Breast is not best, language, guilt and lactivism musings

[MommaAlexis]

Honestly, risks and artificial feeding are the scientific terms. And they are the proper words, it is artificial. Call a spade a spade, that's not nature grown. Same way you could call a lot of processed food artificial.

 

[Missy86]

But we dont call processed food artificial cos it it would piss people off

 

[MommaAlexis]

Why would calling cheese whiz artificial piss someone off? It wouldn't.

 

[SnuggleMum]

Kinda like artifical sweetener, and sugar?

 

[Missy86]

Why would calling cheese whiz artificial piss someone off? It wouldn't.

I have no idea what that is

 

[Missy86]

If a women has thought long and hard and decided to go on to formula from bfeeding

The term artificial feeding will piss her off when it should just be called formula feeding

 

[MommaAlexis]

Oh man, only the best cheese spread in the world!!

 

[MommaAlexis]

Does a mother get offended when someone says their child is taking medication? No. If her battle was long and hard and she was advised to FF then it is a neccesary substance for the survival of her child. Medication is often artificial ingredients. None of this would insult a mom, but you say artificial to FFing and it's suddenly offensive.

 

[Missy86]

I guess its different when you do it

 

[MommaAlexis]

That's exactly the point, it shouldn't be different and guilt ridden. It should just be what it is with no media saying you're right or wrong for doing it. I say doctor prescribed for different reasons, because another mom can't say that someone is being selfish if it's a prescription, and it wouldn't be produced by these ridiculous companies, therefore making it cheaper. Not to take away the choice of a woman, but to take away the guilt and negative connotations it has. You could go, explain what you're having problems with and get help or get formula. You can't just assume you have low supply and run to the store by doing that. You'd go see a doctor who could help with low supply so you don't need to quit if you don't want to. We need to leave the emotions out of it, and stick to facts on a case by case basis.

 

[alchemy]

I'm not a mother yet, but this kind of debate drives me insane. Why can't people stay out of each other's business if their kid is taken care of, healthy and happy? My mother nearly died having me, I was fed formula from day one and I turned out fine. I think we'd all be a lot happier if people stayed out of each other's lives and focused on parenting their own child.

I saw one mother flip out at another at the mall because she was feeing her baby a bottle and said that mother was "killing" her child with those "toxins." The bottle turned out to be breastmilk.

 

[SnuggleMum]

I'm not a mother yet, but this kind of debate drives me insane. Why can't people stay out of each other's business if their kid is taken care of, healthy and happy? My mother nearly died having me, I was fed formula from day one and I turned out fine. I think we'd all be a lot happier if people stayed out of each other's lives and focused on parenting their own child.

I saw one mother flip out at another at the mall because she was feeing her baby a bottle and said that mother was "killing" her child with those "toxins." The bottle turned out to be breastmilk.

For me, I don't want to stick my nose is others' business, but surveys show that most Mums stop breastfeeding before they want to, and most Mums are unhappy with how their breastfeeding journey went. I think something needs to change, but it is such a huge and complex issue that it is tricky to see what to do. Education doesn't seem to work as it offends and is often useless without support. Support can seem like pressure. I think normalising it (like the articles talk about) is important not just for the Mothers, but for those supporting her - Doctors, Midwives, Health Visitors, Husbands, families. It is usually assumed that a baby isn't breastfed, when it should be the other way round. Never should a Mum be denied something (medication, treatment, access to services) because she is breastfeeding. It is usually suggested she stop feeding, whereas it should be feeding that is protected, and allowances made.

There are insensitive and misinformed people on both sides - many women are told they are abusing children by breastfeeding, starving their babies, being selfish. It happens with every parenting choice - irresponsible for co-sleeping, risking suffocating baby by using a wrap etc.

 

[Wobbles]

Why would calling cheese whiz artificial piss someone off? It wouldn't.

Because you don't naturally say to someone "are you eating artificial cheese" you would say "are you eating cheese whiz" you use the 'name' of the product. I am assuming that you are saying cheese whiz is artificial? Where there are various names (cow & gate, SMA, etc.) you would use the product it is which is formula milk ... "is your baby formula fed" comes naturally off the tongue not "is your baby artificially fed".

