Anyone watching this morning?

[meli1981]

I wasnt insinuating anything because I hadn't noticed anyone mention cosleeping past a certain age.
I stopped co sleeping with both my boys at 6 months because I didn't want them crawling off the edge if I didn't wake up intime.
Zane actually didn't want to sleep with me when he was 6 months, he wanted his own space and to me that's healthy to what ur own space and independents.
To me 6 is too old to be sleeping with ur parents everynight, I duno it just is.

It's another case of when will it end, what if other children at school find out and bully her

im not gonna live my life in fear of bullies and im gonna raise my daughters the same way. besides its really no ones business but our own so whos gonna know? just like everyone else i dont like people saying im raising my daughters wrong, be it co sleeping past a certain age, or having sex in a bed with my lo.
and people do give a damn about your opinion, or they would keep asking you questions... i guess the question really is, do you give a damn about others opinions?

 

[Kate&Lucas]

My aunt still sleeps with her 6 year old, he has his own room but prefers to share with his mum and his friends couldn't give too hoots
I plan on co-sleeping until we no longer want to. I don't see the point in being unhappy in seperate rooms when we could be snuggled up together, just because others don't like it.

What does your aunt do if her DS has to stay the night somewhere else & he can't sleep? What would you do?

AFAIK he sleeps fine on his own, he just prefers not to. When Lucas stays out it's with my mum or his dad and he'll share a bed with either of them. He doesn't sleep well without someone else there but he's 2 so I'm not going to force him into settling without me, I plan on tackling it when he's old enough for me to explain it to him.

I'm 20 and I'd happily bedshare with my Mum. I hate sleeping alone. I do like the occasional starfishing, in fact I love it... but like the majority, I like the security of having loved ones close by.

Funnily enough my sisters often sleep in my mum's bed, they're 21 and 25

 

[moomin_troll]

I wasnt insinuating anything because I hadn't noticed anyone mention cosleeping past a certain age.
I stopped co sleeping with both my boys at 6 months because I didn't want them crawling off the edge if I didn't wake up intime.
Zane actually didn't want to sleep with me when he was 6 months, he wanted his own space and to me that's healthy to what ur own space and independents.
To me 6 is too old to be sleeping with ur parents everynight, I duno it just is.

It's another case of when will it end, what if other children at school find out and bully her

im not gonna live my life in fear of bullies and im gonna raise my daughters the same way. besides its really no ones business but our own so whos gonna know? just like everyone else i dont like people saying im raising my daughters wrong, be it co sleeping past a certain age, or having sex in a bed with my lo.
and people do give a damn about your opinion, or they would keep asking you questions... i guess the question really is, do you give a damn about others opinions?

I respect others opinions but do I let it effect me? No
I've been on this forum long enough to not give a damn if others don't like how I parent.

If me thinking I don't agree with a 6 yr old sleeping wih her parents every night has upset u then it's u showing ur own insecurities.

Am i against a 6 yr old being in a parents bed? Again no because way past that age I'd go into my mums bed if I wasn't well or upset but again everynight no I would of hated it.

I don't expect a answer but is a child of that age in ur bed because she really wants to or because she doesn't no any different because it's something u want and when does it stop.

Also my husband wouldn't put up with that, and yes he loved co sleeping just as much as I do. Couples need privacy and ur own space.

 

[indy and lara]

Oh bugger no I wasn't suggesting a demonstation sorry just re-read my second to last post and had a horrid realisation. No no no no no and no.

I was just wondering in general how early childhood can lead to prudishness (is that a word?) in adulthood, such as no sex in the room with a baby who isn't even awake, to no nudity, no normality for nudity anyway, to normal childhood curiousity/desire to be nude being shunned and such, not suggesting anyone here is doing this, or that it's actually linked, just a train of thought I go off on tangents a fair bit...

So, back to bedsharing!

I did wonder... In all honesty, I don't think that not co-sharing/ having sex with LO in room or cot and prudishness towards sex go hand in hand. Well, certainly not in this house anyway. Em spends a LOT of time at the moment running around like a daftie with her bottom half off shouting, 'I'm half naked!' It is no big deal to us!

