Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[KatO79]

Kat and Praying, hope everything goes well for your HSGs, that you'll get some answers AND a quick BFP afterwards!

Welcome miss.mac and deafgal. So sorry to hear about your issues with TTC. deafgal, is there any way to improve sperm quality?

Hollyness, yes unfortunately we never know which category we'll fall into until we start trying...

Thanks Fleur

I just called the HSG place and told them it was CD3 today but they first had time the for me November 25th at 10:45 AM I told them I thought they tried to do it before or at CD10 and that I normally O CD13 but she said it should be fine as they can go up to CD11 as a last resort if need be (meaning if they're too busy to do it before). So sounds like they're really busy but they do other types of X-rays as well so it's not all HSGs I think. The woman who took my call wasn't very friendly but I guess it's because they're so busy. I had to wait 10-11 minutes on the phone before they could take my call (I started out as #7).

But my question is that if we even have our 6% shot of a BFP this cycle when we'll only have CD11-CD13 to BD without sperm damage risk (as I'm assuming the contrast dye will kill off any sperm in there before that)? The problem is I probably won't be feeling so great afterwards so CD11 may be scratched and it's first CD12 we may be able to BD so we only have CD12 since I normally O in the early/mid-afternoon according to previous temping. We could also aim for morning BDing and take CD12 and CD13 and just hope. But I guess who knows at this point since we've tried BDing many days other times and no BFP and some just reach 1 BD session and get their BFP

 

[zen108]

Fleur, wishing u luck for a real BFP this month. I understand the wait plus the BFP's due to hormones must be really hard on u.
I had a positive OPK yesterday after HSG on 12 Nov.
We BD'd twice last night and will again today.
Like I have mentioned before, I really have my hopes up high now after the HSG.

I hope it works out for all of us

Miss mac - this is my 2nd cycle of the HSG. i also read that chances of BFP is higher after HSG. hope this is it for us, but then i really don't hv much hope this cycle.

 

[drjo718]

Kat - it stinks on the timing but at least it's getting done! My OH and I got our positive (ended in mc) after 1 BD session...standing up...4 days before ovulation. So it can happen!

 

[KatO79]

Kat - it stinks on the timing but at least it's getting done! My OH and I got our positive (ended in mc) after 1 BD session...standing up...4 days before ovulation. So it can happen!

Thanks drjo718 I think I got a crappy time because AF came Saturday morning and they're closed on weekends so I might have gotten something a bit better if AF had come early Friday morning I just hope we have some chance of a BFP this cycle despite the bad HSG timing as I've heard you're more fertile after a HSG for the 1st 3 cycles or so (providing your tubes are open of course).

DH and I always seem to aim for that he, errr, makes his deposit when I'm laying down so I can remain on my back for about 20 minutes or so at least. Not that it has helped us much

So sorry that it ended in a MC for you though I hope you soon see your sticky BFP

 

[miss.mac82]

Thanks Zen, I hope so too.
We BD'd again this morning so that's 3 times after positive opk. Hopefully we didn't mess up his little soldiers after all that BDing LOL

 

[bighouse]

I'm CD 16 today, no positive OPK yet. But I haven't been testing twice a day every day, some days I've only tested once, so I could have missed the surge. I'm hoping I haven't O'd yet, although my cycles have been very irregular the last 6 months so it's anyone's guess LOL.

Recently we had friends over for dinner/games. It's a group of several couples who have all been married 5-10 years with no kids. It's been nice to have a few friends left who we can relate to and who haven't totally ditched us because we don't have anything in common with them anymore. We're the oldest ones in the group, and have been married the longest. At our most recent get together, one of the couples announced they were expecting. I was so excited and happy for them, but while everyone went on and on talking about their pregnancy, I zoned out (unintentionally) and started to get that sick feeling in my stomach. It felt like a small part of me was engaged in the conversation, but the bigger part of me was somewhere else (a sad place). We are being left behind, again, as the childless ones (who keep failing to get pregnant despite doing 1,000 times more than most people do to conceive). I know many of you can relate.

Later that night I asked DH about it (I just said "so what do you think about so-and-so's news?") and DH responded by launching into a bunch of smart a$$ comments about how he could have put money on the fact that I would bring it up, how I'd now be wanting to have a long depressing conversation about it, etc. All I had done was ask him what he thought, I hadn't said a word about how I felt! Apparently he could read my emotions well enough to KNOW how I felt without even asking, but instead of comforting me, he chose to make some wise cracks, which were hurtful. I don't typically verbalize my feelings about our attempts at TTC very often with him because, well #1 he's a guy who isn't overly talkative and #2 I don't want to increase his stress about TTC either and #3 he isn't always the best at responding sensitively to situations like this that involve feelings and hurts (it's hit or miss). So after that happened last night, things went downhill quickly. Needless to say we didn't get in any BDing last night (which we need at this point in my cycle!) and I barely got any sleep.

