Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[bighouse]

There's one more option besides IVF/donor egg/adoption that no one has mentioned yet... embryo adoption! It's much cheaper than IVF or donor egg, plus it is giving a child a "home" that would otherwise be destroyed, stuck in frozen storage, or used for science research. The child's parents most likely made good lifestyle choices at time of conception (since they were "trying" for a baby, in comparison to some adoptive birthmoms who might do drugs, smoke, drink, or not get adequate vitamins during pregnancy). You still get to experience pregnancy and bonding with the child from early on. It also alleviates the unequal feeling if donor egg/sperm was used that the child is related to one parent but not the other (since the embryo would be related to neither). The agency I know that does most of the embryo adoption is the US is called Snowflakes.

But I'll also put in a plug for traditional adoption. Not all kids who are put up for adoption are "messed up" or destined for problems later in life. Many happy, successful people were adopted (Steve Jobs, President Bill Clinton, Faith Hill, Dave Thomas, Jesse Jackson, Maya Angelou, Eric Clapton, Nat King Cole, President Gerald Ford, Leo Tolstoy, Tim McGraw, Sarah McLachlan, John Lennon, and many more famous people were adopted).

 

[bighouse]

Info on embryo adoption:

https://www.embryoadoption.org/

And here's the link for snowflakes (the agency that oversees most of the embryo adoption in the US)

https://www.nightlight.org/snowflakes-embryo-donation-adoption/

 

[crystlmcd]

Sorry about AF bighouse. I was really hoping for a BFP for you this cycle!

 

[KatO79]

yeah, Kat, I agree with you, but I think DH has a problem with having a child with another person's genes...like he doesn't want to have it be half his...it's either both of ours or it's not ours at all. We didn't really get into a discussion about it; he said he didn't like the donor egg idea and I just said "ok". And I told him that I didn't want to adopt, so if we can't conceive, then we will be childless. And he was okay with that. I suppose I am too....but we're a few years away from that point and we both still have some hope that it will happen naturally. I mean, his sperm met with my egg once....maybe it was a bad egg or a bad sperm or who knows what, but I was pregnant once - it can happen again. Hopefully this time with a healthy sperm and a healthy egg.

It could and we're all hoping it will

But it's always good to have options. What about bighouse's idea with embryo adoption? I've never heard of it. Would your DH be ok with that option? It seems like a nice compromise for both of you if it turns out your eggs are the issue?

 

[Fleur828815]

Kat, hope your DH talks to his mom. It would be a pity to spoil the otherwise good relationship you have with her if you feel she’s going to keep giving you unwanted “advice”. Lol at your friend wanting to be your baby’s godmother!

I’m lucky I don’t really get such comments from my family. After my miscarriage my mom just randomly told me to take Vitamin E supplements because it’s supposed to help with fertility!

Welcome alfi924, hope you’ll find this forum as helpful as I do. Sorry to hear your IUI failed. It’s hard when you’re trying to live as healthily as possible, you do everything right and you still struggle with something which seems so easy for everyone around you. If I were you, I’d book the appointment with the specialist since it takes such a long time to get one, just in case you do need more help.

MJs, don’t let yourself be discouraged whatever your test results are. There might be something the docs can do to help IF there’s a problem, without going down the IVF route. You might also get good news! You’ve fallen pregnant very easily once, so you can fall pregnant again.

treeroot, thanks for the babydust!

drjo, I know how you feel, I’m obsessively counting how many months are left till my due date from the miscarriage, I’ll be so upset if I’m still not pregnant by then.

dede, it’s so nice of you to plan your co-worker’s baby shower despite what you’re going through, it must be hard on you. Hope she’ll be planning your baby shower next year! My twin friends are both pregnant and I’ll like to throw a joint baby shower for them but one of them lost her first baby at 19 weeks so she’s really paranoid during pregnancy, so I’m not sure she’d like a celebration before the birth.

Hollyness, your appointment will soon be here! I’m like you, I’m happy for my friends’ pregnancies but some others do bother me… Would never say it out aloud but I think why them???

bighouse, so so sorry AF came after you were so hopeful. I know there are no words to make you feel better right now

cutestuff, did you BD during both weeks you got fertile mucus? Good luck!

My DH doesn’t want to think about adoption yet, he wants his “own” baby, so he’d be up for IVF if we don’t fall pregnant again naturally.

