BFP. Feeling crap by best friend.

[Angebun]

Hi all, got my bfp on day of missed af.
DH isn't excited as the last one didn't stick around for more than 8 weeks..
So feeling crap and scared till then.

But.. I told my maid of honour that I got a pregnancy test. First friend I let know.. and she's said to me -
'Well you're not really pregnant until you're 8-10 weeks and Drs have confirmed this".
I'm now feeling slightly deflated. It'll be my first 1 if it sticks and I thought she'd be happy. Not say you're positive doesn't mean much at this point.
It really hurt..

Should I say anything to her and when am i actually "pregnant" then?

Sending love to you all.

Xx

 

[Perplexed]

I’m so sorry about your previous miscarriage.

It sounds very unsupportive of her. If you are close friends maybe you can speak to her about it and say you’ve chosen to share with her this early because she means a lot to you otherwise you’d treat her like everyone else and only tell her in the second trimester.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she didn’t mean it the way it sounded and didn’t want to be unsupportive. If she makes you feel bad though I would probably stop sharing with her..

Congratulations, have a heathy & happy 9 months

 

[Angebun]

Thanks Perplexed. I said that to her when I told her. It just hurts because we've been through so much and I think the world of her too. She said let us know in a month. Which is sort of giving me a death sentence. I'm 8 weeks on Christmas day if it sticks this time.

Thank you fingers crossed too! I had terrible dizziness last time in Edinburgh and my DH has booked for us to go go Edinburgh for a week so hopefully this time round it'll be much better!

How come you're feeling depressed?? Xx

 

[Babybump87]

Sorry for your previous loss .

That’s super harsh given the fact she’s your best friend too. I would have been sad too .

Don’t let anyone ruin this excitement for you. I was just going to say is everything ok with her personal life , maybe she’s having a hard time and she’s not shared it with you. Either way that’s really crap of her.

 

[Babybump87]

Sorry just read your last post about your friend saying come back to her in a month! Does she not want to talk pregnancy related issues until then? I wouldn’t be talking to her about it anyway for the foreseeable future and spend the time on people who are happy for you !

Good luck hope all goes well ! Enjoy Edinburgh!

 

[xSweetTartx]

Every baby matters. It shouldn't make a difference how long that baby is with us. The point is that a life is within your body and you desperately want and cherish it already.

That was incredibly insensitive of your friend, I do hope that she is supportive from this point on. For now, enjoy yourself. Eat well and prepare for that little life to grow.

 

[Bella1185]

Yuck! What a crappy reply! Yikes! Maybe she’s having some trouble in her personal life in some regard - that’s no excuse for her behavior - but the only reason I could think someone (anyone really!) who’s a friend would respond like that?

Don’t let any body stomp on your joy! We ALL start out that tiny and don’t just magically become “real” at 8 weeks - it’s real for you as it will ever be! Each pregnancy is different and you’ve got a nice fresh new start and chances are everything will go perfectly! Congratulations! I hope your friend gets a clue! Maybe if she’s never had a child or been pregnant she just doesn’t get it? Not sure....


Congrats!

 

[Perplexed]

Thanks Perplexed. I said that to her when I told her. It just hurts because we've been through so much and I think the world of her too. She said let us know in a month. Which is sort of giving me a death sentence. I'm 8 weeks on Christmas day if it sticks this time.

Thank you fingers crossed too! I had terrible dizziness last time in Edinburgh and my DH has booked for us to go go Edinburgh for a week so hopefully this time round it'll be much better!

How come you're feeling depressed?? Xx

I hope you'll feel better this time!!

Oh it was my mood from a little while ago and forgot to change it... I feel ok now thanks for asking.

 

[mindyb85]

You are definitely “really” pregnant.
I think she may have said that because last time you lost yours at 8 weeks so she said 8-10 because she thinks it will hurt less if you think you’re not “really” pregnant until then and something does happen. My mom said something similar when I lost a few at 4 weeks. Later I told her it really hurt as I was devastated and she said she was just hoping that maybe if I wasn’t really pregnant (confirmed by a doctor that is) then I wouldn’t be in pain because I never lost anything in the first place. It was strange logic but I told her validation of my babies and pregnancies is the most healing thing she can do for me.

 

[Marumi]

Hi all, got my bfp on day of missed af.
DH isn't excited as the last one didn't stick around for more than 8 weeks..
So feeling crap and scared till then.