Sorry to vent! This post probably paints my DH in a negative light (I can just imagine people thinking "if he's such a jerk why are you TTC with him?"). But none of us are perfect, and his good qualities certainly outweigh the times where he slips up. I'm just frustrated, and sad. I won't lie though, after last night I wondered if we should take a break and stop TTC for a while. He's frequently complaining about the frequency of BDing (if it was up to him, he would BD once a week max, or better yet once every other week). I certainly don't want to stop trying, and he doesn't either, but all of our TTC attempts lately seem to be hijacked during my fertile window for his reasons (fishing trip, work travel, arguments, not in the mood to BD, etc). Part of me would rather not try at all, than start trying but not give it our best shot during my fertile window, because then I'm still left with some hope and dissapointed when I get AF/BFN. I know everyone says "if you wait until you are 100% ready to have kids, you will NEVER have kids". I just want our relationship to be "perfect" before bringing a kid into the mix (my home life growing up was very tumultuous and I would never want our kid to have to go through any part of that). I know it will never be perfect, but it would certainly be nice if we had less arguments.

 

[KatO79]

I'm CD 16 today, no positive OPK yet. But I haven't been testing twice a day every day, some days I've only tested once, so I could have missed the surge. I'm hoping I haven't O'd yet, although my cycles have been very irregular the last 6 months so it's anyone's guess LOL.

Recently we had friends over for dinner/games. It's a group of several couples who have all been married 5-10 years with no kids. It's been nice to have a few friends left who we can relate to and who haven't totally ditched us because we don't have anything in common with them anymore. We're the oldest ones in the group, and have been married the longest. At our most recent get together, one of the couples announced they were expecting. I was so excited and happy for them, but while everyone went on and on talking about their pregnancy, I zoned out (unintentionally) and started to get that sick feeling in my stomach. It felt like a small part of me was engaged in the conversation, but the bigger part of me was somewhere else (a sad place). We are being left behind, again, as the childless ones (who keep failing to get pregnant despite doing 1,000 times more than most people do to conceive). I know many of you can relate.

Later that night I asked DH about it (I just said "so what do you think about so-and-so's news?") and DH responded by launching into a bunch of smart a$$ comments about how he could have put money on the fact that I would bring it up, how I'd now be wanting to have a long depressing conversation about it, etc. All I had done was ask him what he thought, I hadn't said a word about how I felt! Apparently he could read my emotions well enough to KNOW how I felt without even asking, but instead of comforting me, he chose to make some wise cracks, which were hurtful. I don't typically verbalize my feelings about our attempts at TTC very often with him because, well #1 he's a guy who isn't overly talkative and #2 I don't want to increase his stress about TTC either and #3 he isn't always the best at responding sensitively to situations like this that involve feelings and hurts (it's hit or miss). So after that happened last night, things went downhill quickly. Needless to say we didn't get in any BDing last night (which we need at this point in my cycle!) and I barely got any sleep.

Sorry to vent! This post probably paints my DH in a negative light (I can just imagine people thinking "if he's such a jerk why are you TTC with him?"). But none of us are perfect, and his good qualities certainly outweigh the times where he slips up. I'm just frustrated, and sad. I won't lie though, after last night I wondered if we should take a break and stop TTC for a while. He's frequently complaining about the frequency of BDing (if it was up to him, he would BD once a week max, or better yet once every other week). I certainly don't want to stop trying, and he doesn't either, but all of our TTC attempts lately seem to be hijacked during my fertile window for his reasons (fishing trip, work travel, arguments, not in the mood to BD, etc). Part of me would rather not try at all, than start trying but not give it our best shot during my fertile window, because then I'm still left with some hope and dissapointed when I get AF/BFN. I know everyone says "if you wait until you are 100% ready to have kids, you will NEVER have kids". I just want our relationship to be "perfect" before bringing a kid into the mix (my home life growing up was very tumultuous and I would never want our kid to have to go through any part of that). I know it will never be perfect, but it would certainly be nice if we had less arguments.