 

[Missy86]

We shared a room with Rhys till he was one cos we couldn't move and had sex once when Rhys was in his cot on the other side of the room but I really didn't like it, it was just weird

 

[midori1999]

I wasnt insinuating anything because I hadn't noticed anyone mention cosleeping past a certain age.
I stopped co sleeping with both my boys at 6 months because I didn't want them crawling off the edge if I didn't wake up intime.
Zane actually didn't want to sleep with me when he was 6 months, he wanted his own space and to me that's healthy to what ur own space and independents.
To me 6 is too old to be sleeping with ur parents everynight, I duno it just is.

It's another case of when will it end, what if other children at school find out and bully her

im not gonna live my life in fear of bullies and im gonna raise my daughters the same way. besides its really no ones business but our own so whos gonna know? just like everyone else i dont like people saying im raising my daughters wrong, be it co sleeping past a certain age, or having sex in a bed with my lo.
and people do give a damn about your opinion, or they would keep asking you questions... i guess the question really is, do you give a damn about others opinions?

I respect others opinions but do I let it effect me? No
I've been on this forum long enough to not give a damn if others don't like how I parent.

If me thinking I don't agree with a 6 yr old sleeping wih her parents every night has upset u then it's u showing ur own insecurities.

Am i against a 6 yr old being in a parents bed? Again no because way past that age I'd go into my mums bed if I wasn't well or upset but again everynight no I would of hated it.

I don't expect a answer but is a child of that age in ur bed because she really wants to or because she doesn't no any different because it's something u want and when does it stop.

Also my husband wouldn't put up with that, and yes he loved co sleeping just as much as I do. Couples need privacy and ur own space.

There are loads of cultures where it is normal and usual for children of that age to co-sleep. In fact, on an anthropological level, it's normal to co-sleep with our children. The only reason children want to sleep alone (if they do) is because as adults we tell them it's 'grown up' and they are 'not a baby any more' so much.

I don't like sleeping alone. Most adults choose to sleep with their husband, wife or partner, which suggests most adults don't like to sleep alone either. So why should children?

I don't always co-sleep now, sometimes I do. I will continue to co-sleep whenever my daughter needs it until whatever age that is. I expect my husband to want what is best for our daughter and to accept that, even if it's every night, in the same way as I expected to want what was best for her in regard to breastfeeding and therefore accept he wouldn't get to feed her for a while as a baby. If he didn't do those things then I wouldn't want to be married to him or have children with him. We can get plenty of space and privacy at other times, not just when we go to bed. When we go to bed we are mostly just sleeping, so I don't see what difference an extra little person would make to our 'space and privacy'?

Of course, each to their own, but just as a Mother who breastfeeds until 3,4, 5 or whatever doesn't do it for herself, neither does a parent who co-sleeps until whatever age the child wants to, they do it because they are child led and they believe it is best for their child. I might even go so far as to say that actually, isn't it more likely that parents who want their child out of their bed are the selfish ones?

 

[Missy86]

I don't like having Rhys in our bed, he takes up all the room and kicks me

 

[moomin_troll]

I've not pushed either of my boys out of my bed or even used the line it's grown up to sleep in ur own room. Zane chooses to sleep in his own room and likes his own space.

I'm well aware there are cultures that co sleep Or whatever till what ever age, I'm not stupid nor ignorant but I still can think its strange for a older child to share a bed with its parents everynight if I want to.
No one will change my mind and I don't expect people to let my opinion effect their choices.

I originally made a point of a child of 5 wouldn't be in my bed because I was pointing out the huge difference between ppl having sex with a little baby in their room. That baby wouldn't have a clue what's going on so ppl calling it abuse are being ott to then if it was done infront of a child who would no something was happening.

I really don see why a debate about cosleeping with older children needs to be bought onto this thread

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

I wasnt insinuating anything because I hadn't noticed anyone mention cosleeping past a certain age.
I stopped co sleeping with both my boys at 6 months because I didn't want them crawling off the edge if I didn't wake up intime.
Zane actually didn't want to sleep with me when he was 6 months, he wanted his own space and to me that's healthy to what ur own space and independents.
To me 6 is too old to be sleeping with ur parents everynight, I duno it just is.

