Are you the type of parent you thought you would be?

[catty]

Im not sure i am.

I definitely imagined i would play alot more with my son. Dont get me wrong we do play alot during the day but mainly because i 'should' be doing it. It frustrates me that he fleets from toy to toy so quickly and i might get 2 pages into a book and he will wander off, maybe when is attention span becomes longer it will be funner.

I also thought i wouldn't care about the mess and be a much more creative mum, I remember my own mum did lots of crafts and things with us, she made me a butterfly costume out of our net curtains and some wire coat hangers and we put food dye on them, I also remember my mum let me wear her WEDDING DRESS out for halloween and i was a zombie bride, she even put red food dye on it for blood. I want to be that kind of mum.

I also think i care too much what other people think. If Lucas hits another child or something i think i give him into quite alot of trouble just so the other parent can see im dealing with it, even thought their child might have hit him too.


Right from now i am going to try to be more like the mum i want to be...

 

[aimee-lou]

I'm not crafty but i love colouring lol. I find it almost therapeutic lol.

I know what you mean though. I try 110% of the time to give the kids the best memories and the best experience of life....be it from just chilling at home, baking cakes, helping me clean, decorating for special occasions, days out, or big events like birthdays or Christmas. Its my job to mould them and ensure they look back fondly and with understanding as to why certain things happened. I sometimes feel like i too focussed on day to day tasks to see the big picture but i am trying to do more with them as a group now they're all up andwalking. Especially now earls at school. I'm pretty pleased overall though......i feel happy that I'm doing my best and the boys are happy most of the time.

Don't be too hard on yourself....your Los needs are currently quite basic so don't worry about things. These things will come naturally as they get bigger and more able. I know i certainly doore with earl now he's 4/5 and when he was 2/3 he didn't want to do it either. Focus on what your los enjoy and you cant go wrong and you'll all be happy too.

 

[AngelUK]

I am ok on the whole though I think I thought I would be 100% patient with them and always loving. But I do have my grr moments, which are normal but still make me feel guilty.
I am not crafty either and I always wish I were but I know that the effort is kind of wasted on my boys as they would just glue everything in sight except the pictures they were supposed to be making. And even if we managed to produce something, I wouldn't be able to hang it up as they would just rip them down. I wanted to do an autumn collage with them but then thought the better of it
Also I don't cook or bake so I don't involve them in such things either, plus the thought of having my boys unrestrained in the kitchen with a hot oven on and knives accessible in their drawers, chills me to the core. My boys do not listen to safety talks. Hopefully when they are older it will be easier.
I don't think I expected to be as anxious as I am at times, but then I had no idea that along with my boys an untold amount of fear would enter my life.

 

[Babybear85]

No I'm nothing like I thought I'd be however the situation.wasn't how I.planned. I lost my mum to a brain tumour when my littlest was only six months and so I feel I didn't bond well with him we'd waited so long for him and didn't think we could have children. I.planned on A bigger age gap and so sone things couldn't realistically he done due to.having a small age gap. I wanted to take my eldest swimming but can't still because I'm not able to take them both on my own. Little things o see friends doing with the one child I can't do with mine. I'm not crafty I'm very impatient and I don't feel like I enjoy them as much as I should but I do the best I can do I think i will be a better parent when they both arw at nursery and I get chance to breathe a bit atm I do nothing for me so I think it's bound to reflect on my parenting but I know I love them and I will always listen and be there for them

 

[sequeena]

I imagined our days would be full of crafts, making dens out of sheets, baking etc. in reality it's not like that. Thomas can't handle a lot of things on a sensory level and some things he simply can't do on a developmental level.

I am much more stressed than I would like to be. I worry a lot.

We do play a lot though, mostly with cars. Thomas is starting to get into imaginative play so we spend a lot of time crashing cars and putting 'fires' out

I would love to be a pinterest parent but I'm not.

 

[sheebee]

'Pinterest parent'... Love that phrase!

 

[AngelUK]

Me too! Perfect! I think you coined a phrase there Sequeena

 

[mwah_xx]

I love the phrase! And I'm definitely not a pinterest parent but I wish I knew one so we could go over on play dates and craft trash their house up!!!

 

[sequeena]

I love pinterest and I'm forever pinning ideas on what I can do with Thomas but only about 5% actually happens. I once saw a pin that helped with pincer grip. It was really simple, just threading pipe cleaners through a colander and letting the child take them out and thread them again. Thomas just looked at me like I was stupid when I tried it with him.

 

[catty]

OMG this is exactly it haha. I always see these cool things i could do. I tried to get Lucas to paint eggs for easter, ( he was only 9 months old) i spent heaps on paint and googly eyes etc. i got him to do it and he took the eggs and launched them across the room and shuffled away....

