Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[MJsBabyShaw]

Fleur- no I haven't seen that movie, but it sounds interesting! Not sure if I could get DH to watch with me though

MJ- sorry for your spotting! Just keep in mind, from what I read implantation can cause spotting up to 12 days after it happens. I have no idea why there's such a delay. But I'm guessing since you stopped the progesterone AF has come in her full-flow glory now?

I actually just took the P last night, you know just in case...anyway, I had a huge temp drop this morning, so I didn't even bother to waste a test. So I'll be CD1 either today or tomorrow.

I'm thinking that my New Year's resolution will be to stop all talk about TTC....just banish it from my conversations. Even with DH. Although, at the end of next year, I will probably ask DH if we can try for just one more year (so, stop trying when I hit 36). I can't explain it, but I have a really good feeling that I'll get pregnant or have my rainbow baby next year.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

alfi - so sorry to hear about your struggles...it must be so hard to have the "unexplained" diagnosis, but on the other hand, at least you don't have any issues. My issue is probably low egg reserve, but I'm not 100% sure...I'm too scared to get the AMH test done to find out. Just curious how old you are? And will you try IVF?

Fleur - good to hear from you! I watched the Great Sperm Race with DH and he actually thought it was interesting & quite amusing. It's amazing that his sperm was able to navigate the my hostile death-trap of a vagina and survive long enough to penetrate my old crusty egg!

Bighouse - hoping for good news from your doctor

Kat - agree on wisdom from the fertile ladies. They can just keep it to themselves IMO! I think the best advice I have heard was from a formerly infertile woman who conceived after 5 years of trying...it was that we shouldn't stop TTC so that we'd get pregnant easier, it was to stop trying so HARD and maybe LIFE would easier. As far as your MIL goes...perhaps gently tell her that while you appreciate that she is trying to be supporting, that the TTC topic is completely off-limits from now on. I'm lucky that no one really brings it up to me anymore...I guess all my friends and family have pretty much given up hope that it will ever happen.

Holly - keep us posted on what the doctor says. I think an easy first step is to have DH tested. I mean, it's like the easiest test ever. We have to get stuck with needles, have someone's hands up in our business, poking around our cervixes (cervices??) and have dye shot up into our tubes....meanwhile our lovely DH's have to....have an orgasm. I wish I could waltz into my doc's office, go into a private room with my vibrator and call that a "test"!!!

All - where's everyone at?? I'm CD1 today/tomorrow. Will probably test Dec 31st, depending on when I ovulate. I don't really want to start the new year with a BFN.

 

[alfi924]

Thank you Kat, crystlmcd & drjo for your support!

Kat, You can ask all the questions you want! Fortunately, my insurance covers an unlimited # of IUIs but unfortunately, it does NOT cover IVF, that is self-pay So safe to say, if I gather up the strength to go another round this month, I will be doing IUI again (lucky # 4).

I pray you get your BFP! Think of it as a Christmas wish

I might have missed the breakdown in earlier posts but does your insurance only cover 3 IUIs? Would it be yearly, or over the course of your current insurance lifetime?

I never realized how educated I would become with insurance lingo and fertility lingo lol

 

[alfi924]

MJsBabyShaw, thank you!

Don't be scared about going for tests. I was so nervous at first but then after the first one, and the second one...it all became routine and always remember you're doing it for the right reasons

I am 30 years old. People always say, oh you're so young, don't rush, blah blah blah, but when you've been married for 5 years, "not trying" trying for 2 and then trying for the following 2...it really starts to drag you down. Also, I am not sure if I will be going for IVF. I am not covered for that, only IUIs right now. I am asking my husband to look into his benefit coverage to see if he might be. If he is, then that would open up the possibility. For some reason though, I am scared about IVF. I will continue with the IUI's for as long as I need.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

MJsBabyShaw, thank you!

Don't be scared about going for tests. I was so nervous at first but then after the first one, and the second one...it all became routine and always remember you're doing it for the right reasons

I am 30 years old. People always say, oh you're so young, don't rush, blah blah blah, but when you've been married for 5 years, "not trying" trying for 2 and then trying for the following 2...it really starts to drag you down. Also, I am not sure if I will be going for IVF. I am not covered for that, only IUIs right now. I am asking my husband to look into his benefit coverage to see if he might be. If he is, then that would open up the possibility. For some reason though, I am scared about IVF. I will continue with the IUI's for as long as I need.