But.. I told my maid of honour that I got a pregnancy test. First friend I let know.. and she's said to me -
'Well you're not really pregnant until you're 8-10 weeks and Drs have confirmed this".
I'm now feeling slightly deflated. It'll be my first 1 if it sticks and I thought she'd be happy. Not say you're positive doesn't mean much at this point.
It really hurt..

Should I say anything to her and when am i actually "pregnant" then?

Sending love to you all.

Xx

Sorry to hear she was so rude

I think it is best to wait until 10ish weeks to tell people that may not be extremely close.
I told 2 good friends about my chemical, and they were very negative because they don't like my boyfriend and don't think we should be ttc any time soon. These friends have never met him btw.

 

[DaTucker]

Not really pregnant? Um, she should try saying that to all the newly pregnant mamas out there suffering through morning sickness and all other pregnancy symptoms. Just because at this point baby is scientifically called an embryo and not a fetus doesn't make you any less pregnant. That makes no sense. Enjoy your PREGNANCY and don't let anyone take away that happiness! Praying you have a sticky bean in there!

 

[Angebun]

Thank you ladies for your kind words. We've not spoke about it since. She's 48 doesn't have kids and I think she's worried because I don't be able to travel abroad with her as much anymore. She said last year that you can't take a baby abroad it's cruel. Yeah I'm just worried.

Can I ask when do you ladies tell your boss?.. I'm in healthcare so it's very physical/ hands on.

And I've had mild cramping come and go for 2 weeks now is this normal?

Sending love. Xxx

 

[Angebun]

Sorry to hear she was so rude

I think it is best to wait until 10ish weeks to tell people that may not be extremely close.
I told 2 good friends about my chemical, and they were very negative because they don't like my boyfriend and don't think we should be ttc any time soon. These friends have never met him btw.

Sorry to hear about your chemicals. It's so daunting. Why are your friends judgemental if they've never met him?. I think if you meet the right person you know straight away right?

Did your chemicals happen spot on 4 weeks? Sorry to ask. I'm 4 + 2 now xx

 

[justonemore31]

Hi all, got my bfp on day of missed af.
DH isn't excited as the last one didn't stick around for more than 8 weeks..
So feeling crap and scared till then.

But.. I told my maid of honour that I got a pregnancy test. First friend I let know.. and she's said to me -
'Well you're not really pregnant until you're 8-10 weeks and Drs have confirmed this".
I'm now feeling slightly deflated. It'll be my first 1 if it sticks and I thought she'd be happy. Not say you're positive doesn't mean much at this point.
It really hurt..

Should I say anything to her and when am i actually "pregnant" then?

Sending love to you all.

Xx

Wow, that is insanely rude and honestly makes NO sense. I sat here and read everyone's replies and I did try to give your friend the benefit of the doubt but nothing I can come up with makes sense as to why she would say that. Being less than 8 wks pregnant doesn't make it less real or make it hurt less if a woman were to miscarry. And the fact that you had a loss she should be more supportive and sensitive not to mention excited with you. As someone here the amount of time a woman is pregnant be it shorter than 9 months or exactly 9 months, should have no reflection on whether or not the baby should matter if something God forbid should happen. My aunt said to me "just be glad it happened now and not when you were further along" because I had a MC at 4 weeks. The # of weeks shouldn't matter and it certainly didn't. I was devastated.

I would refrain from telling your friend anything from here on out. Maybe she doesn't like to see you in pain but she needs to be more mindful with her words toward you. As for DH, he will come around once he sees everything is good as the time goes on, but seriously, as for her, don't tell her anything.

 

[justonemore31]

Hi all, got my bfp on day of missed af.
DH isn't excited as the last one didn't stick around for more than 8 weeks..
So feeling crap and scared till then.

But.. I told my maid of honour that I got a pregnancy test. First friend I let know.. and she's said to me -
'Well you're not really pregnant until you're 8-10 weeks and Drs have confirmed this".
I'm now feeling slightly deflated. It'll be my first 1 if it sticks and I thought she'd be happy. Not say you're positive doesn't mean much at this point.
It really hurt..

Should I say anything to her and when am i actually "pregnant" then?

Sending love to you all.