For anyone who’s interested, The Great Sperm Race is a documentary (and shows that the vagina is a death-trap as MJs so aptly described it). It’s worth watching if you’ve got an hour to spare, even my DH enjoyed it. And no, I don’t work for Channel 4!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAnMymnJiLM (Part 1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNOLEQwKlF4 (Part 2)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndrBCeqOqW0 (Part 3)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvAm99AGbrA (Part 4)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlSLt_uMExk (Part 5)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yTjufkiPzU (Part 6)

 

[KatO79]

Kat, hope your DH talks to his mom. It would be a pity to spoil the otherwise good relationship you have with her if you feel she’s going to keep giving you unwanted “advice”. Lol at your friend wanting to be your baby’s godmother!

I’m lucky I don’t really get such comments from my family. After my miscarriage my mom just randomly told me to take Vitamin E supplements because it’s supposed to help with fertility!

I hope so too. I've told him next time he talks to her as it's maybe a bit silly for him to call her for just that. I don't think she means to be hurtful, I'm sure in her mind she's being helpful and giving me advice she feels would help. But she fails to see that she can't compare me to her or all these fertile people she knows I'm pretty sure I'm starting TTC a good deal later than most of the women she knows and she doesn't understand that fertility decreases already when you're in your 30s. She started in her mid-20s. My ex-SIL was like 28 or so but there's a difference starting TTC at age 27-28 and 34-35

We haven't told crazy friend yet but she won't be the godmother I don't know who we'll choose now as we were thinking of DH's big brother and his wife but now they're divorcing Don't dare pick DH's little brother's girlfriend as they're not married and fairly recently started living together. My brother and his wife plus my sister and her husband live in the US and I don't know if any of them will come to the future christening due to the costs of flying over here, hotel expenses ect. There is no one else in my family I'm very close to so my one female cousin, her daughter (who started TTC in her early-20s and has 2 small daughters) and any other cousins and their wives (don't have contact with them) are out. My eldest brother and his wife I don't have contact with either since they basically stood me up at my wedding and never gave a definite yes/no answer plus never even got a card congratulating me after I don't have any other female friends than the crazy one so no options there. And of course my mother isn't an option because of her mental illness but also due to her age as she's 76 already, turning 77 in January. So we have a problem

I'll have to try watching that film sometime soon

 

[Hollynesss]

I loved The Great Sperm Race! I watched it a year or so ago and thought it was fantastic. It's amazing anyone conceives when you realize just how complex the process is!

Thanks for all of your support about my appointment with the fertility Dr. I will be on CD7 on that day. I am CD3 today and really wish I could get my bloods drawn today. I work in a lab and we do that testing, but I could lose my job if I was caught testing myself. Lame!

Kat, you have some interesting people in your life, haha!! I wouldn't know what to say to a crazy friend who asked to be a godparent. I do hope your DH talks to his mom. It's hard enough TTC without the peanut gallery giving unwanted advice. My husband's brother and sister both had kids with random people they hooked up with, so my MIL was excited that we "did it right" as she put it, but is now anxiously awaiting us to have a baby. Definitely not for lack or trying!

Is everyone ready for Christmas?!

 

[Fleur828815]

I second what Hollyness said about be the people in your life. If your crazy friend is your only option for a godmother, maybe it will at least show her that taking care of a baby is not all that easy!

Hollyness, yeah it's truly a miracle that pregnancies happen at all. What a pity you can't do the test, I'd be so tempted!

I'm not quite realising that Christmas is almost upon us, haven't done aything yet. It's going to be very low-key anyway, my parents will be travelling and DH's family don't live in the same country.

I need to vent! A friend of mine (born on the same date/year as me coincidentally) is pregnant (by accident of course) and due in April. Today she's complaining about her weight gain (+1 kg over 3 weeks) - she finds herself fat and is unhappy that her belly is showing... A neighbour she hardly knows even congratulated her on her pregnancy. I won't say anything of course but I am so irritated. She doesn't know about my miscarriage because the day she announced her pregnancy was the same day we learnt that mine wasn't progressing as it should. I'm sure she'd be more sensitive if she knew but still

 

[KatO79]

I loved The Great Sperm Race! I watched it a year or so ago and thought it was fantastic. It's amazing anyone conceives when you realize just how complex the process is!

Thanks for all of your support about my appointment with the fertility Dr. I will be on CD7 on that day. I am CD3 today and really wish I could get my bloods drawn today. I work in a lab and we do that testing, but I could lose my job if I was caught testing myself. Lame!

Kat, you have some interesting people in your life, haha!! I wouldn't know what to say to a crazy friend who asked to be a godparent. I do hope your DH talks to his mom. It's hard enough TTC without the peanut gallery giving unwanted advice. My husband's brother and sister both had kids with random people they hooked up with, so my MIL was excited that we "did it right" as she put it, but is now anxiously awaiting us to have a baby. Definitely not for lack or trying!