I'm scared to get the AMH test because I already got a bad result on my FSH....it's 15.5, which is basically like I'm in perimenopause....if I get a low AMH then it's pretty much saying that I have the same chance of a 45 year old woman. Part of me wants to get the test done so that I have some hope if it get a good result, but I'm too afraid of being crushed if it's bad. There's nothing I can do about it if it's bad so what's the point?? I don't know.

 

[bighouse]

Kat- AF was due Sunday, so I'm 3 days late. I know it's not a lot, but for someone who always gets AF on time or early, it feels like an eternity! I just hate being in limbo. Either give me a BFP, or give me AF so we can start another cycle of TTC! Don't leave me in scary limbo-land

To make myself feel better, I just finished reading a bunch of posts from ladies who were pregnant but didn't get a BFP until WELL after AF was due (a week late or more!). At least it gives me hope!

 

[treeroot]

I think the best advice I have heard was from a formerly infertile woman who conceived after 5 years of trying...it was that we shouldn't stop TTC so that we'd get pregnant easier, it was to stop trying so HARD and maybe LIFE would easier.

^^^^100% this^^^^

It's amazing how so many advocate the "stop trying it will happen" line. Sighting evidence that it worked for them. (It doesn't help that some books seem to mention it as well)

What's funny is that I've seen many of these posts and the definition of "soon after" we stopped trying varies quite a bit! One month after, three months, six months...
Not to mention that everyone's definition of "trying" is quite different. Did these ladies stop having sex? Because that's not going to work!
And there's still plenty who "weren't trying" for several years without success.

There's no real evidence that stress effects fertility, other than anecdotal.

But stress effects virtually every other part of your life, so toning down the intensity/worry can help with life overall.

Just wanted to pop in to agree and add some baby dust!

 

[KatO79]

Thank you Kat, crystlmcd & drjo for your support!

Kat, You can ask all the questions you want! Fortunately, my insurance covers an unlimited # of IUIs but unfortunately, it does NOT cover IVF, that is self-pay So safe to say, if I gather up the strength to go another round this month, I will be doing IUI again (lucky # 4).

I pray you get your BFP! Think of it as a Christmas wish

I might have missed the breakdown in earlier posts but does your insurance only cover 3 IUIs? Would it be yearly, or over the course of your current insurance lifetime?

I never realized how educated I would become with insurance lingo and fertility lingo lol

Good that you can try as many IUI as you want Although it stinks about IVF being self-pay. I'm so lucky that besides unlimited IUIs (we do have to pay for the hormones) I also get 3 free IVF tries if it comes that far. Our RE says that if it doesn't happen within the first 3 IUI tries, then chances decrease and that's why she'll be referring us for IVF but will in the meantime give us 3 more IUI attempts while we're waiting. In this country, they see infertility as a disease and the state pays as long as you're TTCing #1. I can understand being a bit scared of IVF, sounds very uncomfortable with how they harvest the eggs I'm hoping I don't need to go with IVF but I'll do it if need be Here's hoping 4th IUI try is the charm for you

If you need to, you can take a break, right? Our RE mentioned at our 1st meeting that if it takes more tries and we get tired, we can take a break for as long as need be and then contact them when we're ready again.

As for the "oh you're so young comments" - been there. My SIL (who had her baby at 46 after 5 years of struggle) plus my ½ sister (who had issues TTC #2 at 40) sometimes are forever telling me I'm so young, at 35 mind you, and that it'll happen I could better understand people saying that if you're in your early or mid-20s, when you approach 30 and over, it gets harder to get pregnant because your fertility decreases. I'm guessing most of those who are saying this had an easy time of getting pregnant and are trying to reassure you so you relax grr or where closer to 40 before they started trying and naturally had a tough time of it so of course 30-35 seems young to them.

I really wish all these fertile people would keep their pearls of wisdom to themselves

 

[alfi924]

MJsBabyShaw, there is always a point to everything. Every little test we do, every result we get, whether it bad or good, has a meaning. You cannot get discouraged by a bad result. If that were the case, then I bet half of the women on this board and many other boards on this site wouldn't be posting their success stories after previously posting their struggles. It's all about encouragement, something I find myself not believing in for myself, but VERY good at giving it

 

[alfi924]

KatO,

In my opinion, insurance in the states stink. They don't see Infertility as anything but an inconvenience. But, when you think about it, it really is a disease because something is wrong, but they cannot find the cause

Fingers crossed you do not have to go down the IVF route.