Xx

Wow, that is insanely rude and honestly makes NO sense. I sat here and read everyone's replies and I did try to give your friend the benefit of the doubt but nothing I can come up with makes sense as to why she would say that. Being less than 8 wks pregnant doesn't make it less real or make it hurt less if a woman were to miscarry. And the fact that you had a loss she should be more supportive and sensitive not to mention excited with you. As someone here the amount of time a woman is pregnant be it shorter than 9 months or exactly 9 months, should have no reflection on whether or not the baby should matter if something God forbid should happen. My aunt said to me "just be glad it happened now and not when you were further along" because I had a MC at 4 weeks. The # of weeks shouldn't matter and it certainly didn't. I was devastated.

I would refrain from telling your friend anything from here on out. Maybe she doesn't like to see you in pain but she needs to be more mindful with her words toward you. As for DH, he will come around once he sees everything is good as the time goes on, but seriously, as for her, don't tell her anything.

 

[justonemore31]

Hi all, got my bfp on day of missed af.
DH isn't excited as the last one didn't stick around for more than 8 weeks..
So feeling crap and scared till then.

But.. I told my maid of honour that I got a pregnancy test. First friend I let know.. and she's said to me -
'Well you're not really pregnant until you're 8-10 weeks and Drs have confirmed this".
I'm now feeling slightly deflated. It'll be my first 1 if it sticks and I thought she'd be happy. Not say you're positive doesn't mean much at this point.
It really hurt..

Should I say anything to her and when am i actually "pregnant" then?

Sending love to you all.

Xx

Wow, that is insanely rude and honestly makes NO sense. I sat here and read everyone's replies and I did try to give your friend the benefit of the doubt but nothing I can come up with makes sense as to why she would say that. Being less than 8 wks pregnant doesn't make it less real or make it hurt less if a woman were to miscarry. And the fact that you had a loss she should be more supportive and sensitive not to mention excited with you. As someone here the amount of time a woman is pregnant be it shorter than 9 months or exactly 9 months, should have no reflection on whether or not the baby should matter if something God forbid should happen. My aunt said to me "just be glad it happened now and not when you were further along" because I had a MC at 4 weeks. The # of weeks shouldn't matter and it certainly didn't. I was devastated.

I would refrain from telling your friend anything from here on out. Maybe she doesn't like to see you in pain but she needs to be more mindful with her words toward you. As for DH, he will come around once he sees everything is good as the time goes on, but seriously, as for her, don't tell her anything.

 

[xSweetTartx]

Thank you ladies for your kind words. We've not spoke about it since. She's 48 doesn't have kids and I think she's worried because I don't be able to travel abroad with her as much anymore. She said last year that you can't take a baby abroad it's cruel. Yeah I'm just worried.

Can I ask when do you ladies tell your boss?.. I'm in healthcare so it's very physical/ hands on.

And I've had mild cramping come and go for 2 weeks now is this normal?

Sending love. Xxx

My aunt brought her 1 year old to Paris and he did very well. They also took him to Puerto Rico.

 

[Hakele]

She said last year that you can't take a baby abroad it's cruel. Yeah I'm just worried.

Can I ask when do you ladies tell your boss?

And I've had mild cramping come and go for 2 weeks now is this normal?

Sending love. Xxx

Umm... Show her the bucket list family. They are the reason I’ve delt okay having a baby. I was so scared because I travel so much. And watching them travel with their kids, brought me so much relief. They just took an infant to Bhutan. So.

As to telling the boss. That is personal but if you aren’t close or worried, wait to the 2nd tri, at least. I’m really close with my boss, and just found out our biggest project ever got pushed to the middle of my maternity leave and I feel AWFUL. So I haven’t told her yet because I feel so dang guilty.

My Dr said cramping was normal at this point as long as no blood. But if you are concerned give your OB nurse line a call. I only know because I wrote a worried email in the middle of the night last week. Because I was SO uncomfortable. But at this stage, the uterus is doubling in size.

 

[Perplexed]

Thank you ladies for your kind words. We've not spoke about it since. She's 48 doesn't have kids and I think she's worried because I don't be able to travel abroad with her as much anymore. She said last year that you can't take a baby abroad it's cruel. Yeah I'm just worried.

Can I ask when do you ladies tell your boss?.. I'm in healthcare so it's very physical/ hands on.

And I've had mild cramping come and go for 2 weeks now is this normal?

Sending love. Xxx

I don't travel too much but I traveled with my dd when she was 8 months old. Then later with dd and ds when he was 4 months old (16 months between them) then again when he was less than a year old, he actually started standing up on that particular trip xx it's completely possible to travel with a baby. Lots of families I know travel with their little ones.