Sorry bighouse that you're having such a tough time

I can only imagine how it felt to have one the couples announce their pregnancy I'd probably have felt the same way you did.

Your DH sounds like he has problems talking about feelings around TTC. So his way of dealing is lashing out with comments like that, maybe to avoid dealing with how he's feeling. But it certainly isn't fair to you that he's lashing out that way when you're feeling bad about not having your BFP yet. You could just not talk to him anymore about it to avoid his reaction but I don't think that's very healthy for a marriage. Maybe you could try sitting him down when he's in a good mood and tell him that what he said hurt you and you're also hurting over the fact that it's taking so long. That you need to stick together during this time and you both need to find ways on how to discuss feelings without it getting ugly. Also for the sake of any child as it wouldn't be the best environment for a child when he talks to you that way. So you both need to find a way of communicating in a more positive way when you're having an argument as lashing out only damages your relationship.

As for him avoiding you during your fertile window: I'd ask him if he's really invested in trying to have a baby because it unfortunately doesn't sound like it. I don't know if it's some sort of avoidance thing since if you're not really trying, you can't be disappointed if it doesn't work out. It might be a good idea to talk to him about if he feels like he needs a break and go NTNP for a while. It might also be good for your relationship and maybe you can try doing all sorts of things with him like going out once in a while, spend time together and get the pressure taken off so TTCing isn't taking over your lives. It'll also give you the opportunity to work on your relationship. If it's proving impossible to talk to him and to get him to talk about his feelings in a way that isn't hurtful to you, then you may want to get couple's therapy so you can get help in getting him to understand that the way he reacts is unacceptable.

I know what having had a slightly less ideal childhood is like as you can see from my previous posts. No relationship is ever perfect. There are always going to be those small arguments and hard times during a relationship. What it's all about in the end is sticking together and constantly working on your relationship so you both are getting your needs met and are better able to meet the needs of your child when he/she comes along. Your child doesn't need perfection, just good enough will do. Something I know my mother didn't give me. As long as you're giving your child a lot of unconditional love, attention and support, I'm sure your child will grow up just fine.

I've been married for 5 years with my DH but together for about 10 years total.

 

[zen108]

Hi bighouse. I agreed with what Kat said. TTC is a 2 person journey, not you alone. Sad to say, your DH needs to be interested and involved, no matter how busy he is.

My DH used to be like that too, just saying things like 'if it's meant to happen, then it will happen'. And during fertile period, i hv to kinda persuade him to BD with me. So one cycle I got really frustrated, was crying and arguing with him and told him exactly what i felt, and he finally understood that this journey is ours to walk, not me alone. Now he takes interest to know about a woman's body, when i ovulate and when AF is due.

My DH is a very patient guy. I guess he doesn't realize that a woman's body has a dateline unlike his. Talking to your DH when both of you are calmer would be good.

I do sometimes think that a baby will come only when the relationship is stable and when we are totally ready for him/her. That's just my 2 cents, based on my own feelings.

 

[zen108]

Don't mind if I vent a little. As mentioned earlier, AF will be coming on 23 Nov. Unlike previous months, this cycle is very quiet. Except those symptoms mentioned, nothing else was felt. I used to feel nausea, vomiting, craving, tiredness, peeing more and backache right before AF. And for my last pregnancy, I was craving for macaroni and cheese right before BFP and had it 3 days in a row. That was a sure sign for me + implantation bleeding. Now nothing at all.

So, as this is the 2nd cycle after HSG and I understand the first 3 cycles are our best shot, if BFN this time, there is no chance for next cycle as DH is going overseas on the day AF arrive and will only be back after the fertile period.

We were so unlucky this month from the start of this cycle. Family crisis made us so stressed and unhappy and DH was very sick. During the fertile period, we moved out to a friend's place for 2 weeks to relax after the family crisis but we were more stressed out living at a new place. On top of that, I just sprained my right ankle.

So before my body give me the ultimate betrayal, before my temps go down, let me just whine a little about this difficult journey. I know for sure it's a BFN. It's just a woman's instincts. Please no more bad luck and just let me embrace AF with open arms, though I have to deal with it alone this cycle with DH away.

 

[cutestuff]

I'm CD 16 today, no positive OPK yet. But I haven't been testing twice a day every day, some days I've only tested once, so I could have missed the surge. I'm hoping I haven't O'd yet, although my cycles have been very irregular the last 6 months so it's anyone's guess LOL.