I have thought about taking a break after each failed cycle. But then I say "one more time, this is it"...and clearly, it wasn't it. I am going to do one more...and if needs be, I will take a nice, long break after the New Year. Hubby & I are trying to plan a vacation, a much needed one. I can use this as an excuse to stop the procedures for a month or two.

The comments are starting to stop from the peanut gallery b/c whoever tries to give me advice or starts in knows I won't have it and will most likely snap. I've been hearing it for quite some time. The best comments come from the ones who are pregnant and who are already pregnant with #2 or #3, it makes me beyond mad. Not that I am not happy for them, I wish them the best of everything. But I am beyond jealous...and bitter.

 

[KatO79]

Kat- AF was due Sunday, so I'm 3 days late. I know it's not a lot, but for someone who always gets AF on time or early, it feels like an eternity! I just hate being in limbo. Either give me a BFP, or give me AF so we can start another cycle of TTC! Don't leave me in scary limbo-land

To make myself feel better, I just finished reading a bunch of posts from ladies who were pregnant but didn't get a BFP until WELL after AF was due (a week late or more!). At least it gives me hope!

I know how frustrating it is, remember clearly when I was 5 days late how frustrating it was I kept telling myself I probably wasn't pregnant with a negative Wondfo HPT (stark white at that) at 15/16 dpo. Sure enough I wasn't because AF showed up. But it was a horrible 5 days I hope you soon get an answer but if AF doesn't show up within a couple of weeks and you keep getting BFNs, you might need to contact your GP.

KatO,

In my opinion, insurance in the states stink. They don't see Infertility as anything but an inconvenience. But, when you think about it, it really is a disease because something is wrong, but they cannot find the cause

Fingers crossed you do not have to go down the IVF route.

I have thought about taking a break after each failed cycle. But then I say "one more time, this is it"...and clearly, it wasn't it. I am going to do one more...and if needs be, I will take a nice, long break after the New Year. Hubby & I are trying to plan a vacation, a much needed one. I can use this as an excuse to stop the procedures for a month or two.

The comments are starting to stop from the peanut gallery b/c whoever tries to give me advice or starts in knows I won't have it and will most likely snap. I've been hearing it for quite some time. The best comments come from the ones who are pregnant and who are already pregnant with #2 or #3, it makes me beyond mad. Not that I am not happy for them, I wish them the best of everything. But I am beyond jealous...and bitter.

Sorry, first saw your answer when I posted my answer to bighouse

Yes I agree, it should be seen as a disease because when the body can't do something as fairly simple as conceive, then it's a disease of the reproductive system. I think that's why the Danish state pays for treatment. Plus they of course want more future taxpayers

That sounds like a great plan to me Give it one more go and the a break, as long as you need so you feel more positive for the next round.

I can understand you snapping at people, I've been close to doing the same myself. But it's hard sometimes, like with my MIL. I'm hoping DH talks some sense in her so she stops saying these things. I understand being bitter and jealous. I'm jealous of all these women I know that had it so easy. My soon to be ex-SIL (married to DH's big brother) is a bad mother, she changes between spoiling them rotten and screaming at them Plus she teaches them bad behaviour, like encouraging her son (the eldest, now 9) to change the rules of games so he can win or not disciplining him when he is being horrible to his little sister (she's 6) Yet she had an easy time conceiving her 2 kids 8withing the 3-4 month timeframe) while I'm here ready to teach my child good values and be a good mother, yet I'm struggling to conceive after 1 year and 2 months. Unfortunately life isn't always fair

 

[drjo718]

So I've been thinking more lately about how I'd really like to be pregnant by the time my due date from my miscarriage rolls around, which is February 9. It's extra hard bc I currently have 9 pregnant coworkers, one whose due date is Feb 5 so every time I see her I think about how I should be where she is. I'm not sure when to make an appointment with a specialist. My insurance doesn't cover any infertility stuff, so even the clomid is costing me $100 out of pocket this cycle.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

drjo, I remember dreading my due date (nov 15th) thinking that I would be a wreck if I wasn't pregnant by then. It came and passed and I'm fine (relatively). My next date is March 16th, the day I began to miscarry. If I'm not pregnant by then, I will be so sad as I will also be just past the one-year mark of TTC.

alfie - I guess I see your point...so you think I should get the AMH test done (tells if I have low egg reserve)? My only thing is...if it comes back that I do have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) then it will crush me and I will want to give up completely - there is really hardly any chance of conceiving a healthy baby when you have DOR. However, if I get good news then I will have hope, and possibly could try fertility meds or IUI in the hopes that they might help. If I have DOR, then fertility meds and IUI's won't help because my eggs are the problem. I don't know what to do!! I already got one piece of bad news; I'm not sure if I can handle another bad test result.

