Ok, I'm a little late responding to this thread... I was musing on how to carefully word my response so as to cause the least offence... then the thread got moved and I lost it for a while, and now things have moved on considerably. Now my post has to try and contain what I originally wanted to say, and some responses to what else has been posted, so forgive me if it's a bit jumbled, or if it goes back to the beginning somewhat. So here are my thoughts for what they're worth...
DISCLAIMER:
1) I breastfeed but I am not anti-formula. I combi-fed my little boy for a while (one bottle of formula a day for about 2 months for long reasons that I'm not going to go into here...)
2) In the following examples I'm about to give, I'm referring to women I know, or to general opinion that I have experienced personally, I'm not referring specifically to anyone who has posted here in this thread or elsewhere on the forum!
I think that the breastfeeding statistics (here in the UK where things seem to be particularly bad with regard to this whole baby feeding politics business) are very very sad. And I wish more people breast fed (or 'could' breastfeed or whatever semantics you'd care to use.) The reason I wish more people breastfed are because I love breastfeeding and I wish more women got the chance to experience that, and because it's good for baby. Nevertheless, I do appreciate it's not for everyone and I firmly believe that a happy mummy is better and I am pleased that there is a substitute available so that babies can be fed.
It seems however, that for a lot (not all, and that's fine) of women, they don't breastfeed, because in their words, they '
couldn't' breastfeed. I'm not trying to criticise those women; by using the phrase 'in their words' I'm not trying to imply that they are lying, far from it. Again let me reiterate that this is not a dig at anyone in particular and it's certainly not meant to denigrate the traumas and heartaches that any Mum who has given up must feel. But I draw attention to the word 'couldn't' because what that does imply, is that many of these Mums must have
wanted to breastfeed.
So where is the education? Where is the support? Why do so many women give up breastfeeding so early on? (This is the part where I'll start to speak from personal experience as my husband is a number cruncher for the NHS and he has to analyse the bf statistics so I know how appalling they are.) Why is it, when the support is offered, it's often perceived as being
"rammed" or "shoved" down the throat? The thread is about language and there are two perfect examples of an ingrained negativity towards breastfeeding - and it's that which I would love to (and which I think most of the contributors to this thread who've stuck on track would love to) redress and rebalance.
So here are the stories of the women that I personally know - one women felt unable to continue to bf as she was too tired. She is a dear friend and I wouldn't dream of saying she was wrong for that decision; it was a difficult decision for her to have made and I respect her reasons for having made that decision at that time, I go back to saying a happy Mummy is best for the family. But I know that this friend now regrets that decision. Where were the women to charge in and support her when she was so tired? Where were the HCPs? Where were the female relatives? Why couldn't I have gone in to help her? (I tried but felt so hyper-sensitive about coming across as critical of her, I backed off - and that's not right.) The point is - we were all too afraid of being labelled breastapo (and I'll come back to this) and of upsetting or offending her, that when she needed support, she didn't get it, or she rejected it, because the whole thing is all so caught up in a mess of guilt and tiptoeing about trying not to cause any offence. (Just look at how hard I'm trying not to cause offence in this post - even though I'm probably failing miserably!)
The second example I want to use is of a woman I spoke to on another forum who queried whether she had enough milk (her baby was at 6 week growth spurt) so her midwife (her midwife!!!) recommended that she not breastfeed for 48 hours, to give her breasts chance to fill up, and then to pump, to get an idea of what her supply was. So the poor woman then believed that she had no milk. I am shocked and appalled by this. Of course she had no milk, she'd not fed for 48hours and pumps are rubbish at getting milk out! There must be lots of women who in all good faith believe they have a poor supply as they've just been given totally the wrong advice by the HCPs. Once again, my disclaimer, I know there are people who do have genuine supply issues, but I'm guessing if this lady is anything to go by, there must be people who don't have real supply issues, they are just getting bad advice.
So what can we do? How can we make the whole baby feeding experience better for everyone, without becoming embroiled in a tangle and tussle of guilt, negativity and bad feeling? And as the OP said right way back when, does the semantics of the whole baby feeding 'debate' (for want of a better word) need to change? Yes, I believe she is right in that.
And while we're talking about language... how is it ok that someone who is passionate about breastfeeding, and who would never condemn another woman's choice but who wishes she was in a position to support that woman if that women wanted her support, gets labelled as a member of the breastapo? As a nipple Nazi? I feel that I am driven by compassion and empathy (perhaps I'm utterly misguided in this belief... I'm sure someone will tell me!) but to be compared with a group of people who committed one of the most horrendous atrocities the world has ever seen??? It's disgusting and abhorrent and deeply offensive and upsetting. It's language again and it's the answer to most of the rhetorical questions I've posed above
In my experience I've found that there is a very nasty discriminatory imbalance where it seems ok to put a breastfeeder down, but not ok to breathe a word against a formula feeder (both are equally wrong) and if anyone knows how to change any of this please tell me as I'm there! And finally, sorry this is so long, and much love to all fellow Mums out there. We are blessed to be doing the best job in the world xx
it's a shame godwin's law isn't an actual law-whoever first mentions the nazis, loses the argument by default.
We never had a match and I think the southern page which is up longer has had 2 matches. Doner milk isnt regarded nicely at all in some places. There seems to be an air of suspicion around it.
