around 40 and TTC#1 (aka: just curious)

[harmony1269]

Thanks for the encouraging words, I posted in another section before and then found this one, I thought maybe there would be someone that understood more. Had more experience in this....

I am scared, anxious, hopeful, fearful, all wrapped in one. I have so much on my plate right now, since I didn't think it would happen, we built on what we were doing at the ranch, started working with our BC's more, (border collies) so have 2 trained, 3 up and comings, 3 pups, lots of work, in addition to the normal caring for the sheep goats fowl...Everything had grown....Then one of our boys is a senior this year, and one is a Junior. I lost my last baby when the first one was a senior. Got the news the week before and lost it around Mother's day...May 17th we had his graduation party and May 18th he graduated, and I kept a smile on my face, though my heart was breaking. No one knew but dh and I....and now this, I SO wanted a baby before, still do, but had conditioned my heart to not have it, now I am scared, opposite ends of the spectrum scared, "how am I going to handle it" to "what if I am not or I loose the baby?". My heart is in so much turmoil....and I have no one to talk to. I feel like such a debby downer, and I don't mean to be, I want to be happy... it's the holidays, Christmas, we should all be thankful we are here, we can watch the beautiful sunrise, we have a roof over our heads, food to eat....Yet my heart is so so heavy....

I have had a Cm discharge this whole time, sometimes a little heavier, sometimes lighter, but there, like around the time you can conceive sorta? I woke this morning slightly nauseous, but not the rolling nausea like before, so I think....Is it REALLY MS? I though it was supposed to be worse than this....

Thank again, and Merry Christmas

 

[Desperado167]

Harmony ,I am sorry things are so hard for you and I hope coming here helps ,keep testing Hun and if u can get a blood test ,wishing u nothing but happiness ,love and prayers ,

 

[PollyJo]

aww hang in there... I say this to myself as well; sometimes I don't quite know if hormones all awry, AF playing games each month or if I'm already ancient history (forgive!)...then there were a couple of times of utter loss of control a.k.a fit .... poor hubby! guess it's a struggle with something to look forward or not at the end of it?

 

[PollyJo]

thanks despe and to you too Jax well looks more like im defo pregnant now so onwards and upwards to this long awaited little one , ive done a journal if you want to search for it to see what i took as its easier but i would defo recommend that SHE OAK it ony took 3 months on it for me and thats what it states 7 drops am lunch and dinner under your tongue and then when it seems to have soaked in have a couple of sips of water and thats it its fantastic !, will post my blood test results as the only thing they want to know is if i either 5 weeks as i apparantly am now or 9 weeks coz my last period was only two days of really light bleeding of bright light coloured red blood and then two days of brown cm so we will see.
Have a Fantatic Christmas girls and see you in the new year xxxxx

yay!!! so happy for you! congratulations!

 

[constancev18]

aww honey i did a test yesterday and today and they are both neg but i have had bloods done yesterday and well the nurse checked me over and say congratulations now lets get a blood test xxxx

Congratulations, inkdchick. This is great news and so encouraging for all of us!

My ER is next Fri so I'm just trying to relax. It's kind of hard bc we've had last min changes with appts due to a late af--so I'm having to cancel a Fri flight and drive Tues before flying back for the ER on Fri.

Fx'd for everyone in 2012!