It's another case of when will it end, what if other children at school find out and bully her

im not gonna live my life in fear of bullies and im gonna raise my daughters the same way. besides its really no ones business but our own so whos gonna know? just like everyone else i dont like people saying im raising my daughters wrong, be it co sleeping past a certain age, or having sex in a bed with my lo.
and people do give a damn about your opinion, or they would keep asking you questions... i guess the question really is, do you give a damn about others opinions?

I respect others opinions but do I let it effect me? No
I've been on this forum long enough to not give a damn if others don't like how I parent.

If me thinking I don't agree with a 6 yr old sleeping wih her parents every night has upset u then it's u showing ur own insecurities.

Am i against a 6 yr old being in a parents bed? Again no because way past that age I'd go into my mums bed if I wasn't well or upset but again everynight no I would of hated it.

I don't expect a answer but is a child of that age in ur bed because she really wants to or because she doesn't no any different because it's something u want and when does it stop.

Also my husband wouldn't put up with that, and yes he loved co sleeping just as much as I do. Couples need privacy and ur own space.

There are loads of cultures where it is normal and usual for children of that age to co-sleep. In fact, on an anthropological level, it's normal to co-sleep with our children. The only reason children want to sleep alone (if they do) is because as adults we tell them it's 'grown up' and they are 'not a baby any more' so much.

I don't like sleeping alone. Most adults choose to sleep with their husband, wife or partner, which suggests most adults don't like to sleep alone either. So why should children?

I don't always co-sleep now, sometimes I do. I will continue to co-sleep whenever my daughter needs it until whatever age that is. I expect my husband to want what is best for our daughter and to accept that, even if it's every night, in the same way as I expected to want what was best for her in regard to breastfeeding and therefore accept he wouldn't get to feed her for a while as a baby. If he didn't do those things then I wouldn't want to be married to him or have children with him. We can get plenty of space and privacy at other times, not just when we go to bed. When we go to bed we are mostly just sleeping, so I don't see what difference an extra little person would make to our 'space and privacy'?

Of course, each to their own, but just as a Mother who breastfeeds until 3,4, 5 or whatever doesn't do it for herself, neither does a parent who co-sleeps until whatever age the child wants to, they do it because they are child led and they believe it is best for their child. I might even go so far as to say that actually, isn't it more likely that parents who want their child out of their bed are the selfish ones?

I think thats a sweeping generalisation. I'm not selfish because I consider my bed to be the only baby free space in my entire house & I want that space for me & my OH.

I'm also not selfish for wanting my child to grow up secure in himself & be able to sleep alone or with a partner.

I would far rather my son grow up knowing the bedroom are private & that I respect his privacy & he should respect mine, than having him think he can walk in when he likes & then him see something he shouldn't at an age he can understand whats happening.

I'm sorry but I feel that comment was uncalled for. Please don't attack other people cos you feel insecure in your choices. Is it you who doesn't want to give up co-sleeping or your daughter?

 

[DLA]

Hm interesting topic. This would definitely be a no for me. I just don't personally feel comfortable with it, nor does my OH. And for us, it's not a huge inconvenience to either put our son in his room or us go to a different room. I suppose if a couple had no other option to go to a different room, I would kinda understand but I have a feeling that's not usually the case. Assuming that's not the case, I don't see why a couple wouldn't WANT to go to be in another room, I don't think I could get into it with my child in the room. But that's just me. I wouldn't call it child abuse, but for ME it feels inappropriate and unnecessary.

 

[moomin_troll]

I didt see the selfish part before so ile commen on that.
A child who's coslept with parents are not given a choice. It was first put on them by the parents and if they aren't told u can sleep here or there then that is just as selfish.

Like broken my room is the only baby free space I have for just afew hours in the day. I do everything for my children and put them first and yes if either want to come in my bed they are more then welcome.