 

[alfi924]

KatO, ugh don't even get me started with in MIL or SIL. My SIL is 26 years old and a spoiled brat. And my MIL is pretty much the same way, just in a 60 year old body. I vowed to my husband that our child(ren) will never be as ungrateful as she is. I swear IDK where my husband came from, b/c he is a saint. They don't understand what we're going through & they pass these ridiculous comments...so I just stopped talking to them all together regarding this subject...then they ask my husband why I don't talk to them about my doctors appt, etc...really? lol My husband just laughed and told them b/c I don't want to. THEN my SIL thinks it's funny that she wants to name OUR child and told me I'd be stupid if I didn't name it what she wanted - can you imagine???

I may sound a little crazy, but I do feel a little better now that I am able to speak my mind without being judged. This forum really has helped and it's only the first day. Thank you all for your good thoughts and good words, even if you're just reading the post.

 

[alfi924]

drjo, I remember dreading my due date (nov 15th) thinking that I would be a wreck if I wasn't pregnant by then. It came and passed and I'm fine (relatively). My next date is March 16th, the day I began to miscarry. If I'm not pregnant by then, I will be so sad as I will also be just past the one-year mark of TTC.

alfie - I guess I see your point...so you think I should get the AMF test done (tells if I have low egg reserve)? My only thing is...if it comes back that I do have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) then it will crush me and I will want to give up completely - there is really hardly any chance of conceiving a healthy baby when you have DOR. However, if I get good news then I will have hope, and possibly could try fertility meds or IUI in the hopes that they might help. If I have DOR, then fertility meds and IUI's won't help because my eggs are the problem. I don't know what to do!! I already got one piece of bad news; I'm not sure if I can handle another bad test result.

MJsBabyShaw, do you mind if I ask how old you are? Also, have you thought about Adoption? Again, these might have been things that were discussed prior and I might have missed that post.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

I just turned 34 in November; I got pregnant the first month we tried and I was 33 (plus 4 months!). But I miscarried a week later.

Adoption is not something I want and haven't really researched all that much....mostly because we haven't been trying for THAT long yet, and I'm still hoping for a miracle naturally conceived baby. Adoption is extremely expensive and I worry that I wouldn't feel the same connection as I would with a baby I've carried and given birth to....I know it's "wrong" but I just want my own baby. My aunt and uncle adopted and their kids are all angry about it and have emotional problems...I think because their bio moms were drinking/on drugs. I could handle my own kid having an issue, but if it's because of someone else being irresponsible with their own pregnancy, I can't deal with that. I would be pissed about raising someone else's problem child. I know I sound like a horrible person but that's just how I feel.

 

[KatO79]

KatO, ugh don't even get me started with in MIL or SIL. My SIL is 26 years old and a spoiled brat. And my MIL is pretty much the same way, just in a 60 year old body. I vowed to my husband that our child(ren) will never be as ungrateful as she is. I swear IDK where my husband came from, b/c he is a saint. They don't understand what we're going through & they pass these ridiculous comments...so I just stopped talking to them all together regarding this subject...then they ask my husband why I don't talk to them about my doctors appt, etc...really? lol My husband just laughed and told them b/c I don't want to. THEN my SIL thinks it's funny that she wants to name OUR child and told me I'd be stupid if I didn't name it what she wanted - can you imagine???

I may sound a little crazy, but I do feel a little better now that I am able to speak my mind without being judged. This forum really has helped and it's only the first day. Thank you all for your good thoughts and good words, even if you're just reading the post.

Wow what a great family your DH has Your MIL and SIL sound like they're perhaps mentally ill, they remind me of my mother and she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Her comment to my infertility: "I had no problems conceiving my 6 kids so don't know what's wrong with you" She also hates me talking about it ("Can't you talk about anything else?" when I dare mention anything) so I just won't talk to her anymore about it. Funnily enough, she's ok with my DH talking to her about it while from me, she get's annoyed I'd try and avoid talking to them as much as possible if they're anything like my mother.

Glad to hear you're feeling better by sharing This board is a pretty friendly place and there are a lot of nice, wonderful women to talk to and vent to and they'll support you. I don't have many to talk to about all this myself, at least not many who don't drive me crazy, so this site has been wonderful for me as well.