Recently we had friends over for dinner/games. It's a group of several couples who have all been married 5-10 years with no kids. It's been nice to have a few friends left who we can relate to and who haven't totally ditched us because we don't have anything in common with them anymore. We're the oldest ones in the group, and have been married the longest. At our most recent get together, one of the couples announced they were expecting. I was so excited and happy for them, but while everyone went on and on talking about their pregnancy, I zoned out (unintentionally) and started to get that sick feeling in my stomach. It felt like a small part of me was engaged in the conversation, but the bigger part of me was somewhere else (a sad place). We are being left behind, again, as the childless ones (who keep failing to get pregnant despite doing 1,000 times more than most people do to conceive). I know many of you can relate.

Later that night I asked DH about it (I just said "so what do you think about so-and-so's news?") and DH responded by launching into a bunch of smart a$$ comments about how he could have put money on the fact that I would bring it up, how I'd now be wanting to have a long depressing conversation about it, etc. All I had done was ask him what he thought, I hadn't said a word about how I felt! Apparently he could read my emotions well enough to KNOW how I felt without even asking, but instead of comforting me, he chose to make some wise cracks, which were hurtful. I don't typically verbalize my feelings about our attempts at TTC very often with him because, well #1 he's a guy who isn't overly talkative and #2 I don't want to increase his stress about TTC either and #3 he isn't always the best at responding sensitively to situations like this that involve feelings and hurts (it's hit or miss). So after that happened last night, things went downhill quickly. Needless to say we didn't get in any BDing last night (which we need at this point in my cycle!) and I barely got any sleep.

Sorry to vent! This post probably paints my DH in a negative light (I can just imagine people thinking "if he's such a jerk why are you TTC with him?"). But none of us are perfect, and his good qualities certainly outweigh the times where he slips up. I'm just frustrated, and sad. I won't lie though, after last night I wondered if we should take a break and stop TTC for a while. He's frequently complaining about the frequency of BDing (if it was up to him, he would BD once a week max, or better yet once every other week). I certainly don't want to stop trying, and he doesn't either, but all of our TTC attempts lately seem to be hijacked during my fertile window for his reasons (fishing trip, work travel, arguments, not in the mood to BD, etc). Part of me would rather not try at all, than start trying but not give it our best shot during my fertile window, because then I'm still left with some hope and dissapointed when I get AF/BFN. I know everyone says "if you wait until you are 100% ready to have kids, you will NEVER have kids". I just want our relationship to be "perfect" before bringing a kid into the mix (my home life growing up was very tumultuous and I would never want our kid to have to go through any part of that). I know it will never be perfect, but it would certainly be nice if we had less arguments.

Sorry bighouse that you're having such a tough time

I can only imagine how it felt to have one the couples announce their pregnancy I'd probably have felt the same way you did.

Your DH sounds like he has problems talking about feelings around TTC. So his way of dealing is lashing out with comments like that, maybe to avoid dealing with how he's feeling. But it certainly isn't fair to you that he's lashing out that way when you're feeling bad about not having your BFP yet. You could just not talk to him anymore about it to avoid his reaction but I don't think that's very healthy for a marriage. Maybe you could try sitting him down when he's in a good mood and tell him that what he said hurt you and you're also hurting over the fact that it's taking so long. That you need to stick together during this time and you both need to find ways on how to discuss feelings without it getting ugly. Also for the sake of any child as it wouldn't be the best environment for a child when he talks to you that way. So you both need to find a way of communicating in a more positive way when you're having an argument as lashing out only damages your relationship.

As for him avoiding you during your fertile window: I'd ask him if he's really invested in trying to have a baby because it unfortunately doesn't sound like it. I don't know if it's some sort of avoidance thing since if you're not really trying, you can't be disappointed if it doesn't work out. It might be a good idea to talk to him about if he feels like he needs a break and go NTNP for a while. It might also be good for your relationship and maybe you can try doing all sorts of things with him like going out once in a while, spend time together and get the pressure taken off so TTCing isn't taking over your lives. It'll also give you the opportunity to work on your relationship. If it's proving impossible to talk to him and to get him to talk about his feelings in a way that isn't hurtful to you, then you may want to get couple's therapy so you can get help in getting him to understand that the way he reacts is unacceptable.

I know what having had a slightly less ideal childhood is like as you can see from my previous posts. No relationship is ever perfect. There are always going to be those small arguments and hard times during a relationship. What it's all about in the end is sticking together and constantly working on your relationship so you both are getting your needs met and are better able to meet the needs of your child when he/she comes along. Your child doesn't need perfection, just good enough will do. Something I know my mother didn't give me. As long as you're giving your child a lot of unconditional love, attention and support, I'm sure your child will grow up just fine.