Is everyone ready for Christmas?!

Yes interesting is probably a very nice, polite word for it I think my family is so split up because of the 2 crazy matriarchs: my mother and her equally crazy sister (think they both suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder = NPD). With my siblings I think another factor is the huge age difference between some of us, mostly me. My brother closest to my age is about 20 years older than me, my sister is closer to 10 years older (only acheived contact with her withing the last 4 years or so). The difference between me and my eldest brother is more like 25

As for the friendship department you know that story, how hard it is to make friends here So I was unlucky in that the only potentials that were interested were this child-woman and a woman who stabbed me in the back during Lab Tech studies, giving me all the blame for her poor grade during a group project (she failed to keep a journal during the lab part, big no-no and totally failed at the oral presentation as we wrote our own reports each and were up orally individually).

How typical, people who randomely hook up get pregnant but certain married couples find they have problems Maybe this is were the "relax and it'll happen" and "stop trying and it'll happen" partially also comes from I'm sure DH will talk to my MIL, if he knows what's good for him, he knows my temper (I'm a Taurus) My MIL is also waiting, she wants more grandkids. She has 2 already, most likely won't get more than 1 from us and I'm not sure if DH's little brother wants kids He's 32-33 now and is in no hurry. He's out most weekends acting like he's 22 and drinking If he has any, it'll be a long time from now, especially as his girlfriend is younger, she's early-mid 20s although she acts more responsible and mature than he does most times

Depends what you mean by ready We haven't gotten anyones Christmas lists yet but have sent ours. We'll unfortunately be spending Christmas at my insane mother's house (as long as we're on friendly terms still by then). Here it's the 24th, Christmas Night, that's a big deal so we'll be at her place, only us 3. Don't know if DH's parents will be having a get together any of the 2 Christmas Days (1st Christmas Day is the 25th and 2nd Christmas Day is the 26th) since they're also holding something the 24th but unfortunately it's only the grandmother and DH's big brother plus his kids that are coming. DH's little brother will be at his "in-laws" this year A pity for the kids but no one thought he'd get the kids this year, we though for sure his domineering ex-wife would get them this year

 

[alfi924]

Good morning ladies! Hope everyone had a good evening! I have to tell you I woke up a bit more refreshed today than I have in a little bit...and I can chalk it up to my venting sessions!

I have a concerning question now: I had the beta blood test done on Tuesday and it came back negative...but now it is CD 33 for me and AF has not shown up...I have heard crazy stories that it could be possible that my hormone levels aren't high enough to show up on a blood test but there could be a change of a positive...am I crazy??

 

[Hollynesss]

The lowest detectable limit is 0.5miu/ml on most analyzers for hcg, so if it came back negative on a beta blood test, then there is no hcg in your blood. If they just used your plasma for a dip test, though, that is sensitive to 25.0miu/ml so if that is the method they used, it is possible it may not have detected.

 

[alfi924]

Thanks Hollynesss! I know I am just crazy - but not sure what method they used...but again. they're the doctors and I am hoping they know what they're doing. I told them when they called AF didn't show and they told me to call them when it does to make an appt...and if it doesn't show up, to call them so they will examine wth is going on!

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Good morning ladies! Hope everyone had a good evening! I have to tell you I woke up a bit more refreshed today than I have in a little bit...and I can chalk it up to my venting sessions!

I have a concerning question now: I had the beta blood test done on Tuesday and it came back negative...but now it is CD 33 for me and AF has not shown up...I have heard crazy stories that it could be possible that my hormone levels aren't high enough to show up on a blood test but there could be a change of a positive...am I crazy??

How many DPO are you? And do you chart your temps? It's possible that you could have implanted late and therefore the hcg wouldn't show in a blood until a day or two after....don't quote me on how long after implantation it takes to show on a blood test, I can't remember! If your temp is still high, there is still hope!

 

[Hollynesss]

You are definitely not crazy, Alfi it is totay normal to be confused and look for answers when our bodies are acting weird! Hopefully she either shows her face, or you get a ninja BFP! (hoping for the latter!) Maybe you O'd a little later than you thought?

 

[alfi924]

MJ - I am 16 DPO/IUI - I'm CD33, and I normally get AF btwn CD29-31 with the cramping a day or 2 before...and I have been cramping on and off for almost a week...but that's it. I have no other symptoms which means AF must be lingering. Unfortunately, the temping is the ONE thing I never did. I bought the thermo but never actually used it. I keep vowing to try it the next cycle, and then each cycle passes and I forget!!

