Anyone TTC #1 and 30 or older?

[MJsBabyShaw]

Kat - no, I'm not offended at all! I actually would prefer the donor egg idea vs. adoption, because at least it would be my DH's genes and I would get to experience pregnancy. But I brought it up to him over the weekend and he is against that idea. He would prefer to adopt vs. using a DE....his thought is "just because science can do these things doesn't mean we SHOULD...if we have to use a DE, we might as well adopt since there are so many unwanted babies and we could provide them a good home". So that leaves us back to....if we can't conceive on our own, we will just be childless. I guess there are worse things in the world.

 

[dede3124]

Mj - that sucks about the temp and CD2 here.

Alfie - can totally relate to being happy for people but also jealous and bitter! I am currently putting together a co-worker's baby shower for today as we speak! So happy for her but also frustrated as we started TTC at the same time. She has lost one, and had one during the last 13 months. So sorry for her loss, happy for her now, and totally beyond jealous and hopeful for us!

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

alfi - you got your signature all set up! I like it!

Thanks, ladies. I will talk to my OB next Friday and see what he thinks given my history. He might just refer me to an RE.

 

[alfi924]

haha yep, took me a little bit to figure out.

I was a little skeptical about going to the RE, considering my GYN has been my go-to for almost 10 years. But my RE is amazing, and He is very thorough and I am comfortable around him...even my husband likes him. Do not be nervous, think of it as a more knowledgeable second opinion. Also, I made sure to jot down some notes and bullet points of things I wanted my new doctor to answer...can't hurt

 

[Hollynesss]

alfi - so sorry to hear about your struggles...it must be so hard to have the "unexplained" diagnosis, but on the other hand, at least you don't have any issues. My issue is probably low egg reserve, but I'm not 100% sure...I'm too scared to get the AMH test done to find out. Just curious how old you are? And will you try IVF?

Fleur - good to hear from you! I watched the Great Sperm Race with DH and he actually thought it was interesting & quite amusing. It's amazing that his sperm was able to navigate the my hostile death-trap of a vagina and survive long enough to penetrate my old crusty egg!

Bighouse - hoping for good news from your doctor

Kat - agree on wisdom from the fertile ladies. They can just keep it to themselves IMO! I think the best advice I have heard was from a formerly infertile woman who conceived after 5 years of trying...it was that we shouldn't stop TTC so that we'd get pregnant easier, it was to stop trying so HARD and maybe LIFE would easier. As far as your MIL goes...perhaps gently tell her that while you appreciate that she is trying to be supporting, that the TTC topic is completely off-limits from now on. I'm lucky that no one really brings it up to me anymore...I guess all my friends and family have pretty much given up hope that it will ever happen.

Holly - keep us posted on what the doctor says. I think an easy first step is to have DH tested. I mean, it's like the easiest test ever. We have to get stuck with needles, have someone's hands up in our business, poking around our cervixes (cervices??) and have dye shot up into our tubes....meanwhile our lovely DH's have to....have an orgasm. I wish I could waltz into my doc's office, go into a private room with my vibrator and call that a "test"!!!

All - where's everyone at?? I'm CD1 today/tomorrow. Will probably test Dec 31st, depending on when I ovulate. I don't really want to start the new year with a BFN.

Completely agree!!! I really thought he would be put off by having an SA done, but he is perfectly okay with it. I'm nervous and excited for my appt. I will be on CD7....I almost want to call and tell them that I'll be CD3 tomorrow and would be willing to get blood work drawn if they could order it, just to have accurate numbers.

BigHouse- I'm anxious to hear your hCG results! It is true that some women implant later than others, and your hCG levels could double more slowly and there not be any issues.

Welcome, Alfi! This thread and all of the ladies in it are wonderful. It is good to have you with us

 

[alfi924]

Mj - that sucks about the temp and CD2 here.

Alfie - can totally relate to being happy for people but also jealous and bitter! I am currently putting together a co-worker's baby shower for today as we speak! So happy for her but also frustrated as we started TTC at the same time. She has lost one, and had one during the last 13 months. So sorry for her loss, happy for her now, and totally beyond jealous and hopeful for us!

oh I feel you on that. I have a baby shower in January and I am DREADING it...might feel a bit of the flu coming on in January, especially the weekend of the shower :/

 

[bighouse]

Alfi, yes I dread baby showers too. I also feel the flu coming on around the time of baby showers!