I've been married for 5 years with my DH but together for about 10 years total.

Hi ladies. I wanted to chime in as well. I too have been with my husband for a long time. We have been married for 4.5 years together for 11.5 and we too are currently childless. I will say that I have been in a situation where someone announced their big news and I didn't like it. Not that we were trying at that time and of course another one of my favorites is when someone gets married, I typically say to my husband that I won't be happy if they get pregnant before we do. I will say that is not necessarily mature, but for the last 5.5 years, we only used the withdrawal method and abstinence and never had even any close calls, so it irritates me when others seem to get pregnant on birth control or when their lives are spiraling out of control. Now I will say that in the last year, I have experienced 3 pregnancy announcements, but it was hard for me to resent them one because they don't know we are trying and two because I don't know their stories well enough to judge. I will also say that in the 11.5 years we have together, we have had our times of toxicity in the relationship and my husband probably would have reacted the same way as kat's. Now I am starting to try to empower myself and motivate myself as a woman not be be defined by my fertility or by my consistent bfn's. I also am quite sure we are doing something right because even though I got a bfn on the first day of my period, my period is just barely starting today, which is 3 days later than I expected, so maybe we are close to that bfp. I would encourage you ladies to try and think of it this way: Most of us both men and women are taught in school that pregnancy is inevitable if you do not use protection. you can get pregnant on your period, if he withdrawals, if your birth control fails, if you are on birth control and antibiotics at the same time and for most of us on this board, that has not been the case. It is more accurate that you can do everything possible and still not get pregnant and it sucks and you want to be that person the health teacher spoke about getting pregnant just by a look from their partner. I have decided that other than posting on occasion and noting the start and stop of my cycle, I am not going to go crazy this cycle. It is more important that I have a relationship with my husband that lasts the next 50 plus years than that I get my bfp by a certain time. I think most guys think the same way as girls when they are not getting people pregnant. there is a lot of stigma to that and most guys probably are a bit weirded out by it and maybe that's where the smart ass comments were coming from. But I am sorry you are having a hard time.

 

[Fleur828815]

Kat, how frustrating when you were all geared up for the HSG ! I have no idea if the contrast dye kills off sperm but get in as much BDing before and after when you feel better! They say you can fall pregnant by BDing every 3 days, or even 5 days before ovulation, so it doesn't mean this cycle must be written off totally. You might also ovulate a bit later? Lots of

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Bighouse - your DH kinda reminds me of mine in that he doesn't like it when I get all upset that we can't seem to get pregnant. He doesn't like it when I bring up how frustrated I am by the process. And I will also say that I have a wonderful, loving, caring and supportive DH. But sometimes this process can get to our guys, as well. I don't think your DH is a jerk - AT ALL. I think that our DH's love us very much and they just want us to be happy. When we complain about TTC, what can they do? Yes, they can support us and try to be positive and encouraging, but sometimes our DH's can feel overwhelmed and frustrated that it's not working too and they can't do a thing to fix it. Another thing that my DH has told me is that sometimes he worries "will I be enough for you if we can't have children? will you be happy if it's just the two of us?" So there might be that fear as well. I'm not saying that your DH was without fault, not at all....he should be comforting to you and he should try to get on the same page as far as doing the deed during your fertile time. But I definitely think that TTC impacts both partners and men just can't express themselves as well. I'm sure your DH is a good guy and he wants the best for you

 

[Fleur828815]

bighouse, sorry you feel that your DH is not being supportive. You say that his good qualities outweigh the bad ones, do focus on that! No relationship (and no person) can ever be perfect. You might argue a lot but it all depends how you manage to solve any problems, arguments don't mean less love. Growing up in a tumultuous household, you know you'll do everythig to avoid the same thing for your kids.

Unfortunately I think this is just more evidence of how we all deal differently with things. My DH is the sweetest guy ever, truly, but since my missed miscarriage I get annoyed with him so often. He doesn't like talking about it, he says it's over now, we need to look forward to the next pregnancy. When I mention that so and so is pregnant and I feel upset, he gets angry and says HE's happy for them, why am I so jealous? Argh when did I say I'm not happy for them, I'm just unhappy for myself and wish I could be pregnant too! He also said that he doesn't know what to say when I'm "moping" as he describes it

In some cases our DHs don't really get how VITAL it is for us to fall pregnant/have a baby. Mine is very optimistic all the time and is confident it will happen sooner or later, so there's no point worrying about it in the meantime. Lots of my friends have said that TTC was so stressful that their DHs couldn't "perform" and actively avoided sex if they so much as suspected it was a fertile period.