MJs:

I would think that if you are going to start fertility treatments that your RE will be measuring your AMH anyway (mine did) to know what treatment to offer you and you'll know soon enough what the result is. You could of course wait until your RE refers you to get your CD3 hormones checked. I don't know if I dare to bring up another possibility than alfi, but if it turns out your eggs are shot, would you be open to a donor egg? Then you could go through a pregnancy and have that experience. Just thought I'd put it out there since alfi mentioned adoption Hope I've not offended you

 

[alfi924]

There is nothing wrong with your opinion. My husband isn't too keen on the idea of adoption too. That is so funny b/c my cousin is adopted, and she definitely has some issues. She also didn't know she was adopted until she was 16, and that's when all her issues started. But, we don't like to talk about her b/c she is pregnant with her own oops baby I'm convinced my husband thinks if we adopt, it will turn out like her He also has similar feelings towards it like you do. He didn't want children when we got together, and when we got married, he was still not privy to the idea. But he came around (I didn't have to say much), he just knew. So to bring adoption with him is a big issue as he only wants his own blood. Also, to pay for adoption, I'd rather put that $$ towards the IVF (sorry if that sounds wrong, but it's true)

 

[alfi924]

Wow what a great family your DH has Your MIL and SIL sound like they're perhaps mentally ill, they remind me of my mother and she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Her comment to my infertility: "I had no problems conceiving my 6 kids so don't know what's wrong with you" She also hates me talking about it ("Can't you talk about anything else?" when I dare mention anything) so I just won't talk to her anymore about it. Funnily enough, she's ok with my DH talking to her about it while from me, she get's annoyed I'd try and avoid talking to them as much as possible if they're anything like my mother.

Glad to hear you're feeling better by sharing This board is a pretty friendly place and there are a lot of nice, wonderful women to talk to and vent to and they'll support you. I don't have many to talk to about all this myself, at least not many who don't drive me crazy, so this site has been wonderful for me as well.


MJs:

I would think that if you are going to start fertility treatments that your RE will be measuring your AMH anyway (mine did) to know what treatment to offer you and you'll know soon enough what the result is. You could of course wait until your RE refers you to get your CD3 hormones checked. I don't know if I dare to bring up another possibility than alfi, but if it turns out your eggs are shot, would you be open to a donor egg? Then you could go through a pregnancy and have that experience. Just thought I'd put it out there since alfi mentioned adoption Hope I've not offended you

Do you know what is so funny, I didn't even think of the possibility of donor eggs. That could always be an option. Don't ever give up on options as there will be one as long as you keep your mind open to it.

 

[KatO79]

Wow what a great family your DH has Your MIL and SIL sound like they're perhaps mentally ill, they remind me of my mother and she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Her comment to my infertility: "I had no problems conceiving my 6 kids so don't know what's wrong with you" She also hates me talking about it ("Can't you talk about anything else?" when I dare mention anything) so I just won't talk to her anymore about it. Funnily enough, she's ok with my DH talking to her about it while from me, she get's annoyed I'd try and avoid talking to them as much as possible if they're anything like my mother.

Glad to hear you're feeling better by sharing This board is a pretty friendly place and there are a lot of nice, wonderful women to talk to and vent to and they'll support you. I don't have many to talk to about all this myself, at least not many who don't drive me crazy, so this site has been wonderful for me as well.


MJs:

I would think that if you are going to start fertility treatments that your RE will be measuring your AMH anyway (mine did) to know what treatment to offer you and you'll know soon enough what the result is. You could of course wait until your RE refers you to get your CD3 hormones checked. I don't know if I dare to bring up another possibility than alfi, but if it turns out your eggs are shot, would you be open to a donor egg? Then you could go through a pregnancy and have that experience. Just thought I'd put it out there since alfi mentioned adoption Hope I've not offended you

Do you know what is so funny, I didn't even think of the possibility of donor eggs. That could always be an option. Don't ever give up on options as there will be one as long as you keep your mind open to it.

Think that possibility is fresh in my mind because I saw a Danish program recently on "donor babies" and this one woman went with a donor egg and had a beautiful little boy. I think she was around 40-41 so guess her eggs were shot. She picked a woman who was similar to her in hair/eye color.

The 2nd story was, by the way, a 34 year old who hadn't found the love of her life plus there was something about one tube being totally shot and the 2nd not being in great shape so she was told she needed to get pregnant soon if she wanted the slightest chance of having her own. So she was going with donor sperm and be a single mom and hope her dream man showed up at one point in the near future so he could be a father to the child.