If that makes me selfish then I guess I am if u can be called selfish for just one little thing

 

[lhancock90]

Doesn't take long for the abuse train to take a ride does it...
Its not abuse, having sex with LO in a cot is the same situation, they may still wake and see!
Personally its not for me, but how do you think they did it yonks ago when they only had one room

 

[meli1981]

I didt see the selfish part before so ile commen on that.
A child who's coslept with parents are not given a choice. It was first put on them by the parents and if they aren't told u can sleep here or there then that is just as selfish.

Like broken my room is the only baby free space I have for just afew hours in the day. I do everything for my children and put them first and yes if either want to come in my bed they are more then welcome.

If that makes me selfish then I guess I am if u can be called selfish for just one little thing

i give my daughter the choice every night. she was put in her own room once lo was born and when lo was nine months she went in a crib so my six year old had to come back in my bed because we only have two bedrooms. we want to convert our basement into her bedroom and plan to do this, but she keeps saying she wants to cuddle with me, how can i say no!? however having my lo in a different room i can say i do like having "baby free" time, and i dont consider it selfish. but im not being selfish for enjoying having cuddles in my bed with my daughter, shes getting so big i might not have much longer!
im not insecure about my parenting choices, but i also dont enjoy rude comments either

 

[indy and lara]

I just wonder if women are EVER going to stop criticising and finding ways to try to belittle and beat up other women for the way they chose to parent? Why do debates have to become personal? Honestly, whatever happened to sisterhood?

I have NEVER co-slept. I will never co-sleep. DH and I are wildly disturbed sleepers- I toss and turn like crazy, DH has night terrors and sleep walks. There is no way I would ever have had a baby in bed with us. Em slept in a crib touching her bed, I got up to BF (my preference, I also have never fed in bed) there was no need for her to physically be in my bed. I am comfortable and happy with that choice. At 6 months (ish) she moved into a cot bed in her own room and suddenly managed to start sleeping properly so I don't think she felt pushed out. I don't think I am selfish for being happy for her to be able to self settle and sleep contentedly in her own bed. On the rare instance she has been ill I have slept pn the floor in her room to make sure I was there if she needed me and to reassure her.

I have seen many things on this forum but to suggest people who keep their babies out of their beds are selfish just cracks me up.

 

[moomin_troll]

I didt see the selfish part before so ile commen on that.
A child who's coslept with parents are not given a choice. It was first put on them by the parents and if they aren't told u can sleep here or there then that is just as selfish.

Like broken my room is the only baby free space I have for just afew hours in the day. I do everything for my children and put them first and yes if either want to come in my bed they are more then welcome.

If that makes me selfish then I guess I am if u can be called selfish for just one little thing

i give my daughter the choice every night. she was put in her own room once lo was born and when lo was nine months she went in a crib so my six year old had to come back in my bed because we only have two bedrooms. we want to convert our basement into her bedroom and plan to do this, but she keeps saying she wants to cuddle with me, how can i say no!? however having my lo in a different room i can say i do like having "baby free" time, and i dont consider it selfish. but im not being selfish for enjoying having cuddles in my bed with my daughter, shes getting so big i might not have much longer!
im not insecure about my parenting choices, but i also dont enjoy rude comments either

I havent been rude to anyone, it wasn't me calling people selfish to start off with.
Uve just said urself ur 6 yr old had to sleep with u so it's not like she kicked and screamed because she needed to be in ur bed.

Like another poster has said to be called selfish for not wanting to cosleep is a joke and if a child wants to sleep in mummy's bed then obviously that doesn't make that mother selfish either.

It has been the mothers who late on co sleep who got defensive and started this.

I will jusify my ways of parenting to myself and no one else so I see no point in this back and forth

I no it wasnt u who started the name calling but nor did i

 

[meli1981]

I didt see the selfish part before so ile commen on that.
A child who's coslept with parents are not given a choice. It was first put on them by the parents and if they aren't told u can sleep here or there then that is just as selfish.

Like broken my room is the only baby free space I have for just afew hours in the day. I do everything for my children and put them first and yes if either want to come in my bed they are more then welcome.