Feel free to rant and share your feelings here, we all understand how hard it is.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Zen - I know how you feel about just having an instinct that it isn't going to work this month...sometimes we just know. I hope that you are wrong and get a surprise BFP, but that would just be too much luck, right?? *Sigh*

Fleur - thanks for hanging out with us and cheering us on as you wait to try again. I hope you get your AF soon so that you can start trying in January

DrJo - welcome and I'm sorry you have been having such looooooong cycles! I am so impatient...I don't know how I would stand waiting to O However, even though I have pretty regular cycles, I guess I've been doing this TTC thing for about 9 months now so I am building up my patience waiting around to get pregnant! Have you already had your labs done? If not, you should get your TSH, T3 & T4, and your AMH and E2 along with FSH, Prolactin, LH, etc.

Kat - I hope your HSG opens up those tubes nicely so that your DH's swimmers can have a nice easy passage to your egg!

cutestuff - ughh! I know what you mean...I totally thought that getting pregnant would be a breeze! I actually wasn't too shocked when I got pregnant my first month trying...I thought to myself so smugly that first month "what's the big deal with people who can't get pregnant....you just make sure you know when you ovulate and have sex! No problem!" Then I miscarried a week later and here I am still waiting. My baby would have been due this past Saturday if I didn't miscarry. So I've passed my original due date and I'm still not pregnant. It sucks.

All - I'm on CD16 here and just a light line on the OPK, which (for me) means that my surge is coming any hour now. I'm going to test this afternoon and again tomorrow morning. So I should ovulate on CD17-19, which is kinda late for me. I have acupuncture tonight so I'm going to ask her why I'm not ovulating on CD14 like I should be after spending thousands of dollars on treatment! I got a BD in last night and will get another in tomorrow morning....I'm lucky that DH doesn't mind frequent sex and his swimmers are healthy so we can do it every day around fertile time if we're up for it! It's my crappy eggs that won't cooperate!

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

One more quick message to say that this is my FAVORITE thread on B&B (or as my DH calls it "baby poop" LOL...it's funny he's like "what are you doing...on that baby poop site again??"). Just reiterating some of the comments I saw on here while I was on vacation...I too can't really relate to people who are TTC #3 or who are only 22 years old....and some of the other threads have WAY too many participants so I don't feel like I get to really know them well....I can't keep up! But this one is my favorite. I hope we can all stick together through this journey and eventually we can chat about our pregnancies! Wouldn't that be awesome?? Come on 2015....we know you have something special for us in store

 

[Fleur828815]

Wise words from the previous commentors!

zen, so sorry you're feeling you have no chance this month and that so many things have upset you lately. I'll still keep everything crossed your instinct is failing you this time, symptoms aren't the same for every pregnancy. Even if you don't get your BFP this time, it doesn't mean you run out of chances 3 months after the HSG. But whine away, we're here to listen

cutestuff, I just love your positive attitude about empowering yourself and what you said about nurturing your relationship with your DH even in the midst of TTCing. I must try to remember that and not ignore his needs in my quest for a BFP

MJs, I agree with what you said, our DHs must also be feeling frustrated and worried. How was your holiday in Napa?

 

[Fleur828815]

Cross posted MJs! Sounds like you've been getting really busy lol.

I also love this thread, we've got a nice dynamic and I hope we'll all be sharing our pregnancy journeys together soon

 

[bighouse]

Thanks Kat, Zen, MJ, Fleur, and Cute for the great advice. Lots of helpful info in your posts!

Cute, when you said “It is more important that I have a relationship with my husband that lasts the next 50 plus years than that I get my bfp by a certain time” it really hit home. I am very type-A and have always been one to achieve or surpass my goals, on time, through hard work and determination. However, that doesn’t exactly work for TTC (even if I want it to, and try to plan and schedule everything perfectly). But you are right, our long-term relationship is more important than whether we get our BFP according to my schedule. But Zen is right, sometimes guys don’t understand (or take seriously) that the clock is ticking with woman’s bodies.

DH was leaving for travel today, which was even worse in my mind because of our lack of BD yesterday, and then it was compounded when I got a positive OPK this morning! Much to my surprise he cancelled his travel (well, he sent someone else in his place). This was a pretty big deal for him because he normally won’t delegate his work tasks to other people (he would prefer to do it himself to make sure it is done right). He went into work in the morning to go over travel instructions with the other guy, but then came home to work things out with me.