 

[deafgal01]

Baby showers, Blah. You could not get me to go to any... I have refused to (well, politely turned down) baby showers in the past three years because it was too hard for me.

 

[alfi924]

It's so bizarre b/c I have all these day dreams and visions of my own shower, meanwhile I am almost certain all women feel the same way about going to them lol

 

[bighouse]

Whats worse for me than baby showers is FACEBOOK. I cannot stop the unending feed of baby photos. Just yesterday, I was inundated with photos from my friend from college's baby girl's birth- #3 for her- which was an "oops" baby. I want to stay connected with my friends, and I know they don't mean any harm, but when half of the things on my news feed are baby-related, it's overwhelming (and somewhat depressing)!

 

[alfi924]

Facebook & Instagram are the worst...yet, I am so drawn to it, I cant look away

 

[Hollynesss]

I generally love seeing my friends' kids' pictures, it makes me happy to see them so happy. But the more BFN cycles we have, the more painful it gets to see them. A coworker of mine who does nothing but complain about her poor health on FB (seriously, she is ALWAYS sick with some ailment or another, and she pretty much never has anything positive to say!) just announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant. I am happy for her, but that one bothered me a lot.

 

[KatO79]

Kat - no, I'm not offended at all! I actually would prefer the donor egg idea vs. adoption, because at least it would be my DH's genes and I would get to experience pregnancy. But I brought it up to him over the weekend and he is against that idea. He would prefer to adopt vs. using a DE....his thought is "just because science can do these things doesn't mean we SHOULD...if we have to use a DE, we might as well adopt since there are so many unwanted babies and we could provide them a good home". So that leaves us back to....if we can't conceive on our own, we will just be childless. I guess there are worse things in the world.

I'm not too sure I follow your DH's argument. What's the difference between doing IVF with your egg or with a donor egg? Or is he against IVF totally? what about IUI, that's also science at Work in a way. Because if he's not against IVF, that's a strange way of looking at things

I'm not much for adopting myself. My childish friend is a bad "commercial" for adoption and has turned me off to the idea I'm sure there are some lovely adopted children but there are also a lot of sad cases with kids that have emotional baggage Don't know if I'd take the risk either

As for baby showers they don't have them in Denmark so I'm free of those The only sad thing is that I won't be able to hold one The only thing then is christenings but that's less painful than baby showers and I haven't been invited to one since my soon to be ex-SIL (the one divorcing DH's big brother) had her daughter 6 years ago. FB isn't much of a problem for me either as no one I know is TTCing to my knowledge.

 

[bighouse]

Well AF has just now decided to show in all her glory. I was actually starting to have a good feeling that this cycle could be the one! I've kept my phone beside me all day waiting for the HCG results.

I want to say some bad words and have nothing positive to say right now.

 

[alfi924]

bighouse, I know it won't mean much right now, but I am so sorry

 

[cutestuff]

Welcome alfie.
Bighouse- I am so sorry about your af... that is so stupid. I get where you are coming from too because I was there last month. I was 4 days late on my period and had tracked my cm so I was sure I had ovulated. I took a test on the day my period should have started and it was negative, but then my period didn't start until 4 days later which sucked because I could have sworn I knew when I ovulated.
It sounds like everyone is down and out and there are big issues it sounds like with MJ and adoption- I understand how you might feel. I have worked in the mental health field with adopted kids and it does vary on the home situation. If it came to that and you really wanted to try, maybe you could start as a foster parent? I know in California and nevada there are adoption agencies where you can be a foster parent first while the child is still dealing with the bio parent and the parental rights issues and see if it fits. Maybe take younger kids too, but then that way you can test the waters and if its too much you are not obligated..... IDK I am not there yet but I know adoption isn't an option regardless because of the expense and the fact you have to have a very stable home environment and a stable income (some I do, some I don't).
Anyway, I don't know what is going on with me this month cause I have only seen fertile mucus twice this month in two separate weeks so I don't know if I ovulated yet or not.. I am guessing the earliest would have been Sunday and the latest would be Friday or Saturday, but I think it passed already....
I might be out this month but I don't know. Not feeling very positive....
Hope you all are well...

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

Kat - no, I'm not offended at all! I actually would prefer the donor egg idea vs. adoption, because at least it would be my DH's genes and I would get to experience pregnancy. But I brought it up to him over the weekend and he is against that idea. He would prefer to adopt vs. using a DE....his thought is "just because science can do these things doesn't mean we SHOULD...if we have to use a DE, we might as well adopt since there are so many unwanted babies and we could provide them a good home". So that leaves us back to....if we can't conceive on our own, we will just be childless. I guess there are worse things in the world.