If that makes me selfish then I guess I am if u can be called selfish for just one little thing

i give my daughter the choice every night. she was put in her own room once lo was born and when lo was nine months she went in a crib so my six year old had to come back in my bed because we only have two bedrooms. we want to convert our basement into her bedroom and plan to do this, but she keeps saying she wants to cuddle with me, how can i say no!? however having my lo in a different room i can say i do like having "baby free" time, and i dont consider it selfish. but im not being selfish for enjoying having cuddles in my bed with my daughter, shes getting so big i might not have much longer!
im not insecure about my parenting choices, but i also dont enjoy rude comments either

I havent been rude to anyone, it wasn't me calling people selfish to start off with.
Uve just said urself ur 6 yr old had to sleep with u so it's not like she kicked and screamed because she needed to be in ur bed.

Like another poster has said to be called selfish for not wanting to cosleep is a joke and if a child wants to sleep in mummy's bed then obviously that doesn't make that mother selfish either.

It has been the mothers who late on co sleep who got defensive and started this.

I will jusify my ways of parenting to myself and no one else so I see no point in this back and forth

I no it wasnt u who started the name calling but nor did i

i hope you dont think i was judging you for not cosleeping! this is every parents choice, and i DONT think its selfish to not want your kids in the bed. its just something we enjoy and i just really dont want it perceived as "weird" . we all do whats best for our kids (and please dont think i force her to stay with me, for my own needs, in all honesty she just wont leave!)

 

[midori1999]

I wasnt insinuating anything because I hadn't noticed anyone mention cosleeping past a certain age.
I stopped co sleeping with both my boys at 6 months because I didn't want them crawling off the edge if I didn't wake up intime.
Zane actually didn't want to sleep with me when he was 6 months, he wanted his own space and to me that's healthy to what ur own space and independents.
To me 6 is too old to be sleeping with ur parents everynight, I duno it just is.

It's another case of when will it end, what if other children at school find out and bully her

im not gonna live my life in fear of bullies and im gonna raise my daughters the same way. besides its really no ones business but our own so whos gonna know? just like everyone else i dont like people saying im raising my daughters wrong, be it co sleeping past a certain age, or having sex in a bed with my lo.
and people do give a damn about your opinion, or they would keep asking you questions... i guess the question really is, do you give a damn about others opinions?

I respect others opinions but do I let it effect me? No
I've been on this forum long enough to not give a damn if others don't like how I parent.

If me thinking I don't agree with a 6 yr old sleeping wih her parents every night has upset u then it's u showing ur own insecurities.

Am i against a 6 yr old being in a parents bed? Again no because way past that age I'd go into my mums bed if I wasn't well or upset but again everynight no I would of hated it.

I don't expect a answer but is a child of that age in ur bed because she really wants to or because she doesn't no any different because it's something u want and when does it stop.Also my husband wouldn't put up with that, and yes he loved co sleeping just as much as I do. Couples need privacy and ur own space.

There are loads of cultures where it is normal and usual for children of that age to co-sleep. In fact, on an anthropological level, it's normal to co-sleep with our children. The only reason children want to sleep alone (if they do) is because as adults we tell them it's 'grown up' and they are 'not a baby any more' so much.

I don't like sleeping alone. Most adults choose to sleep with their husband, wife or partner, which suggests most adults don't like to sleep alone either. So why should children?

I don't always co-sleep now, sometimes I do. I will continue to co-sleep whenever my daughter needs it until whatever age that is. I expect my husband to want what is best for our daughter and to accept that, even if it's every night, in the same way as I expected to want what was best for her in regard to breastfeeding and therefore accept he wouldn't get to feed her for a while as a baby. If he didn't do those things then I wouldn't want to be married to him or have children with him. We can get plenty of space and privacy at other times, not just when we go to bed. When we go to bed we are mostly just sleeping, so I don't see what difference an extra little person would make to our 'space and privacy'?

Of course, each to their own, but just as a Mother who breastfeeds until 3,4, 5 or whatever doesn't do it for herself, neither does a parent who co-sleeps until whatever age the child wants to, they do it because they are child led and they believe it is best for their child. I might even go so far as to say that actually, isn't it more likely that parents who want their child out of their bed are the selfish ones?

I think thats a sweeping generalisation. I'm not selfish because I consider my bed to be the only baby free space in my entire house & I want that space for me & my OH.