We talked (a lot) about the issues at hand and he promised me things would change. He also thinks he is coming down with a cold/flu which probably didn’t help. And MJ is right- even loving/caring DH’s can get overwhelmed and frustrated with TTC and have their own concerns, especially when they see it as their “inability” to get us pregnant, help conceive a child, etc. I think the frequency BD for TTC also makes things more stressful from a guy's perspective, because many guys will not be able to perform over and over, day after day. And not being able to perform when "needed" makes them feel inadequate, I think.

Fleur when you said “when did I say I'm not happy for them, I'm just unhappy for myself and wish I could be pregnant too!” that’s exactly how I feel with all my friends/family getting pregnant. I’m still happy for them, just unhappy for me! It isn’t a jealousy thing I don’t think, because (for most of them) I do want them to have a baby, I just want one too! It’s a both-and, not either/or

 

[cutestuff]

Thanks Kat, Zen, MJ, Fleur, and Cute for the great advice. Lots of helpful info in your posts!

Cute, when you said “It is more important that I have a relationship with my husband that lasts the next 50 plus years than that I get my bfp by a certain time” it really hit home. I am very type-A and have always been one to achieve or surpass my goals, on time, through hard work and determination. However, that doesn’t exactly work for TTC (even if I want it to, and try to plan and schedule everything perfectly). But you are right, our long-term relationship is more important than whether we get our BFP according to my schedule. But Zen is right, sometimes guys don’t understand (or take seriously) that the clock is ticking with woman’s bodies.

DH was leaving for travel today, which was even worse in my mind because of our lack of BD yesterday, and then it was compounded when I got a positive OPK this morning! Much to my surprise he cancelled his travel (well, he sent someone else in his place). This was a pretty big deal for him because he normally won’t delegate his work tasks to other people (he would prefer to do it himself to make sure it is done right). He went into work in the morning to go over travel instructions with the other guy, but then came home to work things out with me.

We talked (a lot) about the issues at hand and he promised me things would change. He also thinks he is coming down with a cold/flu which probably didn’t help. And MJ is right- even loving/caring DH’s can get overwhelmed and frustrated with TTC and have their own concerns, especially when they see it as their “inability” to get us pregnant, help conceive a child, etc. I think the frequency BD for TTC also makes things more stressful from a guy's perspective, because many guys will not be able to perform over and over, day after day. And not being able to perform when "needed" makes them feel inadequate, I think.

Fleur when you said “when did I say I'm not happy for them, I'm just unhappy for myself and wish I could be pregnant too!” that’s exactly how I feel with all my friends/family getting pregnant. I’m still happy for them, just unhappy for me! It isn’t a jealousy thing I don’t think, because (for most of them) I do want them to have a baby, I just want one too! It’s a both-and, not either/or

I know it. And by no means do I think there is not validity to getting frustrated and of course the man will be frustrated. What husband doesn't want his wife to be happy and what husband wants to be reminded or shown that he can't get something right. Think of it this way, if a woman's job is to get pregnant, and the man's is to get her that way, and other men and women are getting pregnant, they might feel like a failure just as much as we do but there really is not a support system for that... I think my point was that in our earlier days of ttc I was a bitch to my husband when we did not dtd on my time frame which made things a lot worse for us. I think about our last 11 years and of the couples who were together in that time frame, only us and one other couple are still together now. Most the others got divorced for one reason or another and while one couple actively tried to get pregnant, the other was an accident and the others had no babies. I feel like for me, that if I am not careful I will end up with a couple of babies to take care of and no husband. While I would love nothing more to be a mother, I cannot judge or base myself or my fertility on someone else's life. Not to say I would not be insanely jealous of those people, but I want a lasting marriage and sometimes people are so involved with their kids or getting pregnant that the relationship falls through the cracks. I don't want that for us especially since my parents have never been big supporters of our relationship.........

 

[KatO79]

Thanks Kat, Zen, MJ, Fleur, and Cute for the great advice. Lots of helpful info in your posts!

Cute, when you said “It is more important that I have a relationship with my husband that lasts the next 50 plus years than that I get my bfp by a certain time” it really hit home. I am very type-A and have always been one to achieve or surpass my goals, on time, through hard work and determination. However, that doesn’t exactly work for TTC (even if I want it to, and try to plan and schedule everything perfectly). But you are right, our long-term relationship is more important than whether we get our BFP according to my schedule. But Zen is right, sometimes guys don’t understand (or take seriously) that the clock is ticking with woman’s bodies.