 

[Baby Bell]

at the moment I'm nothing like I thought I would be. DS cries for TV and films...........4 months ago he'd never seen ceebebies now he cries for it that's because I was too stressed one week and put it on for a bit of peace n quiet and it zombified him
He has biscuits/ chocolate/ chips all things I'd said he'd never have but for some reason they have snuck in. cry: he gets them in proportion sand only a little but he's not even two and asking for them, makes me so depressed:I did that)
I have no idea how to discipline him, he laughs at the naughty step and at me shouting, I try explaining why things are nonos that they are dangerous but he keeps doing them
I don't think I'm fun, he's asks me to play with him continuously and sometimes is nap at him because I just want to sit and rest and think for 5 minutes. I always thought I would always play, draw and read with him......I feel so selfish. Worst of all is he NEVER calls for me when he wakes in the morning it's always daddy, he NEVER comes to me for a cuddle when he's hurt or sick it's always daddy or grandad, I don't blame him when he has to beg me to play with him I feel like I'm failing as a mummy, everything I wanted to do and be for him, to make him good and healthy I'm failing at

 

[annanouska]

I wanted to be at the library, in the park, crafting, playing, reading etc. in reality as sequeena said its not not lie, for us he either can't cope Witt eh sensory or social situation or developmentally can't do it.

Incase any mummies on here also with children who have additional needs remember your child doesn't know different, they are not missing out u are doing best u can

 

[RaspberryK]

I always say if we are clothed, fed and alive at the end of the day it's been a successful day.
I do my best to get done what needs to get done, and make time for a few love and cuddles and some kind of play.
I think that there are too many expectations of mums these days with not enough support.
Xx

 

[AngelofTroy]

I thought I'd do a lot more crafts and activities, I did when Micah was tiny, i was the mum who had Micah propped in a bumbo 'exploring' paint!

i worked in early years with children with profound learning disabilities and complex needs and I was amazed how much the children were able to participate and enjoy all the activities when we tailored them to their abilities... And how much they learnt. And so I'd always said that when I had children I would get them involved in everything and I'd 'teach' him lots from early on..

In reality I haven't spent much time 'teaching', I feel like I'd be pushing him for one thing, and he just loves to play, but also it's SO much effort to set up and clear away for so little gain! At school it was different, there were several of us and we had allocated time to organise activities and clear away! Painting for us until recently went:

Set up - 5 minutes plus another 5 convincing him to paint and another 5 stopping him from throwing everything off the table
Painting: 30 secs painting paper, 1 minute painting his hair, 5 minutes eating paint
Clear up - at least an hour! Meanwhile everything else gets trashed!

 

[AngelUK]

Ah I am so glad you said that Angel cause I was starting to think my boys were the only ones like that lol

 

[JessyG]

I don't take her as many places as I would like (swimming etc) but I do spend a lot of time playing and doing the things that she seems to enjoy atm which mostly include playing with her snack drawer! Playing catch (she loves to run away form me) we race on her little ride on cars read books (when she can be bothered) play with jigsaws, listen to music and dance.

Tbh I see little point in baking with her at this age but I really wish we could go swimming /to the park more often than we do.

I am quite lucky that B is more than happy to just sit in the trolley going around the supermarket. In fact she loves it, especially of I give her stuff to eat!

I am more patient than I have ever been but I could still improve. I have no issue with mess but just seem to find it hard to fit everything in on my three days off.

The thing that annoys me is I constantly say things will get easier when she gets older....why do I find myself saying this! And I think deep down I know it wont get easier just different.

 

[JessyG]

I am much less patient at 1am than I am during the day lol. X

 

[aimee-lou]

Earl only enjoyed painting when he was just over 3. I bought him a kit of christmassy paints and pictures and he spent ages doing them. Before that it was a hiding to nothing. I don't really try much with Edward or Charlie now as a result. There's always paints, pens and pencils, paper and colouring books available and if they want to join in with earl they can. I have just started involving Edward in baking..... I plan in getting him to help make biscuits and decorate buns more now he gas the coordination. Prior to this he would just throw everything around and try to eat the dough/batter lol. It all comes with time. Earl and i made an autumn picture for his homework last night with leaves he had collected while on a nature walk. I never could gave got h to do that a couple of years ago.

 

[catty]

Earl only enjoyed painting when he was just over 3. I bought him a kit of christmassy paints and pictures and he spent ages doing them. Before that it was a hiding to nothing. I don't really try much with Edward or Charlie now as a result. There's always paints, pens and pencils, paper and colouring books available and if they want to join in with earl they can. I have just started involving Edward in baking..... I plan in getting him to help make biscuits and decorate buns more now he gas the coordination. Prior to this he would just throw everything around and try to eat the dough/batter lol. It all comes with time. Earl and i made an autumn picture for his homework last night with leaves he had collected while on a nature walk. I never could gave got h to do that a couple of years ago.

Your so right!!

 

[seoj]

I think all parents questions themselves at times. We aren't perfect. I wish I had more patients sometimes- then other times I feel like I have the patients of a saint! After my LO was born- life got crazy. Not because of her per say (although yeah, babies are work)- but loads of overwhelming and stressful things occured in our life and it affected me mentally, emotionally and physically. And having her to hold was my grounding force and such a joy-- but I KNOW I was not as patient as I should of been at times- because I had this underlying layer of stress... so I took action and got proactive to help deal better. I only wish I'd done it sooner.

Overall though- yes, I'm the kind of parent I thought I would be and want to be. There are activities I'd love to do more with my LO- things I thought my Mom would fill in for (she was always so creative!)- so now I feel I should step up and do more of those things... and lucky LO loves to draw, paint, color, explore, and just be creative. So I want to encourage and nurture that side of her.

I guess I'm the kind of parent that enjoys learning and growing along side my LO- and hope that continues as the years go by. I'm a work in progress... I mean, what fun would it be if I was already perfect now?