Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[deafgal01]

bighouse- that makes a lot of sense but also sucks you didn't have enough to proceed.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Thanks OneMore.

MJ- you are correct, I was on progesterone but that plan changed. I started taking 100mg when I ovulated, but only took two doses and then stopped. I realized my doc only left me with a 15-20 day supply. He is very difficult to reach via phone and doesn't have any appointment openings until February. I didn't want to get stuck without enough progesterone, because from my understanding if you get pregnant you need to stay on it until end of 1st trimester. I had a fear that I would start the progesterone, get pregnant, and then run out, not be able to get more, and miscarry because of it. So I decided to not even start the progesterone until I have a 3 month supply in hand. It's also a special formulation made at a compounding pharmacy because I'm allergic to peanuts (peanut oil is an ingredient in the normal progesterone pills) so I was also concerned if that pharmacy was out of stock, etc. So I won't start until I have enough on hand to get me through the 1st trimester if I do get a BFP.

Yup, very smart of you big house...sounds like you are the kind of gal that does her research! It amazes me how some people who clearly have access to the Internet sometimes don't appear to do any research/have an understanding of how their bodies work or how their medications works. Good for you!! Next month with a 3-month supply on hand is a much better plan. Hopefully you'll get your BFP and not even need the progesterone!!

 

[cutestuff]

Welcome dazzle. Bighouse thats smart to wait. I need to vent. I haven't really spoken to anyone about how long it is taking me to get pregnant. Wednesday I broke down and spoke with my boss who is a woman and someone I thought could understand what I was going through especially since I don't have that type of relationship with my mom. It was going fine and she even said she could understand my fear of Never getting pregnant. Right up till she said she got pregnant the first month she tried with both kids and all she had to do was think about it and she was pregnant. When I told her I thought that was more rare than people think she commented that she must be a fertile mertile because again she only had to think about it and it happened. I just about cried and it changed how I see her..... I just want it to be my turn for something good to happen for once. It seems like I am the only person who doesn't have kids or a career at 30. It sucks and I feel like people pitty me. Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it out. Its hard to feel positive....

 

[zen108]

Dear cutestuff, vent away, please. We are all here to listen. Believe me, you are not alone.

There are many women who are so fertile like your boss. And i came to understand that fertile women would never understand our journey because they have never gone through it. So now i don't talk to any fertile friends about my journey. It hurts more although i know they have no intention to hurt us. Just they don't understand how difficult it is.

I have a good friend who is very fertile. Conceived her 3rd kid accidentally. One day, another friend and i went to her house. She commented to the friend that she has a feeling the friend would get a BFP soon, but never told that about me, although she knew i was TTC-ing. Sure enough, that friend got a BFP and not me. I told her about my feelings and was upset. But she consoled me and said i still have lots of good friends around and so on and never even once told me that she feels i will also get my BFP soon.

It hurts badly but i know it's not her intention. To me, it feels as if i will be infertile forever till friends could not even sense that we will have kids. So many of these fertile women told me to relax, stop thinking about it, stop fussing so much and just believe it will happen. Well after 1 year, it still didn't happen.

Sometimes it baffles me. We did everything right. BD at the right time. And all the hormones are fine and yet it doesn't happen.

Anyway, 30 is still young. I know it's fustrating month after month. I have come to the point and accepted that it's ok not to have a child. I feel it's more important to build a marriage with DH and focus on our relationship and live life joyfully, and change the things i can change rather than focus on the things i couldn't change. It has been tiring with this TTC until i have forgotten to live life with a purpose. And the purpose is not only limited to conceive. Although it is difficult to accept infertility, but it's a fact i cannot hide.

But right now, just enjoy life. Christmas is coming, just be happy and don't let TTC take the joy out of it. Many people would not understand us. No worries. That's why this forum is here. To vent to people who do understand. You are not alone and definitely not a failure. Those TTC for long time women are one of the strongest women i know.

 

[KatO79]

Welcome dazzle. Bighouse thats smart to wait. I need to vent. I haven't really spoken to anyone about how long it is taking me to get pregnant. Wednesday I broke down and spoke with my boss who is a woman and someone I thought could understand what I was going through especially since I don't have that type of relationship with my mom. It was going fine and she even said she could understand my fear of Never getting pregnant. Right up till she said she got pregnant the first month she tried with both kids and all she had to do was think about it and she was pregnant. When I told her I thought that was more rare than people think she commented that she must be a fertile mertile because again she only had to think about it and it happened. I just about cried and it changed how I see her..... I just want it to be my turn for something good to happen for once. It seems like I am the only person who doesn't have kids or a career at 30. It sucks and I feel like people pitty me. Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it out. Its hard to feel positive....