I'm also not selfish for wanting my child to grow up secure in himself & be able to sleep alone or with a partner.

I would far rather my son grow up knowing the bedroom are private & that I respect his privacy & he should respect mine, than having him think he can walk in when he likes & then him see something he shouldn't at an age he can understand whats happening.

I'm sorry but I feel that comment was uncalled for. Please don't attack other people cos you feel insecure in your choices. Is it you who doesn't want to give up co-sleeping or your daughter?

My comment was regarding the bit in bold, which, IMO, suggests that a parent is co-sleeping for their own benefit. Funnily enough, you have then suggested the same thing, that co-sleeping might be for my own benefit. I don't think for one minute that not co-sleeping is selfish, (for a star, as stated above, we don't always co-sleep) but why is it OK to imply that co-sleepers might be doing so for their own benefit, but not the other way round? (eg, non co-sleeper might be doing it for their own benefit, eg. selfish reasons) In short, it's not OK to imply either.

 

[moomin_troll]

Mellie1981 I didn't think u were judging at all but u did kinda jump on me before anything about cosleeping with Older children was said, but yeah it wasn't u who was name calling.

I love co sleeping and have done with both my boys, zane who's 3 sometimes comes into my bed and I used to sleep in my mums bed if I wasn't well way past the age of 6, I have no idea why but ur mums bed is always the most comfy bed in the world lol

I don't think co sleeping at ur Los age is weird but to me it's just odd, I don't mean that to be nasty there just isn't any other word I can use.
I couldn't imagine having Zane in my bed everynight, it would drive me insane and I couldn't imagine him even wanting to.
My boys sleep like me, all over the place so we need our space and I love having atleast 1 adult room even tho I still have bloody toys in there for some reason

 

[midori1999]

I didt see the selfish part before so ile commen on that.
A child who's coslept with parents are not given a choice. It was first put on them by the parents and if they aren't told u can sleep here or there then that is just as selfish.
Like broken my room is the only baby free space I have for just afew hours in the day. I do everything for my children and put them first and yes if either want to come in my bed they are more then welcome.

If that makes me selfish then I guess I am if u can be called selfish for just one little thing

There you go again. Making assumptions about why older children co-sleep and suggesting it might be selfish of the parents who do.

How do you know the children aren't given a choice? Most people I know with older children also have a bedroom for them, but everyone just prefers to sleep together and why wouldn't they. Most babies aren't given a choice because they are moved out of their parents bed (or never allowed to sleep there) before they are old enought o make that decision themselves.

If people don't want to co-sleep, that's fine. If they do, at any age, then that is fine too. Neither is damaging to children, so why judge others because they do something different to our societal norm and start saying it's for the parents benefit? There's a lot of evidence that suggests co-sleeping is biological normal for our species beneficial to children and that is why the majority of parents who do it do so.

 

[moomin_troll]

I didt see the selfish part before so ile commen on that.
A child who's coslept with parents are not given a choice. It was first put on them by the parents and if they aren't told u can sleep here or there then that is just as selfish.
Like broken my room is the only baby free space I have for just afew hours in the day. I do everything for my children and put them first and yes if either want to come in my bed they are more then welcome.

If that makes me selfish then I guess I am if u can be called selfish for just one little thing

There you go again. Making assumptions about why older children co-sleep and suggesting it might be selfish of the parents who do.

How do you know the children aren't given a choice? Most people I know with older children also have a bedroom for them, but everyone just prefers to sleep together and why wouldn't they. Most babies aren't given a choice because they are moved out of their parents bed (or never allowed to sleep there) before they are old enought o make that decision themselves.

If people don't want to co-sleep, that's fine. If they do, at any age, then that is fine too. Neither is damaging to children, so why judge others because they do something different to our societal norm and start saying it's for the parents benefit? There's a lot of evidence that suggests co-sleeping is biological normal for our species beneficial to children and that is why the majority of parents who do it do so.

There I go again? It's u who bloody started calling people selfish
Pick at my posts all u want I really couldn't care less!
If u actually read the sentence in bold it says if they child wasn't given the option and their only bed was mums bed!

Whatever point ur trying to make is lost in babble!
I havent been mean or judged anyone