Hollynesss - I was triggered on 11/17 and I def O'd 11/18 into 11/19 (the O pains were intense). I normally get my trigger shot around 9am and then 24 hours later, I have the IUI. I was also put on the Crinone Progesterone gel this cycle, and the RE told me that the side effects from it mimic pregnancy/period pains! I don't thin that can be any crueler!! I haven't really said anything to my husband about me not having AF yet b/c he knows the more I analyze, the crazier I'll get.

I am giving it until next Tuesday, as that will be one week after my beta. I have yet to POAS b/c of all the disappointment I've had with those in the past.

 

[Hollynesss]

It is possible that you implanted late. It isn't over until the witch sings! You're 14-15 dpo, so definitely not out. Fingers crossed that this is it for you!!

 

[alfi924]

That would be my luck, I finally gather up enough courage to join this forum as I have been stalking it for months, and then bam lol I really appreciate all the feedback - makes the work day go by easier without having so many breakdowns

 

[bighouse]

Last night I had a dream that I was having my baby shower. Now this is not something I think of consciously, honestly I dont think I've ever thought about it! But in my dream my mother was taking over and completely running the show. She wanted our shower at a church- we even had to go up front while the preacher said some things (like a wedding). And she hired a photographer for the shower too, and handed out programs. The sad thing is, I would not put it past my mom to do something like that! Maybe not in the church, but I could see it becoming some big production with photographer etc. Her desire for grandkids takes her to some pretty scary extremes!

In other news, Aunt Flo is not giving me the cramps-of-death like usual. Still normal flow but no cramps (and I always have BAD cramps). I don't know whether to take that as a good sign, or a bad sign. I guess since I'm not pregnant yet, the fact that my cycle is changing could be a good thing? So maybe December will be the month our bean finally sticks?

I was up late last night looking at adoption websites LOL. I was pretty upset AF came yesterday, but am not going to let her ruin my life. If my body's not going to cooperate then I'm ready to move on. I'm a proactive type-A person, so I'm always thinking of the "next step". DH is not ready yet to give up on having our biological child, but my body can't handle any more fertility meds/procedures, so if we do get pregnant it is going to have to be naturally (although I've found myself considering going back on clomid). But we at least want to know if we should keep trying or not, so he has an appt for a SA and then probably an ultrasound afterward (appointment is next week). I was hoping if I got a BFP before then we could cancel the appointment, but no such luck

 

[Hollynesss]

Maybe we're the good luck charm you needed!

 

[cutestuff]

I second what Hollyness said about be the people in your life. If your crazy friend is your only option for a godmother, maybe it will at least show her that taking care of a baby is not all that easy!

Hollyness, yeah it's truly a miracle that pregnancies happen at all. What a pity you can't do the test, I'd be so tempted!

I'm not quite realising that Christmas is almost upon us, haven't done aything yet. It's going to be very low-key anyway, my parents will be travelling and DH's family don't live in the same country.

I need to vent! A friend of mine (born on the same date/year as me coincidentally) is pregnant (by accident of course) and due in April. Today she's complaining about her weight gain (+1 kg over 3 weeks) - she finds herself fat and is unhappy that her belly is showing... A neighbour she hardly knows even congratulated her on her pregnancy. I won't say anything of course but I am so irritated. She doesn't know about my miscarriage because the day she announced her pregnancy was the same day we learnt that mine wasn't progressing as it should. I'm sure she'd be more sensitive if she knew but still

Man Fleur. That is so stupid about your friend. I would have a hard time not punching her in the nose. I saw about your mc and that sucks....
In related news, I saw a question about my bding. We did bd twice last week (the day after the first instance of EWCM) but nothing this week yet. Its hard for me to be in the mood because we have been fighting a lot and if I am out, having sex is nice but I won't force it when I am upset. I will try tonight because maybe I was wrong... I don't know, I just feel like we are not having enough sex but whatever.... its better than it was. Mrs. Shaw I know all of us are suggesting options for you and its really not our place, but we can see how much you want a baby and we don't want to see you give up hope, though it seems like you feel you have limited options. That said, I support whatever decision you make and would love for all of us ladies to continue a friendship whether we get pregnant or not.
Alfie- I am glad you are feeling better. I don't know much about blood tests, but I am sorry for the negative result. I think I have read that they can tell up to 10 days before your missed period, so if you don't see your period in the next few days maybe get another test?????
How is everyone else????