Wow sorry she reacted like that I don't think she understands because she had it so easy with getting pregnant and probably feels that your fears are justified when it's taking so long, not realizing most women don't get pregnant the 1st month. Age is also a factor so she was maybe younger when she started? Think also when people have had 1 child, it's generally easier for them to conceive again (notice I used the word generally). My narcissistic mother started having kids when she was 18 so she had an easy time getting pregnant the 5 other times, including conceiving me at age 40 (had me at 41) pretty quickly. My mother doesn't understand any of it either, despite my explanations. I find more understanding from even my rather fertile MIL and even DH's little brother's girlfriend. My SIL and my sister are a bit impossible to talk to about it also (albeit they're nicer about it) as they feel I'm under 40 and couldn't possibly have issues conceiving, it must be me not being positive enough or relaxing enough They fail to see my fertility has halved and it's more difficult than it would've been if I'd been in my 20s.

There are many more like you. I'm 35, no job whatsoever (no hope of getting one) so never mind a career and no children yet. I feel like people actually look down at me because here if you don't have a career or at least a job, you're deemed a bit worthless and people are quick to judge that you must either be lazy or incompetent - or both So know where you're coming from.

I agree with zen, enjoy the upcoming holidays and take a break from thinking too much about TTCing. Try only to vent to people you know will understand where you're coming from, like us. I pretty much only really vent here as no one in my circle truely understands what I'm going through because they haven't experienced it.

Hope you soon feel better

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Cutestuff, I felt the same way after I found out my SIL got pregnant the first time trying with both of her kids...first one at 31 and the second at 36 and a half!!!! I was soooo irritated because things just happen so easily for her all the time. Why can't I get a break? Yes, I got pregnant the month we tried too, but then I lost it and was diagnosed with crappy eggs and will probably be going through menopause early. Then my DH got laid off a month ago.....so this year had been pretty $hitty to say the least! We are here to listen to you vent...it's so hard to imagine life without children of our own, but the days that I accept that as a possibility....those are my best days. Have a glass of wine and some chocolate...or a hot bath or massage and just enjoy life!

 

[bighouse]

Cutestuff, I am right there with you. When I hear "just relax and it will happen" or "have fun and don't stress about it" or "it will happen when it's meant to be" I want to scream That kind of advice for someone going through fertility issues or other difficulty TTC is like telling someone who was injured and bleeding profusely to just "relax, don't stress, be happy and the bleeding will stop on its own and your body will heal itself". Ummmm, first of all that is not always true (sometimes injured people need stitches, blood transfusion, etc) and no one in their right mind can relax and have fun while losing a ton of blood! I'm happy some women can just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show while they TTC. But for those of us with difficulty TTC we don't always have the luxury of conceiving stress-free!

 

[cutestuff]

Thanks. Its just hard to stay positive. I spoke with my husband last nighnight about my fears and he said it could just be him since he spent the first months of his life in an incubator. ( he was born at 28 weeks to an alcoholic mother). I don't know all I can say is I haven't had any type of chemical birth control for 6 years and I have a period every 27-30 days. It could be timing and stress since I have had 2 weird cycles that could have been failed implantations.....

 

[deafgal01]

Cute- it is hard to be positive when you have been trying for a long time. I agree with the ladies' advices- don't let it spoil your holidays- enjoy them.

 

[cutestuff]

I hear that about just enjoying life and my husband. It is something I have tried to think about. I think I will start focusing on my recent weight gain and loosing it through diet and Zumba. Maybe that will help keep my mind off things.

 

[deafgal01]

Cute- that will help, to a certain point. I've been in this journey for at least 3 years now (going on 4 soon). I keep finding new projects to focus on.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Hi ladies! It is hard to stay positive...I did let it get to me on Thanksgiving. All I could think about is that I should have a 2-week old baby by now and that I'm angry that DH got laid off and in general I'm not feeling very thankful at all! I didn't even get to enjoy wine because I'm not supposed to have any alcohol at all, since it's bad for your eggs, and I really enjoy a glass of good red wine...I miss enjoying it with DH in the evenings after dinner. I'm like, my kid doesn't even exist yet he/she is already a pain my butt!!