I'm not too sure I follow your DH's argument. What's the difference between doing IVF with your egg or with a donor egg? Or is he against IVF totally? what about IUI, that's also science at Work in a way. Because if he's not against IVF, that's a strange way of looking at things

I'm not much for adopting myself. My childish friend is a bad "commercial" for adoption and has turned me off to the idea I'm sure there are some lovely adopted children but there are also a lot of sad cases with kids that have emotional baggage Don't know if I'd take the risk either

As for baby showers they don't have them in Denmark so I'm free of those The only sad thing is that I won't be able to hold one The only thing then is christenings but that's less painful than baby showers and I haven't been invited to one since my soon to be ex-SIL (the one divorcing DH's big brother) had her daughter 6 years ago. FB isn't much of a problem for me either as no one I know is TTCing to my knowledge.

DH doesn't want to do the donor egg because then it isn't really OURs anyway, and he thinks if we don't have a kid that is biologically ours, we should just adopt because the whole point of having a kid naturally is that it is biologically both of ours. So he's cool with IVF....not cool with donor egg.

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

bummer, bighouse. I know just how you feel...guess we are cycle buddies again!! I'm counting CD1 as tomorrow...no flow today, just spotting.

 

[KatO79]

Kat - no, I'm not offended at all! I actually would prefer the donor egg idea vs. adoption, because at least it would be my DH's genes and I would get to experience pregnancy. But I brought it up to him over the weekend and he is against that idea. He would prefer to adopt vs. using a DE....his thought is "just because science can do these things doesn't mean we SHOULD...if we have to use a DE, we might as well adopt since there are so many unwanted babies and we could provide them a good home". So that leaves us back to....if we can't conceive on our own, we will just be childless. I guess there are worse things in the world.

I'm not too sure I follow your DH's argument. What's the difference between doing IVF with your egg or with a donor egg? Or is he against IVF totally? what about IUI, that's also science at Work in a way. Because if he's not against IVF, that's a strange way of looking at things

I'm not much for adopting myself. My childish friend is a bad "commercial" for adoption and has turned me off to the idea I'm sure there are some lovely adopted children but there are also a lot of sad cases with kids that have emotional baggage Don't know if I'd take the risk either

As for baby showers they don't have them in Denmark so I'm free of those The only sad thing is that I won't be able to hold one The only thing then is christenings but that's less painful than baby showers and I haven't been invited to one since my soon to be ex-SIL (the one divorcing DH's big brother) had her daughter 6 years ago. FB isn't much of a problem for me either as no one I know is TTCing to my knowledge.

DH doesn't want to do the donor egg because then it isn't really OURs anyway, and he thinks if we don't have a kid that is biologically ours, we should just adopt because the whole point of having a kid naturally is that it is biologically both of ours. So he's cool with IVF....not cool with donor egg.

But an adopted kid wouldn't be either of yours from a biological standpoint. Adoption can also be a lottery, so many of those unwanted kids have emotional and psychological issues. Unless you adopt a baby maybe that doesn't remember the birth parents. I would rather use a donor egg than adopt, seems a bit too risky adopting some stranger's child, especially if it's an older child that remembers being "abandoned." If you do decide to adopt, I'd go with a baby or a very small child.

I don't see the issue with the donor egg from his side. It would be biologically his but not yours so you'd think he'd have less of a problem with it if you're totally ok with not being the biological mother. Especially if you really want to experience pregnancy.

But ok, it was a suggestion

Extra dust hoping you get a sticky bean soon so you get to experience pregnancy and being a mom

 

[MJsBabyShaw]

yeah, Kat, I agree with you, but I think DH has a problem with having a child with another person's genes...like he doesn't want to have it be half his...it's either both of ours or it's not ours at all. We didn't really get into a discussion about it; he said he didn't like the donor egg idea and I just said "ok". And I told him that I didn't want to adopt, so if we can't conceive, then we will be childless. And he was okay with that. I suppose I am too....but we're a few years away from that point and we both still have some hope that it will happen naturally. I mean, his sperm met with my egg once....maybe it was a bad egg or a bad sperm or who knows what, but I was pregnant once - it can happen again. Hopefully this time with a healthy sperm and a healthy egg.