The "it's what is it though, what is the problem" kind of comments are just a terrible way of justifying the fact it's mostly use to demean the choice. It doesn't matter if that was the parents choice from the beginning or if the parent made the hard decision to switch. It doesn't come naturally off the tongue unless you're looking down your nose at the person you are talking to ... that is exactly how I would take it IF someone did say that to me but I have never heard the reference to the choice of feeding until BnB where it's acceptable apparently.

 

[MommaAlexis]

You'd also factor in how that person speaks on a day to day basis though, I use more complex words and have been told it makes me sound condecending when I use them in regular conversation. Like when I'm speaking about my day. For some reason people think using the proper terminology is an insult. So, you'd have to see whether that person actually uses words like that regularly or not, which is impossible to do with a stranger.

 

[Wobbles]

These debates make me chuckle. I've met and know so many people in my life including Mums of various parenting choice and never until here ... do you really ask people if they are eating artificial cheese rather than the name or dipping/spreading cheese?

 

[mia_leacey]

"I feel like a suitcase - they fill me up with just about as much as I can take, and then they stick labels on me." (John Hegley)

It shouldn't be about, 'well if you call me that, can I call you this?' or 'well, I'm comfortable with this, but I'm not happy about that'.

It is about that, but it shouldn't be.

(All that serves to do though is to perpetuate a segregation between FFers and BFers.)

Where I live they have the term 'to call someone...' and that means to offend them... seems pretty appropriate here in that, whatever anyone says, someone gets offended.

I'm all for being pro-choice, but it should be about women, supporting other women to make informed, and not mis-informed, choices.

And as for saying these kind of debates drive you insane alchemy... I'm sorry you feel that way, for me, I find them really interesting. I think, tangents aside, what it boils down to here, is a group of women, some of whom FF and some of whom BF trying to work out a way that no woman needs to feel bad about her parenting choices.

 

[Dragonfly]

I call the processed cheese slices I like plastic cheese lol But then I call spaghetti bolgenaise spaghetti bollocks to.

Getting really nit picky with wording in here. Not interesting when it gets to that stage.

 

[MommaAlexis]

That wasn't my point at all though, it is the scientific term for it, even if awkward to use in daily life, the word itself isn't offensive. a person could be offensive without even saying a peep. People are offensive, not scientific terms.

 

[Wobbles]

I don't personally find it offensive I just find it rude depending how it is used.

And as for saying these kind of debates drive you insane alchemy

Sorry who said that? Kind of hoping you are not twisting my reply which stated these debates make me chuckle.

 

[indy and lara]

I wonder if I live in some utopian alternative world? NEVER, in 14 months of BF did anyone call me or suggest that I was a child abuser. Nor did they look down their nose at me, act snootily, call me names or any of the other things that are mentioned in these threads. I BF everywhere (restaurants, cafes, the park, a garage one time when E was tiny, museum, the Tube, etc) and never under a cover so it was always pretty obvious what I was doing. People didn't stare or whisper about me. None of my friends who BF have ever mentioned this happening to them either.

I was the person who BF the longest from my ante-natal group but the other girls didn't criticise or comment negatively. We used to joke about it and laugh that I would end up poster girl for NHS Lothian BFing but never did they tell me I was wrong. It is called respect. They respected my choices and me theirs. I might not agree with their choices but that is my opinion only. Your choices are right for you, not necessarily for everyone else.

I don't understand all this guilt women place on themselves. Parenting is blooming hard and the goalposts change all the time. I can understand someone struggling if they have not managed to BF but wanted to but don't beat yourself up. We all do the best we can. Many women do choose to FF from the outset. That is their choice too. There should be no guilt attached to it, especially if it is fully informed. I hate when it is insinuated that people who choose to FF are illinformed or that they have not read the literature. This is not the case for everyone and Never let someone make you feel guilty for your choices. They should not have that power over your life.