I think I'm getting to the point where I just don't feel like trying anymore. I just want to enjoy my life like I used to before I caught the baby bug. I have one more month to go doing acupuncture and then I think I'm just done. We will still make sure to bd more around the time that I'm supposed to be ovulating, but I'm not going to track anything. I might even have to quit B&B, even though I love it!! It just makes me obsessed so I might take a long break while we try the "relax, stop trying/thinking about it and it will happen" approach!

 

[deafgal01]

MJ- I avoided alcohol for a good year or two before I threw in the towel and said screw it. All this good I'm doing for my body isn't working so I might as well drink when I want a glass and if it happens, I'll stop but until then I'm gonna enjoy life. I definitely can relate to you on the feeling that way around the holidays- I should have a baby by now, or I should be pregnant by now.

 

[KatO79]

Hope going on a break helps MJs I stopped all tracking a long time ago but it hasn't helped me

Ok so I saw my MIL today while we were helping DH's big brother move to his new house. She asked about when we'd get to start IUI, if we could reach it December. So I told her it would first be in January and started talking about my HSG. I was trying to say that the doctor doing it was trying to get me to relax before doing anything. But my MIL heard it as something else because she said: "Yes that's what I've been telling you, just relax and it'll happen" I was totally trying to and just explained no, it was the HSG doc talking about me relaxing for the procedure, not pregnancy, but wow, she doesn't totally get it Oh well, she's still less irritating to talk to about it then my SIL and sister

 

[deafgal01]

Oh Kat I feel bad for you- they don't even know what you're going through!

 

[cutestuff]

It sucks but I am glad I am not alone. Its hard to be thankful when the thing or things you want most in life seem to be harder to achieve than for others around you. I am thankful for my husband and that he is open to different ideas but i do still hope i get a bfp naturally before this time next year. I do feel like my time will come just like it will for each of you. I do hope we feel better soon though cause stress and negativity don't help anything.

 

[KatO79]

Oh Kat I feel bad for you- they don't even know what you're going through!

Nope not one

My MIL and SIL: "Just relax and it'll happen"

My sister: "Keep trying and have fun!"

My mother (a fertile mertile): "Can't you talk about anything else? I never had problems conceiving my 6 children (whom I regret having). Children are a mistake, don't have them!"

My reaction to all of them:

The worst ones are my SIL and my sister since the both had conceiving issues but yeah, think it's because I'm not over 40 they don't take it seriously

We haven't told DH's 2 brothers but that's maybe a good thing. The eldest had an easy time with his 2 kids and I don't know how the youngest would react.

 

[deafgal01]

Oh Kat- if only it was that easy. I don't know why they bother saying stuff that doesn't help us. Stupid lines... It just isn't that simple. We all have different issues (known or not known) regarding what is keeping us from getting that forever baby/babies we long for.

 

[KatO79]

Oh Kat- if only it was that easy. I don't know why they bother saying stuff that doesn't help us. Stupid lines... It just isn't that simple. We all have different issues (known or not known) regarding what is keeping us from getting that forever baby/babies we long for.

They probably think they're helping by offering what they feel is good advice My mother being the exception, she's just being her narcissitic, evil self

I think they get it even less with me now because there haven't been found any problems - my hormones are normal, my tubes are open, my uterus is fine, I'm Oing each month and DH's are normal (albeit on the slightly lower end). So they figure there aren't any biological issues so it must be me not relaxing enough Don't know how they'd like to explain my chemical back in April as I was super stressed that cycle My MIL doesn't know about that though, didn't want to tell her If we had something to tell them, say blocked tubes or my hormones are not doing their thing, then they'd understand it better and empathize more I think. But to them, there's nothing wrong so it must be me stressing or wanting it too much (my MIL actually said the last one to DH a few months ago)

Oh I forgot my friend when we told her we'd be needing assisted conception: "Why don't you adopt?"

She has improved since and apologised, but geesh

 

[deafgal01]

Gosh... They really need a lesson in when to be quiet or not offer ideas. One day we'll look back on this and laugh...