No $$, no other gifts (we didn't have any additional registries. We wanted to be able to take the trip more than we wanted to have stuff), AND none of them even gave us greeting cards. They barely signed the guestbook we had set out.
I was pretty miffed -- it felt like none of them cared enough or thought we were good enough to even sign a 99 cent greeting card with "Congratulations!" on either side of the family.
Even when we were flat broke college students, if we got invited to and attended a wedding, we scraped together $20 to put on a gift card for the couple's use and put it inside a thoughtful greeting card. I mean honestly, people! >.> You're attending a festive event where they're serving you food, providing music and dancing space, and the opportunity for you to socialize and enjoy yourself. I always feel like the least I could do is help them toward purchasing something new for their home, or what-have-you. They didn't have to invite me and pay for my meal/drinks/entertainment, after all.
Wow that's just plain rude
I understand you being pissed, I'd have been annoyed myself. Wow, I thought I had rude family, that's just totally crazy!
DH and I haven't been to many weddings but we also try and pay as much as we can towards a gift for the couple or whatever they want. E.g. the wedding we're going to Saturday we'll be giving the couple 500 kr which is about $73 as the couple will be flying back to Spain where they live and don't want gifts, just money (since they don't have room in their suitcases to pack lots of stuff). Can't afford to give more with me being a housewife/unemployed and all
But yeah, people need to give what they can comfortably afford, it's just plain rude to come and not bother to give anything
So sorry that your families did that
I was more fortunate in people bought the gifts they could afford and we got a card with every gift.
As for the MIL thing.... I think having DH deal with her is the best bet. That's how I had to handle my MIL. Anything I said to them was automatically taken the wrong way, or skewed to sound like I was a bitch. I remember one time I had purchased a jug of liquid plant food for the ONE potted plant I was trying to grow, and there was far too much of it for me to use by myself, so I told my MIL that I had plenty if she ever needed any and that I'd be happy to share -- which she turned into me insulting her gardening skills and acting like I was better than she was by offering her this plant food. UGH.
When I got laid off from a management job due to the economic downturn, and I was struggling to find more work, my MIL told all her family members that I was a gold digging so-and-so, and that I refused to get a job and was just making DH support me while I sat on my butt all day.
His female relatives (sister, aunt, grandma) would call him and tell him to MAKE me get a job. As if I hadn't spent most of every day calling around, emailing resumes, checking job sites and walking around town looking for 'help wanted' signs in windows. And he'd let them talk about me that way, and never say a word about it because "that's just how they are", and it took me blowing up over it and telling him how insulted/offended I was that he'd let them trash talk about me behind my back before he stood up to them. And it had to be him that did it, because if I had given them a piece of my mind, it'd have been even worse. They'd have called me a bitch, or worse, and it wouldn't have helped at all.
SO -- I came to the conclusion that since they thought DH was perfect and I was the home wrecker, then DH was going to have to be the one to tell them how things really were. And he'd have to STOP letting them trash talk me, because keeping silent on that subject was just as good as agreeing with them on their thoughts.
It sounds like it might have to work the same way with your family. They're going to trust/like your husband more than they trust/like you, just because he's their blood and you're married into the family. He might have to be the middle man for all future communications and will just have to work on shutting down the comments that he knows are offensive, invasive or otherwise unpleasant for you.
Wow, your MIL was really out to misunderstand you
And what's with making you out to be a lazy person that doesn't want to work
My in-laws only ever said I was constantly "unlucky" since they'd have no issues hiring a newly educated if they worked in HR at a company. Yep, they're so naive they believe everyone thinks the way they do
That's just unbelievable that they'd say you don't want to work
Sounds like they've never had problems finding a job and didn't get it so decided to understand it in the worst possible way. I sometimes Wonder if my DH's parents are thinking somewhat the same thing about me, especially now that I've given up finding a job because really, who's gonna hire a woman over 35 with almost no job experience and no connections to recommend her?
I can relate to blowing up to making DH talk sense into insane in-laws, I have almost the same issue with mine. I had to remind him today in my most serious "I mean business" voice that he's married
to me, not his parents and his loyalties should be with me, especially when he knows I'm right and am not making things up. So I'm pretty sure he's gonna talk to them tomorrow. He kept saying though that she didn't mean to be hurtful and I told him it doesn't matter, if someone is being hurtful, no matter if it's the intention or not, they need to be told and that the behaviour needs to stop. I reminded him to let her know that it's not just me and that many women going through infertility would find those comments hurtful, don't want her thinking I'm some super sensitive person that's behaving irrationally or anything. I think men find it daunting to confront their mothers because they always find their mothers so nice and don't have as many issues with them as us DILs do. Luckily I don't have issues with any of his other female relatives. His grandmother has been wonderful through all this and hasn't been coming with the stupid comments her daughter has, despite the fact she's 94 and you'd think she'd understand it even less.
Hoping for BFP on July 4th!
GL GL GL!