DH was leaving for travel today, which was even worse in my mind because of our lack of BD yesterday, and then it was compounded when I got a positive OPK this morning! Much to my surprise he cancelled his travel (well, he sent someone else in his place). This was a pretty big deal for him because he normally won’t delegate his work tasks to other people (he would prefer to do it himself to make sure it is done right). He went into work in the morning to go over travel instructions with the other guy, but then came home to work things out with me.

We talked (a lot) about the issues at hand and he promised me things would change. He also thinks he is coming down with a cold/flu which probably didn’t help. And MJ is right- even loving/caring DH’s can get overwhelmed and frustrated with TTC and have their own concerns, especially when they see it as their “inability” to get us pregnant, help conceive a child, etc. I think the frequency BD for TTC also makes things more stressful from a guy's perspective, because many guys will not be able to perform over and over, day after day. And not being able to perform when "needed" makes them feel inadequate, I think.

Fleur when you said “when did I say I'm not happy for them, I'm just unhappy for myself and wish I could be pregnant too!” that’s exactly how I feel with all my friends/family getting pregnant. I’m still happy for them, just unhappy for me! It isn’t a jealousy thing I don’t think, because (for most of them) I do want them to have a baby, I just want one too! It’s a both-and, not either/or

I'm so glad to hear that you and your DH are starting to talk about Things, this is going to be so good for both of you and put you in a better mind frame for TTCing

Kat, how frustrating when you were all geared up for the HSG ! I have no idea if the contrast dye kills off sperm but get in as much BDing before and after when you feel better! They say you can fall pregnant by BDing every 3 days, or even 5 days before ovulation, so it doesn't mean this cycle must be written off totally. You might also ovulate a bit later? Lots of

Yeah I'm almost hoping I'll O CD14 this cycle even though it's not very common for me to do so So frustrating they didn't have time a bit before, I was pretty sure I'd be going in Friday but I guess they're busy. She was a bit short with me as well which didn't help, hope the woman who does my HSG is in a better mood so I feel more free to ask any questions I might have during.

I'm sure you right, so many ladies have gotten pregnant from not having so much BDing, I just feel like chances are a bit higher if you've tried to get as much up there as possible but it's probably not very scientific Thanks for cheering me a bit more up I just hope we get at least 1 session, preferably 2, in there before I O.

Zen - I know how you feel about just having an instinct that it isn't going to work this month...sometimes we just know. I hope that you are wrong and get a surprise BFP, but that would just be too much luck, right?? *Sigh*

Fleur - thanks for hanging out with us and cheering us on as you wait to try again. I hope you get your AF soon so that you can start trying in January

DrJo - welcome and I'm sorry you have been having such looooooong cycles! I am so impatient...I don't know how I would stand waiting to O However, even though I have pretty regular cycles, I guess I've been doing this TTC thing for about 9 months now so I am building up my patience waiting around to get pregnant! Have you already had your labs done? If not, you should get your TSH, T3 & T4, and your AMH and E2 along with FSH, Prolactin, LH, etc.

Kat - I hope your HSG opens up those tubes nicely so that your DH's swimmers can have a nice easy passage to your egg!

cutestuff - ughh! I know what you mean...I totally thought that getting pregnant would be a breeze! I actually wasn't too shocked when I got pregnant my first month trying...I thought to myself so smugly that first month "what's the big deal with people who can't get pregnant....you just make sure you know when you ovulate and have sex! No problem!" Then I miscarried a week later and here I am still waiting. My baby would have been due this past Saturday if I didn't miscarry. So I've passed my original due date and I'm still not pregnant. It sucks.

All - I'm on CD16 here and just a light line on the OPK, which (for me) means that my surge is coming any hour now. I'm going to test this afternoon and again tomorrow morning. So I should ovulate on CD17-19, which is kinda late for me. I have acupuncture tonight so I'm going to ask her why I'm not ovulating on CD14 like I should be after spending thousands of dollars on treatment! I got a BD in last night and will get another in tomorrow morning....I'm lucky that DH doesn't mind frequent sex and his swimmers are healthy so we can do it every day around fertile time if we're up for it! It's my crappy eggs that won't cooperate!

Thanks MJsBabyShaw

Here's hoping your treatment soon kicks in and you O and catch the egg