lot of crappy things before my wedding as well to make herself the center of attention because she couldn't stand that I would be the center of attention. Now she's pulling this number to move the attention from Alexander to herself, so gross that she can't even let her grandchild have his day! Unfortunately I fully expected her to do this so not surprised

 

[KatO79]

Ugh so we're having huge problems with Alexander at night He's started to sleep better but after his around 2 AM feeding, he starts waking up about every hour. I don't think feeding him each time has been good and has probably been just cementing this issue so now I'm going to try pick up/put down method, read up on it as I think we've been doing it a bit wrong so now we can do it right. Think I was awake from around 2:30 AM until 6:30 AM when Alexander decided to wake up for play DH wasn't happy so now he wants to start going to bed earlier. He behaved like a total ass at one point btw and was blaming me, "Did you feed him enough?", "Look he's scratching himself on his forehead (he has eczema), did you remember to lotion him up?" He was going crazy with the blame in this nasty tone instead of concentrating on getting Alexander to sleep and just upsetting him more so I left the bedroom and went upstairs so DH could concentrate on being productive and I could get some peace from him blaming me. If anything, it's DH's fault for crazy pressuring me to feed Alexander every time because he wanted his sleep! I'm just hoping we can fix this before he starts sleeping in his crib in a couple of months or so We really need him to be able to sleep on his own without any form of props.

Oh and my toxic brother and sister started pressuring me to invite my eldest brother (whom I've only recently gotten into contact with after he dropped everyone in the family for the last 8 years and magically returned once his wife was in an accident and is now suffering brain damage). I'd say they were borderline bullying me after my cousin mentioned she thinks I should invite him because "he's Alexander's uncle" My toxic brother was really bad and didn't care that our mother and our eldest brother are on really bad terms so he basically accusing me of not being able to go against our mother when I've done just that numerous times. I've just chosen to want relative peace for the Christening. He didn't get it though and made himself out to be almost a guru with my sister even saying "Wow you're so wise!!!" to him *cue the gagging* At least my sister could kind of see it from my side and dropped it but my brother just kept on going and saying I wasn't "in the same place in life" as he is or some BS like that

 

[KatO79]

So the health care provider came today and Alexander is doing better but he still doesn't weigh enough at around 7.0 kg so I'm going to start him on porridges tomorrow since DH needs to buy the ingredients for me today. They don't recommend the store bought stuff because of the high sugar content so will be making them myself and only using the stuff you can buy in emergencies. He'll be getting a super thin one after his 1st nap of the day (which I'll gradually increase in chunkiness once he's more used to it) and then gruel in a bottle before he goes to bed at night. Once he's more used to eating, I'll be adding a vegetable porridge after his 2nd nap.

Oh and since his eczema hasn't improved enough from using a fatty cream, she wants me to contact his doctor to look at it. But he needs to go in soon anyway for his 5 month vaccinations so will need to make an appointment for him very soon.

 

[star_e]

Kat glad you gave a plan and that plan also might help with the sleeping too, right?

 

[KatO79]

Kat glad you gave a plan and that plan also might help with the sleeping too, right?

It should help him sleep for longer yes but I have heard of cases where it didn't help. Either way, he'll put on more weight and thrive better which is the most important. But it will take some time since he won't be eating much at first. I'm excited to see his reaction although also nervous as she told me not to bf him before giving him the thin porridge so could end in a tantrum

Still, I can't help but feel a bit sad that this is the first steps toward ending bf'ing, something I fought hard for to work which it does, just my milk that's not enough anymore

 

[star_e]

Kat but the bfing doesn't have to end does it? Can't you still do both?

 

[KatO79]

Kat but the bfing doesn't have to end does it? Can't you still do both?

Yes and that's what you do until they are regularly eating solid foods but the sessions decreases gradually over time.

Alexander had his first gruel before bedtime made from scratch by me. He ate a lot more than we thought he would. He wasn't too happy and cried, probably a combination of tiredness and hunger and confusion. Then I bf'ed him afterwards. So we'll see if he sleeps for longer.

 

[star_e]

I see. Well I'm curious to see if it helps him sleep. I hope it does.

 

[KatO79]

So he did sleep a bit longer than normal so that's promising. I think once he's eating more of it then it'll help more. Right now it's so new so it'll take some time.

 

[Jezika]

Hoping it works too, Kat. Any more developments on the fam front?